Sorry sorry HAHA

The world's turning upside down:
I'm beginning to listen to Korean music. X
*goes to hide under my collection of English and Chinese CDs*

I never expected myself to like music of languages I didn't understand. It's as good as listening to instrumental music, isn't it? I mean, I don't understand a word of Korean (okay except 'I Love You' HAHA)

AIYAH IDK LAH. The Chinese music industry seems to be failing.

Should I change my blog song? I love my present blog song though. ): It's nice, isn't it? Plus By2 are sort of my OB seniors in a way, and they were even from my CG (just that they left before I joined), so I ought to support them, right?

If I change my blog song, I'll change it to No Surprise by Daughtry. LOVE that song.
If anyone has noticed, there's a similarity between most of the songs I like. I love the climax at the choruses, plus all the guitars. Yay I love rock guitars. HAHAHA

Was thinking of changing my blog song to Avril's I'm With You initially, but nah, I'll leave that for another time. I like No Surprise more.

By the way, I like this song!

-

When people know you, you become public property. Suddenly, the real you is forced to be compressed and hidden deep inside, and you become what other people want you to be.
Guess what. I don't think I'd ever become like that - or I hope not, anyway.

Until that day, I'll treasure every bit of the freedom I have to express myself.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

Seriously.
I'll prove you wrong, I really will.

My posts are very long, aren't they?
Guess what, perhaps I think too much.

Live with it.

I apparently had 111 unique visitors on Monday. Aww people, tag! (:

J4M REMEMBER THIS? OUR LONG LOST OMY VIDEO
Article HERE!
First video: We're the last one shown. I went off-key, I know, because dear JJ SMILED AT ME AHAHAHA

Second video: He talks about us from around 1:24. WE'RE THE ONLY CONTESTANTS HE GAVE AN A TO HAHAHA.

Stage presence - I MUST NOT SLOUCH.

THEY'RE MONSTERS

Me: Haha, I saw the NSMan magazine on the dining table and I was like 'What?! Are you going for reservice?!'
Dad: I wish. Two weeks of.. pure FUN!
._.
-

OH MY GOODNESS. AS IF THAT NAME WASN'T ENOUGH. OH MY GOODNESS. THEY'RE OUT TO MAKE US LOOK LIKE FOOLS, I KNOW IT.
-

Looking at SAJC's yearbook makes me want to go to SAJC even more, but I know I won't do well in JC / I'd much rather go to Poly. I hate my indicisiveness. I hate this lah. Gosh I've always loved the school. I've been aiming for SAJC since P6, but... I just don't really want to go to a JC anymore.

SHOOT ME.

Everytime I think about how badly I screwed my O's English Oral exams I want to cry. I was aiming for an almost perfect score because I know I'll really need it to pull my scores up to an A1. I can't get anything lower than an A1 for English, seriously. I'm panicking so badly that I'm even doing my English Comprehension assessments now, despite the fact that I have one more A Math Prelim paper (P1 is 2 hours, P2 is 2.5 hours, so in total it'll take 4.5 hours to finish) to hand in for tuition tomorrow. And I haven't even started on Chem Data-based questions, which Mrs Chia'll be going through tomorrow.

IT'S FREAKING 11.41PM. I'm sick of sleeping at 2 and waking up at 5.45. I've been doing that for the past two days. Gosh, it's supposed to be the holidays man.

-

Yesterday, at 2am, while I was lying on the bed and thinking about random things, an image of you popped up in my mind. It was the 21st of Nov 2007 - two years ago - and we were sitting on the piano bench in my bedroom. We were just sitting there, letting hours slip by and not feeling bored at all. Then you stroked my hair and tucked it behind my ear, and hesitantly, very slowly, you planted a small kiss on my cheek.

I didn't smile, but inside my heart was singing. In fact, as I lay in bed thinking about it, I unconsciously let a smile play on my face, and my heart was wrenching in sugar-sweetness. I didn't feel the sadness and loneliness wash over me like I had expected - I only felt innocent bliss.

"I just wish everything could start all over again"
If I could turn back time, would I have gone into this with you? Honestly, I don't know. If I went back in time and made sure this didn't happen, things wouldn't be so complicated now, and we could still be friends. The four of us would still be able to hang out as close friends. But if this didn't happen.... you would still be weak and vulnerable and very emo all the time, and we both wouldn't have experienced this - the best 1 year and 9 months of our lives. You saw this as a relationship; I felt weird calling it that. I called it...pure love. Our lives would be really different now if this didn't happen. Would I have preferred it that way?

Honestly, I doubt so. As painful as the breakup was, and as confused and emotionally unstable my heart is now, I don't really regret this. I just hate all the complications that are coming up now. What's going to happen after my O's? Will our group of friends... disperse? Nothing's going to be the same again. The four of us will never be the same again.


You know, I'll never be that innocent again. I'll always treasure that purity I once had. That was two years ago. So much has happened since then, eh?

Now I worry for my brother

because he's probably going to RI too. I wonder if he's going to turn out like mad Daryl who's doing Philosophy in NUS now:

DT [love is when you want to kiss and you get bit] says (5:44 PM):

in philosophy, i learnt about this french philosopher who spent his time meditating, and whatever thought came into his head, he would consider if he could really trust tht thought/knowledge to be true. and one by one he discarded all his knowledge until he finally decided the only thing he can trust to be true is that "he is a thinking creature"

"i think, therefore i am."

DT [love is when you want to kiss and you get bit] says (5:45 PM):

philosophy makes u just question everything

it doesn't so much tell u wad things are, but it shows you wad ELSE things could be, other than wad you previously thought it was

i LOVE it

wad's the point of studying so much when ur just learning wad other ppl have decided is true

i think learning to doubt wad u know is fun

Third post in a few HOURS.

I'M HUNGRY AND I HAVEN'T BATHED AND I'VE GOT A MATH AND CHEM PRELIM PAPERS TO FINISH AND THE CAMPAIGN ISN'T LAUNCHED YET AND IF MY DAD COMES BACK NOW I'M DEAD.

But blogging takes priority ;)

I realised something.

Most of the time, we hormonal rebellious teenagers hate it when people tell us what to do. I hated it when people kept telling me to change this and that when I was the leader, then finally someone told me to stop thinking about everyone else's opinions and decide for myself, before giving me more opinions about how my friends felt and telling me I had to change. Wasn't I still listening to people's opinions in the end?

We teenagers hate it when people try to restrict us, control us, tell us what to do. But in the end, when we're trying so hard to be different and do things "our way", to show the world "we can handle things ourselves", "we can survive well on our own, we don't need others to tell us how to do stuff", aren't we doing it all because of others' opinions in the first place?

DO YOU SENSE THE IRONY?!!

In fact, now that I've typed it out, the irony of it is even more obvious.

"I love that keychain!" "Eww I keep seeing people with it, I don't want it anymore."

"I love handmade stuff because they're unique. Nobody else in the world has them. That's how special they are."

"I live on my own because I hate being told what to do. My parents think I'm too young for this and that. Guess what. I'm not as stupid as they think I am."

Guess what, now that they're typed down, it's so obvious that the reason people say things like that is because of others.

So if we people say we hate being controlled by others, why is it that our thoughts and actions are mainly fuelled by those around us?

We ought to be strong enough on our stand to like/want something because we like it, and not let our decisions be wavered by whether other people like it or not.

(Like, if Yiyang likes Miley Cyrus, let him proclaim it boldly for the world to hear!)

Unfortunately, we hormonal teenagers are also actually very self-conscious at heart, and almost everything is based on others' opinions. Even if someone says "I don't want that anymore, because I've seen three other people with it", it's based on others. It's saying "I want to be special", see. But if you're special, you can be like any other ordinary chap and still be unique in your personality. Wanting to stand out from the crowd is also undoubtedly Other-People based.

"I'll do things my way, because I don't want to listen to what anyone else says. It's my life and I control it. Other people don't have a say."

Guess what, usually we get so caught up in making our own decisions that we ignore those that are the best for us, and those that would make us a better person, because we already think "They don't understand" or "That's not what I want". So in the end, we're letting what other people think control us in the opposite way.

Guess what. We're all hypocrites that way.

You say it best when you say nothing at all

You're a good guy and I pity you.

I know it sucks. I know it hurts.

You decide.

I love Crescent

Lingling, you don't look weird! You look really cute, 'kay!

Now that our Graduation's nearing, I'm going to be taking as many pictures as possible.

I need more SD cards. I've exhausted three 2GB SD cards already. (I'm not saving my pictures on my computer, I'm waiting for when I upgrade the RAM and memory space. I don't know when that'll happen though.)

I love my school, I love my friends, I love the crazy times we spend together. The memories just keep flooding my heart every time I think of how we're going to part in a month's time.

I'm really, really going to miss Crescent and my secondary school life, even though there were times I felt extremely lonely, times I felt there was nobody I could trust, times the superficiality of everyone around me felt suffocating. Yes, there are negative points, but when you miss something, you only think about the good stuff.

I'll always miss how comfortable we feel in our class - comfortable enough to change clothes/expose ourselves by sitting in really unglam ways/sleep on the floor in the classroom.

If I go to Poly, I'll really miss school life. I don't know. I've got a really big dilemma regarding whether I ought to go to Poly or JC. I'd rather hang out with...... people from a good JC. I mean, I'm kinda stereotyping, but people in (good) JCs tend to be better influences, more sophisticated etc. It's easier to excel when you're learning/spending your time in a very conducive studying environment. Then again, I really don't want to subject myself to the torture of mugging for A's. O's are bad enough. (And I'm not even studying. LOL.) Also, I think the people in JC are more likely to put up with my obsession over recycling paper / my rants on saving the environment and my stupid problems and my feelings about God (especially if it's SAJC I go to). And they'd be more likely to appreciate my wordy blog posts. I take lots of pride in my blog, because whoever reads it knows a lot about me. It's my diary, and I open up as much as I can to it. In my blog lies my thoughts on the world and everything around me and the issues facing people around me. Those thoughts are precious, I think, because in those thoughts I can see myself mature slowly, learning more and more about the (corrupted) world I live in with each post.

Wow, look at how far I've digressed. :/

Anyway, yes. I'm a person who ponders a lot about things (Really. Who else would get emo when listening to Lady Gaga? I get emo at the world, because I realise how corrupted some people are, and that they're spreading their corruption through something beautiful God created - music. Don't say I'm crazy. See what I mean?) and I need people who can tolerate my deep (ahem) thoughts, penned down in very wordy blog posts (like this. But this isn't thaaat wordy).

So, how?

-

Jieying:

"I'M FUCKING IN LOVE WITH F(X)
OMG KRYSTAL'S FUCKING HOT AND SHE'S ONLY BLOODY 14
OKAY MAYBE IT'S OVERRATED BY ME BUT THEY'RE REALLY AWESOME
HEEEHEEEE WATCH IT EVERYONE DIE ALSO MUST WATCH HORXZXXXXXX"

Even Jayden Jieying Ong has gotten into Korean (thanks to Hazel Tay, as expected!).

The day Janeen starts to say anything about Korean music, I'm going to declare that I live in a hole.

HAHAHA JIEYING&JANEEN SO CUTE

English Nazis UNITE

"She said OKEIXX! I was, like, would it KILL you to just type a letter 'K'?!?!"

Janey is the bomb. I could've cried laughing.

"Do you know how excruciatingly painful it is to read what he types?"

I don't know how the both of them made it in, really. Their grammar is bad, really bad. I know my standard of English is FAR from perfect, but.... theirs is really bad. We Singaporeans need to acquire a much, much better standard of English.

I love Singlish - I'm a great supporter of it - but I think that while embracing our unique English dialect, we also really need to be very good at standard English. SAY YOU AGREE. Janey, Sumay, Daryl, say you agree. (Okay, Janey and Sumay don't read my blog but whatever)

"She can't even spell 'then' properly! She said 'THAN'. And you know, I'm beginning to see a lot of people spell 'COMFIRM' and 'TEMTITIVE' (tentative)!!!"

"I feel like telling him to use Spell Check. I mean, Spell Check is there for a reason. Microsoft came up with it for a reason. It's for people like YOU."

I guess being in Crescent has made me take proper English for granted. I usually think it's a given that people type in grammatically correct sentences most of the time etc., but the truth is that there aren't that many people who have a good command of English.

"All girl school"? "Same color uniform"? "There are just too much things"? "Talked about many stuff"? "They seems to"? "I wonder how does this works"? "The person who suck is you"? "A movie which every boy dream to watch"? "He had not prepare yet"? "It sound sucky"? "You're dream came true?"

(Sorry if what I just typed offended anyone, no offence intended.)

I don't meet people with spelling errors that much but I come across people who make very simple/common grammatical errors a lot. I know my grammar isn't perfect and my English is far from perfect (I have to keep emphasizing this) but this is unacceptable.

And oh, I think we've all heard about Miss Singapore's unbelievably pathetic command of English, right? I had a good time laughing with Janey about that, but seriously, if she were to go for Miss World or whatever it is with that kind of standard of English, I WILL THREATEN TO CHANGE MY CITIZENSHIP.

-

JJ: Clear blue sky today... lifts my mood :) Life in Taipei is a myriad of perceptions beautifully entangled into one big metropolis...

Wah nice description.

Bin Kai the Bomb. He's been hanging out with too many girls lah.:

kAiiZ ACVB#4 Cause i'm feeling wild tonight. says (8:11 PM):

YUNHO HOT

OMG

kAiiZ ACVB#4 Cause i'm feeling wild tonight. says (8:12 PM):

teehee

omg the song rocks

cash cash ;D

me says (8:12 PM):

SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH YOU

kAiiZ ACVB#4 Cause i'm feeling wild tonight. says (8:13 PM):

NO

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG

WOOOOOOOO

PARTY IN YOUR BEDROOM

You crack me up.

You know, if I still cared even the least bit for you, I would really want to slap you back into reality and make you see how stupid and immature and act-cool you sound.

But guess what.

I don't.

You just make me laugh at you and laugh at my own stupidity and blindness.

Dear friend, I'm always here.

I read my post out to Sumay, the one entitled Hey J&J Read This (2nd Sept).

"Let me think of how to phrase this.....

That's exactly how I feel.

It's just that I was never really good with words..."

Well friend, I'm glad I helped you a little in that way. I know how you feel, girl, because I would feel exactly that way if I were you. I sense your confusion and inner turmoil.

I love you, friend. I've known you since you tucked your holey singlet into your underwear (: I've seen you cry over torn wrapping paper; I've even bathed with you several times before. When you feel like nobody understands you, you know I do. Be strong, my friend, I'll be there for you. And whenever and wherever I can help you, I will.

I worry for their eyesight

sec one junior says (12:48 AM):

oh and just fyi, (THIS IS RANDOM, it just popped into my head) ppl in my class say that you're prettier than glenda

me says (12:48 AM):

for what! i look hideous. PLUS WHY DO PEOPLE IN YOUR CLASS KNOW ME?!

sec one junior says (12:48 AM):

ohh

in aces day

you passed the camera to my friend

then my classmate was like 'OMG WHO WAS THAT?' then my friend and i were like 'huh? you saying karen ah?' then they are like 'OMG SHE DAMN PRETTY LEH!'

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT?!?!?!

(Jessie, this is your cue to start flooding my tagboard)

sec one junior says (12:55 AM):

you know, when i first saw you i was like 'omg. black faced is used to describe ppl who are angry/emo. but this person(i didnt know your name then) is..literally black. or it just gives that..LOOK...i duno if you understand. just that..LOOK'

LOL

Quite vulgar, but worth the read.

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

LOL. I thought you were friendly.

Either you're in a bad mood, or you're just plain stuck-up.

Shrug. If you won't make an effort, there's only so much I can do. After all, it takes two hands to clap.

Heyyyyyyy. I'm friendly.

I NEED TO DO WORK AHH

He'd better release an album. Quick. His voice has improved a lot after CSS. Is the Xing Guang Da Dao thing still ongoing?

Friends, remember this stupid thing? Our first performance a year ago lol, so stupid. Wow, was it only last year? :/ April. It's kind of excruciating to listen to.
"ONE!" "Come on now!" HAHAHA SHIT

just shoot me

I LOST THE ERASER MADDIE GAVE ME, THE ONE THAT HAS A TREBLE CLEF ON IT
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *SOBS AND WAILS*

It's funny to see how we've all changed

Had a nice chat with Bryson yesterday, and I was reminded of a lot of things. Hahaha. Primary school days are the best, because your friends are (mostly) genuine, and they truly accept you for who you are. There's no fakery, no bitching, no putting others down, and we really want the best for one another.

Okay, but it was really irritating when people teased Bryson and I about liking each other. LOL. Especially Yingyan. *glares*

After I'm done with my A Math Paper 2 (Victoria School. I got 31/71 for Paper One. Die lah) and A Math Paper 1 (Maris Stella High School), I'll scan some of my primary school photos in and upload them on Facebook and do a long post about my memories of Bryson, and of JWPS.

I'm trying to look for a particular photo I really love. The problem is, because I love it so much, I took it out of its photo album a couple of years ago and never put it back, so I can't find it.

T.T

WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS THAT

I SO TOTALLY REFUSE TO BE HUMILIATED WITH SUCH A STUPID WEB NAME. OH GOSH. THEY'RE OUT TO MAKE US LOOK LIKE FOOLS. I KNOW THEY ARE.

No it isn't cute at ALL. IT'S JUST PLAIN GROSS AHHHHHHHHHH.

-

Eww, your English is gross. And the way you call her that is gross too.

I love JWPS

I happened to see Huiyan and Cynthia at Boon Lay on the way home, and Huiyan suddenly asked me if I wanted to go back to my primary school.

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I was shrieking in excitement on the way to JWPS can. I miss it so much! Haven't gone back in, what, two years? And the last time I saw any teacher in JWPS was in Sec 1 I think, because in Sec 2 I went back too late.

Met Ms Loke, my Chinese teacher in Primary 1, 2 and 4. She couldn't remember my name although she recognised me a little. I told her I got an A1 for Chinese and she was very impressed hahaha. I remember once in P4 she asked me to go up to the board and write 怀疑, and I couldn't. My Chinese was the worst in the class, okay? Even worse than Malcolm's.

Two girls went up to Ms Loke as we were chatting and they asked her how to read the word 薄, and then Huiyan went "Ask Karen ask Karen!" then Ms Loke agreed and showed me the word. And I couldn't read it. HAHAHA. (Now I know how to pronounce it lah.) Ms Loke was like "Karen, how did you get your A1 huh?" I agree. That's why it's undoubtedly God's miracle, see.

Then Mr Kong came too. I'm surprised he recognised me, because he's never taught me before. He's super cute lah. I miss Mrs Foo ): She's not in JWPS anymore.

We saw a newly constructed room where an open space used to be (next to the Eco Garden, it's sort of like a corridor? :/), so we asked a few kids what it was. Some guy said enthusiastically "Oh, it's the staff room!" Then we were so amazed that we went to have a peep. It was an empty classroom -.-

Huiyan and I went to look for Pan Lao Shi. We asked a few very cute girls if they knew where she was and they said she was at the Eco Garden, but she had already left when we got there. Then they asked some bochup guy and he said "Staffroom lah."

I saw Pan Lao Shi :D :D :D :D I asked her to guess how much I got for my Chinese O's then she went "Aiiiyyyaaahhh, since you look so happy it must be very good right! Can I guess the highest? A1 ahhhh!" Gosh she was so cute, but she kept stroking my face, she must've wiped all the sweat and oil off.

The school has changed SO MUCH. Once upon a time, the only colours you could find there were green and white. All shades of green. Even the tiles on the floor were green. Now there's pink and yellow and blue and all the walls are PAINTED and adorned (really) with handicraft.

SO COLOURFUL!

1st floor's pink, 2nd floor's yellow, 3rd floor's green, 4th floor's blue.

JOEL CHIN'S PAINTING HAHAHA

WTH. These walls were once plain white.

OUR batch's handicraft on the pillars! (See background)

Huiyan thinks this was hers, because she knows it was really ugly. And she remembers that the tiles were "very difficult to cut". HAHAHAHA
I think I did it. I'm not sure.

Went to the general office to ask about being a relief English teacher after O's, and we found THE NOTICE BOARD!

Huiyan trying to take a picture of a teacher she hates, Mdm Ue. She threw her pencil case on the floor in P4. HAHAHA. She kept saying she wanted to scold her when she saw her, but when we saw her she said "I suddenly don't dare leh. Aiyah! How!"
Mr Adrian Poo. HE LOOKS LIKE JASON RIGHT. YES HE DOES. HE LOOKS LIKE JASON A LOT. The first time I saw Jason I was immediately reminded of him. He looks really like him in real life.

THEY HAVE COMPUTERS NOW! WHATTTTT?!

LOL lining up in twos.
I LMAO AT THIS
They didn't say anything about attire! :O

OMG they were so cute. I bet they were chionging some last minute homework.

More photos: HERE

Its nipples are at its GROIN.

I'm getting paid hoohoohoo, people must support me okay! Can't blog about it yet, but I WILL after the O's.

I WILL make the best of this opportunity and make myself be heard. I won't let this chance go by like that. It's what I need and my first step to everything else if I do it well.

-

I need to reignite that flame of love I had for God.

To the idiot I love(d)

Don't you get it yet? You aren't moving on; you're running away.

Hey J&J read this

Love seems beautiful. Love feels beautiful. And yes, it does seem pretty fun, doesn't it?

But the hurt and the pain isn't, the confusion isn't, the late nights spent wondering if something's gone wrong aren't. And the breakups definitely aren't. And the overwhelming sense of loneliness and the memories that haunt you aren't.

Basically, it seems great but the consequences suck. It's just like...drinking. Or sex.

You know, teenage love sucks. It's stupid and irrational and ridiculous when you think about it. Yeah it really is. Sometimes two people meet and even get into a relationship even when they've only known each other for, what, a few months? Love is stupid. I'm not saying the people are stupid; I know how that feels. But it's the stupid hormones affecting our sense of reason.

Then, being the young foolish idiots we young people have always been, we fall into the trap, feel everything's going so sweet, and then later there's a little bit of confusion, "Why am I doing this? Is this right? Should we be going this far?" and not long later, all the hurt comes washing everything else away like a tsunami, and then all that's left is a shattered soul, like the destruction you see in the photos, the destroyed houses and dead bodies and the huge wreck.

I would love to proudly proclaim that I've learnt my lesson. Unfortunately, I know that sometimes, you just can't help feelings. I take relationships very seriously, so usually my sense of reasoning's strong enough to prevent me from doing anything stupid, but.... the feeling just sucks.

Maybe I'm weird, but I don't like the feeling of liking someone. It's sweet and everything, I know, but it also brings so much confusion and anger, anger at myself and my own feelings for making me so messed up.

I wish we could all rely on God for love all the time. Unfortunately, life isn't always that perfect, and God doesn't make things that easy for us, eh?

I miss the feeling of being loved, yes. I miss knowing that I meant the world to someone. I miss knowing that even when I felt ugly and hated, there's someone who still loved me unconditionally for who I am.

But I know that rushing into anything will just mess everything up even more, and make life worse for me. You know? I'd love to go with my feelings and do whatever my heart tells me to, but if I did so, my life would be headed for doom. Thank God that He's there to remind me so.

I hope you understand what I'm trying to say, girl, because you're beautiful and you don't need a mess like this. I love you, be strong 'kay? And I know it seems great and no harm done and stuff, but... I just really hope you won't have to go through all the pain to know what I mean.

Just a little something I think some of us feel sometimes:

"Everytime I say I won't trust anybody anymore, next thing I know I'm falling for that trap of trust again, because I think everybody deserves a chance, but nobody has ever spared me that chance I need just to know my worth. I'm exactly what they think I am. I hate the fact that I don't even know myself; I don't have a clear stand and just let people push me around, and I'm sick of that big time, yet I don't allow myself to do anything to ease that pain. I hate being a submissive slave to everyone all the time. I'm just compressing myself against the cement floor - it hurts, but I'm still doing it."

Fine lah, fine

DT says (5:01 PM):
eh
btw.
does ur blogshop
actually make money


DT says (5:27 PM):
hahahah...
the key to lit
i feel
is to be in touch with ur feelings
and then find reasons for them
eh. brb. i'm going to buy some groceries for my mum

Jo, Jan, YD, Rachel Ker

Be strong, friends, we'll make it through life together.

Add me on Twitter, people.

Msn/sms me for the name. I can't reveal it here due to other reasons. (:

To a good friend of mine.

On the outside, you're a cheerful, confident friend, nothing seems to be wrong in your life and everything about you seems great,

but I know that deep deep down, beneath your tough, impermeable, impenetrable shell of confidence, you're craving for acceptance, you're struggling with your life and all you want is to feel loved. That's why you want to be admired by everyone.

We're all like that, aren't we? We seek acceptance, love.

Unless you admit you're weak, nobody can help.

I want to know who you really are. You know a lot about me, I'd like to know a little more about you, something beneath that tough exterior, your mask of confidence and grace.

I'm always here.

Hot like an exothermic reaction ;)

Can't blog now, but I will during the Sept holidays or after Prelims.

Just a summary now:

Mass Dance was GREAT. I don't regret being the leader (:

Class Teachers' Day skit was GREAT too! Much better than what we had all expected, with all our blunders and arguments and forgetting of sequence etc., yes? At least it all went smoothly, not like during the practices. YAY God is real.

Meeting Rachel and Teressa was ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC. First time we've met outside, other than for 6B'05 gatherings, Teachers' Day gatherings in school etc, and sleepovers (SLEEPOVER! Set ah, after O's!)

Okay, this meeting was because of Teachers' Day too but I mean we used to go back to our primary school on Teachers' Day so we would meet. Now, our primary school has banned us from going back on "special days" because according to Jieying, some people had vandalised teachers' cars, stole their phones, and set fire in the toilet or something. I find that terribly amusing LOL.

Had a really really really great time today. Will blog about it when I can.

I LOVE IT WHEN CUTE GUYS CRY

Yamashita Tomohisa. I can't seem to find a good picture of him.

I don't think he looks good actually, but I think he was really cute in Proposal Daikusen. His emo look's mega cute. When he's thinking, or acting cool/emo, his lips sort of pucker up a very little bit. WAHAHAHAHA

I like the scene he hugged Rei and asked her to marry him, at night on the bridge, when she was going to accept the teacher's proposal lol. GOSH SO CUTE when he hugged her can.

THIS SCENE

And the scene where he cried in the chapel. I'm such a sadist. But seriously. HEH HEH HEH

His proposal in the final episode. But I guess you wouldn't get it if you didn't watch the whole thing. I think the show's really nice. I like the childhood memories. Yamashita (Character name: Iwase Ken) and the girl, Rei, were classmates since primary school. I think it's beaufitul to have your childhood friend, who grew up with you and really knows everything about you, end up being your husband/wife, yes?

I have humongous thighs

(I've updated with a post below this. I put it below this because it's rather full of rubbish)

Bikinis, masturbation, wet dreams, big boobs, oral sex -

Guys like YD & BK ought to be eternatlly grateful to have met such an open-minded female friend like me ;)

Hello world. This is another post I wish everyone could read. My stupid thoughts yet again.

"I miss the warmth of a hug"

We girls are fortunate enough to be able to receive hugs from our friends whenever we're in need of one. There are hugs from my friends I'll never forget:

The hug Janice gave me during Festival of Praise, when she told me to stop thinking about the breakup and everything would turn out fine;

The long long hug Xiaoxuan gave me, as she prayed for me in Tongues, when I was sobbing in terror at the sight of everyone getting slain during the Zone Meeting;

The hugs Maddie whines and reaches out for (and I gladly give her) when we're about to part, unspoken I'll-Miss-Yous;

The hug Janice asked for - "Can someone give me a hug?" - on April Fools' 2008, when she was distraught over JJ's announcement that he was going to leave the music industry;

and especially the small but very, very, very sweet and comforting hug Janey gave me when I was crying over the breakup. (and I'll always remember the Nin Jiom sweet she gave me that happened to have a smiley face on it)

Oh, and the hugs I gave my wailing Sec 4 Dancemates (especially Joan) and teary-eyed juniors during the Asian Youth Games, our last performance together. I remember my dear juniors, red-eyed and makeup smudged from the tears, asking "Karen, can I hug you?"

Awwwwwwww. I'd never forget those. I felt so loved as a senior (and the Discipline Mistress at that!)

No, I can't live without the random hugs from my dear friends. The amount of love, warmth, care, reassurance and comfort conveyed in a single simple hug can be overwhelming.

So, what do (single) guys do when they feel sad and lonely and would like to feel the love of the friends around him? Hugging another guy would be so gay right.

Perhaps even guys need friendly hugs once in a while too.

..

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww. (((:

Dear girl friends, let's do our guy friends a favour and give them a nice, warm, friendly hug. (:

(Except Jenna - her boobs are so gigantic, they'd be all the guys would be hugging)

And I'm still blogging

Meeting today:

Spent ten minutes looking for my phone. I wish all my valuables came with tracking devices.

Wore the new blue thing I bought from F21, the one my mum said she's got trouble imagining me in because I wear black all the time (she's in Malaysia now so she hasn't really seen me in it yet). I wanted to wear my white shorts but something happened so I wore my leggings instead. I felt like a friggin' ah lian wearing what I was wearing man. I was actually wearing a pair of kitten heels, and was running towards the bus stop from my void deck when I decided that flats would be a better idea, so I ran back to my house to change shoes. Then when I was running to the bus stop again with my flats, I realised that I find it easier to run in my kitten heels than in both my pairs of flats. My flats keep coming out.

'Kay, anyway, I was supposed to meet them at Raffles City's Ministry of Food, but my failing memory caused me to get off the train at Raffles Place instead. Spent a few minutes looking at the directory confusedly before realising I had gotten off at the wrong stop.

So okay, when I was at Raffles City it was around 6.40-6.45. I spent so long searching like mad for MOF. Walked past every single shop on the first floor of the shopping centre. Its unit number is #01-45, and Starbucks' unit number is #01-46 so I thought it'd be near Starbucks, so I went there, and then I went downstairs to the marketplace, before I admitted defeat and called Claudia. I reached MOF at around 7.

MOF is on the OUTSIDE of Raffles City. *smacks head*

Yes, and I immediately recognised one of them. Chase. She was one of those in the group of people who interviewed Lukhei and me at the bus stop. And she told me she recognised me too, even before today's meeting - she'd looked at my blog earlier on and recognised me from the pictures. Like wow okay :O Hello Chase, if you see this!

The other three of them had left already, Claudia told me they came in uniform and they were carrying books and they were in a rush to go home and study. And I was like,
in a rush to go home and study?!?!!


Like GREAT, these are the people I'm competing against for the O's. THEY RUSHED HOME TO STUDY?!?! Great. Looking at how much I'm studying, I might as well give up now. No way I'm going to get a good score when these people are mugging their heads off and I'm........blogging.

After that I went to and get Teressa's present HEH. And my phone ran out of battery, so I had to search high and low for a public phone to call my dad. He told me to go to Jurong Point to meet them for dinner, and I was like, wow, haven't I slacked enough today already? Then at Jurong Point I had to go search for another public phone. Gosh I felt like an idiot.

Ate at LJS. I feel the fats forming inside me already. Like as if my thighs aren't flabby/fat enough. I saw this really skinny girl today, and she was wearing one of those skirts that make most of our legs look really fat, but she looked great in it 'cos her legs were so maddeningly skinny. Gosh I hate my thighs.

-

$1200.
Should I save it up for my new tablet? Since the one I got this year was stolen (my fault, stupid me), I doubt my parents would be willing to get another one for me so soon. Should I save it up? I want to try applying to be an English teacher in my primary school next year. Some of the English teachers there need English lessons man. I remember correcting my English teacher in P1 before (its versus it's). I'm appalled at how my primary school looks down on the P1 kids. It's like they grabbed any old teacher to teach English. Even my engrish also more powderful than hers sialz.

I'll also be giving 10% to Church as tithes. Oh yes. It'll be hard to part with $120, but really, I owe it all to God anyway! I just hope it goes to the Building Fund and not to the printing of leaflets. I really don't know why they do it. It's such a waste of paper + money ):

EAT GRASS

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY

(What's up with guys and boobs?)

You know what I'd really like?

Jessie (SlutSuanSuah) and I want to do a proper blogshop after O's. Like, proper, not like my Iseriouslyneedmoney one, but a PROPER one. We'll try to source for a manufacturer who can print our designs (after improving on them), and sell our own self-designed clothes. Cool or not?

The only problem is that I can't design clothes for nuts.

I guess we Singaporeans are pretty dumb

Under Cambridge's review of the O's Biology paper 2007, they said a lot of people wrote extensively about "hangovers" and "headaches" when asked about the "harmful effects on the body of alcohol consumption".

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I hate knowing life still goes on.

I happened to see Daryl's Facebook picture, and I saw your face, Mad, and it dawned on me, how far apart I was from J4M now, and how time has passed since then, how I probably wouldn't be able to fit in anymore. J4M is almost like a dream I've woken up from.
I'm not looking forward to going back to OB after O's - firstly, I wouldn't be able to fit in, I'd be an awkward extra; secondly, it'd bring back memories. And I'm dreading meeting you again. Then again, I'm not going to give my passion up.

Who am I?

"I guess that's my weakness.
What people think about me matter a lot to me, because I don't have a sense of identity.
What I think about myself depends on what people think about me."

I guess that's why I feel it's so important for me to always put up a good impression of myself, or my school, or even Singapore when I go overseas. To me, giving strangers a good impression of me is important, what even strangers think about me matter. If a stranger says I'm ugly, all my friends could tell me I'm pretty and I wouldn't believe them, because "they're just trying to be nice. It takes one honest person for you to be able to tell that your friends are just lying to be nice. Or they probably don't think so because they're so used to how you look already."

In the end, my life is based on those around me.

That's very true, and I hate that. I know it's true because of the relationship I was in. I hate knowing that my self-confidence comes from other people, and I only think something about me if someone else confirms it. (If it's something bad, it takes one person to confirm it. If it's something good, perhaps even a hundred people wouldn't be able to convince me.) I don't know anything about myself, it's all about everyone else.
Ironic, considering how much of a loner I am.

Acid tongue

O levels English oral was......i really hope I get a high A1. When I was reading aloud, dear Michelle (s2b) who was being examined at the same time too was reading SO SUPER LOUDLY I lost track of what I was saying. I was still reading the passage but I wasn't clear about what I was saying. Die already lah. Picture conversation was okay. It was about some...doctor treating a whole load of elderly people.

Conversation wasn't very good.

"What do you do to stay healthy?" or something like that, I totally screwed up, talked about making sure I washed my hands before I ate / used my hand sanitizer / washed my hands after touching something dirty to make sure I wouldn't get SICK. And then I talked about keeping my room clean because I was allergic to dust.
(It's all rubbish by the way.)
Yeah so I was WAYYY out of point.

Then the next question was something about the quality of Singapore's healthcare, I wanted to laugh. I used some of my SS knowledge. I said something stupid like "I've been to countries like Malaysia and Korea (Idk why on Earth I said Korea, its medical facilities aren't that bad right, and no I've never been there), and I feel that Singapore's healthcare standard is much better than most other countries', because the government makes us pay for our own healthcare..... (realises I'm talking about the wrong SS info and it's totally irrelevant) ..and the government practises privatisation, so the hospitals do not receive funding so they must improve and do better, and they must make healthcare affordable for us, so that they will encourage more people to go there (encourage people to GO TO A HOSPITAL?) ..And the government encourages Singaporens to stay healthy (realises I'm going out of point) ... so that we won't exhaust the coutry's medical resources because Singapore is a country with no resources (lol, I'm talking about two completely different kinds of resources)"

...Great. They must've thought I was a rambling airhead.

Then they asked something about how doctors might face problems or something with giving medicine? Or something. So I said that the doctors might be treating a poor patient who cannot afford the expensive medicines, but the doctor can't help him/her by paying for it himself because then other people would take advantage of that too, and the doctor would end up having to "suffer" (the examiner laughed when I said that) for the patients.

GREAT.
I was planning on getting almost full marks for my Eng oral, because it's highly probable that I'd screw up my comprehension as usual, and then I wouldn't be able to get my A1. I think it was super wasted can. This wasn't a hard exam. It was relatively easy, the questions they asked and the passage and the picture weren't difficult at all. And I just screwed it. Great. Great.

I need that almost-perfect score. I guess I'm dead.

It sucks to be behind Jessie for everything. Her Chinese is very fluent so for Chinese Oral I always scored so much lower than her. As for English oral, her points are very good and mine are all over the place. JESSIE SUAH! ):


I hate it when 1. people make assumptions about me, 2. they don't come up to me and tell me when they're unhappy about something I'm doing. Then you'll just go bitch bitch bitch and have a bad impression of me when it's really just a stupid misunderstanding.

I hate this. You, my dear friend, you tell me not to care about others' opinions, to make desicions on my own. So that's what I do. I make desicions on my own. Then all these happen. You tell me not to follow what others think. Yet I have to clarify things with everyone, do things that would please certain people, and then you say because I'm doing that, I'm making everyone unhappy.
Your instructions are crystal-clear, seriously.

Then again, what am I doing now? I'm still following someone else, making my desicions based on what someone else says. You.
"Okay, I've decided. I won't let other people's opinions affect me. I won't let what other people say affect how I want things to be. Eh, do you think this arrangement is okay?"

I just love my life. I keep saying I hate it when other people control what I do etc, yet I always end up being a slave to everyone else's opinions anyway. When I finally try to stand firm, oh no, suddenly everyone's unhappy and demanding I listen to them. Wonderful.


But I'm still thankful that you told me, and I still am grateful to have you as a friend, someone who isn't afraid to tell me what she really thinks, someone who doesn't care if she hurts me, as long as she gets her point across and I see the truth. That's the way to care for a friend.

I hate it when someone has negative opinions about me / don't like something about me / something I'm doing, and doesn't tell me. I'm not God you know, I wouldn't know what the problem is if you keep it to yourself. If there's something you don't like about me, you'd better tell it to my face so that I'd be able to realise the problem and perhaps do something about it, or clarify things, and not keep it to yourself, because when I realise you've been keeping it to yourself, I'll be really hurt and very angry.

The Drunk One

(Click and read Teryne's & Eudea's comments)

Stupid, don't you get it.

I ought to admit it. I'm a shallow, very very gullible idiot. I shouldn't try to protect my self-worth anymore, 'cos there's no point; I can't run from the truth.

Dignity? What dignity?

The pang in my heart tells me I still love you

The rush of tears that come to my eyes tell me I haven't gotten over it.

I thought I'd like to know how you're doing, but even seeing your tag on someone else's blog makes me want to die.

I thought I was the stronger one, was I not? I thought you were the one who loved me more, I broke up with you partly because I wasn't sure of my feelings for you. I thought you were the one who was going to have to take a longer time to get over this, with all your suicide threats and crying for hours on end.

I never knew I was so vulnerable.

I need a way out of this. I keep running, hiding, carefully avoiding, but I know the problem's still there.


The memories are still there, vivid, staring me in the face. It's like a trap I keep stumbling into, a trap that fills me with such excruciating memories and the screaming of my heart struggling to get out.

I need a closure, but I can't face it yet. I know I'll just break down and feel as hopelessly broken as the day I told us to let go.

Why me? Why now?


Most of all, why you?


Prelims start on the 27th - it'd be our 22nd month. E Math O's, our second O's paper, is on 27th Oct - it'd be our second year.

I really hope this won't affect my studies.

Perhaps I was adopted..

My brother got accepted by RI.

Or he's on the waiting list, anyway.

My new favourite word.

Electrifying.

That electric rush surging through my entire soul, setting it on fire as you come on me.

(This is for personal reference only)

下雨天

Again. She had been rejected a million times before; she should have gotten used to it by now. Why did she expect this audition to be any different? Why was she so upset? If only she could find a way to kill the hope inside her; it only caused her pain.

She sat at her desk and stared out of the window, gazing morosely at the sullen sky. It had just begun to rain; the fat drops pattering against the windowpane reflected how she felt inside: not awfully torn apart, just moody, and pensive.

Then, for a fraction of a second, the darkness of the sky disappeared and was replaced by a reddish-white light; had she blinked, she would have missed it. Many seconds later, a faint, angry, deep rumble followed, like the sound of a stampede of mammoths.

It intrigued her.

Slowly, the flashes of light grew more intense, and they sent electrifying pulses through her, leaving her in silent awe as they disappeared and left no trace of themselves when darkness immediately took over again, making her wonder if it had actually happened.

But the deep rumblings also came more frequently, and louder, and angrier, with each flash.

Then, as slowly as it came, it all died away again, until only the quiet pattering rain and the gloomy sky remained.

Once, Genie had found an interest in singing. She dared not confess it for a long time, for fear of ridicule, but the love silently grew inside her.

One day, she was suddenly full of hope, and she did it, she let her voice be heard.

Her friends thought it was a joke.

As soon as the hope had grown, it was immediately crushed, trampled on, shattered, and dead.

It was these little flashes of hope that surged through her every now and then, filling her with silent, secret joy, that caused her so much pain immediately after, when they were trampled on and forced to die, again and again.

Now, all that was left of her was muted hurt - for her heart had been torn apart so many times before that only a numbing pain remained - and gloom.

Outside, the rain poured.

BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY

My father was a top student in RI, then he went on to (what now is) RJC, and graduated from NUS with a degree in Engineering.

My mother was from MGS and ACJC in Malaysia, and then was the first child among her sisters to go to university. Graduated with degrees in Biology and Chemistry in NUS.

My brother who's in P6 now, is in the Gifted programme. His best friends have been accepted into Hwa Chong and RI through DSA. He's also a pro at Badminton.

I'm......plain stupid.

Let it rock

During cell group I testified about my Chinese O's results over the phone, because I'm not allowed to go for CG until after Os. So funny can.

Jason: Okay, everybody say Hi Karen!

"HI KAREN!!!!"

So I talked about how I was praying that I would get an A2, although it seemed very very unlikely, and how I screwed up my Oral and the Listening Compre was the hardest one I'd ever done and the Paper 2 was really hard too, and I was expecting a B3 but I ended up getting an A1 (MUAHAHA), then they all went "Wahhhhh." HAHAHA so cute can.

I love w412. Looking forward to going back to CG after O's (:

Back to my old skin again.

With a new picture. I thought "run away with me" didn't suit me anymore, since we aren't together anymore and I no longer feel like "running away", so I did one myself. It's as stupid as I am. HAHAHAHA.

I think this skin would be nice. Of course, I'll change the skin A LOT. I'll add a background picture (my emo candy hearts one again, maybe?), replace all the purple with other colours, change the heading font and colour and size, and basically everything will look completely different except for the basic dividers and stuff. People, give me your opinions please! Should I use it?

I love my previous skin but some computers can't view it properly (remember the three-words-in-a-line thing?) so I'll just use this for the time being, until I find a nicer one (after O's.)

We had the Teachers' Day Performance auditions today. Ours ROCKS, it would be great if we didn't stumble/laugh/forget lines. Everything needs to be way, way smoother.

Practiced for our Mass Dance again. I love our Mass Dance hahaha, but I wish we were doing it in the hall instead of at the parade square. I don't like doing Mass Dance in the parade square. And I'll be standing at the place the councillor who recites the pledge stands. (What do you call it?)

I got shortlisted for that Blogger thingy. Like, I'm supposed to blog about stuff related to O's and where I'll be going after this at least twice a week, from Sep to next Feb. That means, yes, I'll be blogging during my O's period too.

But they're paying quite a cool sum :D

The wonders of technology

Over a one-hour period, I chatted with a friend from China, a cousin who's in Australia, and another cousin in Ipoh.

LOL, globalisation sia.

Haven't talked to Tony in a long time. Anyway, he forgot to turn his webcam off after he left the internet cafe, so I could still hear what was going on and stuff. It was like as if my ear was in China, lol. Interesting. And then later, some other guy came to use the computer for a short while. Like HAHA

pete says (7:21 PM):

other than the girls....

there's nothing in singapore

lol

A1 FOR CHINESE O'S! OMGOMGOMGOMG says (7:22 PM):

i may not love my country but i will defend it because we have erm, political stability, high literacy rates, high SOL and great facilities

and the education is good, so there

pete says (7:22 PM):

nah .. everything sucks

only the girls are cool

lol

i dont know ... singaporean girls have this awesome-ness in them

Tension or what man

Guess how much I got for my Chinese O's.

...

A1!!

ZOMGGGGG hahahahahaha. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! Like, ME, A1!?! I was actually expecting a B3, although I was praying really hard for an A2. Like, AHAHA. GOD IS REAL!

Okay so like, we were all nervous like crazy, and before the results were to be released to us we heard from don't-know-where that there were "a lot of B3s". Don't know where we heard that from BUT IT WASN'T TRUE, HAHAHA. Then Mrs Yip said all she knew was that 4S2A did very well, and then I just screamed super loudly. I didn't even think about doing it, I just screamed. I only realised what I'd done after I'd done it. Apparently some teacher from another class was very pissed. :/

Then in the hall, the principal seemed to be deliberately taking her own sweet time to do things, it was so bloody irritating, then she talked so effing slowly I wanted to scream. I kept repeating "TENSION BUILD-UP! TENSION BUILD-UP!" to Jessie while hugging her like mad to keep myself from dying of stress. She was doing it on purpose I swear. I felt like I was going to self-combust.

It seems like a dream, maybe because of the dimmer-than-usual lighting. We queued up single-file to see our results, and everyone was screaming and crying and hugging. When I saw my results, I just screamed. It was, like, 1(D), which meant I got an A1 and DISTINCTION FOR CHINESE ORAL LIKE WTH OMG I SCREWED IT SO BADLY CAN HAHAHA THE TEACHER MUST'VE BEEN DEAF. (Link to blog post: click)

Like yes, so, A1! I just screamed at the paper. Mdm Lim and Miss Ang must've been quite pissed at me. I screamed and signed beside my marks (I don't even think the signature looked like what it's supposed to look like) and ran. Hugged the first person I saw (Janey), then went to look for Jessie etc. Jessie got an A1 too (as expected). I screamed and cried like mad, couldn't control myself, I just kept screaming and shouting. Then I went to the other side of the hall to find Amelia and the both of us got high together 'cos we both got A1s. I was going to hug Amelia then I (apparently) kissed her by accident LOL. Then I went to look for Sperm, she's disappointed with her results but hey, it was an A2, still good what!

It all seems so surreal now. After a while, all of us became really quiet and sat down again. Like, ._.

You know, even now I keep typing/saying "A2" by accident, like I really didn't expect an A1.

Hello world, GOD IS REAL AND HE SHOWED ME A MIRACLE. I GOT AN A1 FOR CHINESE O'S. PEOPLE, GOD IS REAL!!!

(Btw, link to post about O's Chinese written paper here)



Stupid leader shit. I don't want it, and I know I don't deserve it.

Janey's secret emo-ness

Hello world, please take time to read the essay of a good friend of mine.

She stared at the coffin - cold, hard and unfeeling. Pain, suffering and fear, that's what it reeked of. The grand, brown panelling irritated her. The coffin housed death, and yet, as she watched him lie there, he looked so peaceful. His eyes were shut, his hands clasped together as though in prayer, his expression of one at peace. He looked... so serene. So fearless.

She knelt next to the coffin, glancing at the white roses placed in the coffin. Pure, beautiful and innocent, they had been placed in by well-wishes. Saying a silent prayer, she placed her rose stalk into his coffin, but not white. Red. A scarlet rose, its petals, fiery and passionate just like his spirit. And yet, it seemed so sad and lonely as she placed it among the sea of white. It seemed sad, and lonely, the only one that stood out. Just like his soul. Her heart continued to weep, and she felt a tear slide down her pale countenance. It felt cold, just like her soul. Abandoned by him, left alone.

She stared at the hourglass, trickling crimson sands of time. Sand morphed to blood, sliding down effortlessly. Drop. Drop. Drop. Surely that must have been how it was when he died? His room's floor stained with blood, ebbing away from him as his heart beat slowed. She had not been surprised to hear of his suicide, but it grieved her all the same. Her heart still ached, her emotions still quavered upon thinking... about his rare smile. Melancholic. His occasional laughter, the way he held her hand when they used to go down to the creek together. His eyes used to be a beautiful clear blue, but they were now grey. His hands, his touch, used to be so warm. His touch now, was ice cold. Her heart ached when he talked about life, his gaze always seemed so wounded and sad. She would have given anything to hear his soft voice again, comforting her, never leaving her alone.

She seemed to forget how to breathe now that he could never come back, her body becoming a husk, a shell of her former self. Her once radiant beauty morphed into melancholic beauty, muted and sad. She looked at the pristine white walls of the chapel, remembering the memories of the two of them spent there. Her eyes trailed to a letter opener, and she slid her finger over the blade. Beads of blood formed from the cut, and slid down her pale finger. She smiled mirthlessly and returned to his body's side. The cold blade slid over her arm slowly, her meaning in life lost now that he had gone.

"If I were to die tomorrow... would you join me?" he asked her before, in the same chapel. She kissed him in response, avoiding having to answer his question. As the blood flowed from her wrist, onto the white of the roses, they drowned in the sea of blood, in every drop of her love in her being. Letting the drenched letter opener fall to the floor, she felt life ebb away, just like him. Whispering three words, she closed her eyes, weeping her final tears alone.

"Wait for me."

Eff those raging hormones

Hello friends, is anyone willing to go to the library (either J.East or The Frontier) to study with me tomorrow from about 12 - 6?

Sec 4s preferred.

Love, Peace, and ROCK \m/

Was watching Mayday's 10000人 出头天 concert DVD. Ahhhhhh my love for Mayday has been revived.

My dad, who has watched the whole thing, says Ashin didn't go off-pitch/key throughout the whole concert. Except for a few very minor unnoticeable ones, of course; it's live, it can't be totally perfect. It's kind of hard to believe. Maybe it was digitally edited for the DVD hahaha.

I love 你不是真正的快乐's lyrics, but I think they'd sound quite stupid if I were to translate it into English. Most of their songs' lyrics are really nice, and I really like their concept of peace. I love 万安，地球人, the lyrics are beautiful, about war and peace. I shall put the lyrics up someday if I remember.

Now they're all old fogies hahaha, I remember Masa's hair used to be quite nice; now he just looks old. Masa and Stone look quite bad now.


Will be going for the Da Vinci exhibition later :D Can't wait.
I don't know how I'm going to finish all my homework AND study for Monday's Rivers & Coasts test. ): My life is miserable.

This week has been a pretty sleepless one. On Monday and Tuesday I slept for about 4 hours or less each, and I slept for about 3 hours each on Wednesday, Thurs and Friday. Madness.

Farewell, Singlish

I MUST start speaking in proper English, even if it kills me. It'll be really tough but I'll try my best to take note of what I say - I say almost everything without thinking, and then I forget what I've said almost immediately after. Friends, if I speak in Singlish, slap me.

I'm trying to compile a list of words that are commonly mispronounced, to help myself and my friends. Here's what I've got so far: (the words in the brackets are how they're supposed to be pronounced)

1. Subtle (suttle - silent B, short and accented "su")

2. Placid ("a" pronounced as it is in "at", not "place")

3. Southern (not pronounced in the same way South is pronounced, the "ou" is pronounced like the "u" in "suttle", and the first syllable is also short and accented)

4. Acutely ("a" as in "around" and not "act". aCUTEly)

5. Humanity (I don't know why I put this here, but)

6. Inhumane

7. Said ("sed")

8. Often (Silent T - offen)

9. Doubt (Silent B - dout)

10. Athlete (NOT athelete)

11. Insanity (Not insane-ity. "a" as in "sand")

12. Incomparable (HAHA the mistake I made. It's inCOMparable, not INcomparable, and the first "a" in "parable" is pronounced as in "around", not "act")

13. Prevalent (PREvalant, the first "e" as in "ella" and not "pre", the first "a" as in "around" and not "act", and not pronounced "prevailant")

14. "The" before a word starting with a vowel is pronounced as "thee"

15. Undoubtedly (Silent B - dout)

16. Crescent (HAHA. When you say it, it's supposed to sound really cool, not just "cre-sent". "Cre" is short and accented)

17. Several (The first "e" is pronounced as in "seven", and not "severe")

18. Psychology = PsyCHOlogy, NOT PSYchology

19. Psychological = PsychoLOgical, NOT PsyCHOlogical)

My own mistakes = #12, #19, and sometimes #18.

(If I've made any mistakes, PLEASE inform me)

Tag leh!

Hmmmmm, there were 52 unique visitors to my blog on Tuesday and THE LAST TAG I'VE RECEIVED WAS ON MONDAY!!!! Why like thaaaat, people ): Tag! I want to know who's reading heehee.

Joke of the century:
On a Facebook quiz I once said (rather sarcastically btw) that I had a tattoo of a red heart with a dagger pierced through it, on my left boob over where the heart's supposed to be.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YD ACTUALLY BELIEVED IT HAHAHAHAHAHA
"If I'm not wrong, you have a tattoo on your left boob ar?"
SHIZ that made me laugh like mad. Totally woke me up HAHAHA

It sucks to have subconscious expectations of somebody, of a friend, because those expectations usually go unmet.
GRR


Why won't you admit it? Am I that bad? Is being my friend that humiliating?


Shyan wants to take unglam photos of me as a form of revenge, because I keep taking unglam photos of her (and the rest of the class. Not intentionally! Shyan, maybe you're just unglam all the time hahaha)
So I let her take a really stupid picture of me. She's posting it on Facebook.
"Think of an alliteration! Something Karen"
"Kissable Karen"
"IN YOUR DREAMS!"

Mrs Rupa: Uh...Kinky!

That's it, I'm changing my blogskin.

This is to a certain someone, because I know she won't read it. I really don't mean to be mean, but..

HAHAHA you make me laugh. I remember how you used to be so immature and mean to your friends, just like that someone I knew in kindergarten (and was stupid enough to befriend. Maybe I'll talk about her some other time, too)
I find it stupid now, really, how people are still getting into relationships now. You're just asking to be hurt, seriously. And that guy is really ah beng. GAAHAHAHA

And I don't deny the fact that you really are pretty, but you've become so ah lian I .. buay tahan, seriously. The worst thing is that you actually could look like a rather smart, pretty girl. Why why why did you become ah lian? ): Thank goodness we were never good friends. Thank goodness I was always on the other side. I wouldn't say you're revolting, but you're ah lian enough. I don't despise you; I actually pity you a little, 'cos you don't see it. Good luck with being your ah lian self and I hope you don't get too hurt when you finally face up to reality one day, girl.

I don't dislike you, really. I'm just a little.. wth-ed.

WHAT?!

Now I get what Amelia's talking about:

WHY'S THE MARGIN SO SMALL?!?!?!?!

*hyperventilates*

Can someone help me?!?! I like this blogskin, I don't want to change it ))): I just changed it! >:(

If this problem persists and nobody teaches me how to correct it by...7pm or so, I'll change blogskin. *sniff sniff*

HEH HEH HEH. At my mum's office now. Walked to Redhill from school only to realise that my EZ-link card didn't have enough money in it to take the MRT home, and I only had $1.20 so I didn't have enough money to top up, so I WALKED all the way to Bukit Merah Interchange and then FOUND MY WAY WITHOUT DIRECTIONS to my mum's office (Connection One, Tower 5)!!! I'M THE PRO RIGHT. I've never gone from Bukit Merah to my mum's office before, and I MANAGED TO FIND MY WAY THERE HAHAHA. My mother was incredibly shocked. I bet she didn't even expect me to be able to reach Bukit Merah Interchange with her instructions ("From the taxi stand at Redhill, cross the road to the market, and then just walk straight, straight, straight, until you see a MacDonald's"). She's used to me being hopelessly lost all the time.

WAHAHAHA. I'm the pro.

FREE INTERNET ACCESS, and FREE OUTGOING CALLS with her office phone! Guess who won't be doing her homework today :D

O's results weren't released today lah, stupid rumours >:(

It's been a friggin' month.

Why isn't the library open today? ): I hate doing my work at home. Yesterday I "did work" the whole day and only managed to finish my E Math Paper 2. And today, I've been working on my Lit essay for two hours and I've only done three paragraphs. Unproductive or what?

-

It's been a month; it's time I got you out of my mind.

Yet these few days, the memories are coming back to me, flooding my mind, and hitting me harder than before. Memories of how you used to hug me, your love and warmth drowning me; memories of the way you looked into my eyes and smiled when we were in your room, knowing that for that moment, nothing else in the world mattered, and our minds were totally focused on each other and nothing else; memories of how strongly and desperately I kissed you, until you became breathless and were going to faint, and I cried because I didn't mean to do that to you; that rush of love was too strong to control.

It's time I moved on, ass. Yet now everything reminds me of you and us. Everything. Even Hillsong, wth.
No longer can I listen to JJ's songs, to any Chinese songs, or even to slow English songs, especially the ones I used to listen to when we were together, and especially The Reason and Always Be My Baby. Now I can only listen to Avril's Let Go on repeat, despite having more than a thousand songs in my iPod. I don't know how long this will continue. How pathetic can I get?

I need to get you out of my friggin' mind. It's been a month, and I can't let you affect me longer than this. Prelims are in two weeks, and O's are just around the corner. I need a closure to this but I know I'm not even ready for that yet.

Someone please save me from myself; my mind's killing me.


"How do you feel when you see her now?"
"Nothing. It's like, the feelings have all gone. I don't feel anything now."
"Wow. I hope I'd be able to get to that stage someday."


Chinese O's results on Tuesday. Pray I'll get an A2, please please I can't get any lesser than an A2, although it's very very likely I'll get a B.

"I want to be a singer, like Kylie Minogue!"

"You think Jurong only have factories is it?" HAHA I LOVE BARBARELLA

VOCALUPTOUS performed! Too bad the first performance wasn't acapella. My dad was from the group too (!), but he gave it up when his workload got too heavy. -.- I think they sounded really nice when they were singing the national anthem! Go Vocaluptous :D

OH GOSH I LOVE SERGEANT DOLLAH'S DANCING HAHAHAHAHA. And the Lion Dance was SUPER CUTE CAN!

Juniors, I hope you guys enjoyed performing! They didn't show much of it on TV, they were more focused on Mark Lee and Sergeant Dollah (whatever his real name is LOL), but from what I saw it was okay! (:

A Sec 1 Mayflower dancer got knocked down by a taxi on 7th Aug, now she's in the ICU I think? Man I would have hated to be her - she must've been looking forward to this, especially because this is be her first year in Mayflower Dance. Poor thing, take care, I'll be keeping you in my prayers too (:

Yao De wants to join the parade!

YD: Will tell you when I join the parade! Hahaha! Wah. Super cool leh.

Me: What do they do anyway?

YD: March??

And friends, SILVANA'S MOTHER AND BROTHER were in The New Paper! :D Did anyone else see them? I recognised them only because Andre looked so much like Vana! But Vana's beauty is incomparable to others', of course ;D

vs.

Vana's mum's right ;D

Singapore Idol: The next Avril Lavigne! HAHAHA

Big Momma

We all sin. We all have secret sins. And these secrets, they chain us up, they eat away at us, then they begin to take over us.

God knows everything we're doing; why bother trying to hide anyway?

That's why we must confess our sins; then, the truth will set you free.

(Am I making sense? If not I'll rephrase it. Lol)

I got cheated of $15.

Doesn't sound like much, but I really really REALLY needed that $15.

I was so gullible I feel like slapping myself, seriously.

Well it's okay. Maybe she needed that money more than I do. All I can do now is hope she'll use that money wisely, and trust that God knows about it.

--

Teacher: .. And so the ugly duckling turned into a beautiful swan. So you see, everyone has hope!

Bart Simpson: Even me?

Teacher: No.