THEY'RE MONSTERS

Me: Haha, I saw the NSMan magazine on the dining table and I was like 'What?! Are you going for reservice?!'
Dad: I wish. Two weeks of.. pure FUN!
._.
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OH MY GOODNESS. AS IF THAT NAME WASN'T ENOUGH. OH MY GOODNESS. THEY'RE OUT TO MAKE US LOOK LIKE FOOLS, I KNOW IT.
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Looking at SAJC's yearbook makes me want to go to SAJC even more, but I know I won't do well in JC / I'd much rather go to Poly. I hate my indicisiveness. I hate this lah. Gosh I've always loved the school. I've been aiming for SAJC since P6, but... I just don't really want to go to a JC anymore.

SHOOT ME.

Everytime I think about how badly I screwed my O's English Oral exams I want to cry. I was aiming for an almost perfect score because I know I'll really need it to pull my scores up to an A1. I can't get anything lower than an A1 for English, seriously. I'm panicking so badly that I'm even doing my English Comprehension assessments now, despite the fact that I have one more A Math Prelim paper (P1 is 2 hours, P2 is 2.5 hours, so in total it'll take 4.5 hours to finish) to hand in for tuition tomorrow. And I haven't even started on Chem Data-based questions, which Mrs Chia'll be going through tomorrow.

IT'S FREAKING 11.41PM. I'm sick of sleeping at 2 and waking up at 5.45. I've been doing that for the past two days. Gosh, it's supposed to be the holidays man.

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Yesterday, at 2am, while I was lying on the bed and thinking about random things, an image of you popped up in my mind. It was the 21st of Nov 2007 - two years ago - and we were sitting on the piano bench in my bedroom. We were just sitting there, letting hours slip by and not feeling bored at all. Then you stroked my hair and tucked it behind my ear, and hesitantly, very slowly, you planted a small kiss on my cheek.

I didn't smile, but inside my heart was singing. In fact, as I lay in bed thinking about it, I unconsciously let a smile play on my face, and my heart was wrenching in sugar-sweetness. I didn't feel the sadness and loneliness wash over me like I had expected - I only felt innocent bliss.

"I just wish everything could start all over again"
If I could turn back time, would I have gone into this with you? Honestly, I don't know. If I went back in time and made sure this didn't happen, things wouldn't be so complicated now, and we could still be friends. The four of us would still be able to hang out as close friends. But if this didn't happen.... you would still be weak and vulnerable and very emo all the time, and we both wouldn't have experienced this - the best 1 year and 9 months of our lives. You saw this as a relationship; I felt weird calling it that. I called it...pure love. Our lives would be really different now if this didn't happen. Would I have preferred it that way?

Honestly, I doubt so. As painful as the breakup was, and as confused and emotionally unstable my heart is now, I don't really regret this. I just hate all the complications that are coming up now. What's going to happen after my O's? Will our group of friends... disperse? Nothing's going to be the same again. The four of us will never be the same again.


You know, I'll never be that innocent again. I'll always treasure that purity I once had. That was two years ago. So much has happened since then, eh?