But the hurt and the pain isn't, the confusion isn't, the late nights spent wondering if something's gone wrong aren't. And the breakups definitely aren't. And the overwhelming sense of loneliness and the memories that haunt you aren't.
Basically, it seems great but the consequences suck. It's just like...drinking. Or sex.
You know, teenage love sucks. It's stupid and irrational and ridiculous when you think about it. Yeah it really is. Sometimes two people meet and even get into a relationship even when they've only known each other for, what, a few months? Love is stupid. I'm not saying the people are stupid; I know how that feels. But it's the stupid hormones affecting our sense of reason.
Then, being the young foolish idiots we young people have always been, we fall into the trap, feel everything's going so sweet, and then later there's a little bit of confusion, "Why am I doing this? Is this right? Should we be going this far?" and not long later, all the hurt comes washing everything else away like a tsunami, and then all that's left is a shattered soul, like the destruction you see in the photos, the destroyed houses and dead bodies and the huge wreck.
I would love to proudly proclaim that I've learnt my lesson. Unfortunately, I know that sometimes, you just can't help feelings. I take relationships very seriously, so usually my sense of reasoning's strong enough to prevent me from doing anything stupid, but.... the feeling just sucks.
Maybe I'm weird, but I don't like the feeling of liking someone. It's sweet and everything, I know, but it also brings so much confusion and anger, anger at myself and my own feelings for making me so messed up.
I wish we could all rely on God for love all the time. Unfortunately, life isn't always that perfect, and God doesn't make things that easy for us, eh?
I miss the feeling of being loved, yes. I miss knowing that I meant the world to someone. I miss knowing that even when I felt ugly and hated, there's someone who still loved me unconditionally for who I am.
But I know that rushing into anything will just mess everything up even more, and make life worse for me. You know? I'd love to go with my feelings and do whatever my heart tells me to, but if I did so, my life would be headed for doom. Thank God that He's there to remind me so.
I hope you understand what I'm trying to say, girl, because you're beautiful and you don't need a mess like this. I love you, be strong 'kay? And I know it seems great and no harm done and stuff, but... I just really hope you won't have to go through all the pain to know what I mean.
Just a little something I think some of us feel sometimes:
"Everytime I say I won't trust anybody anymore, next thing I know I'm falling for that trap of trust again, because I think everybody deserves a chance, but nobody has ever spared me that chance I need just to know my worth. I'm exactly what they think I am. I hate the fact that I don't even know myself; I don't have a clear stand and just let people push me around, and I'm sick of that big time, yet I don't allow myself to do anything to ease that pain. I hate being a submissive slave to everyone all the time. I'm just compressing myself against the cement floor - it hurts, but I'm still doing it."
No comments:
Post a Comment