Aug 23, 2009

The pang in my heart tells me I still love you

The rush of tears that come to my eyes tell me I haven't gotten over it.

I thought I'd like to know how you're doing, but even seeing your tag on someone else's blog makes me want to die.

I thought I was the stronger one, was I not? I thought you were the one who loved me more, I broke up with you partly because I wasn't sure of my feelings for you. I thought you were the one who was going to have to take a longer time to get over this, with all your suicide threats and crying for hours on end.

I never knew I was so vulnerable.

I need a way out of this. I keep running, hiding, carefully avoiding, but I know the problem's still there.

The memories are still there, vivid, staring me in the face. It's like a trap I keep stumbling into, a trap that fills me with such excruciating memories and the screaming of my heart struggling to get out.

I need a closure, but I can't face it yet. I know I'll just break down and feel as hopelessly broken as the day I told us to let go.

Why me? Why now?

Most of all, why you?

Prelims start on the 27th - it'd be our 22nd month. E Math O's, our second O's paper, is on 27th Oct - it'd be our second year.

I really hope this won't affect my studies.

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