Sep 30, 2009



I don't want to think about graduation. I love this school too much and... Crescentians have this thing about them. Even in those you don't know. Open-armed warmth and laugh-out-loud friendliness, with a touch of sophistication (in most Crescentians anyway, i.e. not the one that calls me Karen Fatty Ho). It's almost like all the Crescentians across the level share a sort of mutual understanding, an invisible bonding. I love Crescent too much to bear to leave.

Stepping down from Dance was painful enough.

Champions' Seminar
was actually very interesting. I don't regret sacrificing study time for it. Table 9 consisted of Glenda, Lingling, Sharon, Amanda, Shuzhen, Kelly, Sophie and me. When they played the video Crescent Dance screamed when we appeared (like how we did two years ago, only louder).
The souvenirs were beautiful.
Us: *switch the egg-shaped lights on* Ohh, colour! Eh? Mine's red yours is blue.. eh is it changing - OMG IT CHANGED COLOUR! OMG! AHH! SO COOL! IT CHANGED COLOUR!!!
It was really amusing to notice how everyone was so fascinated by the lights' ability to change their colours.

Studying with Cui Xiao was actually productive. I managed to force myself to stay awake and do some work. :O

I love my mum's cupcakes. And check out the whipped cream.

My P3-P4 classmate Wanie, and my Sec 1 - Sec 2 classmate Yeeshan. :D Love. Nostalgia.

Sep 28, 2009

'Cos of the heart that beats in me

I can't believe some people don't know the song Don't Trust Me. I mean, I thought I was Ahma enough. I've always known the song, of course, but I only managed to get the song recently (from Linus :D), so I only started really listening to it properly recently. Gosh I love it. I don't know why but I'm addicted to three fast songs now - Amigo, Sorry Sorry and Don't Trust Me. I could put the songs on loop forever. This is unusual for me because I'm the kind who loves emo songs, but I guess I can't listen to emo songs now because... my heart isn't fully healed yet. These songs keep me awake so I actually do my A math instead of falling asleep. :D

If I could get high on songs, Don't Trust Me would do it.


There's a mega cute music video, this Asian version, that Mingxuan showed us all in class once. It's really cute / the bomb etc etc and I'll upload it here when I can find it.

And here's Amigo, I LOVE the starting of the video. I love the concept of how the world is black and white at first, and then there's this orange sparkly glow when he sees the girl, and the girl's glow in her hand, the hot orange fiery glow on him where she touches him, leaving a fiery trail of passion behind as her hand slips away. The feelings are so.... incredibly well described with that glowy thingy. Shucks since when did my vocab skills become so terrible?
Well, watch it. At least watch the first part. You'll know what I mean when you see it. Or those who've experienced it before will know how it feels, anyway. The sudden intense heat and the lurch in your heart as it's screaming, busting with lust - so accurately described by that orange glow.

Sep 26, 2009

L1R5 = 13

Chem = 74.2 (but I memorized the whole Chem textbook for it and I've forgotten everything already, so the grades mean nothing)
Bio = 65.5
English = 67.7 (Sigh, I really need an A1 for it)
A Math = 72 (but the China scholars got ****ing 98.9)
E Math = 71.7 I think.
Lit = 66 (Highest I've gotten for Lit in a really long time)
Combined Humanities = 59 (sigh, one more mark to B4)

Annie: My L1R5 improved by 20 points - from 46 to 26!
Me: Now you just have to improve by another 20 points! :D

If Annie can improve by 20 points, I can improve by 4.

Goal: L1R5 = 9



If I wanted to make money, the surefire way to get rich would be to OPEN A CLUB THAT PLAYS KOREAN SONGS ONLY HAHA WHOOOOO

kAiiZ ACVB#4 Knock you down. says (6:12 PM):
club =/= nice beat
club = sex and drugs and drinks
COLD! EYES! BABY! says (6:14 PM):
haha i open a clean club can. that has class
kAiiZ ACVB#4 Knock you down. says (6:14 PM):
who'll go

Fine lah fine.


My mum says Channel Newsasia's holding some journalism course for people above 14 years old in HONG KONG!!! There'll be a journalist there who'll guide us. 30 Nov to 3 Dec or something like that. $1600 only!!!!!!!!! I really want to give this a try and my mum's encouraging me to go too. SOMEONE ACCOMPANY ME!!!! ANYONE ABOVE 14!!!!

Sep 24, 2009


Check this out: Escapade
Some Singapore Poly thing.
West Grand Boulevard! :D Zouk's Resident DJ! FREE FOOD!
I'll probably be going. Fellow Sec Fours, please accompany me. Who wants to go with me? :D GO WITH ME!!! Sounds fun.

If I hadn't forgotten to add my stupid brackets in my workings, I would have beaten Eudea (who happens to be third in class) in A Math.

Results haven't been very good so far. The only two I'm sort of satisfied with are Lit (low B3, the highest I've achieved in a very long time) and A Math (low A2). I'm very worried about my English - I only got a B3, and that was when I got 17/25 for my Compre - the first time I scored above 15 this year. I really need an A1 for English.

I really expected an A1 for E Math, but I guess I shouldn't have kept my hopes up that high because I left so many blanks in Paper 1 thanks to the stupid difficult questions in front that took up all my time.

Wear Office Attire To School And Camwhore Day was kind of lame. Everyone was camwhoring all over the place. Awesome, so typical of this batch of Crecsentians. Pictures HERE!

Sep 23, 2009


Yet another awesome, thought-provoking post by Pastor Kong: HERE
Awesome. Very relevant to today's society. But sometimes, life isn't perfect and there are people who take things the wrong way and don't get to hear his opinion - both the religious opposers and the religious backsliders.

A comment I totally agree with : Ctrl-F search "Ray from Taiwan".

Here's my take on it:

What I think should be considered are those who blindly think that because Sun Ho is a Christian singer and married to a pastor, everything she does is right / not wrong, and thus are led to believe that it’s okay to be like how she was in the video. It’s a wrong way of thinking, of course, but there are undoubtedly people who would think like that, and may be vulnerable to being led astray. It’s very possible to address real problems / issues in life and garner a great audience without having to touch on controversy. Of course, we all love controversy because it strikes thinking etc., but there are the weaker and more vulnerable Christians to be taken into consideration too.

We must keep Christians in the “real” world and portraying real problems and reaching out through pop culture are important, yes, but taking it to extremes like that is a little… uncalled for. So many stars have made it to fame without needing a video like that. Then again, as said by Ray, it was the video’s failure to portray the real meaning of the video.

Sep 22, 2009

Chicken Nut Bread

Today while I was queueing for chee cheong fun, a Sec One Dance junior sneaked up to me and poked me in the ribs. While my mind hadn't registered what had happened, my reflex action was to give her a blur look. Then she went "Aiyoh, you no response de!" and went back to another junior. She did it to Glenda and Eudea too, and we made a casual comment that turned out to be quite thought-provoking for me (and perhaps would be for the other Sec 4 Dancers and our seniors):

"Last time, we didn't even dare to look at our seniors!"

When we were in Sec 1 and 2 - Christine's and Michelle's batch. Imagine even talking to anyone from Christine's batch when we were in Sec 1. Omg.

During the Prelim period I was so relaxed and I didn't really study (except for Chem). I know I screwed all the papers up, or I could've done them much better if I had studied. I'm beginning to regret not studying now, because this is the last time we can gauge our abilities and how well we'll do for the O's. We got back our SS papers today - the first paper we've gotten back - and I'm very unhappy with my results. 60, a miserable borderline B4.

Millie, who topped the class AND the level, got 86.

I need an A1 for my Comb. Humanities, and the state of my Geog is worrying. I interpret every question that has a diagram - and most questions that don't - wrongly, so I can write a page full of answers for a single question and still get it totally wrong. In fact, that's happened almost all the time I do the TYS. I interpret the questions in school exam papers correctly, so I get my As, but when it comes to the O level questions I suddenly seem to lose the ability to understand the question properly. I hate it. It's so scary. I could memorize the entire syllabus by heart and still get an F9 because of misinterpretation of questions.

God save me.

Sep 21, 2009


Just skip to 0:57

Oh my goodness I should just go hide under a cave my whole life and never sing again.

Crescentians, check out the email sent quite some time ago regarding Blessings In A Bag. The first one, not the latest one about some ambassador programme. Donate stuff! :D I'm bringing so many clothes I think they'll have too many. I've got a lot of clothes I don't want anymore / have never wanted. Either never worn before or in good condition. Lol lol lol.

By the way people I've got $8 in my phone that I've got to finish using by midnight, so if you want to chat with me, PLEASE DO SO! From tomorrow onwards I will be smsing much, much less. For now I'm spending the money in my phone like mad but I've got few people to spend it on so come on people sms me! I won't be able to chat from tomorrow onwards!

Sep 20, 2009

I made yet another crucial mistake today

by doing what was right and not what was popular.

I'm sorry pals, but I work this way. I love you guys to the max. I know you think I'm a suck-up. I'm not, and you guys are terribly precious to me. Does it mean that I should succumb to peer pressure and keep myself from doing what I know i must do? I'm afraid not. I understand how they feel because I was a leader myself. As someone who's in charge - or a friend - I always like to be kept in the know, because when someone keeps something from me I would become very suspicious - "why don't they want me to know?" For example, if Mad didn't happen to tell me that you guys were having a sleepover, I would be really, really upset, as a friend and a part of J4M. I'm the most distant and most unworthy, I know, but if you guys didn't tell me you'd have no idea how left out I'd feel. Perhaps as left out as I really am, I know, but still.

The point is to put yourself in others' shoes. I don't know if you guys have experienced it before but I have and I hate it. It's a basic sense of responsibility and courtesy to keep someone informed about something, especially if that person has the right to know. Don't keep others waiting on you, wondering, going out of the way to ask you again and going the extra mile to do something just in case only to find out it was for nothing.

I'm not being a suck-up. I love you guys. We've had this silent argument before - and the reason I was angry wasn't that you guys said that about me. The reason I was fuming was because you guys didn't tell me when you had opinions, suspicions about me.

This time, if you have anything to tell me, say it to my face. Don't ever bitch behind my back. As a friend who cares, say it to my face. Like Jessie. The truth hurts, but I'd rather live in reality.

Once again, I really love you guys. Trust that. I don't know how much I'm loved or missed, but you guys are still the closest friends I have. Loser? Loner? Yes. But I still love you guys and nothing can change that. I know I'm very "different" from you guys and do things you guys aren't happy with i.e. this, but I hope I'm still accepted.

One of those moments

One day I went crazy and started searching for my Primary 1 and 2 classmates on Facebook and found Barredy. Got to talk to him a little for the first time today.

The only memory I have of him is when we were in P1 or 2 and Miss Ang made me sit beside him (in an attempt to get me to influence him in a good way because I was quite well-behaved and he was quite playful I think.), and we both started playing some game in her class. We were supposed to tie our schoolbag's straps around our bodies in the most complicated way we could think of, such that the other person was unable to untie them. I did some stupid complicated thing (I think it was a double dead knot) and both he and I were unable to untie the straps. Then I asked Miss Ang for help and started crying as she cut the straps to get me out.

Ah, memories. That was the first time I lied to my mum I think. I told her I cut the straps myself because I found them too long. I remember feeling quite scared about lying, but what was I supposed to tell her? That I was playing in class?


When I was talking to Maddie on the phone, I could hear you and Janice in the background. Then when Maddie asked me something casually, I replied and I could hear you reply in the background too. And then Maddie said "Why you two reply the same thing one ah?" I kept quiet, but I could hear you go "Blehhh!" and Janice laugh at that. I could imagine you sticking out your tongue and making that eww face.

Oh please. I ought to have been the one who said that. But I won't stoop that low.

Honestly, I don't mind being friends - or trying, anyway. I might not be able to though, because you might gross me out too much.

Because if I don't hate you, I'll love you.

Sep 19, 2009

Because I love MTV Chinese

They've got the perfect blend of songs. Songs we've forgotten, songs that have disappeared but still remain a legend, songs that are quite unknown but strike a chord in your heart with their beautiful melody, all one after another in perfect transition. Comfortably slow and easy listening, the songs evoke sad but awesomely beautiful feelings. Melancholically beautiful with amazing lyrics, because the Chinese language is so romantic and expressive that when Chinese lyrics are translated into English, the beauty and meaning is totally lost. I realise that my mood and emotions move slowly together with the emotions expressed in the songs.

PLUS they played Daughtry's No Surprise (and now Love Story by Taylor Swift. She looks so pretty in the video leh).


As I speak, my ex and my best friends are having a sleepover. Best.

DT [不该做的却一直做] says (11:08 AM):
like when i go my friend's place and I say bye, he says "COPPER"
is Cu

Sep 18, 2009

You want to know why?

Because I know now. It's because I want to know that I still matter to you and that you know our relationship was something very very special, more special than all the others. I want to know I still matter, that we still mattered, that you know our relationship was unlike any other. Because I can't deny that.

Take it to the dance floor

It's nice when you talk to an old friend or a friend you don't usually talk to once in a long while, and realise that your conversation flows endlessly. Like Rachel and Teressa.

Everytime I talk to Yingyan, we could talk for hours on end. We don't hang out much, we don't talk much either, but when we meet or talk, the distance between us is non-existent. She can make me cry, laugh and talk about my deepest feelings all in an hour. It's nice to know that I've got a friend like that.

I feel like.... I deserve more. But things have gotten so far it's impossible to get out of it.
You guys will always be very dear to me, friends who really know me well. But now because of a certain something, it's me or her. After spending so long with her and not seeing me, you've got so many more memories of spending time with her, and having lots of fun with her, whereas I'm not as fun, not as cheerful and very quiet.

The decision's quite clear, in my opinion. And I'm sorry you guys will have to be with me instead of her after my O's. I genuinely am sorry, because you guys will have to act like you enjoy the time spent with me, but I know you'll be comparing the times spent with me to that of her.

I'm very different from the three of you. I want to obey God's word more, I'm more conservative and I can't stay out late. I only do... pure , clean fun, which isn't fun most of the time. I try my best not to curse or swear, because we will all be held accountable for every idle word we say when we are judged. It's in the Bible. I... don't just take the part of God that includes His love, grace and gifts. I also want and try to obey Him. Because I know that it's obeying Him that will make him pleased with me. Taking what he gives you without obeying him is taking advantage of Him.

That makes me a boring friend, and I'm sorry. Please also tell me if you'd prefer to have her around instead of me after my O's and I will be grateful because I'd like to know. No more fake consolations because we're closer than that.

Sep 17, 2009


It's okay. Some things need to be experienced to be learnt anyway. For now, I shall just continue to laugh at you because you're practically commanding me to.

Make my day, funny pal (:

By the way, you, yes I'm talking about you, I told you plainly that I DO NOT find joy in tormenting you. So why did you tell Mad that I FOUND JOY in tormenting you? Selective reading? Or just plain exaggeration, as usual?

I don't mind a stranger hating me if you told her the facts, by the way, but to exaggerate the truth is just plain wrong. As you always do.

"The rain just stopped! It was raining, and then we stepped out, and the rain just stopped completely!" No it didn't. It was DRIZZLING before we stepped out, and it was drizzling after we stepped out, just that the drizzle stopped a while after.
And your story about that flower dropping right in front of you prayed, and your story about the heavy rain stopping immediately after you prayed in the taxi. Of course you don't remember the lies you told. Yeah, I remember them, because you told me plain in my face,
"Most of the things I say are not true. I was just saying that to help your faith."
False testimonies strengthen my faith, I'm so sure.

Irrefutable truth, dear friend.

- On to happier thoughts.

I really think it'd be nice if my class were to sing Mayday's Xiao Wang Ge when we graduate. It's a song about parting with a friend but knowing you'll meet again, remembering only the beautiful memories, and forgetting all the bad that happened. The lyrics are beautiful, as are all the others written by Ashin. Unfortunately we'll all probably just be singing the school song, teary-eyed and sniffing, yes? Oh the lack of drama could disappoint me to tears, but it's okay. I'll just sing the song to myself hahaha.

"Don't trust a ho, never trust a ho, won't trust a ho 'cos the ho won't trust me"


Malaysia is going to declare that they are going to claim that the following are theirs:
- Nasi Lemak (from Indonesia)
- Hainanese chicken rice (from Hainan)
- Teochew Bak Kut Teh (Guess where from)
-Chilli crab
because they are angry that other Asian countries have taken these dishes and used them for themselves. They're the bomb, seriously. Is the person who declared that even a Malaysian? Don't make me feel any sorrier for the world, seriously.

Cheap thrills like this
are the reasons I love my school.

Yes, went out with Yingyan! Went to Far East and walked and walked and didn't get anything, and then we went to Cine where Yingyan speng $48 in Diva and somemore on a skirt for Career Day, and I GOT THE BEST PAIR OF SKINNIES/JEGGINGS(jeans/leggings) EVER. EVER EVER EVER.
I'm going back to buy another one when I can. Totally the bomb. It's denim, but thin, and very fitting. So they're like leggings, yes, but they're made of jeans material, and don't cling to your fats like leggings. Ah. Skinnies. OH THE LOVE. Best buy this year.
And we took neoprints!
(Click on image for a larger one)
(More pictures: HERE)

Throw our books up in the ayer, ay-ayer


Sep 16, 2009


Sometimes I feel quite sad for the world. With a PSLE score of about 243++, Crescentians are supposed to belong to the top 15% of Singaporeans in terms of intelligence/academic results.
And I'm like, if I'm the top 15%, that means 85% of Singaporeans are STUPIDER THAN ME! How's that possible?!?! I just feel... so sad for the intelligence level of our country.

And Singapore's supposed to be a very developed country with high education standards, and primary education is compulsory, unlike many many other countries. So if this is the standard of intelligence of Singaporeans, what does that make of the rest of the world?!?!!
I feel sad for the world.

"Eh, you know I'm in GEP (Gifted Education Programme) right, I'm supposed to be the TOP 1% leh." - my brother
Wah, that did it. The world is screwed.

That stupid Ong Jieying untagged herself from all the pictures of her in my primary school album on Facebook, so I tagged her back, just without her profile.
See album HERE

A lifetime in a second

Guess what. Years later, perhaps we'll be able to be good friends and perhaps we'd even be attached to someone else, but our memories will always hold a very, very, very special place in my heart.

So stupid. A year and nine months is kind of pathetic, but in that short span of time we've been through so much, so incredibly much. It's overwhelming.

Thoughts of you are filling my mind these days. Do I still mean anything to you? Are our memories still worth anything to you? That very precious box my mother gave me as a child is still with you; perhaps I'll ask for it to be given back to me someday. You know, I threw away everything inside it so that I could give it to you - stuff from my primary school and kindergarten days. I remember there was a little piece of a rubber ball and hose, when I went for some Science talk and the guy used dry ice to shatter them. There was also a little plastic fake rose that fascinated me as a child. There was a small glass pebble too.

The Ikea heart in your room, the couple rings, the Thirteen Letters, that bracelet that cost me quite a bit just a few weeks before we broke up - do they still mean anything to you? I'd like to know.

[ Livejournal ]

Sep 15, 2009


Hello everyone does anyone happen to be going to Cathay Cineleisure Orchard or Far East Plaza? If yes PLEASE help me go to Stitch #02-02 (in Cine) (I'm not sure about where the one at Far East is) and buy a grey pair of denim leggings ($32.90) tyvm I'll give you the money to get it.


This is the first time I've heard the SCDF alarm. Omg mega cool. Mega cool. I was so fascinated that I turned on the radio to hear the SCDF message HAHAHA. It's apparently Civil Defence Day.

Had a little look at Willie's blog and it made me realise something. Why is it that sometimes when we pray and ask for an answer, or for deliverance, or for help, we don't seem to feel God's presence?

Maybe he wants us to make the decision on our own. Sometimes we ask for help from God but deep inside, perhaps we don't really want to be helped, or saved from our sins, because it feels good to sin and we somehow can't really let it go yet. In that way, when we pray for deliverance, we should ask ourselves if we really want to change or not, if we really honestly are ready to change our ways for God.

God wants us to obey His commands, of course; after all, He's the Creator of everything and all we do is cause destruction with every little sin we commit. But at the same time, he gave us a soul and a life for a reason. Knowledge and the ability to reason is a blessing; some say it could be a curse, because we also learn how to sin. But without trials, what's the point in life? God says, "Whoever endures to the end will be saved."
Jesus also said, "I came not to bring peace, but a sword." Of course following and obeying Him is hard.

But what God wants us to do is to follow Him willingly, and purely because we love Him. Asking Him for answers sometimes don't work, because He wants you to ask yourself if you're willing to do/sacrifice for him or not. If you're doing/sacrificing it partly for another reason, it's pointless.

However, we already know His stand on everything. It's all in the Bible. It's just up to us to make the decision to obey it because we love Him and want to be saved or not.


I really regret getting my iPod now. I should've gotten the Sony Walkman. I'm having so so so much trouble transferring songs, and does anyone know how to transfer videos? And there are so many things I CAN'T do with it. I can't transfer songs from my iPod to my iTunes, and whatever's in my iPod and not in my iTunes WILL BE DELETED. In that way, I've lost so many songs because my iPod used to be synced to my STOLEN tablet, and there were so many more songs in that one. I'm even beginning to miss my old Creative one now. I really should've gotten the Sony Walkman instead. PLUS the Walkman comes with a radio function. I wantttttt. I can't believe how stupid I was to choose the iPod over the Walkman simply because it looked cool. I know better now, but there's nothing I can do anymore, is there? I'll just wait for my iPod to grow old and become spoilt four years later before I get something NOT FROM APPLE.

Sep 14, 2009

The reason I hate those love songs

I saw an advertisement on some movie and thought: If I realised I only had fifteen minutes left to live, I would call you up and make you come down here and kiss you crazy.
Would God forgive me for that?

The kiss goodnight, it comes with me
Both wrong and right, our memories
The whispering before we sleep, just one more thing that you can't keep
Our favorite place we used to go
The warm embrace that no one knows
The loving look that's left your eyes

But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Don't be surprised when we hate this tomorrow
God knows we tried to find an easier way
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow

But I know in time we'll find this was no surprise

Just as I was blogging this and feeling emo, Yong Zheng happened to MSN me and send me the song. Lifted my mood a little, thanks, friend I never really knew (:
And then at the same time, Evelyn wanted to transfer the file to me too. Aww I feel loved.
The song makes me feel high. It isn't supposed to, is it?

I blog too much when I'm online.

And Kay Kay is pretty. Xiaxue is ANYTHING BUT. I mean, I've got no right to say something like that *checks out my pimples in the mirror* but seriously. And she talks like the ultimate bimbo. I was even reminded of Riz Low.

"I like, zipbra preents!" - Jay See Suah

Ruthenium. ( says (5:57 PM):
LOLLL cheerup la we can wear khaki & zipbra preengs
me says (5:57 PM):

Big things

Whenever I go to Azalea's blog, i.e. not very often, I spend hours reading all the posts and laughing my eyes out, but this post isn't funny, but I really love it. It's a great post, and it made me realise how ungrateful I've been.

Janice;Escapade says (4:22 PM):
who r u?

Dearest Janice fooled me on MSN by pretending not to know who I was even when I gave her my blog address, and then saying she was her mother. That actually freaked me out because I wasn't exactly being very polite.
Janice;Escapade says (4:28 PM):
im not janice
me says (4:28 PM):
oh right, how would you expect me to know!
Janice;Escapade says (4:28 PM):
im janice mum
me says (4:28 PM):
oh hello


I never knew they had them!


Everytime I think about you guys, without me, I want to lash out with a strong angry blog post, virtually bang my fists against the wall and scream.

It's nice to know that perhaps I'm missed, but I'm also well aware of how boring I am and how insignificant my presence is anyway.

I promise to try my best.


Forever 21 somemore. AND it's black. HAHAHA. AND it's on sale today.


Azalea's blog never fails to make me laugh like an idiot (and receive weird stares from my maid)

That reminds me, I've got a lot to say about God. Will do it after the O's if I remember.

Sep 13, 2009

James Cow

Right, pictures of my brother and Chuen Wee. There are 15 altogether, more HERE!

Chuen Wee trying to get out (while Mark laughs unsympathetically and refuses to help him)

You know what I think is funny? Michael Jackson has a song called "Gone too soon".
I think these two are really cool:
It was for some Nokia contest. Two of the Top Three winners. Their creativity is awesome.

Sep 12, 2009

You know you ought to congratulate yourself when...

When I saw that the buckle of my belt had become a little dull and rough at some parts, "rust" wasn't the first thing that came to my mind. Instead, this was what I thought:
"Wah, so this is made of iron ah? Iron, or steel. Wah, Iron (III) oxide, eh?"

HAHAHAHAHA. Come on, someone give me an award.

me says (12:25 AM):
what career options are there after philosophy?
my mum says phil. grads are very sought after, but for what?
motivational talks is all i can think of

DT [不该做的却一直做] says (12:26 AM):
they are?
i think philosophy majors can do nothing
except think deep thoughts
about having no jobs


Went for Jump yesterday. Was mindlessly entertaining, but not as fantastic as Breakout.
Breakout's coming back next March! With a different cast. Last year's was awesome, two of them were pro beatboxers.

Went to Aunty Shin Joo's house today because one of my parents' NUS choir friends was leaving for America (again), and my parents' NUS choirmates gathering = I get to meet my childhood friends! Sarah didn't come though, so it was just Su May.

My brother and Chuen Wee went crazy at the playground. Pictures will be uploaded ... soon.

Work-wise, this holiday has been really unproductive.

Diligence is a virtue I have yet to acquire.

Feeling really pissed at myself now because I SPENT THREE HOURS SHOPPING at Raffles City and Suntec City - Dorothy Perkins, TWO Topshops, TWO M]phosis outlets, and I didn't get anything. I was getting really desperate at around 9.30 so I walked into any shop that was still open and told myself "Just buy anything, ANYTHING" and I still didn't get anything.

Sep 10, 2009

Sorry sorry HAHA

The world's turning upside down:
I'm beginning to listen to Korean music. X
*goes to hide under my collection of English and Chinese CDs*

I never expected myself to like music of languages I didn't understand. It's as good as listening to instrumental music, isn't it? I mean, I don't understand a word of Korean (okay except 'I Love You' HAHA)

AIYAH IDK LAH. The Chinese music industry seems to be failing.

Should I change my blog song? I love my present blog song though. ): It's nice, isn't it? Plus By2 are sort of my OB seniors in a way, and they were even from my CG (just that they left before I joined), so I ought to support them, right?

If I change my blog song, I'll change it to No Surprise by Daughtry. LOVE that song.
If anyone has noticed, there's a similarity between most of the songs I like. I love the climax at the choruses, plus all the guitars. Yay I love rock guitars. HAHAHA

Was thinking of changing my blog song to Avril's I'm With You initially, but nah, I'll leave that for another time. I like No Surprise more.

By the way, I like this song!


When people know you, you become public property. Suddenly, the real you is forced to be compressed and hidden deep inside, and you become what other people want you to be.
Guess what. I don't think I'd ever become like that - or I hope not, anyway.

Until that day, I'll treasure every bit of the freedom I have to express myself.

Sep 9, 2009


I'll prove you wrong, I really will.

My posts are very long, aren't they?
Guess what, perhaps I think too much.

Live with it.

I apparently had 111 unique visitors on Monday. Aww people, tag! (:

Article HERE!
First video: We're the last one shown. I went off-key, I know, because dear JJ SMILED AT ME AHAHAHA

Second video: He talks about us from around 1:24. WE'RE THE ONLY CONTESTANTS HE GAVE AN A TO HAHAHA.

Stage presence - I MUST NOT SLOUCH.

Sep 8, 2009


Me: Haha, I saw the NSMan magazine on the dining table and I was like 'What?! Are you going for reservice?!'
Dad: I wish. Two weeks of.. pure FUN!


Looking at SAJC's yearbook makes me want to go to SAJC even more, but I know I won't do well in JC / I'd much rather go to Poly. I hate my indicisiveness. I hate this lah. Gosh I've always loved the school. I've been aiming for SAJC since P6, but... I just don't really want to go to a JC anymore.


Everytime I think about how badly I screwed my O's English Oral exams I want to cry. I was aiming for an almost perfect score because I know I'll really need it to pull my scores up to an A1. I can't get anything lower than an A1 for English, seriously. I'm panicking so badly that I'm even doing my English Comprehension assessments now, despite the fact that I have one more A Math Prelim paper (P1 is 2 hours, P2 is 2.5 hours, so in total it'll take 4.5 hours to finish) to hand in for tuition tomorrow. And I haven't even started on Chem Data-based questions, which Mrs Chia'll be going through tomorrow.

IT'S FREAKING 11.41PM. I'm sick of sleeping at 2 and waking up at 5.45. I've been doing that for the past two days. Gosh, it's supposed to be the holidays man.


Yesterday, at 2am, while I was lying on the bed and thinking about random things, an image of you popped up in my mind. It was the 21st of Nov 2007 - two years ago - and we were sitting on the piano bench in my bedroom. We were just sitting there, letting hours slip by and not feeling bored at all. Then you stroked my hair and tucked it behind my ear, and hesitantly, very slowly, you planted a small kiss on my cheek.

I didn't smile, but inside my heart was singing. In fact, as I lay in bed thinking about it, I unconsciously let a smile play on my face, and my heart was wrenching in sugar-sweetness. I didn't feel the sadness and loneliness wash over me like I had expected - I only felt innocent bliss.

"I just wish everything could start all over again"
If I could turn back time, would I have gone into this with you? Honestly, I don't know. If I went back in time and made sure this didn't happen, things wouldn't be so complicated now, and we could still be friends. The four of us would still be able to hang out as close friends. But if this didn't happen.... you would still be weak and vulnerable and very emo all the time, and we both wouldn't have experienced this - the best 1 year and 9 months of our lives. You saw this as a relationship; I felt weird calling it that. I called it...pure love. Our lives would be really different now if this didn't happen. Would I have preferred it that way?

Honestly, I doubt so. As painful as the breakup was, and as confused and emotionally unstable my heart is now, I don't really regret this. I just hate all the complications that are coming up now. What's going to happen after my O's? Will our group of friends... disperse? Nothing's going to be the same again. The four of us will never be the same again.

You know, I'll never be that innocent again. I'll always treasure that purity I once had. That was two years ago. So much has happened since then, eh?

Sep 7, 2009

Now I worry for my brother

because he's probably going to RI too. I wonder if he's going to turn out like mad Daryl who's doing Philosophy in NUS now:

DT [love is when you want to kiss and you get bit] says (5:44 PM):
in philosophy, i learnt about this french philosopher who spent his time meditating, and whatever thought came into his head, he would consider if he could really trust tht thought/knowledge to be true. and one by one he discarded all his knowledge until he finally decided the only thing he can trust to be true is that "he is a thinking creature"
"i think, therefore i am."

DT [love is when you want to kiss and you get bit] says (5:45 PM):
philosophy makes u just question everything
it doesn't so much tell u wad things are, but it shows you wad ELSE things could be, other than wad you previously thought it was
i LOVE it
wad's the point of studying so much when ur just learning wad other ppl have decided is true
i think learning to doubt wad u know is fun

Third post in a few HOURS.


But blogging takes priority ;)

I realised something.
Most of the time, we hormonal rebellious teenagers hate it when people tell us what to do. I hated it when people kept telling me to change this and that when I was the leader, then finally someone told me to stop thinking about everyone else's opinions and decide for myself, before giving me more opinions about how my friends felt and telling me I had to change. Wasn't I still listening to people's opinions in the end?
We teenagers hate it when people try to restrict us, control us, tell us what to do. But in the end, when we're trying so hard to be different and do things "our way", to show the world "we can handle things ourselves", "we can survive well on our own, we don't need others to tell us how to do stuff", aren't we doing it all because of others' opinions in the first place?

In fact, now that I've typed it out, the irony of it is even more obvious.

"I love that keychain!" "Eww I keep seeing people with it, I don't want it anymore."
"I love handmade stuff because they're unique. Nobody else in the world has them. That's how special they are."
"I live on my own because I hate being told what to do. My parents think I'm too young for this and that. Guess what. I'm not as stupid as they think I am."

Guess what, now that they're typed down, it's so obvious that the reason people say things like that is because of others.
So if we people say we hate being controlled by others, why is it that our thoughts and actions are mainly fuelled by those around us?

We ought to be strong enough on our stand to like/want something because we like it, and not let our decisions be wavered by whether other people like it or not.
(Like, if Yiyang likes Miley Cyrus, let him proclaim it boldly for the world to hear!)

Unfortunately, we hormonal teenagers are also actually very self-conscious at heart, and almost everything is based on others' opinions. Even if someone says "I don't want that anymore, because I've seen three other people with it", it's based on others. It's saying "I want to be special", see. But if you're special, you can be like any other ordinary chap and still be unique in your personality. Wanting to stand out from the crowd is also undoubtedly Other-People based.

"I'll do things my way, because I don't want to listen to what anyone else says. It's my life and I control it. Other people don't have a say."

Guess what, usually we get so caught up in making our own decisions that we ignore those that are the best for us, and those that would make us a better person, because we already think "They don't understand" or "That's not what I want". So in the end, we're letting what other people think control us in the opposite way.

Guess what. We're all hypocrites that way.

You say it best when you say nothing at all

You're a good guy and I pity you.
I know it sucks. I know it hurts.

You decide.

I love Crescent

Lingling, you don't look weird! You look really cute, 'kay!

Now that our Graduation's nearing, I'm going to be taking as many pictures as possible.
I need more SD cards. I've exhausted three 2GB SD cards already. (I'm not saving my pictures on my computer, I'm waiting for when I upgrade the RAM and memory space. I don't know when that'll happen though.)
I love my school, I love my friends, I love the crazy times we spend together. The memories just keep flooding my heart every time I think of how we're going to part in a month's time.

I'm really, really going to miss Crescent and my secondary school life, even though there were times I felt extremely lonely, times I felt there was nobody I could trust, times the superficiality of everyone around me felt suffocating. Yes, there are negative points, but when you miss something, you only think about the good stuff.

I'll always miss how comfortable we feel in our class - comfortable enough to change clothes/expose ourselves by sitting in really unglam ways/sleep on the floor in the classroom.

If I go to Poly, I'll really miss school life. I don't know. I've got a really big dilemma regarding whether I ought to go to Poly or JC. I'd rather hang out with...... people from a good JC. I mean, I'm kinda stereotyping, but people in (good) JCs tend to be better influences, more sophisticated etc. It's easier to excel when you're learning/spending your time in a very conducive studying environment. Then again, I really don't want to subject myself to the torture of mugging for A's. O's are bad enough. (And I'm not even studying. LOL.) Also, I think the people in JC are more likely to put up with my obsession over recycling paper / my rants on saving the environment and my stupid problems and my feelings about God (especially if it's SAJC I go to). And they'd be more likely to appreciate my wordy blog posts. I take lots of pride in my blog, because whoever reads it knows a lot about me. It's my diary, and I open up as much as I can to it. In my blog lies my thoughts on the world and everything around me and the issues facing people around me. Those thoughts are precious, I think, because in those thoughts I can see myself mature slowly, learning more and more about the (corrupted) world I live in with each post.

Wow, look at how far I've digressed. :/

Anyway, yes. I'm a person who ponders a lot about things (Really. Who else would get emo when listening to Lady Gaga? I get emo at the world, because I realise how corrupted some people are, and that they're spreading their corruption through something beautiful God created - music. Don't say I'm crazy. See what I mean?) and I need people who can tolerate my deep (ahem) thoughts, penned down in very wordy blog posts (like this. But this isn't thaaat wordy).

So, how?


Even Jayden Jieying Ong has gotten into Korean (thanks to Hazel Tay, as expected!).
The day Janeen starts to say anything about Korean music, I'm going to declare that I live in a hole.

Sep 6, 2009

English Nazis UNITE

"She said OKEIXX! I was, like, would it KILL you to just type a letter 'K'?!?!"

Janey is the bomb. I could've cried laughing.

"Do you know how excruciatingly painful it is to read what he types?"

I don't know how the both of them made it in, really. Their grammar is bad, really bad. I know my standard of English is FAR from perfect, but.... theirs is really bad. We Singaporeans need to acquire a much, much better standard of English.

I love Singlish - I'm a great supporter of it - but I think that while embracing our unique English dialect, we also really need to be very good at standard English. SAY YOU AGREE. Janey, Sumay, Daryl, say you agree. (Okay, Janey and Sumay don't read my blog but whatever)

"She can't even spell 'then' properly! She said 'THAN'. And you know, I'm beginning to see a lot of people spell 'COMFIRM' and 'TEMTITIVE' (tentative)!!!"

"I feel like telling him to use Spell Check. I mean, Spell Check is there for a reason. Microsoft came up with it for a reason. It's for people like YOU."

I guess being in Crescent has made me take proper English for granted. I usually think it's a given that people type in grammatically correct sentences most of the time etc., but the truth is that there aren't that many people who have a good command of English.

"All girl school"? "Same color uniform"? "There are just too much things"? "Talked about many stuff"? "They seems to"? "I wonder how does this works"? "The person who suck is you"? "A movie which every boy dream to watch"? "He had not prepare yet"? "It sound sucky"? "You're dream came true?"

(Sorry if what I just typed offended anyone, no offence intended.)

I don't meet people with spelling errors that much but I come across people who make very simple/common grammatical errors a lot. I know my grammar isn't perfect and my English is far from perfect (I have to keep emphasizing this) but this is unacceptable.

And oh, I think we've all heard about Miss Singapore's unbelievably pathetic command of English, right? I had a good time laughing with Janey about that, but seriously, if she were to go for Miss World or whatever it is with that kind of standard of English, I WILL THREATEN TO CHANGE MY CITIZENSHIP.


JJ: Clear blue sky today... lifts my mood :) Life in Taipei is a myriad of perceptions beautifully entangled into one big metropolis...
Wah nice description.

Bin Kai the Bomb. He's been hanging out with too many girls lah.:

kAiiZ ACVB#4 Cause i'm feeling wild tonight. says (8:11 PM):
kAiiZ ACVB#4 Cause i'm feeling wild tonight. says (8:12 PM):
omg the song rocks
cash cash ;D
me says (8:12 PM):
kAiiZ ACVB#4 Cause i'm feeling wild tonight. says (8:13 PM):

You crack me up.

You know, if I still cared even the least bit for you, I would really want to slap you back into reality and make you see how stupid and immature and act-cool you sound.

But guess what.
I don't.

You just make me laugh at you and laugh at my own stupidity and blindness.

Dear friend, I'm always here.

I read my post out to Sumay, the one entitled Hey J&J Read This (2nd Sept).

"Let me think of how to phrase this.....
That's exactly how I feel.
It's just that I was never really good with words..."

Well friend, I'm glad I helped you a little in that way. I know how you feel, girl, because I would feel exactly that way if I were you. I sense your confusion and inner turmoil.

I love you, friend. I've known you since you tucked your holey singlet into your underwear (: I've seen you cry over torn wrapping paper; I've even bathed with you several times before. When you feel like nobody understands you, you know I do. Be strong, my friend, I'll be there for you. And whenever and wherever I can help you, I will.

I worry for their eyesight

sec one junior says (12:48 AM):
oh and just fyi, (THIS IS RANDOM, it just popped into my head) ppl in my class say that you're prettier than glenda

me says (12:48 AM):
for what! i look hideous. PLUS WHY DO PEOPLE IN YOUR CLASS KNOW ME?!

sec one junior says (12:48 AM):
in aces day
you passed the camera to my friend
then my classmate was like 'OMG WHO WAS THAT?' then my friend and i were like 'huh? you saying karen ah?' then they are like 'OMG SHE DAMN PRETTY LEH!'

(Jessie, this is your cue to start flooding my tagboard)

sec one junior says (12:55 AM):
you know, when i first saw you i was like 'omg. black faced is used to describe ppl who are angry/emo. but this person(i didnt know your name then) is..literally black. or it just gives that..LOOK...i duno if you understand. just that..LOOK'

Sep 5, 2009


Quite vulgar, but worth the read.

LOL. I thought you were friendly.

Either you're in a bad mood, or you're just plain stuck-up.
Shrug. If you won't make an effort, there's only so much I can do. After all, it takes two hands to clap.

Heyyyyyyy. I'm friendly.


He'd better release an album. Quick. His voice has improved a lot after CSS. Is the Xing Guang Da Dao thing still ongoing?

Friends, remember this stupid thing? Our first performance a year ago lol, so stupid. Wow, was it only last year? :/ April. It's kind of excruciating to listen to.
"ONE!" "Come on now!" HAHAHA SHIT

just shoot me


It's funny to see how we've all changed

Had a nice chat with Bryson yesterday, and I was reminded of a lot of things. Hahaha. Primary school days are the best, because your friends are (mostly) genuine, and they truly accept you for who you are. There's no fakery, no bitching, no putting others down, and we really want the best for one another.

Okay, but it was really irritating when people teased Bryson and I about liking each other. LOL. Especially Yingyan. *glares*

After I'm done with my A Math Paper 2 (Victoria School. I got 31/71 for Paper One. Die lah) and A Math Paper 1 (Maris Stella High School), I'll scan some of my primary school photos in and upload them on Facebook and do a long post about my memories of Bryson, and of JWPS.

I'm trying to look for a particular photo I really love. The problem is, because I love it so much, I took it out of its photo album a couple of years ago and never put it back, so I can't find it.

Sep 4, 2009





Eww, your English is gross. And the way you call her that is gross too.

I love JWPS

I happened to see Huiyan and Cynthia at Boon Lay on the way home, and Huiyan suddenly asked me if I wanted to go back to my primary school.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I was shrieking in excitement on the way to JWPS can. I miss it so much! Haven't gone back in, what, two years? And the last time I saw any teacher in JWPS was in Sec 1 I think, because in Sec 2 I went back too late.

Met Ms Loke, my Chinese teacher in Primary 1, 2 and 4. She couldn't remember my name although she recognised me a little. I told her I got an A1 for Chinese and she was very impressed hahaha. I remember once in P4 she asked me to go up to the board and write 怀疑, and I couldn't. My Chinese was the worst in the class, okay? Even worse than Malcolm's.

Two girls went up to Ms Loke as we were chatting and they asked her how to read the word 薄, and then Huiyan went "Ask Karen ask Karen!" then Ms Loke agreed and showed me the word. And I couldn't read it. HAHAHA. (Now I know how to pronounce it lah.) Ms Loke was like "Karen, how did you get your A1 huh?" I agree. That's why it's undoubtedly God's miracle, see.

Then Mr Kong came too. I'm surprised he recognised me, because he's never taught me before. He's super cute lah. I miss Mrs Foo ): She's not in JWPS anymore.

We saw a newly constructed room where an open space used to be (next to the Eco Garden, it's sort of like a corridor? :/), so we asked a few kids what it was. Some guy said enthusiastically "Oh, it's the staff room!" Then we were so amazed that we went to have a peep. It was an empty classroom -.-

Huiyan and I went to look for Pan Lao Shi. We asked a few very cute girls if they knew where she was and they said she was at the Eco Garden, but she had already left when we got there. Then they asked some bochup guy and he said "Staffroom lah."

I saw Pan Lao Shi :D :D :D :D I asked her to guess how much I got for my Chinese O's then she went "Aiiiyyyaaahhh, since you look so happy it must be very good right! Can I guess the highest? A1 ahhhh!" Gosh she was so cute, but she kept stroking my face, she must've wiped all the sweat and oil off.

The school has changed SO MUCH. Once upon a time, the only colours you could find there were green and white. All shades of green. Even the tiles on the floor were green. Now there's pink and yellow and blue and all the walls are PAINTED and adorned (really) with handicraft.
1st floor's pink, 2nd floor's yellow, 3rd floor's green, 4th floor's blue.
WTH. These walls were once plain white.
OUR batch's handicraft on the pillars! (See background)
Huiyan thinks this was hers, because she knows it was really ugly. And she remembers that the tiles were "very difficult to cut". HAHAHAHA
I think I did it. I'm not sure.

Went to the general office to ask about being a relief English teacher after O's, and we found THE NOTICE BOARD!
Huiyan trying to take a picture of a teacher she hates, Mdm Ue. She threw her pencil case on the floor in P4. HAHAHA. She kept saying she wanted to scold her when she saw her, but when we saw her she said "I suddenly don't dare leh. Aiyah! How!"
Mr Adrian Poo. HE LOOKS LIKE JASON RIGHT. YES HE DOES. HE LOOKS LIKE JASON A LOT. The first time I saw Jason I was immediately reminded of him. He looks really like him in real life.
LOL lining up in twos.
They didn't say anything about attire! :O

OMG they were so cute. I bet they were chionging some last minute homework.

More photos: HERE

Sep 3, 2009

Its nipples are at its GROIN.

I'm getting paid hoohoohoo, people must support me okay! Can't blog about it yet, but I WILL after the O's.

I WILL make the best of this opportunity and make myself be heard. I won't let this chance go by like that. It's what I need and my first step to everything else if I do it well.

I need to reignite that flame of love I had for God.

To the idiot I love(d)

Don't you get it yet? You aren't moving on; you're running away.

Sep 2, 2009

Hey J&J read this

Love seems beautiful. Love feels beautiful. And yes, it does seem pretty fun, doesn't it?

But the hurt and the pain isn't, the confusion isn't, the late nights spent wondering if something's gone wrong aren't. And the breakups definitely aren't. And the overwhelming sense of loneliness and the memories that haunt you aren't.

Basically, it seems great but the consequences suck. It's just like...drinking. Or sex.

You know, teenage love sucks. It's stupid and irrational and ridiculous when you think about it. Yeah it really is. Sometimes two people meet and even get into a relationship even when they've only known each other for, what, a few months? Love is stupid. I'm not saying the people are stupid; I know how that feels. But it's the stupid hormones affecting our sense of reason.

Then, being the young foolish idiots we young people have always been, we fall into the trap, feel everything's going so sweet, and then later there's a little bit of confusion, "Why am I doing this? Is this right? Should we be going this far?" and not long later, all the hurt comes washing everything else away like a tsunami, and then all that's left is a shattered soul, like the destruction you see in the photos, the destroyed houses and dead bodies and the huge wreck.

I would love to proudly proclaim that I've learnt my lesson. Unfortunately, I know that sometimes, you just can't help feelings. I take relationships very seriously, so usually my sense of reasoning's strong enough to prevent me from doing anything stupid, but.... the feeling just sucks.

Maybe I'm weird, but I don't like the feeling of liking someone. It's sweet and everything, I know, but it also brings so much confusion and anger, anger at myself and my own feelings for making me so messed up.

I wish we could all rely on God for love all the time. Unfortunately, life isn't always that perfect, and God doesn't make things that easy for us, eh?

I miss the feeling of being loved, yes. I miss knowing that I meant the world to someone. I miss knowing that even when I felt ugly and hated, there's someone who still loved me unconditionally for who I am.

But I know that rushing into anything will just mess everything up even more, and make life worse for me. You know? I'd love to go with my feelings and do whatever my heart tells me to, but if I did so, my life would be headed for doom. Thank God that He's there to remind me so.

I hope you understand what I'm trying to say, girl, because you're beautiful and you don't need a mess like this. I love you, be strong 'kay? And I know it seems great and no harm done and stuff, but... I just really hope you won't have to go through all the pain to know what I mean.

Just a little something I think some of us feel sometimes:
"Everytime I say I won't trust anybody anymore, next thing I know I'm falling for that trap of trust again, because I think everybody deserves a chance, but nobody has ever spared me that chance I need just to know my worth. I'm exactly what they think I am. I hate the fact that I don't even know myself; I don't have a clear stand and just let people push me around, and I'm sick of that big time, yet I don't allow myself to do anything to ease that pain. I hate being a submissive slave to everyone all the time. I'm just compressing myself against the cement floor - it hurts, but I'm still doing it."

Fine lah, fine

DT says (5:01 PM):
does ur blogshop
actually make money

DT says (5:27 PM):
the key to lit
i feel
is to be in touch with ur feelings
and then find reasons for them
eh. brb. i'm going to buy some groceries for my mum

Sep 1, 2009

Jo, Jan, YD, Rachel Ker

Be strong, friends, we'll make it through life together.

Add me on Twitter, people.

Msn/sms me for the name. I can't reveal it here due to other reasons. (:

To a good friend of mine.
On the outside, you're a cheerful, confident friend, nothing seems to be wrong in your life and everything about you seems great,
but I know that deep deep down, beneath your tough, impermeable, impenetrable shell of confidence, you're craving for acceptance, you're struggling with your life and all you want is to feel loved. That's why you want to be admired by everyone.

We're all like that, aren't we? We seek acceptance, love.

Unless you admit you're weak, nobody can help.

I want to know who you really are. You know a lot about me, I'd like to know a little more about you, something beneath that tough exterior, your mask of confidence and grace.

I'm always here.