It's nice when you talk to an old friend or a friend you don't usually talk to once in a long while, and realise that your conversation flows endlessly. Like Rachel and Teressa.
Everytime I talk to Yingyan, we could talk for hours on end. We don't hang out much, we don't talk much either, but when we meet or talk, the distance between us is non-existent. She can make me cry, laugh and talk about my deepest feelings all in an hour. It's nice to know that I've got a friend like that.
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I feel like.... I deserve more. But things have gotten so far it's impossible to get out of it.
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You guys will always be very dear to me, friends who really know me well. But now because of a certain something, it's me or her. After spending so long with her and not seeing me, you've got so many more memories of spending time with her, and having lots of fun with her, whereas I'm not as fun, not as cheerful and very quiet.
The decision's quite clear, in my opinion. And I'm sorry you guys will have to be with me instead of her after my O's. I genuinely am sorry, because you guys will have to act like you enjoy the time spent with me, but I know you'll be comparing the times spent with me to that of her.
I'm very different from the three of you. I want to obey God's word more, I'm more conservative and I can't stay out late. I only do... pure , clean fun, which isn't fun most of the time. I try my best not to curse or swear, because we will all be held accountable for every idle word we say when we are judged. It's in the Bible. I... don't just take the part of God that includes His love, grace and gifts. I also want and try to obey Him. Because I know that it's obeying Him that will make him pleased with me. Taking what he gives you without obeying him is taking advantage of Him.
That makes me a boring friend, and I'm sorry. Please also tell me if you'd prefer to have her around instead of me after my O's and I will be grateful because I'd like to know. No more fake consolations because we're closer than that.
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