I made yet another crucial mistake today

by doing what was right and not what was popular.

I'm sorry pals, but I work this way. I love you guys to the max. I know you think I'm a suck-up. I'm not, and you guys are terribly precious to me. Does it mean that I should succumb to peer pressure and keep myself from doing what I know i must do? I'm afraid not. I understand how they feel because I was a leader myself. As someone who's in charge - or a friend - I always like to be kept in the know, because when someone keeps something from me I would become very suspicious - "why don't they want me to know?" For example, if Mad didn't happen to tell me that you guys were having a sleepover, I would be really, really upset, as a friend and a part of J4M. I'm the most distant and most unworthy, I know, but if you guys didn't tell me you'd have no idea how left out I'd feel. Perhaps as left out as I really am, I know, but still.

The point is to put yourself in others' shoes. I don't know if you guys have experienced it before but I have and I hate it. It's a basic sense of responsibility and courtesy to keep someone informed about something, especially if that person has the right to know. Don't keep others waiting on you, wondering, going out of the way to ask you again and going the extra mile to do something just in case only to find out it was for nothing.

I'm not being a suck-up. I love you guys. We've had this silent argument before - and the reason I was angry wasn't that you guys said that about me. The reason I was fuming was because you guys didn't tell me when you had opinions, suspicions about me.

This time, if you have anything to tell me, say it to my face. Don't ever bitch behind my back. As a friend who cares, say it to my face. Like Jessie. The truth hurts, but I'd rather live in reality.

Once again, I really love you guys. Trust that. I don't know how much I'm loved or missed, but you guys are still the closest friends I have. Loser? Loner? Yes. But I still love you guys and nothing can change that. I know I'm very "different" from you guys and do things you guys aren't happy with i.e. this, but I hope I'm still accepted.