Apr 30, 2009

ENGLISH Mid-years

Paper 1 was okay, I wrote quite a lot (4 full pages for the compo, 2 full pages for the speech)

I did Determination, my storyline was based on the same thing again: Music-.-
I said since young I loved the way music could express and convey emotions, and I loved singing/dancing along (I was still young at that time, when I couldn't speak to express my feelings), but there was a problem: I was tone-deaf.
Mmm. So I was unable to clap along to a beat or sing along to a tune, then when I was 13 I said I wanted to take up singing and my friends laughed at me, so I confided in my aunt who happened to be a singing teacher, and she encouraged me to go for my dreams so I asked her to be my vocal teacher.

So there was a lot of gruelling training and she screamed at me a lot of times, but after like FIVE MONTHS I was finally able to clap to a simple rhythm / sing along to a simple tune. Then after like FOURTEEN months I was able to do slightly more complex rhythms/songs.
(Yah I know, I make myself sound like a damn slow person but it's part of the determination thing!)

So anw, after one and a half years when I was finally musically stable enough, my aunt taught me singing tehniques, starting with the breathing (diaphragm) thing. And it took me a month or five months (I can't remember) to be able to do it properly, so anyway I was super discouraged, because like, I thought that being able to correct my tone-deafness was already such a big achievement, but actually I still couldn't even do the basic singing techniques properly.

And like I was very disheartened because it had been like two years of damn tough gruelling training and being screamed at and all I had been able to do was to sing like a NORMAL average person, so I was like very irritated, so one day I screamed at my aunt.

Then I thought about how far I had progressed (It wasn't much but at least it was a sign that I was improving), and my aunt had told me before that as long as I never gave up I would be able to achieve my dream, so I went back to her etc.

Then when I was 16 I was given a chance by my aunt's music company to perform at Mediacorp's anniversary celebration (That part was kind of true, but it was when I was 15) and I was very shocked and elated but I realised that I had never performed in front of a crowd before, let alone in a prestegious event like this, then my aunt smiled and said something like, after these two years I should know better than anyone else that anything is possible to achieve as long as I tried hard enough, so I shouldn't give up and continue working towards my goal.

Mmmmmm. I always write about music. If my examiner was the same person throughout my 4 years of secondary school life she'd probably have gotten bored of my style by now. Thank goodness my O level marker is some old British guy who hasn't seen my essays before (:

Erm, I don't have confidence in my compre, I think I'll just fail / get a C as usual. Disappointing. I hope I'll do well for my summary although I've never really gotten anything above a C for it -.-

I REALLY WANT TO GET AN A FOR ENGLISH. I have confidence in my Paper 1 but I know my Paper 2 will pull my marks down really really really badly. And even if I get an A for Oral haha, I wouldn't be able to get an A overall for sure, because of my sucky Compre/summary.

Apr 29, 2009

Hey fucker,

don't you dare talk about me like that. I tried to delude myself into believing my impression of you was wrong, but I guess I've been right all along.

I hvae 417 pictures of 4S2a to date

I was looking at pictures of 3S2a and realised we've all changed so much:

3S2A '08

I looked quite different? Braces D: 
EUDEA DAMN CUTE! Janeen also! Isabella's always been teh bomb.

Kelly & Chandni!
Eudz the Chem Prodigy.

Lub you guys ((:

Apr 28, 2009

Since when did you become my best friend?

That's weird. Now that I really want someone to talk to, I really want to talk to you, and I wish you were online.

That's weird. I didn't expect you to be the one I would want to turn to. You don't even know much about the problem anyway, plus I think you think I'm an irritating clingy pest 'cos I keep talking to you. Plus I don't think you feel very comfortable when I talk to you about baby.

That's weird. Since when did you become so close to me? We don't even really know each other much.


I don't know why I'm feeling so down

Dear God, forgive me.

I almost went back on my word to God. Almost. Thank you baby for not giving in to me, because if I did it I don't know how terrible I'd feel.

Apr 27, 2009

The roast chicken's giving me indigestion

Today I went back to OB for a while to help Janice with harmonizing. She was supposed to sing the harmony (and beatbox) for a song someone in the singer course composed.

Gosh I LOVE the tune, it's really nice, the composition is great, and the demo totally doesn't sound like a demo at all, it sounds like a real song by a singer can! She used a professional studio to record it because she knew a producer. GOSH SO COOL. I wish I could post it up or something but no lah I'm not that stupid. Anw, it's really nice, and to you whoever you are, WO PEI FU NI!

So anyway, I'm downloading Acid Music Studio so that I can record the harmony for Janice, and it's taking TWO HOURS?!?!??! The last time I downloaded it it was only like a few seconds lah!

I feel like trying my hand at composing again, so I came up with a tune, and it turns out my tune is one of those mega boring + dull songs that would become very unheard and unknown. Haiz.

It's like, you realise you can do something, and you're happy about it, and then you realise everyone else beat you to it anyway. 

It's like as if I'm, wow, Mount Faber! I'm a Mount! And then I realise there's Bukit Batok Hill. And then I realise Malaysia has what, a whole bloody stretch of nice mountains and that isn't even all the mountains there are in Malaysia, and then I realise that the whole world is sprinkled with mountains everywhere, and then I realise I'm not even a Mountain. -.- (It's the best analogy I can come up with, it's not meant to be funny :/)


It's been one and a half years baby

Happy one and a half years love (:



Oh gosh I love Guin!

Apr 26, 2009


I watched JJ on the President's Command performance, and I must say..
He sounded terrible.
(No, wait, I'm not saying he sucks)

STUPID JJ WORKED UNTIL HE LOST HIS VOICE ON THE DAY OF HIS SINGAPORE CONCERT AND HE WENT TO THE HOSPITAL CAN!!!!! (Thankfully his voice was restored in time for the concert, thanks to all the prayers, although his voice definitely wasn't his best.)

Then he went to Beijing and had to be admitted into hospital again, he just never stops working! He doesn't know when to rest!!!

I mean, DEAR JJ, we would ALL prefer you to get more rest so that you can always perform at your best and do a really good job at it, rather than KEEP WORKING YOUR ASS OFF such that you're forever sick and not able to perform well!

We used to hear you sing beautifully everytime you got on stage. Now all we, or I, feel is disappointment, and the worst thing about this is that other people who hear you sing terribly won't know it's because you've been working like mad until you're sick!


You keep getting sick and you're never able to perform at your best, so you always sound like crap and give others a bad impression! What's the point? We'd all rather you get enough rest so that you can always perform well. I wouldn't mind you having one less performance in Singapore if you used the time to SLEEP. And not feel guilty because of all the stuff you have to attend to. They're not important. Not as important as your freaking health.



Something someone said made me quite upset and confused again (I'll talk more about it on my lj), and I really didn't know what to do, so I flipped open my tiny tiny bible to a random page and saw this phrase:
"The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble, and he knoweth them that trust in him."
(Nahum 1:7)

And that just made me even more confused I guess, although it was supposed to help me think "Okay, so it should be okay". 

Because I really don't want to give you up, no I really don't want to. But... it's wrong.

I don't know. I just hope that no matter what happens, we'll both be strong.

One more day to one and a half years of love. 
If we aren't made to stop we could go on counting forever, but now I don't know.

Apr 25, 2009

"Facebook connects." -.-

Talked to someone I haven't talked to in an extremely long time - Bryson.
We liked each other in primary school for what, three years? Actually no I'm not sure if he liked that Jia Ying girl in P5 but well, that's an estimate.

(After analyzing a long time ago I realised we didn't like each other because we liked each other. In P1 and 2 we were great friends, played with each other and got scolded together etc, then in P3 the idea of "love" kicked in and people made fun of us talking to each other, so we stopped talking, but deep down we yearned for that friendship again, and it developed into infatuation I guess.)

Ok anyway that's not the point. He's in Choir in Commonwealth Sec and they got GOLD WITH HONOURS! :O (Jt and the Crescent Choir people, don't feel so sad hahaha)

We talked about SYF and AYG and stepping down, and I realised it felt really weird, to realise that my primary school friend is now... a Sec 4 senior who's stepping down! :/

I mean yah I'm a Sec 4 senior who's stepping down too but you know, when you talk to someone you haven't talked to in an extremely long time it feels like as if that person has been... "stagnant" in time. I don't know how to describe it, but you know, when you talk to a friend you've lost contact with for 4 years, how much we've all grown strikes you.

I told Bryson that Jieying had changed a lot, and I showed him a picture of her now. You know, the change from cute blur long-haired Jieying to.. Jayden. HAHA. Bryson freaked out (as expected), he couldn't tell that was her. I think she's definitely changed the most out of all of the JWPS people who came to Crescent (Lisa, Yingyan, Siya, Wani, Huiyan, Sharani, Jy and me)

Then he told me about Wei Nian from my P6 class, he's now in CHOIR (?!) and "he's like super beng now", he loves pink, layers and styles his hair, and "tapers his pants". Like WHAT?!?! Extremely hilarious k. I mean, Wei Nian, an AH BENG?!

Bryson said "Change is good", because you can surprise old friends. Then I went "What, like Jieying?" then he said "No, Jieying is SHOCK!" 

:D Catching up with old friends is fun.

Actually I think I haven't really talked to him properly since P2, because after that we always tried to avoid one another to stop rumors (although they just kept spreading). Apart from that time Mdm Ue made us pair up with someone of the opposite gender and do stupid ballroom dancing. HAHAHA.

Hello, memories. (:

Apr 24, 2009

I get very depressed everytime I think about it.

Adolescence - when love kicks in and we realise our friends belong to someone else now.


Today two years ago we danced our hearts out and cried during our last pose and hugged and loved and felt true passion for Dance.


(I'd post up pictures of SYF if I had but my SD card destoyed Amelia's computer so she didn't send me the pictures and Amanda still hasn't sent them yet)

I shout my declarations but my actions are barely a whisper

Three weeks.
I hope we'll stick to it k? You can't afford to waste time coming all the way here to see me anymore.
 Study hard x333

With my common test results, I wouldn't even make it to JC. Maybe I should strike SAJC off my list and settle for LaSalle/NAFA, so I'd have one less choice to consider. Hahaha.

But I know I don't mean it. I really don't want to screw up my future.

I need need need to get an A1 for my English but my compre skills suck like mad, my functional writing skills aren't good enough and it's hard to get an A1 for compo. So how?
I need need need to get an A1 for my Bio but I can't do essay questions for nuts, I can get like, what, 2/10 for an essay question? Ironic. I write too much for structured questions and too little for essays.
I need need need to get at least a B3 for my Chinese. I'm freaked out. Explanation not needed.
I need need need to get an A2 for my E math. How to get A2 when I'm failing?!

So you'd expect me to study right? Guess what I'm doing now. -.-

I need a sense of urrrrgennnncyyyyyyyyy.

Charlie Choy!

Mingxuan: Can you stay back for night study today for consultation?
Mr C: Tonight I can't.
Mingxuan: You got a hot date ah!
Mr C: Tonight I've got... an appointment.


Apr 23, 2009

"Karen, you're a lucky bitch, because you've got somebody who really loves you so much"

- Shyan, during our 2nd night at Nacli. Haha. I remember that night.

All the things you do for me - 
People keep telling me I'm so lucky, that I really must cherish this, that there couldn't be a better boyfriend in the world. And I agree.
I'm the luckiest girl in the world to belong to such a great person like you.

But these things, they can make me feel guilty about not loving you enough, yes, they can make me feel extremely touched - but the feeling of love itself is something totally different altogether. And that feeling of love can't be forced. 

Some idiot could buy lots of nice gifts and write songs for me and jump down a building for me, but that wouldn't make me fall in love with him, would it? Being touched is different from love.

I don't know why I'm saying this baby. It's probably just my mood now, and that sweet SMS you just sent me. I guess it triggered this. But it's also something true, and it's also something I've been thinking about lately.

I don't want my feelings to fade, but I'm afraid. I mean, bad stuff happen, and people fall out of love often. How you feel about me may not be how I feel about you. Sometimes I wish I could brainwash myself, but that's just how I am.

I love you and I hope my love for you is true, and I hope I'll continue to love you forever, even if you don't, because I don't ever want to let you down.

For those who don't read my blog

Sometimes I wonder how much passion you guys have for this.
Sometimes I wonder if you guys have any passion left in you at all.

You're getting too close, and I'm afraid I'd hurt you again, just like how I hurt Yimei, because I can feel it coming already. I don't want disaster to hit again, especially now when negative feelings are the last things we need.

You said my emotions seem to you like a roller-coaster, because in my blog posts I can sound very happy one moment and quite emo the next. I think I'm more of the latter recently.
Shitass heart of mine.

Apr 22, 2009

Chinese oral exam


I thought I could do well for the text reading bit because I knew most of the words that were considered "harder", but when I read it to Zhu Laoshi I totally stammered like mad, pronounced a SUPER lot of words wrongly and I repeated a lot of the words, my pace was not consistent at all and there were a lot of stops and squinting and "uh"s.

Then for the conversation bit I'M SUPER ANGRY AT MYSELF because the topic really wasn't a hard one but I totally screwed it! It was about spreading pictures of others online. Firstly, I thought it was posting pictures, not spreading, so I was kind of off topic. And I couldn't remember the word for "privacy", or "respect", so I really couldn't say much, so I ended up saying "understand others' feelings" about three to five times?! And that was all I talked about! Not understanding others' feelings and being selfish. If I'd remembered the word for "privacy" or "respect" I'd be able to talk about two more points can. So I just harped on that one point for about, what, two/three minutes? Before I ran out of things to say. 

GOSH SO DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I didn't apply whatever Mdm Lim taught me. I wanted to wrap up with a conclusion but I didn't want to end up saying "understand others' feelings" again so I just sat there and stared at him until he said I could go. 


Good girl gone bad

What a pity, what a waste.
You were so pure, a faithful follower of God, but then because you were so well-loved and popular you got influenced negatively by some people, and now your life is something I don't even dare to find out about, because I'm afraid of not being able to handle the truth.

How I'd love to pretend that I didn't know about how much you've changed, how I wish I could continue to believe that you're still the same J I used to know. But I can't ignore the truth, or what little evidence I have of it, anyway.

It's kind of funny but this reminds me about the Si Han I just did yesterday about convincing a guy to stop his addiction to porn.

Come back, come back to God, come back to purity, come back to the place you used to love and call your home. Don't fall any deeper into the trap of corrupt.

People begin to lose their joy of salvation once they go back to their own sinful ways. Come back, and experience God's love again. I'm trying my best right now; you can try to make an effort too. Not for me, and not only for yourself, but even more so for God. Because he's still there waiting for you, he's looking at everything you're doing, he knows your corrupted thoughts and everything you've done to sin against him, but He's still right here waiting with open arms, waiting for you to come back to Him.

Apr 21, 2009

"But hold your breast, because tonight will be the night that I will fall on you"

Student Forum:

A lot of people gave constructive feedback, I love the toilet one. Actually there are two cubicles in the G block on the 3rd floor that can't be locked too, very irritating when we need to change/pee before Dance!

I really wanted to ask the school to close later, because the guard's always chasing us at 6 and they used to only chase at like what, 6.30? And we have AYG and we need time! GRR. But I was too late so I didn't get a chance to say it.

And Jessie brought up a good point I shall tell the Council about. The Sec 2s and 1s have never experienced FUNFAIRRRRR!!!!

MY goodness Funfair was so fun can. It's one of my fondest memory in lower sec. Ahh so fun can! The Sec 2s and 1s damn poor thing, they need to experience it!


I don't mind if people insult me, or JJ, or my passion,

but I mind when people insult people I truly, highly respect.

You can say anything about me, you can say I'm fat or stupid of fugly, but don't
say anything insulting about Liu Laoshi.

He is the one person I respect and admire the most.

He's a great dancer and the best instructor anyone could ever have.

Don't judge him like that when you don't even know him.

Quit whining, I'm fucked up enough


Crescent, so what?

Our class is extremely far behind syllabus.
Not just among the other classes in our school, but even compared to other schools, even some "neighbourhood" schools.
Other schools have finished Organic Chem and are halfway through Alkanes and Alkenes, and like we're just starting Organic Chem today.
A math, we're only at 15.2?
Bio, i'm not sure about how other classes/schools are doing but we've just started Molecular Genetics, but I still have a very very shaky understanding of Reproduction in Plants & a lot of other subjects. Considering the fact that I really want to get an A1 for Bio, this is not good :/

Apr 20, 2009

The typical school week of a Sec 4

- Chem mock test (on everything we've learnt since Sec3)
- Ting Xie on 30 Chinese phrases/idioms

- Hand up Chinese functional writing 4 (丝函 on a friend who's gone astray and watches porn online and has lost interest in his studies. WTH?! How to write a letter to convince him to study? Please lah like as if he'd listen to you)
- Chinese oral practice with Laoshi at 6.30AM
- Chinese Mid Years Oral Exam
- Parent's Seminar 6pm @ AVT

- A Math class test on Differentiation (Chap 14) & Rates of Change (Chap 15.1)
- Chem tuition (no dance)

- Bio test - Reproduction in Plants, Reproduction in Mammals, Respiration
- Geog graded asst.

Good luck for Midyears, juniors!

SS MYE on 7 May, I'm FREAKING DEAD I totally didn't know and I haven't studied at all can.
 Today Dance ends at around 6.30 or so, then by the time I reach home it'd be like 7.30, eat bathe 8.40, and then I have to memorise 30 phrases and idioms and study everything we've learnt for Chem which is A LOT.


I used to care, I used to be a weak idiot

But now I don't give a freaking care about what you think about me.

As long as you give me the due respect I deserve when you know you should.

"People who don't know you and Cuixiao well would think you two are a couple!"

I just realised that Cui Xiao has a lot of unglam photos of me :/

I like helping people but I suck at it

All the best to GYSS & Crescent Choir!

I need to remember that I must never get into a deep friendship with anyone, because the closer I get to someone, the more hurt and confused I get.

But this is my blog.

Whatever I say about how i feel ends up sounding stupid, doesn't it?

Apr 19, 2009

Love clouds all sense of reason.

Then again, who am I to judge?

The things people are willing to do for love

Three instances, the same situations, all in one day.

Killer infatuation.

We need to realise that at this age, when our hormones are all unstable and there's all that puppy love and we fall in love (or rather, in infatuation) very very easily. And things like this wouldn't work out.

How much do you know about him? How long have you known him? How similar are you? When all is lost, what's the thing that would keep the both of you together? Do you really know his character? 

In the case of you three people, you've known your "him"s for what, less than two months? Sure, there's so much to talk about, everything seems great, if I were you I'd be madly clouded with love too. 
(But I'm not, so I'm still sane and my senses aren't clouded. When you're in the initial stage of love, you lose the ability to reason.)
How much longer can you two go on talking away? One day you'd run out of things to say. When you're done telling one another your life stories and everything that happened and how you feel towards Obama and deforestation and animal cruelty and whatever, and then you wouldn't know what to say.

Then what would you do?

How much do you both have in common? How much would you two agree on each other? 

But it's just that you all don't know your "him"s well enough yet. It seems so, but it's only been two months! Even a year is considered very little. (Even two years of knowing each other as friends, in my case).
(That's why I think it's extremely sweet for childhood friends to be in a relationship later on. You've been together as friends for practically your entire life, and you know everything about the other person without needing him/her to tell you)

But then again, nobody likes the feeling of having to like someone else secretly, and the worst thing is that even if you hate the feeling you can't make it go away.

Maybe we're all just lost, empty souls who want to find love because we need to feel wanted, we need to feel that there's someone out there whom your life means everything to, that the person who means the whole world to you thinks that you mean the whole world to him too. We want to feel that that person we're always thinking about is always thinking about us too.

We want to feel like our existence isn't a waste.

I think out of the three people I'm mentioning, only one or two would know I'm referring to them.

To you:
You're a great, outgoing, cheery kid who radiates self-confidence, but I sense an empty hole whose self-esteem is shaky, a lost girl trying to gain acceptance.

To you:
You know this way better than I do. You've been trying hard to find love, you want to feel wanted, you want to feel loved. You fall in love too easily, just like me (but I hardly know any guys). God's right there waiting for you to see that only He can give the perfect love that you need so badly. If you're so sensitive and get hurt so easily by people, how are you going to be able to take a relationship? A relationship usually causes more tears than laughter. A relationship with God, however, is one that's perfect on his part (and it's up to you to make your half as perfect as possible too). No matter how many times you've let Him down, He's still there. 
Of course, easier said than done. Truthfully, I don't know what God's love feels like.

To you:
You know it won't happen.

I say "you" instead of the names not because I want to hide your identity, but more of because the "you"s could be for a lot of people. Somebody who's in the "first" you might even be in all three "you"s. "You" depends on how you look at it. "You" depends on what you think applies to you.

If I weren't attached and if I were slightly less sensible, I'd be completely in love with you

Thank God I don't have to go through that torture.
Infatuation kills.

We had it at Carmen's house. (Btw, I totally can't believe Carmen's the same age as me. I think she looks very mature. When I first saw her I thought she was 20+. And people tell me I look like a Sec 2 -.-)


You know how I always say I look horrid in pictures? This time I really do :D
Jason practising one last time before cg :D
Future policeman!

Jason showing Jacey his phone's MSN function. "See, I can say hello to Xiao Xuan!" (Xiao Xuan was also in the bus) Jacey was very amazed hahaha
Mad: "I like this pic! No smiling"

I was trying to pout like an ahlian. What's Jt doing!
Jt showed me the meaning of ah lian.
Macho future policeman!
They complained that Saunders wasn't doing anything to help so Saunders tried to move an armchair on his own (and failed miserably).


Apr 18, 2009


I'm watching the videos I took during my P6 birthday party, laughing like mad

There was one of the videos where Didi and Mandy were dancing to 1985 like they were completely mad, screaming and jumping like hell, singing in a totally different key, and then Mandy went to pull someone else to the floor to dance (my camera didn't capture who it was), then Didi went to pull Jieying who was sitting beside me, hahahaha super funny.
I can imagine Mandy going crazy clubbing one day hahahahaha

Then there was another one where Didi Mandy Jieying and Aruna were dancing to Hey Ya, Aruna looked like a sexy pro whoo! Aruna was the only one who wasn't dancing like a mad person.

And then there's another video that's like 3 seconds long and the camera isn't really focusing on anything and it's very blur and shaky but Aruna's laughter is super super cute.

And then there's another video taken by someone else, Jieying's playing with my electric piano then she looks at the camera and goes "Oiiiiiiiiii! Bu yao wan! :(" and then continues trying to play with my piano, then Joey goes up to her and says something then she whines "Oiiiiii." Her whining reminds me of Cui Xiao's. HAHAHAHAHA

Awwwwww I remember my birthday party now.
I remember we were all supposed to wear skirts (I think Didi came up with that idea) and then Jieying and Chen Min and I think Sharani and Wanying wore pants then people started complaining XD
And I plugged my house microphone in and we started karaoke-ing but the microphone was barely on. And I remember Mandy and I were singing Avril Lavigne songs and she wanted me to sing and I was shy and she said "It's your birthday! You must enjoy yourself!" but I found that statement a bit weird because I didn't equate karaoke to enjoying myself at that time, that was the first time I sang into a microphone (excluding Choir)? I mean the microphone was barely on but still. It was kind of weird and embarrassing to me.

AND AND OH HAHAHA I told everyone to get a coloured cup and label it with their name so that they wouldn't mix the cups up, and Jieying took a yellow one and put "JY", then stupid Joey who came late saw it so he got a yellow cup and put "JY" (for JoeY) too HAHAHA DAMN AWESOME. And when Joey came Wanying wanted to leave but we didn't let her!

And Aruna and Marilyn wore barebacks! Then we kept saying they looked very sexy then Marilyn wore her jacket hahaha

And Mandy and Jieying didn't know how to do the \m/ rocker sign then they anyhow stick out random fingers hahaha damn funny

Oh and I remember during Chen Min's birthday party we went to her house and played with her turtle or something? I remember we tried to be "investigators" and there was a neighbour of hers who was apparently dead or something and somehow we got his letters? Or something? I remember we were quite serious and freaked out HAHAHAHAHA

OH AND AND we wanted to film this little short clip and Wanying was the camerawoman and I was supposed to be the girl who came back with bad results and got beaten up by her mother and committed suicide out of depression, and Jieying was my abusive mother, then like so when I was supposedly getting beaten up I lay on the floor while Jieying pretended to kick me and when her foot accidentally touched me she went "Oh sorry sorry!"
And then my dad came to fetch me home so I had to leave before I was done acting hahahaha

Omgggggg this is so extremely cute. I miss 6B'05 ):

I want to post pictures! AND THE VIDEOS! I shall one day :D but I'm afraid Jieying will kill me.

Mr Choy is extremely cute

"One time he said if i die from teaching you please call my parents and tell them i love them"

I want my abs back

"SYF'05 was an experience of a lifetime.
It matured me, disciplined me, made me stronger.
Torture was when I just couldn't get out of bed from the aches or the tiredness each morning. Applying Yoko Yoko, Salonpas, whatever it took to get my mind off the pain.
Normal functions were difficult, my hands were too weak to lift my food to my mouth, my back was too painful to bend down and pick things; my thighs were too worn out to walk;
but I pressed on- knowing that the other 61 members were all going through the exact same thing."
- Chuyun

SYF'07 was tough too. I don't know if it's as tough as SYF'05 was, but still, the stuff we went through was incredible.
I remember how it would take me two agonizing minutes just to sit down because my thighs hurt like mad.

AYG training isn't hard enough. I'm worried for us.

Heya juinor, Jy told me something about you I don't think you would've wanted me to know. Haha. I didn't expect you to be that kind.  (:

Apr 17, 2009

Wednesday - UCC

Went with some of the other Dancers to UCC to watch the Modern Dance (Secondary schools) SYF performances!

I really really liked Temasek Sec's, and I feel it's really a great pity that the chou dropped, because if it didn't it'd be perfect. Very full of life and everything, you could tell they were really enjoying it and dancing their hearts out. 

A few candid shots:

Sijia's the only one not looking up XD

Goshhhhh I miss SYF '07.

Apr 15, 2009

Because I'm bored

I slept at 2.30 and woke up at 5, and I feel more awake than when I sleep at 11.30/12. :/

"A phrasal verb is made up of a verb and one or two prepositions or adverbs"
- I wrote this when I was in P5, for my Budding Writers' contest. :/

Lisa stood out in the crowd, like a shining star in the dark night sky. Her skin was a shocking white, almost a faint pink; it seemed nearly luminous in the dimly-lit hall. Her long, honey-brown hair framed her oval-shaped face and cascaded down her back. I carefully watched Lisa from a distance as she gingerly raised her wine glass to her rosy lips. She moved with the grace of a ballerina, mesmerizing me. Just then, she caught me looking at her. I expected her to shy away, but she rose from her seat and stepped forward instead, blushing. Her lips curved into a small, uncertain smile. Lisa’s features were sharp, but her warm, grey eyes were timid, hesitant. I dared not step forward, for I was afraid she would disappear like a mirage.

This sounds incredibly stupid.
I hate creative writing because my vocab sucks. :/

Apr 13, 2009

I'm posting this here because I know you won't see this

When I see you, I feel like Laura from the Glass Menagerie.

I don't know why I always feel like that. It's bloody irritating and I can't do anything about it and this isn't doing me any good and I really don't need this right now. It's irritating.

Irritating irritating irritating

Was looking through a diary I kept when I was in primary school, when I was in P4 my standing broad jump result was 172cm?!?!
And when I got 172 in Sec 2 I thought I'd improved. -.-

I was looking through an address book I used to keep,
(I'm a nice person who respects my friends and does not want to pull down their reputation so I shan't reveal who it is. Anw, I can already name 10 primary school friends who has "ying" in their name, and another 3 in secondary school. (: )

Three posts a day

Mdm Ting: So next time what can all of you do to help the government? Have five children!
Class: ._.
Mdm Ting: ... After you get married!

We're worse than neighbourhood school students

A teacher commented that students in "neighbourhood schools" hand up work more punctually than us.

Please lah, just because we're in a good school it doesn't mean we're very punctual in our work :/

I know of friends who studied their asses off in primary school. All I did before the PSLE was to look through my files for about half an hour. My dad bought me 11 assessment books, 7 were untouched and for the other four, only less than a third of each book was done.

Just because we're in a school that is supposedly kind of elite, it doesn't mean we're all hardworking and everything. I know that some people in the sort of "neighbourhood" schools have better attitudes than some of us.

In short, the school name doesn't change anything. We're all the same!

Sat - Easter celebration at CHC

Jeremy. Some promoter gave him a stack of shampoo samples but he has no hair to try it on! HAHA. Oh and look at Jan's expression at the back :D
Sarah & JaniceCuixiao
Maddie looks like she's eating a ball of light haha
Jan gave us Easter eggs!
Mad being stupid.

Cui Xiao, her friend(Zhuo Ya), Jacey and Sarah came!
Out of the 3 1/4 people I wrote on cards to reach out to, only the 1/4 came (Jacey), the other three didn't come, but it's okay, I like writing letters! :D

The play was interesting. Too lazy to explain.
Anyway, this is my interpretation of it:

The "final solution" that Silas came up with is Man's solution to making the world a better place, it changes people's DNA and disallows them to sin. But it's forced, you aren't giving the person a choice. He's stripped of the ability to choose, he isn't given the freedom of choice. I mean yah it's a good thing but you're stripped of freewil.
God works on love and wants people to choose to follow him willingly. He doesn't want to force people to do anything. We can choose to sin, but we don't, because of our love for God. Isn't that more admirable than if you're being forced to be sinless?

So Silas hated Jesus because he thought he was "a fake", and Jesus forgave and healed the person who killed Silas's wife, which made Silas furious, but when Jesus proved that he could heal Silas and when Jesus loved Silas and got crucified instead of him despite the fact that it was Silas who sinned, Silas saw Jesus's love and power and turned to him.

That's my interpretion of the skit :/
Yay so anyway it was fun! :D

Remember how I said that Jt went deaf in one ear because of my screaming during the JJ concert (>.<)? The doctor said it would heal a little but not fully, because it would be permanently scarred.
Then during the service, when Pastor Kong was preaching, Jt's ear "popped", and guess what!
Her hearing is completely restored!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D
Pastor Kong also said that on Friday there was a guy on a wheelchair and he told him to stand up and walk "in God's name", and he pushed his wheelchair away and could walk! :D :D :D
Happy happy, praise God (:

Apr 10, 2009

"Maths" is actually pronounced "Math" with a slient S!


Hello Shyan! (I never knew you read my blog)
Well partner, if you happen to see this:
I love unglam pictures, especially of chio people. They make me feel a little more normal.
I shall use my webcam to take unglam shots of people from now on.

I showed Jieying the pictures I have of her when she was in P5/P6, and she was so afraid other people happened to be looking at my computer screen so she kept covering the pictures of her and told me never to show them to anyone. Heh.

I have enough unglam/gross-looking pictures in my computer to blackmail almost everyone I know if I want to :D

I have a feeling you're pissed at me / trying to avoid me.
It's okay, and I'm sorry.
Anyway it's not me you're trying to avoid, and it's not me you're disappointing, it's God (:

Rachel Ker, hope you enjoyed service today!

Stupid homework

Today's Good Friday and I planned to practise my piano and finish my theory homework and do my A math and Bio, and I ended up waking up at 11 and then eating and calling Baby for a while, then I got cramps so I slept until 4, then I did one A math question (Exe 14.5, Q6) and then watched School of Rock, then my aunt and grandmother came over for dinner because it's my dad's birthday today and then I switched on my computer and my A math textbook suddenly became invisible (even though it's right in front of me).

Easter celebration at City Harvest tomorrow! :D Cui Xiao, Cui Xiao's friend, Jacey and Sarah. ((((((((((:

"Satan always strikes before a blessing is about to come."

Today when I called Sarah and sms-ed Cui Xiao regarding tomorrow, both of them told me they couldn't make it, and I panicked.
When Sarah told me I asked if she would be able to come if we met at a later timing, at 5.15 instead of 4 (we have to go early tomorrow to queue, there might not be enough seats) and she agreed :D
When Cui xiao told me she was meeting a friend tomorrow and wouldn't be able to make it, I almost gave up and said nevermind, but then I remembered that quote and was determined not to let Satan pull this opportunity away from me, so I pursuaded her to wake up earlier and leave earlier and meet me to go for service together.
She said she'd ask her friend, and then later she asked me if it was okay if her friend came along too (:

Never give up (:

Apr 9, 2009

All this is seriously tearing me apart.

(baby, i'd advise you not to read this.)

After almost one and a half years, we realise we don't even know what shapes each others' personalities. And we can't even agree on that.
The things that make us think what we think. The things that make us feel what we feel. We can't even agree on what causes us to be who we are. What's the point of believing this can work out?
How much will our relationship be able to withstand before it breaks?

When you ask me to stop saying those things, it's because we don't want to face up to reality. We hate realising that we're actually so different, that we can't work out. We want to continue believing that everything is okay.

Is it that I can't live without you, or is it that I can't live without love?

I don't know, I really don't. But I can't imagine a life without you.

Then again.. it's only one and a half years.

Save me, someone, help us all become unfeeling.

Apr 8, 2009

Barney vs. San Diego Chicken

Oh, and CONGRATS to Crescent & St Margarets for Gold in Band SYF!
& ALL THE BEST to SAJC, Tanglin & Chung Cheng Dance SYF!


Random thoughts that impact me / make me think a lot

I hate living a routine, predictable life.

The secret lives of people we would never know. That innocent-looking girl in the Sec 3 class picture, that small fat kid who's always being bullied. Nobody would guess the stuff they do together.
It's so weird, how the person who might be sitting right beside you might have a totally different life you'd never imagine, how you realise you don't really know anything about her, how you realise she actually leads a "double", very different life, how the "other" her is actually so different from the her you know.

Yet another backslider.
I feel really bad about not doing anything to help, I want so badly to reach out to these people, to bring them back to God.
But there are just some people I don't have the courage to reach out to.
I know there are people who would find Christians who try and reach out irritating. I used to feel that way. What about to a backslider?

God, I pray that you will bring these people back to you again. If you use me to reach out to them, give me the strength to do it, and don't let them reject me.

How badly I want them to experience their first love again.

My failed attempts to improve on my Chinese

只剩下 7+ 个星期就要考华文会考了.
死了, 我的华文还是一样差D:
so, i shall type this entire post in chinese!
刚好我现在要写的日志是关于 a birthday post to Cui Xiao.
我们已认识彼此四年了, 我很高兴能够认识你. 你的性格非常“特别”. 嘿嘿.
中一的时候我有Yimei/Nadine, 中二有Shermin, Jiayi, 中三的时候, 起初我是蛮孤独的,但幸好有你,再让我体会到在学校里有个“best friend” 的感觉. (:
永远会记得你的"Whatewer", & 你的懒惰, & 你总是喜欢"吃"别人的"豆腐" (尤其是我的-.-)

(If looks could kill)

Apr 6, 2009

I Love Mrs Yip

"About one hundred million sperms go into the vagina!
One Hundred Million!
How many people are there in Singapore? Four million?
The number of sperms that enter your vagina is
twenty-five times the population of Singapore!"

"So when the sperm enters the vagina, it's like a man swimming in the Pacific Ocean. It's so big!"

Apr 5, 2009

Me in my very happy mood

Cuixiao said she's getting me a notebook with the toilet sign on it for my birthday

???? says (10:21 PM):
you know what i orignally wanted to mortify you with?
???? says (10:23 PM):
*it's a notebook with "Passion" on it, and i'm going to tell you i've been falling deep in love with you throughout



I'm happy happy happy happy happy happy happy.
I didn't think of asking these 2 particular people to come to Church on Easter, but I plucked up the courage to, AND THEY BOTH SAID MAYBE!!!!!!!!



So far:
Cui Xiao - Sunday (most probably)
Jenna - maybe
Sarah - Saturday (most probably)



Okay.... today was the Big Day.

So, Jason asked us all to stand at the back of the room and he'd call us up to the front and stand either on the left or on the right..
Yes, we were still all smiling, unaware of our fate.

At that point, Germaine was the only girl on the right hand side of the room..

Willie and Saunders and Xiao Xuan, in the same group as me. Willie and Saunders were feeling terribly upset because they were the only guys there.

The last time Jason and Daniel will lead together

The last time we'll eat Daniel's mum's noodles

Yes, so a few of us were extremely disappointed. Germaine, Fion and Shirley are the only girls in Daniel's CG, and Willie, Saunders and Jeremy are the only guys in Jason's (mine).
When the results were announced, Willie and Saunders squatted down and cried like crazy. At first we thought they were just joking, and Daniel even went "Wah!" and took a picture and joked that he'd put it online, but then we realised they were really crying very badly.
I understand I guess. All the guy friends they're so close to were in the other CG. Small Sebas, Adrian.. and then they're stuck in this CG with all the girls. Heh.
Well.. at least they've got each other. (:

Our (Jason's) CG is still called W412.

I will totally miss:

- Fion. I don't know her well, but she's really sweet, and when we were paired up to pray for each other she paired up with me and she really prayed a lot for my O levels and I'm really thankful for that. Fion, WO AI NI! Fion was crying really badly, because she's separated from us all. Gave her a hug and told her I would really miss her even though I didn't know her well. And I mean it.

- Small Sebastian. Even though I've never talked to him before. I'll really miss his liveliness and little jokes. Man I'll really miss him. This is weird, considering the fact that I've never talked to him before. But well all of us in (the old) W412 would understand yeah.

- Big Sebastian's off-key and off-rhythmness. Hehehehe. Explanation not needed.

- Adrian's blurness.

- Germaine and Shirley's bubbliness and chattiness. (*sob sob*)

- DANIELLLLLLLLLLL. (Explanation not needed)

...And it's a whole new beginning.

I guess multiplication is a good thing. It's a sign that God's Kingdom is growing! And it shows that God's blessings are on us, so that we can bring more and more people to Christ, get more people saved in this corrupted world. The Army of the Lord is expanding, and W412 is growing.

We're the first CG this year in CHC to multiply because there are too many people. That's a good thing for us, but a very very sad thing for the Kingdom of God. It needs to expand more. There are so many people out there who need salvation.

No, wait. We ALL need it.

Jason told us to pray for a few minutes and ask God to give us the names of five people He would like us to invite into CHC for Easter. The amazing thing was, Janice, Jt, Maddie and I all thought of Jacey.
(Jacey, you really must come)
and Janice and I thought of Celeste too.
(Celeste, you must come too)

I had a few other names, but I'll keep them to myself. But if I ask you to come for Easter, be honoured, because it means you're in my prayers, and I really love you as a friend. (:


I must remember not to wear my cross when I go out for dinner with my grandmother

Saturday - Jacey came to my house to study and do homework (:

Revised Differentiation with her. I did my A math homework but uh, only could finish like one question because I couldn't do all the others -.-

We pigged out like mad. Jacey used the phrase 拼命地吃 haha.

Oh and, I have this really weird craving for fishballs. Whenever I feel like eating I'd just go to the fridge and get a few fishballs. :/ I thought I was the only one until my mum said she had that weird habit too! And now JACEY tells me she has this habit too. Hahahahaha. Does anyone else have this weird craving?

Oh yes and later on my family and I and Jacey went out for dinner with my grandmother at Square II, went to some HK restaurant...

Spinach soup. Looks extremely disgusting right?
It tasted really nice though! The texture was a lot like shark's fin soup, because it was very thick and there were little bits of egg white that were like the shark's fin pieces or something. It's just that the shark's fin soup is saltier.


(By the way, in this picture you can see my hidden dimple! Oh yay!)