Oct 30, 2008

Millie says she's a deep hole.

Not in the vulgar way (:

     Queen           Of          Cocaine          ;     says (7:38 PM):
this world is filled with people who are afraid of those who are different from them.
i don't know, but i think __________, maybe they can't accept you for who you are because they don't want to admit that there are people who are different from them?


I love Millie.

Oh and she thinks of the craziest stuff ever:

     Queen           Of          Cocaine          ;     says (7:50 PM):
you know, sometimes i really cannot stand god
'cause right, he says being homosexual is a sin
THEN HE CREATES PEOPLE WITH TWO SEXUAL ORGANS
YO MAN, NOT GOOD
i know it's a challenge, like a test for them
but, how can he test someone, who doesn't even have the belief or strength to begin with
it's quite unfair
- (8) JTxiuwen;     says (7:53 PM):
maybe the test is to have so much faith in him that you can overcome sexual deires and everything
     Queen           Of          Cocaine          ;     says (7:54 PM):
...
then i think hell is pretty much overpopulated


     Queen           Of          Cocaine          ;     says (7:59 PM):
my mind works in mysterious waysss
like how i convince ML to use golden ratio for circumference of circle!
she LOCKS MANXZXZX
not rocks, but LOCKS

(Those who were/are being taught by ML would know why it's locks XDDDD)

One homosexual commits suicide every five minutes.

That's what pressure and rejection from the world can do to you.

And at the funeral, everyone was weeping, as the church choir started to sing...

Somewhere, over the rainbow, 
way up high.
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, 
skies are blue.
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are 
Far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Away above the chimney tops.
That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why then - oh, why can't I?


If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, Why, oh, why can't I?

Oct 29, 2008

Hilarious

ML: Is Jay See here?
Class: Who's Jay See?
ML: Jay See Suah.
Eh but I think ML is super cute okay! Why y'all make her angry ))):

Oh and his name is Seth Low NOT SLOW!!!
Only I have the right to call him Slow k.
Because I've never really been able to pronounce "th" at the ends of words properly, I always pronounce it as "f"
so I'd call him Sef.
So since a very long time ago I've been calling him S.low instead. I still call him Slow when my/his parents are around, but most of the time it's Baby.
Eeeee. So weird calling him Seth o.o



Oh and I feel like doing a dedication to a special person all of a sudden.
To Spermzxzxz,
Thanks for being there for me, for standing up for me when the world turned against me. I wouldn't have made it through my Sec 2 life without you. When I was facing a major friendship problem and I lost all my friends and I didn't know who to turn to, I found you.
Thanks for listening to my crap about JJ for the past three years (even though you complained a hell lot).
Thank you for accompanying me during Dance even though you’ve got other friends, because you know I have few. Thanks for not leaving me behind (:
I’m sorry we seem to be drifting apart a little, but we must continue to run Mass Run together k (:
P.S. Not as interested in Korean music as I am in Mandopop, but KOREAN GUYS ARE DAMN CUTE :D


Oct 28, 2008

FIFTH POST IN A DAY

I'M HIGH NOW! NOT EMO ANYMORE!
IN THE SHOW CALEFARE ON CH 5, FIONA XIE IS A JJ FAN!!!!!!
In this episode they said "EH LOOK! JJ LIN!" to distract her HAHAHA
and according to Celeste they once said "Hello, JJ lin ah" to distract her
HAHAHAHA OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY JJ!!!!!!!!!!!

P.s. Changing blogskin very soon. Will explain when I change it. 
I hope I don't do 6 posts in a day o.o No one will read the first/second one! Oh and everyone, even though this is my 5th post in a day, please read the one about the tokyo murderers.
THEY STUCK A BLOODY IRON ROD UP THE POOR GIRL'S VAGINA!!!!!

Just imagine being me for a second.

I didn't want to post anything about this until I felt like it (i.e. not today, because this is my FOURTH post in a day), but I found something on Xinshyan's Lj and really want to post it up here.
(Besides, I've already leaked about it a bit in the last post. Although I doubt many would understand, because it's mainly between you and me).

So, to you:
We do what we need to be free and it leans on me like a rootless tree, what i want from us is learn to let go
We fake a fuss and fracture the times
So fuck you
fuck you, fuck you
and all we've been through
If you hate me, hate me, hate me
then hate me so good that you can let me out, let me out of this hell when you're around


(Credits: Xinshyan - Damien Rice: Rootless Tree)

Credits to Anne

”I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” 
- Voltaire

Guys suck.

Guys suck.

Ripped off Shuzhen's blog, who got it from Wiki:
"According to their statements at their trial, the four of them raped her, beat her, introduced foreign objects including an iron rod into her vagina, made her drink her own urine and was fed cockroaches, inserted fireworks into her anus, and set them off, forced Furuta to masturbate, cut her nipple with pliers, dropped dumbbells onto her stomach, and burned her with cigarettes and lighters. (One of the burnings was punishment for attempting to call the police.) At one point her injuries were so severe that according to one of the boys it took more than an hour for her to crawl downstairs to use the bathroom. They also related that "possibly a hundred different people" knew that Furuta had been imprisoned there, but it is not clear if this means they visited the house at different times while she was imprisoned there, or themselves either raped or abused her. When the boys refused to let her leave, she begged them on several occasions to "kill (her) and get it over with".
On January 4, 1989, using one of the boys' loss at mah-jongg as a pretext, the four beat her with an iron barbell, poured lighter fluid on her legs, arms, face and stomach, and set her on fire. She died later that day of shock. The four boys claimed that they were not aware of how badly injured she was, and that they believed she had been malingering.
The killers hid her corpse in an 55-gallon drum filled with cement; the perpetrators disposed the drum in a tract of reclaimed land in Koto, Tokyo."

No mood to blog but.

No matter how frustrated and confused I am now, I mustttt blog about yesterday.

Baby planned everything, met me at my void deck at 10am. Then he took me to Khatib and we walked to Lower Seletar Reservoir. He wanted to sit by some rocks but we couldn't find a way in so we went to a "fishing jetty" instead. And there was this guy who looked in his 40s-50s riding a bicycle and he rode past us saying "Eh 你的 bag bag 很 cute orh!" (Referring to the bunny bag) Heh heh so cute right. Then later we sat down at some bench to eat sandwiches Baby made, and that guy called his teenage son/relative/friend ("Eh shuai ge, lai lai!") and told him "there got mei nu, you want me to introduce to you or not!"
Then the shuai ge said "Eh mei nu! This uncle said you very pretty, he wants your number!" Then the both of them kept accusing each other, hahaha daaaaaamn funny.

Then we saw a lot of dead fish and started getting really angry at irresponsible fishermen who make fishes get hooked onto their line and them throw the bleeding fishes back into the sea to bleed to death. So we took a bus to Bishan Park.

AND WE RODE A COUPLE BIKE HAHAHAHA.
Shermin (although I really doubt you read my blog), remember during 2c1 chalet we tried to ride a couple bike and I was screaming like mad and made you really pissed? HAHA same thing happened! The bike didn't like me lor. I was screaming and the bicycle rental person kept staring at me because I was screaming and we hadn't even moved off from the place, and I kept screaming and asking Baby to let me ride my own bike instead and I pissed him off until he screamed "Aiyoh shut up and ride lah!" and some ang moh guy looked at us HAHAHA.

But later on it was fun (: 
And we went to this little park thingy, and they had this really cool thing I don't know how to describe so I'll draw it out:
This cool circle thing.
So I sat on it while he pushed, and then there were these two small kids with a mother watching us and the little girl went "Mummy, the kor kor very strong!"
And then when I was trying to climb the jungle gym thing (the pyramid made of ropes?) the girl went "Mummy, the jie jie climbing the triangle!"
Haha they were so cute.
And I kept screaming whenever I saw other cyclists, or even worse, somebody coming our way hahaha.

And I was wearing a long sleeved tee (Bought from Zara the day before. DAAAAAAMN IN LOVE WITH IT! Baby was wearing a PINK Zara tee, looked damn gay although it was from the men's section hahaha. Baby hates Zara because the men's section is so small :P) so I was sweating like mad.

So we went to AMK Hub and he took me to NEW YORK NEW YORK! Never been there before, DABOMB HAHAHA.
We ordered:
Soup: Clam Chowder
Appetizer: Some cheese fondue thing (!!!!)
Main course: BBQ SPARE RIBS OMG DABOMB
Dessert: FLORIDA ORANGE CREPE OMG DABOMB
Drink: Some blueberry white chocolate thing.

Ok the florida orange thing was super cool, they had tiny orange slices that were really sweet, oh and the ice cream that came with it was damn cool too. And Baby told me how spare ribs came about: Last time chefs would always cook the animal and throw the ribs away, then there was this very poor guy who took the ribs and cooked them over a fire, and this chef who threw away the ribs smelled it and went to see what it was. Ta-dah :D

Then we went to Jeast to take neoprints, AND OMG, 27 OCT WAS THEIR LAST DAY OF OPERATION! So we were kinda lucky in a way I guess. I think JEC's closing down. Even Kbox, the ice-skating rink and GV closed down alr. 
So there was only one machine in operation. And like there were these group of Indian kids (Not discriminating, it's just that they were in costumes because it was Deepavali) and they weren't taking neoprints, they were designing them, but they left all their shoes and bags in the photo-taking machine so we couldn't go in, so we just waited outside. Then another 3 people came and queued behind us.
AND THEN THEY WENT TO TAKE ANOTHER ROUND OF NEOPRINTS!!!!
We waited for super long. And after they took the neoprints for the second time, they went to design them, and they still left their stuff there until the neoprint person asked them to remove their stuff.
Yah and we had some really hilarious poses. We accientally got one where we were supposed to look like brides (they had the body templates for us so we just had to fit our head in) and Baby's body template had a TUBE BRIDAL GOWN HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Oh yah and Baby cut his hair and he thinks it's damn ugly. ):

Pictures will be uploaded into the Lj soon (:

Oct 27, 2008

It's been a year baby.

I just spent the last half an hour crying over an arguement with somebody whom I expected to be a bit more mature than that, but I'm not going to let it affect this.
Baby, I've loved you for
one
whole
year.

It's been a whole year. 366 days. Can you believe it? It doesn't feel so long.
Yeah, I feel like talking about memories again. (:
I don't know why but I really really miss the earlier months, Nov-Dec, where our love was nothing but pure and we didn't have to care about the rest of the world because it was the holidays and we didn't have to think about anyone or anything else, and in those early months we never understood how it was possible for the person you loved the most to hurt you, or why there was a need for the person you loved to say "sorry". When all you had to do was look into my eyes or hold my hand and I'd feel like as if time had stopped for us.

And then the Feb - May period came and everything became terrible. I'm sorry I made you cry every night, I really am. I didn't know what to do. But I knew I wouldn't be able to live without you.

And now we're here.

Thanks for being there for me all the time, I don't know how I'd be able to survive without you anymore. You brought happiness into my life like no one else had and would ever be able to do, you showed me the magic of love. I feel like the luckiest girl ever. Nobody's as sweet as you. I know. You're the best anyone could ever have.

Thanks for sacrificing so many things for me, and for giving up emo-ing and drinking and all for me. Thank you for changing for me, thank you for always being willing to give everything up for our love.
No, nobody would ever experience love like we do.

Happy first year; and we'll have so many more years to come.

Oct 25, 2008

2 more days to a year (:

JT took me back to St Andrews' Cathedral on Friday, I MISS IT TO FREAKING MUCH!
They've changed it a lot but they're still renovating the actual building. LYNC is outside of the building... looks super foreign to me.
I sneaked into the main hall (you know, where the pastor preaches), and the place we used to gather at for singing at Sunday School (THE WATER COOLER IS STILL THERE), and the place outside Sarah's mum's Choir room. Awwman they all look exactly the same.... but they're all undergoing renovation now ): I wish they didn't have to renovate it, man, I miss the place so much.
I don't like change. I wish everything would stay the same, old or not. Brings back so many memories... (:

Had terrible cramps today, Baby came to my house and helped me buy pink panadol (: Kept commenting on how cute the little pink thing was, hahaha.
he's playing my favourite song on the piano now (:
And my heart's singing my love for you.

这是爱 我们的爱
还不确定 却好实在
把你贴在胸怀 静静的 代替表白
而不愿放开

这是爱 给你的爱
没名字 却听不下来
在忐忑里期待 雀跃中想到未来
是你我才明白 这就是爱

Oct 22, 2008

JJ'S ALBUM IS ON MY MUSIC PLAYLIST (:

5 more days to a whole year of loving you;
and I haven't started on your 1st year present. >_<

Having class at 3s2b:
Ani: You know that Sec 2 girl? She said "If you have some form of pride, you wouldn't be a lesbian."
J: SHE'S DEAD MAN SHE'S DEAD!
R: *gets angry*
A: WHAT!!
Jessie: Oh no all the lesbians angry already! *sits somewhere else*

I guess I forgot what it was like to feel ignored.
Now I remember why I chose to be alone. 
When I'm alone, there's no one to ignore me, hurt me, bring me down.
(:

I hate it when people tell me that.
Here sits a caring friend ready to help you when you need it, because I want to thank you for being there for me, because I want to be a good friend to you, because I want you to know that I care too, that you don't have to cry alone.
And then you push me away, just like that.
I hate it when people tell me that.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I AM SO PISSED I AM SO PISSED I AM SO PISSED I AM SO PISSED I AM SO PISSED I AM SO PISSED I AM SO PISSED.

YUCK I HATE PEOPLE WHO CHEAT ME AND THEN TRY TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD SOMEMORE. OMG.

I ORDERED A $20 DRESS FROM THIS FUCKER TO SWAP FOR 2 AGNES B ITEMS AND A BELT. AND SHE WAS THE ONLY CUSTOMER WHO KEPT BUGGING ME FOR THE ITEMS. THEN KEPT ASKING ME NOT TO RUN AWAY SOMEMORE.
AND THEN WHEN I SENT HER THE ITEMS ALR SHE TOLD ME SHE SENT THE DRESS BY NORMAL MAIL EVEN THOUGH I WANTED REGISTERED.
AND IT NEVER GOT SENT TO ME BUT SHE SAID SHE SENT IT ALREADY.
SO I KEPT SMSING AND EMAILING HER BUT SHE REFUSED TO REPLY, UNTIL I TOLD HER I WOULD BLACKLIST HER.
THEN SHE WENT 
"c'mon! blacklist than! (: will see how long can you blacklist or should i say, how long will u still able to put up your shop! see who have the last laugh now! good luck! (:"

FUCKING ASS, STILL ACT SO HAPPY SOMEMORE TO MAKE ME ANGRY RIGHT. YOU KNOW, I REALLY AM ANGRY. NOT BECAUSE SHE'S ACTING HAPPY BUT SHE ONLY REPLIES ME WHEN I THREATEN HER AND REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT I WANT MY $20 BACK, OR AT LEAST $10.
THEN SHE STILL COME SAY MY AGNES B ITEMS ARE UNAUTHENTIC.
YOU VERY GOOD FRIENDS WITH MY SUPPLIER IS IT?!!?!!!
I BLOODY FUCK KNOW THAT THE ITEMS ARE SHIPPED FROM JAPAN, THE STICHINGS ARE DIFFERENT BECAUSE THEY'RE FROM THE FACTORY OUTLET. IT'S NOT THAT THEY'RE UNAUTHENTIC.
BLOODY FUCKER, STILL TRY TO BRING MY SHOP DOWN WHEN IT WAS SHE IN THE WRONG!!!!!

Oct 20, 2008

):

..Call me crazy, but I want.

The black/very very very very dark grey/brown ones.
Must make eyes look bigger. Japan brand.
I shall go search in Japan, maybe they'd be cheaper.
I hope I'll be able to find them. I just, you know, don't know Jap so I don't know where to look for them -.-
My eyes are so smalllllllll. And my pupils are even smaller. ):

OMG SCHOOL ENDS AT 1.15!!!!!!!

3 THINGS TO POST

1) 3s2a topped the level in ENGLISH and CHINESE!!!!

2) JJ'S ALBUM OUT TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3) TWILIGHT THE MOVIE will be out on 18 DEC. HEH HEH HEH. EVERYONE FASTER GO READ THEN WE'LL GO ON A MAJOR MOVIE OUTING. I WANT TO GO WITH SUMAY AND BINKAI AND JT. I DON'T CARE ABOUT BINKAI'S FREAKING CHURCH CAMP. WHO WANTS TO GO WITH US!

You really shouldn't have done it

You're right, it was a mistake. It was the stupidest thing you've ever done.
I hate arguing with you, it just made me angrier and more confused. I experienced a feeling I never thought I'd feel and it just made me even more worried. I don't know why I felt it. I thought I'd care more. But I was just so frustrated.

You really shouldn't have. I hate it when you're hurt. I hate to know you're crying. I hate it. Never do it again. 
I'm sorry, I really am. I'm sorry I made you feel like that. You're the closest person to me and you will be forever. I'm sorry.

Oct 19, 2008

Taurians are stubborn.

I feel like screaming, I don't know why I'm doing this. I don't know why I'm giving in.
I'll forget everything I'm feeling, and put on a wooden smile, just for you.

What?

Over the past few days I realised I was really really good at tolerating other people when they were moody to me, or "show me attitude". I'd apologize, I'd make it seem like as if I didn't mind it when they shouted at me, or didn't want to listen to me, and I'd just keep apologizing, and trying very hard to make them happy.
Like as if I wouldn't get put off.

I don't feel like tolerating anymore, but I have to, because I can't afford to have fights with or lose these people.
I'm sorry. 

And sorry to Rachel too, for venting my anger at you a bit. I just couldn't take it. My feelings were messed up enough with everything else that was going on and then I realised I still had stuff to do. I want to forget about the blacklisted idiots, I can't be bothered to blacklist them but I have to, ugh.


And I hate it when you keep telling me you're sorry, when you keep apologizing because of me, when you feel bad because of me. I hate it. I don't want it. It makes me feel bad, you know it does that. And I don't feel like venting my anger to you because you'll just keep apologizing and that's not what I want, because I'll end up having to suppress my anger and comfort you instead. Have some pride. Don't keep doing this.

Stupid kai

kAiiZ                                  free.      says (8:21 PM):
weeeeeeeeeeee~
*spins around on chair*
     kAiiZ                                  free.      says (8:21 PM):
*falls off*
ouch
- JTxiuwen;     says (8:22 PM):
you really fell?
     kAiiZ                                  free.      says (8:22 PM):
i got a bu bu ):
*starts to tear up*
-  JTxiuwen;     says (8:22 PM):
HAHAHAHA.
     kAiiZ                                  free.      says (8:23 PM):
pain la
HMPH
DUN TALK TO EUU ANYMORE WORZX~

Oct 18, 2008

Some youth thing

Xueling laoshi asked Jt Janice and I to go for "some youth thing" that was "quite happening lah" at City Harvest, so we went.
Met Xueling's husband, Jason. He's so friendly, heehee, he's a Physics teacher in St Andrews Sec :O Very chatty, super nice. Made a friend, Xiao Xuan. Super friendly, very nice, heh heh.

I don't know. I realised a lot of things I guess.
I don't know why but everyone was so high and I just.. couldn't get high. I just couldn't. I felt stupid standing there, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know the songs, even though there were lyrics so I could follow them. I didn't feel like a part of anything.
When everyone was jumping along to the songs in praise, I just stood there. When everyone was raising their hands, mine were in my pockets. I just couldn't do it.
I wished I was in the mood, I wished I could, but I know that if I forced myself to raise my hands it would be fake, I wouldn't be true to myself, and my hands wouldn't be lifted in worship but because everyone else's were. I just couldn't do it. I just couldn't let loose, I couldn't praise. The songs were great but I just couldn't raise my hands or sing along or jump along, I just couldn't. I was so ashamed of myself, I was so ashamed that I couldn't. Especially when both Jt and Janice beside me were singing along and raising their hands as well, and Jt was so high in worship. I just couldn't take it.
I didn't feel like I should've been here. I felt like running out, but I couldn't. I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't know why I was here, with a huge group of people who really worshipped Christ and could feel his love; everyone was so high and worshipping and I was just standing there, feeling embarrassed that I came.

And there was this time where Pastor Zhuang was talking about how His spirit was here and we could all feel the Holy Spirit and everyone started praying out loud and chanting and it got really really noisy when everyone was praying, and I heard someone behind start to say something really fast and loudly in a weird language. Was it Tongues?
And it was evident that everyone could feel it. God's presence, His love, the Spirit.. whatever. I just stood there crying like a mad woman, crying because.. I couldn't feel anything. What was I supposed to feel? Was I supposed to suddenly feel... warm? light? tingly? I don't know what I was supposed to feel, but everyone could feel it except me.
Maybe I'm a very practical person? I've been praying nearly every night for the past, what, 11 years? But I always feel that I'm talking to myself instead of someone else. I feel like I'm trying to reassure myself when I ask for His blessings, or when I'm scared; or that I'm just, like, reflecting, when I talk about how grateful I am to Him. I just don't feel anything. I don't feel His love even though I may have it. I don't feel His presence even though he may be there for me all the time. I just don't feel it. I feel like I'm alone.

And I felt so envious, envious that everyone could raise their hands in worship, envious that everyone had so much to pray for, envious that everyone else could feel His presence, His love, but I didn't know what to feel or how to feel, I just didn't feel anything. Envious that everyone was worshipping but I just couldn't seem to.
Envious that everyone could feel God but I couldn't.

And I cried, I cried like mad, I cried through quite a number of songs. Xiao Xuan passed me a packet of tissues. She must've heard my wailing despite the fact that the band's playing was already super loud. I just cried and cried and cried because I wanted to feel Him so badly, I wanted to know why everyone was worshipping him so intensely, I wanted to know what it felt like to know Him, to be able to communicate with Him. I felt like an idiot standing there, while everyone's eyes were closed and hands were raised and chanting really loudly and fast and a lot of them kept repeating something I didn't understand. I felt like an alien. I felt like I didn't belong.
I didn't want to feel like I didn't belong. I wanted to know God.

And the most important thing I've learnt wasn't the pastor's preaching (although that was super interesting too), but that I was never really a Christian ever. Despite going to Sunday School before my dad stopped me when I was 12, and praying a lot, I don't have a relationship with God. Maybe not at all.
I may have gotten his blessings before, just that I don't know. When I topped the class in overall marks in the first term, when I got rather okay grades this time. When we didn't screw up during the OB In-house concert (even though my outfit was the screwedest ever), when Xueling laoshi chose us to sing for that television show. Every day I feel lucky, most of the time I feel lucky to be alive and to be able to do all the things that I do. I feel really lucky that I've found this love, that it's made me such a happier person, and a lot of other things (I don't want to go off-topic). But then again, this love is already a sin in itself; God couldn't have planned it, right?! Maybe it was all because of him. But then again, I don't know, because I don't know what it would've been like if I didn't believe in Him, right?

I don't know. And I don't know if I can say I'm lucky to have Him in my life. Of course I am, I mean, but I don't feel God the way others do. I don't feel... anything.

I sin everyday. Everytime I say a lie, everytime I put someone down (even if it's just for fun e.g. "You very stupid leh you!" even though I don't mean it), everytime I curse, and every second I'm thinking about you, because our love is already a sin.

Maybe I just don't know how to feel it, but I really really really wish I could be close to God. Yeah, the fact that Jt's taken my bible away and that I can't go to church till I'm 17 doesn't help much, but I really want to be.

OMGOSH

I didn't want to post anything until after I uploaded the sleepover pics but I can't resist:

1. JJ'S ALBUM IS OUT TODAY
but I didn't go to buy it because I had no money, AND THEN

MY MUM GAVE ME $200 FOR TOPPING THE CLASS IN BIO AND GEOG!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


$200!!!!!!
Fyi my family isn't very rich one okay. We live in a hdb flat and not in a $5m semi-D at Orchard unlike AHEM. Or a very very huge $2.5m house at Bukit Timah, unlike AHEM AHEM. 
And... my father's a teacher. Doesn't that explain a lot? Yeah teachers are underpaid. My dad once only had $36 (or was it $6?) in his bank account heh.

AHHH WAHAHAHAHA I shall (try to) save all the money for the holidays when I don't get allowance and I need money the most (:
Uh, apart from the money needed to buy the JJ cd.

Oh yes and I shall use $10 to fulfill my dreams of going to Starbucks. Yah lah I know I'm damn loser.
I've never eaten at:
- Starbucks
- Coffee Bean
- Gloria's some coffee thing
- New York New York
- Carls' Junior
- (cancel the "at") The ribs at Tony Roma's (We used to go there with my Msian cousins but I never dared to try the ribs there. The first time I tried it was a year after the last time we went. And I fell in love with it. Sucks right?)
- A lot of other places. Most of them I don't even know I guess.

Oct 16, 2008

DON'T SAY I'M ACTING EMO I'M NOT ACTING EMO

I tried to sit on the ledge but I was too short.
"No get down, get down"
You looked like you were about to cry; I got off and hugged you and as you cried I swore I wouldn't do it again.


It was horrible.
I imagined that you were sitting on the ledge on the 16th floor, the one I attempted to climb up that day. You sat facing the outside.
i screamed and cried. You heard me and wanted to turn around to get your feet inside the building so that you could get off and come to me;
but you lost your grip and fell off.
Sixteen floors.
I screamed and took the lift down. The hum of the lift was so peaceful, like as if nothing had happened.
It's funny how life goes on as usual for the rest of the world but time seems to have stopped for you, you realised your life would never be the same again.
I rushed to you, you were lying faced down in a pool of blood. I hugged you so tightly but you didn't hug back. I wanted to kiss you but your mouth was full of blood. I wanted to stop the blood from flowing out, I wanted to lick all your blood away because it was part of you.
It was funny, how your body was right in front of me, but the soul I fell in love in was lost.
I didn't know how to save you, I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to call the ambulance - they'd take you away from me. i didn't want you to leave me. i didn't want to leave you.
And then I started to think back about our times together. 14th October - 353 days we've been together. Almost a year. I thought about our early months, how we sat by my piano and played random songs and how you'd slowly put your arm round my waist and I'd put my head on your shoulder. I thought about that time you grabbed my hand and ran down the escalator. About our first kiss. About that song you wrote for me. About the first time you played with my hair.
You were gone.



I'm sorry I was so stupid, I feel so stupid. I just couldn't get the thought of you leaving me out of my head.
I can't live without you.
Thanks for being there for me all the time. Thanks for not crying even when you wanted to, thanks for comforting me when i was bawling my eyes out at the playground, thanks for hugging me close and telling me that you'd be there for me forever.

"It feels real, right? I'm here, baby. I'm here."

I'll love you forever.

WTH-.-

If y'all really think that was me you should go drown yourself.

That wasn't me. That was... MY ALTER EGO!

..Written by Jessie lah. Oh and I where got act ang moh! My blog skin is JJ hello. HAHAHA

Oh once Mr lee said "I think all of you very ang moh pai actually. Except Karen"

Oh but it's fun to twit once in a while (Last time on Heucampus during E-learning Jessie and I started chatting in twit and like irritating everyone until Kelly made us stop)
h@00 cuutex w00rs!

Jessie: HAHHA TOLD YOU, YOU'RE SO AHLIAN, I WAS MERELY SHOWING EVERYONE THE HIDDEN SIDE OF YOU! EXPOSING YOUR LIES! I WAS TYPING ALL THOSE, CAUSE I HEARD THEM FROM YOUR MIND OKAY! :D

I ROCK I ROCK! :D

I love my friends.

Jessie rocks.
I swear k, she's like the bestest person around. (Apart from b@0b3iis)
I'm an ah lian actually.
This whole Crescent thing is just a disguise.
DOESN'T ANYBODY SEE IT?!
I'm faking ang moh ya know, cause Crescent ostracizes all cheena piangs.
Wo hen sad derr worhz.
Anyway, I shall post in ah lian language, to show my true self.

h@rl0ws... nii m3nx h@os.. w0rhhs d3rh n@m3s shii k@renn... w0 aiix liiN jUnnz jii3s... k@waii n3hzxz! iie actu@lli h@t3 sk0ol d3rrh w0rhh... cUuz th3 p33ps wiill s@e miies aHh lii@ns.. d3n mii3s mUz b3 cH@o aNg m0hh l0rhs... tHeyy tiiNks th3y b3rii c00ls d3rhh w0rhhs.. mii3 duNnch lYkk k@es... 

ii f33ls sh0 gUdd tUhh b3 mii3s ag@iinzxz w0rhs... k@3... cH@ng3 b@kks nWw...

Hello the English Karen is back again. Never felt so good for a long long time. Honestly, I think the whole school culture is bull. BYE.

PS: This post is fictitious. Entertainment's sake. Seriously. Goodbye.
PPS: I LOVE JESSIE SUAH ALOT OKAY! ROCKS MY WORLD. 

Oct 14, 2008

Heh heh heh



Bored people do stupid things.

Heh heh heh

To my classmates:
I was sick yesterday and I'm still in the midst of recovering today, that's why I missed Chem and everything, don't say I ponned (KELLYYYYY!) But I went for dance because they were choreographing the Ju Hua Tai dance for Musical Evening, cannot miss!
TELL ME HOW THE CAPTAIN'S BALL THING GOES (:


Sick sick sick sick.
Baby's coming to visit me later (:
I'm going to sleep just before he arrives so that he can wake me up and surprise me with his "surprise healthy breakfast". (:

And something I've wanted to post here for a really long time:


KE WEI!

Oct 12, 2008

he spoke to God

"I asked Him why He gives people lives with freedom but in the end we have to obey the Bible and serve Him; why does he give us freedom?

He answered:
I did not give you freedom. Jesus did. And that's why I accept you no matter what you do.
I still love you.
Jesus' death had paid for everything, now all you have to do is praise, serve, believe, and come to me.
Trust that I can give you the best."

Oct 11, 2008

PURPLE IS ROYAL NOT GAY ):

     kAiiZ                         if only we could restart Secondary School..      says (5:46 PM):
purple..
my mum wanted me to buy a purple shirt from fox
but then i asked her "you want me to be a pimp ah?"
then zun zun some super gay looking gay wearing purple walked in
then my mum bought me a white shirt :D

Shit

Time now: 4.05 PM

Things I must finish before 5.30 PM:

1. Email and blacklist that stupid blogshop owner who scammed me of $20 (FUCKING CHEATERS, $20 LEH)
2. Edit, compile and send out 32 orders for Mimi Spree
3. Email all the Mimi spree customers about the status of the spree and rush those who haven't paid to pay up quickly
4. Inform all the people who bought from the JJS Spree that I'm cancelling it due to not-very-high response and ask those who paid for their account numbers so I can refund them
5. Post around 20 pictures on the Lj
6. Find a solution to my very runny nose 
7. Wash my face because it's damn oily
8. Inform all the people who bought from the Wiwi spree that their items have arrived and refund those whose items are out of stock

....And some people tell me they feel so bored during the holidays.

I should be practicing my piano pieces

A few things I wanted to blog about some time ago but never had the chance to.
They're all pretty related in some way.

1) 
I hate prejudice.
Let's just put it this way: If you really respected the leader of an organization/group you were in and one day you found out that he's a part of some satanic/cult group since he was 12, but you know he's still a nice person, would you still respect him as much and look at him in the same way? I doubt many people would. I admit I wouldn't.
I hate prejudice. 

And oh no, just because we don't look as good as a couple should because we don't live up to your expectations of what we're supposed to be like, you start judging us.
Oh no, they're so fake, no, he's just desperate for someone to show off to, oh no she's not suited for him, oh they're just faking it to pretend they're so great.
Oh gross they're so disgusting. Eww what's wrong with her. They should've broken up long ago. Can't she see they're not going to last? Break up with him already. 
But what you're doing is wrong, it's just wrong. You're sinning. It's wrong. Hurry up and break up with him. So immature.

I know what you guys are thinking even if you try to hide it from me. I'm not that stupid.
You're the ones who are immature.
Just because you guys don't understand our love, just because maybe we're not the kind of couple you'd expect us to be, just because we don't LOOK as good as you'd like us to look, you start saying prejudiced remarks.
No I won't break up with him. Our love's taken on a new level.
It's like we've fallen into a huge trap we can't get out of, we can't live without each other.
Don't tell us we don't really love each other if you don't know what our love is like. You're not us. You don't know what we're going through so don't try to act like we do.
And some people don't look at the exterior. He's the sweetest thing ever, you just have to dig a little deeper. Don't say you understand us. You don't. Nobody does except the both of us because you don't know what it's like to be us.
During the darkest points of our lives, we happened to find each other and make each other feel better, as friends. We were the closest people to each other even before we liked each other. At a point of time, we were the only people we could talk to.
Don't remark on our relationship like that because you don't know what it's like.


But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love


...I forgot the other 3 things I wanted to post.

Oct 10, 2008

This post is for You

What I promised I'd tell you.

Actually I know this is pretty lame but I started getting really frustrated when I couldn't get the breathing right. I mean I kept trying but I just couldn't understand, and both you and Janice could do it (and especially you could do it so effortlessly without having to try) but I was struggling and I just couldn't do it. Fucking shit, my stomach contracts even when I'm not breathing can. I was just really frustrated with myself. I wish I could get it I really wish. If I have to do planks and crunches then I will. I hate my airy voice. My airy voice was the reason my Choir teacher hated me. My stomach muscles are so fucking weak they can't remain expanded even when I hold my breath. Wtf?!


The second reason was after I saw the first picture in Janice's file. Yeah I know it's pretty lame too but it made me think a lot.



Reminded me of how you slit yourself.

Suicide bomber. Child.
Heroin addict.

Something I read from a website:
"This is one of highest searched keywords in the recent times and instead of websites offering information and counselling for people on how to stop these practices there are websites which have dedicated information on how to suicide and in rarest cases recently some people have started to commit suicides having their online web camera on and showing this whole scene online.
These websites not only offer information but offer tips on how to commit suicide and there are hundreds of websites offering this information dedicately. In India around half a million people try to commit suicide and around a lakh are sucessful with the media instead of hiding this information is trying to teach people on how to find this information online."
Isn't it quite depressing?
I don't know how many people feel this way or if I'm just abnormal, but sometimes when I see pictures of drugs I feel like trying them, just to see what they're like. Just to see what they're like. Curiosity killed the cat I guess. I mean I don't think I'd ever try them, but it's just a little thought I get sometimes.
Just like how I stated in one of my posts previously:
"Sometimes I wish I knew what it was like to feel really really hurt.To not want to eat or sleep or study because I’m too tired and crying’s all I want to do.To feel so much pain that only dying could ease it.To lie on my bed and scream and cry and cry and cry for hours because I can’t do anything else.Then maybe I’d understand you more."
(But I don't act emo please. SO DISGUSTING. I'm true to my feelings - most of the time, unless I'm feeling terrible but I don't want to show I'm sad. I don't act emo please. Happy's healthy!)
Just for curiosity, but I wouldn't go do it deliberately.
When a life is perfect and everything goes your way, it gets boring. To know what life really is about, you'd have to go through the toughest times and feelings. Not deliberately but when challenges are forced onto you. Like a poor villager who studies like crazy to become a CEO or something. You wouldn't have lived life to the fullest if you've been in the dirt.
I wish I knew what living was like.

ATTENTION ALL DANCERS

1) As there will be post-exam activities on Monday, school will end early. Thus dance will start at 2.30PM on Monday. Whoever arrives after 2.30 will be considered LATE.
Please make sure you guys remember the Musical Evening dances (Ju Hua Tai and the baby thing). If you guys have forgotten, please make sure you learn from your fellow dancemantes before Dance starts. Don't make Laoshi angry by wasting time + we don't have many practices left.
We will be organising a few more Dance practices during the holidays before Musical Evening so try your best to keep your holidays free (i.e. don't go overseas etc.)

2) Everyone is supposed to sell a minimum of 3 tickets for Musical Evening. Each ticket is $15. We will be performing on the 2nd day together with Choir (Band will be performing on the 1st day). Bring $45 on Monday for the tickets. If you are selling more than 3 tickets, bring $15 X (number of tickets you are selling).

Oct 8, 2008

NO MORE EXAMS

NO MORE MUGGING
OMG OMG OMG.

And because Jt ended today too, we went to Vivo (:


SUPERDOG'S FRIES FTW




Didn't buy clothes but we bought BUNNY BAGS HEEHEEHEE.
Pictures of them the next time we meet up for OB (:

Oct 7, 2008

You know what, I really suck

The time now is 10.47pm.

I should actually start studying for A math already.

I AM THE DEADEST PERSON EVER.

Sumay is damn stupid

Sumay:... But what's the point lah seriously.
Karen: You know what, I'm going to count the number of times you say 'What's the point from now on.
Sumay:... But what's the use!

Sumay's boyfriend is so mean.
"When I say my brain is getting stuck Binkai will say 'What brain?'"

Oct 6, 2008

I shouldn't be spending my money away like that

Just spent $30+++ on a whole load of crap.
I really hope this stuff works man. My face is in serious need of help D:

Now we know why they're the Triple Sciencers:

Two weeks before exams (26 Sep. Not counting Eng exam):
Triple Sciencer (at the end of an SMS-chat): Study hard yeah!

Three days before exams (26 Sep):
Classmate (shouting to the rest of the class): Eh has anyone actually started studying yet?


Goals for the FYEs:

Triple Sciencer: Ohman I hope I don't fail anything!

More than 2 of our subject teachers: If you guys are aiming for 100% promotion this year *points to Kelly's "Class goals: 100% promotion" on the board* some of you are going to have to work really really really hard.

Our form teacher: Come we must aim to get 100% promotion! Nobody's going to retain okay?

(For the juniors who don't know - or the triple sciencers too, because it's impossible for them not to get promoted so they don't know the criteria to get promoted - the criteria to get promoted is at least a pass for English and two other subjects, or if you fail English, at least five passes.)


Yes now we all know why.

Eh I was eligible for triple science okay? I just didn't take it because I know I can't handle three sciences and I'm a slacker so I can't manage so many subjects. But I have a feeling that I'd be studying so so so much harder right now if I went to 3c1 (I was contemplating about whether to go to take Triple sciences or Chem+Bio for a really really long time, because I have an interest in Bio but my dad's an upper sec Phy teacher, and Chem's compulsory so no choice) but I went to 3s2a instead, and yes we all know how much I'm slacking.
I think the class environment affects us a lot.
Actually the people in my class are smart but we're just too lazy. (yes all the teachers keep emphasizing this, especially LJW). We do have the potential (come on s2a, we topped the level in Lit for MYE! :D) but because of what we think the teachers' impression of s2a is (The S classes used to be for combined sciences only so we all thought the teachers would look down on us even though more than half of us take Double Sci, and yes some of them actually did initially) we sort of think "Since they don't expect much of us there's no point trying". 
Plus like I think it's quite obvious that 3s2a is a more Arts class than a Science class. We're quite okay in our Humanities subjects (or we used to be in Geog for the first half of the year, until __) but we all suck at Sciences and Math subjects yes. E.g. For the common tests 3c3's average for Chem was AN A1 OMG. And our average was C5 or C6 ah. Then Mr Lee went "See? Your average not fail sia! Not bad!" when our scores were obviously so terrible compared to the other classes. And and for MYE the average E Math scores for our class was 34/100. Yeah. And only three people passed. Not even a B4 or B3 I think. I was fourth in position I think, and I got 48 yeah. And this china scholar got a BLOODY 96/100!!!!!)
But oh nooo, our school only offers bloody Science stream. And in the Science stream, they obviously focus more on your Science & Math subjects yes. (BLOODY HELL LUH, NOT OUR FAULT WE'RE NOT LEFT-BRAINED RIGHT!!!! RIGHT-BRAINED PEOPLE ARE COOL KAY!)
Yes so we're deemed the stupidest in a left-brained society.
):

Gosh, long post. I should be studying Chem.
Oh but what's the point? I'm going to fail anyway, and Eudz is going to top the class, but our class will still be the bottom 3 classes for Chem anyway.

And don't remind me about A math.

Disgust

Janey:
"What feeling do you hate the most?
- That people make themselves seem so big and so wonderful when they're not when they're no different from you."



I hate how people act to be popular. Or try anyway.

Oct 5, 2008

I feel egoistic today

Looking at the comments people gave us on Imeem for Shi Lian De Zi Wei makes me feel so happyyyyyyyyy.


msbadBADD xx 小坏坏:
"OMG.! 
I really love this sonq (: 
Nice sonq. 
It sinqs my heart out."

DaRKnESS LoNeLi: 
"i dun no who r they , r they star nv hear of them wat r their chinese name"

sss ccc:
"can send me this song pls pls ,this is very nice
(deleted to protect privacy)@hotmail.com
thx"

Joanna Tan: 
"Can send me the song please? (deleted to protect privacy)@hotmail.com"

XueliN -:
"can send me this song to (deleted to protect privacy)@hotmail.com"
"HOHO COOL . THIS SONG VERY NICE! SERIOUSLY I LOVE IT"

wei ren: 
"Ya..the song really nice...
Hahax..."

TEEEE HEEEEE :D
I mean I don't think I sound nice in Shi Lian De Zi Wei, or in any of the recordings for that matter (I sound like a whining 7-year-old. In Lei I'm singing the wrong note more than half the time. In Ai Ni my voice sounds strained PLUS my last note is off -.- And I don't want to think about Xia Ri De Qing Tian. I feel damn embarrassed. JT AND SHERM, WE MUST RERECORD). But it's nice to see some people you don't even know appreciating your music? (:
I mean, yeah, some tone-deaf people may think Bang Bang Tang's singing rocks to the max or something and I hope those aren't the same people who posted good comments on our song :/


Xueling Laoshi said she'd help Jt (and me) try to sell our compositions :D
Not that she listened to the compositions and thought they were nice. She didn't even listen to them but she told Jt she could help her try to sell. 
But she says it's really hard. Like it's normal to write hundreds of songs and only get one selected.
Plus it's not like our tunes are very nice or anything. It's not catchy it's quite boring. And very childish I guess, but that's probably because these are our first compositions. 

WE WILL JIA YOU (:

Oct 4, 2008

I feel like crying but I've got a facial mask on.

I'm typing this as you're getting your head stitched up.

You don't know how wrong you are.

Don't you realise that every time we quarrel it's because of me? It's always because you care about me and then I find you unreasonable and irritating. But everytime we argue it's because you're concerned about me.

We've been arguing about the blogshop ever since it started. I don't run the blogshop because I want to earn money; it's a pathetic way to earn money please. I'm running it because I enjoy doing it. Plus you can get stuff you want at cost price and you earn money for buying stuff you want instead of paying other people money. Right?

I know you hate meeting up with people and I try very hard not to make you do meetups. If you haven't realised you haven't met any customers for a very very long time already. 
As for the transferring of money, I really wish I could do it because there are ATM machines at Cheers near Crescent, Redhill MRT, Boonlay MRT, Jurong Point & Pioneer mall so it's really convenient for me to transfer money whenever we have to, but we both know why I can't do it. But I'll find a way. I'll just hide the card or something. During the holidays I can keep the card until I go to Japan. It'll be easier plus you won't have to leave the house, and I don't mind being in charge of the money, seriously.

I've already realised a very very long time ago that we're very different. Our families are very different and our values clash as well. I care a lot about being considerate to the public and giving others a good image whereas you couldn't care less. You want me to study really hard but I've never really mugged at all my whole life. We were brought up very differently from the start and we like different things. I know this is a lame example but the flavours of bubble tea we like clash completely, but we do give in to each other a lot. When you said you wanted to live with me because you couldn't stand your mother, the first thing I thought was "so if your mother was nicer to you you wouldn't want to live with me?" It was like as if you treated me like an escape plan or something. I really had the urge to retort "Go live with jessie lah, there's nicer food at her house" but then you started playing the piano because you weren't talking to me then I just got damn pissed and hung up.

The only common thing between us is music I guess. Music's how we got to know each other, how we got closer and how we got together as a couple. It's also the reason we're still together.

But I'm sorry for everything I did. If I were you I'd be hurt and jealous too, it's not just you and it's not because you suck or anything. I'm sorry I'm such a bitch, I know. You cab all the way here to look for me and I end up talking to my other friends the whole time I'm with you. There are a lot of examples but I'm too tired to list them; main point is I do understand why you're so hurt because of me and I'm really sorry and I'll try to do it less.

Different as we are, I still really love you a lot. We'll learn to give in to each other more and try to hurt each other less. I'll do anything to keep this relationship alive because I can't survive without you.

And if we live together we'll probably fight a hell lot over the choosing of furniture.
But before that I must make one thing clear:
Bed MUST be like not a high one, very very low like my parent's bed which is just a huge mattress. And the floor must be made of wood like my house's. Can put carpet also. No arguing I don't care. This will ensure that if you EVER fall off the bed again from crying so much, you won't hit your head so badly that you start bleeding like fuck again.

Oct 3, 2008

I suck

Was watching the video of Jan, Mad, Jt and I performing that medley during the OB In-house concert.
I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I WORE.
OBJMS, WHY ON EARTH DID YOU GUYS SAY IT WAS NICE?!?!?!

OMGGGGGGG.
that dress
+ red and black knee-length socks
+ black flat canvas shoes
+ karen’s chor lor-ness
= TOTALLY CMI.

I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I WORE SERIOUSLY OMG.
(Too embarrassed to post video/picture up already. Anw I don't want to show you guys the video here because our performance was a bit -.- too. I say "a bit" because I don't want to offend the other OBJMs. If it were just me I'd truthfully say "downright horrible")


Was looking through my past photos and realized how terribly gross I look. Ughhh.
I rock man.

I am proof that ugly people can find love too.

I suck

Decided that I find you very fascinating haha.
What'd it be like to be close to you?
Wish I was your friend.

Jt and I were attempting to be gross to Jessie hahahaha she screamed "YONG LE!!!" and ran away HAHA then I tried acting like Cuixiao HAHAHA


Was reading Janey's friend's Lj posts, damn damn sweet seriously.
Happy eighth month whoever you are (:

I should drink more water

JS:
"I can't be a camel you know, because I pee a lot!
Last time I drank two bottles of water and then I peed like seven times!"

I really hope I get at least a B for Lit :/

Didn't do 14 marks' worth of questions for SS (total: 50 marks) plus I didn't do Conclusion for the first SEQ essay.


Yay I rock. Next up: GEOG AND BIO (!!!!!!!!!)

Oct 2, 2008

I LOVE JJ AGAIN

JJ HAS THIS NEW MV CALLED "xiao jiu wo" (er little dimples?)
And they zoom in on his dimples
And like apparently because of the Dimpleking thing that Janice and Celeste did during his birthday party (They shouted DIMPLEKING! and JJ gave a blur look like "huh?" and the DJ thought they said PIMPLECREAM!), he said that in his next album's MV he'll do a zoom-in on his dimples.
AND LIKE *points at Celeste's display pic that's a screenshot of the MV where they zoomed in on his dimples* OMG!?!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!
16 more days to the release of his new album(:

Xiao Jiu Wo (MUST MUST WATCH)



:D *drowning in sweetness*
Haha his hair is freaking ugly but HE'S SO DAMN CUTE OKAY!!!!!!!
Plus LOVE HIS VOICE! Goes really well with A Sa's, & it's so STRONNGGGGGGG and SWEEEEEEEET *dying*

SUAH SUCKS!

JESSIE, I ALMOST CRIED LAUGHING AT YOUR EX BOYFRIEND'S VIDEO HAHAHAHAHAHA.

I'm not so mean as to post it up here although I'd really love to, so msn me for the video everyone!
HAHAHAHA

I'M A GUTTERBONEZ GROUPIE YO.
Please lah Jessie who would wanna have sex with him luh!

Oct 1, 2008

Fast crappy post

 You take the weirdest pictures of me :/

I'm beginning to love my Lj more and more because I'm free to post anything I want there.
But I've promised myself I won't abandon this blog eh.
Besides both blogs are about different things also. (:

TWO GIRLS WENT UP TO LAOGONG AND ASKED HIM FOR HIS NUMBER
AHAHAHAHAHA

Sorry flirts but my baby's worth so much more (:


JS: Thanks for your xanga post yeah, & LURRBE EUUX LOADDZXZXZX (!!!!)

YS&Sam: Stay strong, don't let others bring you down, you guys rock (: