Oct 16, 2008


I tried to sit on the ledge but I was too short.
"No get down, get down"
You looked like you were about to cry; I got off and hugged you and as you cried I swore I wouldn't do it again.

It was horrible.
I imagined that you were sitting on the ledge on the 16th floor, the one I attempted to climb up that day. You sat facing the outside.
i screamed and cried. You heard me and wanted to turn around to get your feet inside the building so that you could get off and come to me;
but you lost your grip and fell off.
Sixteen floors.
I screamed and took the lift down. The hum of the lift was so peaceful, like as if nothing had happened.
It's funny how life goes on as usual for the rest of the world but time seems to have stopped for you, you realised your life would never be the same again.
I rushed to you, you were lying faced down in a pool of blood. I hugged you so tightly but you didn't hug back. I wanted to kiss you but your mouth was full of blood. I wanted to stop the blood from flowing out, I wanted to lick all your blood away because it was part of you.
It was funny, how your body was right in front of me, but the soul I fell in love in was lost.
I didn't know how to save you, I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to call the ambulance - they'd take you away from me. i didn't want you to leave me. i didn't want to leave you.
And then I started to think back about our times together. 14th October - 353 days we've been together. Almost a year. I thought about our early months, how we sat by my piano and played random songs and how you'd slowly put your arm round my waist and I'd put my head on your shoulder. I thought about that time you grabbed my hand and ran down the escalator. About our first kiss. About that song you wrote for me. About the first time you played with my hair.
You were gone.

I'm sorry I was so stupid, I feel so stupid. I just couldn't get the thought of you leaving me out of my head.
I can't live without you.
Thanks for being there for me all the time. Thanks for not crying even when you wanted to, thanks for comforting me when i was bawling my eyes out at the playground, thanks for hugging me close and telling me that you'd be there for me forever.

"It feels real, right? I'm here, baby. I'm here."

I'll love you forever.

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