Oct 10, 2008

This post is for You

What I promised I'd tell you.

Actually I know this is pretty lame but I started getting really frustrated when I couldn't get the breathing right. I mean I kept trying but I just couldn't understand, and both you and Janice could do it (and especially you could do it so effortlessly without having to try) but I was struggling and I just couldn't do it. Fucking shit, my stomach contracts even when I'm not breathing can. I was just really frustrated with myself. I wish I could get it I really wish. If I have to do planks and crunches then I will. I hate my airy voice. My airy voice was the reason my Choir teacher hated me. My stomach muscles are so fucking weak they can't remain expanded even when I hold my breath. Wtf?!

The second reason was after I saw the first picture in Janice's file. Yeah I know it's pretty lame too but it made me think a lot.

Reminded me of how you slit yourself.

Suicide bomber. Child.
Heroin addict.

Something I read from a website:
"This is one of highest searched keywords in the recent times and instead of websites offering information and counselling for people on how to stop these practices there are websites which have dedicated information on how to suicide and in rarest cases recently some people have started to commit suicides having their online web camera on and showing this whole scene online.
These websites not only offer information but offer tips on how to commit suicide and there are hundreds of websites offering this information dedicately. In India around half a million people try to commit suicide and around a lakh are sucessful with the media instead of hiding this information is trying to teach people on how to find this information online."
Isn't it quite depressing?
I don't know how many people feel this way or if I'm just abnormal, but sometimes when I see pictures of drugs I feel like trying them, just to see what they're like. Just to see what they're like. Curiosity killed the cat I guess. I mean I don't think I'd ever try them, but it's just a little thought I get sometimes.
Just like how I stated in one of my posts previously:
"Sometimes I wish I knew what it was like to feel really really hurt.To not want to eat or sleep or study because I’m too tired and crying’s all I want to do.To feel so much pain that only dying could ease it.To lie on my bed and scream and cry and cry and cry for hours because I can’t do anything else.Then maybe I’d understand you more."
(But I don't act emo please. SO DISGUSTING. I'm true to my feelings - most of the time, unless I'm feeling terrible but I don't want to show I'm sad. I don't act emo please. Happy's healthy!)
Just for curiosity, but I wouldn't go do it deliberately.
When a life is perfect and everything goes your way, it gets boring. To know what life really is about, you'd have to go through the toughest times and feelings. Not deliberately but when challenges are forced onto you. Like a poor villager who studies like crazy to become a CEO or something. You wouldn't have lived life to the fullest if you've been in the dirt.
I wish I knew what living was like.

No comments: