What?

Over the past few days I realised I was really really good at tolerating other people when they were moody to me, or "show me attitude". I'd apologize, I'd make it seem like as if I didn't mind it when they shouted at me, or didn't want to listen to me, and I'd just keep apologizing, and trying very hard to make them happy.

Like as if I wouldn't get put off.

I don't feel like tolerating anymore, but I have to, because I can't afford to have fights with or lose these people.

I'm sorry. 

And sorry to Rachel too, for venting my anger at you a bit. I just couldn't take it. My feelings were messed up enough with everything else that was going on and then I realised I still had stuff to do. I want to forget about the blacklisted idiots, I can't be bothered to blacklist them but I have to, ugh.

And I hate it when you keep telling me you're sorry, when you keep apologizing because of me, when you feel bad because of me. I hate it. I don't want it. It makes me feel bad, you know it does that. And I don't feel like venting my anger to you because you'll just keep apologizing and that's not what I want, because I'll end up having to suppress my anger and comfort you instead. Have some pride. Don't keep doing this.