Oct 31, 2006

gary (cao ge) de SUPERWOMAN de MV is SO SO SO TOUCHING
watch already until want to cry :(
你爱的 到底是我,还是你自己?
ni ai de dao di shi wo, hai shi ni zi ji?
gosh i love the mv. it's nicer than the song itself XD but the song also nice lah.
omg i'm in love with this phrase.
*~[[ ni ai de dao di shi wo, hai shi ni zi ji? ]]~*
i love dan fei bi jiao hong
kan san xiao zhu, zhong, gui!!

and that jacky wu asked him when was his most memorable birthday then he say he was "dumped" by his girlfriend on his bday.. aww.. i mean i've read the article abt it before but hearing him say it is so diff.. he must be so hurt la..
and this other guy said, cos his bday is jan 3, so he and his frens go drink 103 cans of coke then take picture HAHAHAHAHA
then the guests were supposed to guess which pair of gals are sisters then they all choose those that look the most alike then jj chose the one he felt look the least alike cos he said he looks very diff from his bro and i realised it's quite true cos me and my bro look totally diff.. earlobes eyelids everyting oso different.. and he looks exactly like my dad when he was younger, i look exactly like my mum when she was younger lol so wierd right
oh yea and just now when i was at pioneer mall there was this small gal with her mother then the gal said in chinese "i want to go to the bookshop" then the mother pull her hair and drag her around then say "say again? you want to go where ah?" then the gal was wailing "don't want liao don't want liao" then the mother pull her hair and drag her away. like ouch. poor gal..
i cant believe what i did today
i wore a mini skirt to jurong point!
and i mean it's really short, like, around pe shorts length?? around there lah. and i bought it 2 yrs ago in australia and it was already quite short then.
plus i've got super fat legs!
cos i wanted to go jurong point to go look for the Ling Ting Shi Jie cd and a pocket file for all my newspaper cutouts :D and keychains and junk food (that would make me even fatter?!)
then my beloved khaki shorts were in the wash and couldnt find all my three-quarters and i felt jeans were abit too kua zhang to go jurong point XD so i had no choice but to wear this lor.
then i went jurong point only managed to find the file.
so i went to pioneer mall to buy all the junk food <333>
but i didn't manag to find the cd and any nice keychains.
and i was feeling damn malu when i was wearing that stupid skirt then later i saw 2 other gals arnd 13 or 14 yrs old wearing mini skirts oso and their legs weren't exactly very skinny then i felt so much better.
and i realised, it dosent matter whether u look good in something, it matters more whether u feel comfortable in it :D
well that's how it is here anyway. in orchard, hmm.. XD
but anyhow,
i still resolve not to wear skirts shorter than sch skirt length until my legs grow longer and skinnier!!!

Oct 30, 2006

anyone watches MTV chinese will know who ah fei is right?
he's damn shuai leh
and his english is SO PRO OMG
but he's taiwanese
he's like bilingual man!!!!!!!!
his accent is like so nice
and he can speak english so smoothly and fluently
totally opposite of xiaozhu XDXDXD
i cant wake up at 5.00 anymore.
not even at 7.30 lol
in fact, nowadays i'm waking up at like 10.15 hahaha!
it feels so gd to be able to wake up whenever i want
dunno whether there'll be another repeat..
i wanna buy ling ting shi jie cd!!

Oct 29, 2006

hahaha coach justin so funny lol
cos sumay was talking about fire drill
then coach justin said
"oh yah fire drill ah that one i got do before that one very idiot leh, sit in the sun so hot somemore"
then another time we were supposed to hit 4 times but he made sumay hit 5 times
then sumay went "you ah, i bet you will fail your o level maths one"
LOL so mean la

oh and he thought crescent was a mixed sch
like, i wish lah
and it's gonna be the last time this year we're gonna see him.. awww
GLOBAL CHINESE MUSIC AWARDS 2006!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

vvip seats leh! not just VIP is VVIP LEH OMG
i love deena deena deena deena
and omg the entrance we walk through is where all the da ming xing walk
and we were like 4th row from the front
so near all the da ming xing
and we saw geralding teresa wei cong SHE mayday de ashin zhang jing xuan junyang kelly weilian linyuzhong jinsha omgomgomg
and like at the end got all the confetti then ella scoop it up and chase after liu de hua HAHAHA
and we were like screaming our heads off then i scream so loud until the person in front of me stuff tissue into her ears hahaha
and jj won best song and best composer yay!!
and i dunno why but all the pics i took with the cam disappeared.. its not like i pressed anything lor :( so sad
cos i took a pic of zhang jing xuan with one confetti thing in his hair
and another of wei cong playing with a straw in his mouth
i HATE that stupid cam tsk
and i dun tink deena's mum will ever invite me for anything again cos i made such a fool of myself
oh and amelia asked deena why got so mani da ming xing then she nv scream
then deena say
"aiya used to it liao mah"

!?!??!?!?!?! strangle her ah
oh and i managed to see carol and jacey and jt yay!!
HEBE!!!!! JJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAYDAY!!!!!!!!

Oct 27, 2006

oh oh and my stomach hurts everytime i sneeze or something
muscle ache like siao
cos during dance shermin and ling and i did
i hate the dentist.
and its not cos im scared of the pain or anything. i long ago used to it le.
i hate waiting for my turn to come!! must wait so long for a 10-min treatment.
i had to wait for ONE bloddy HOUR today for my turn to come!!
and it's not like the other time i waited for 1.5 hrs cos that time i was 1/2 an hr late so obviously i have to wait very long la.
this time i was 1/2 an hour early?!?!?!
and i still had to wait 1 hr!!
and the orthodontist had to put 2 brackets (the small metal thingy on the teeth) on my molars today.
who the heck thought of gluing metal pieces to your teeth?! must be as crazy as the person who thought of poking a hole through loose flesh hanging from your ear and hanging a piece of metal there.
oh and later im going to IMM for the SHE thingy!!
but i cant eat anything hard cos dentist say she scared the new brackets will fall out :(

Oct 26, 2006

*~~[[ last day of school ]]~~*
its so weird, because the year seems to have passed by so soon, i can still remember so many things that happened during the first few months in crescent, yet some things felt like they have lasted forever...
the first thing i said to:
Nadine: asked her who her fave singer was (and she said jj!! and i couldnt believe my ears and i was like "huh can u say again?!" lols
Yimei: "um.. can i sit here?" lol on the first day i was SO QUIET.
Jiayi: "jiayi!" (cos we were both from 1g3 transfer to 1c1 and we both didnt noe where to go. she went "oh, you're also going to 1c1?" then we got lost somewhere in futura block trying to find our way to c1 classroom XD
Janeen: "i also dunno! *giggle*", when she asked me how to do one of the exercises we had to do during the track trials janeen, nade and i signed up for on 28 dec.
first impression of:
Nadine: *i bet she's a rich gal from RGPS. she looks like she knows ballet. she dosen't look like she can run* (i was wrong! she CAN run. but other than that my guess is so good right?!)
Yimei: *she's so quiet.*
Vana: *omg she's so pretty thank god jiayi's sitting beside her if i were sitting beside her i'd be feeling so ugly next to her* (i bet everyone agrees :D)
Gladys: *is she a sec 2 who didn't get promoted?! she dosent look sec 1!"
Janeen: *so cute. her hair very nice. and she looks like a very quiet gal* (BOY WAS I WRONG)
Other Stuff:
- jiayi has a very common face and somehow i couldn't recognise her face during the first few weeks of school so whenever she went "hi karen" i'd go "err hi" and i'd be thinking *omg do i even know her?! so freaky* lol. jiayi's gonna hate me for life after this post.
- when jiayi and i FINALLY found the ceeone classroom and mr __ showed us in i was like *whose grandfather is that?!* and no that wasn't sarcastic even!!!
- before amanda khoo thinned and layered her hair, it was still very cutecute and i feel that without her specs she would have looked abit like felicia chin leh.
- when i was still with 1g3 the first thing miss karen tan said was "if you got any older siblings in the school they'd have told you nightmares about me." i was like *wth* but later on i found her quite funny leh.
- i told my cousins, ex-crescentians shu en and shu hui, the name of my 1g3 form teacher, and they were like "ohmigod her?! karen you're damn suay she's super fierce she'll totally kill you man. confirm get alot of demerits one" then my mum said "ey say nicer things lah, poor gal just started sch leh" then they went "oh. em" then shu en went "she's very pretty". and then there was a very long pause. O_olll LOL
- there was once ms zhang told us to intro ourselves in chinese and when i said "wo hen xi huan lin junjie" two people stood up and screamed- hannah and qiqi!! :D
There are so many things i still remember about the first few months in crescent, how sec 1s were so easily distinguished among the rest cos of the long long skirts, until we found out about how to fold skirts. and how we irritated the npcc seniors and ella and nadee so badly cos we were too shy to cheer.
yet there are so many things that seem to have lasted forever- like the friendship i share with my classmates. can you believe we've only known each other for abt 10 months?! yet out of these 10 months we can make very very good friends, form cliques, and still got time to have friendship probs and patch up lol.
in my opinion, 10 months may seem like a very short period of time in a few ways, but in others it may seem very very very long.
nade.. im really sorry for you.. don wori you'll get your tablet back!

Oct 25, 2006

- Drizzling when i left school, didn't think i'd need to borrow jiayi's umbrella
- Downpour when i reached boon lay mrt station =.=
- No umbrella cos didn't borrow from jiayi. shouldn't have underestimated the rain :(
- Decided to take bus home since no umbrella (duh lah)
- Just missed 243 bus. JUST. so had to stand down there and wait and i was carrying a super heac]vy slingbag, paper bag consisting of 2 DICTIONARIES and 2 files and alot of books, AND a tablet.
- got off at 2nd bus stop- no covered walkway to my house!!! :S
- called my mum in desperation and she said she'd call for maid to bring umbrella to the bus stop
- hands were dying so i put the paper bag down on A PUDDLE OF WATER
- so obviously the base of the paper bag got soft and tore apart and i didn't know so when i lifted up the bag everything fell into the puddle of water =.=
- my chinese dictionary is now SOAKED. (but nadine says "aiya dont care lah i mean it's a chinese dictionary." XD)
- my maid arrived like centuries later
- she had 2 umbrellas, one for her and one for me
- when she opened my umbrella she found that THE UMBRELLA WAS SPOILT.
oh yeah and i was sleeping on the mrt and this malay lady woke me up :)
so far 4 pple had to wake me up on mrt: this chinese guy, 2 malay ladies and one chinese lady. super malu can XD
hype up concert was fun.. hehe.. in the end only sumay's family and my family excluding my mum went. cos sumay's friends couldn't make it at last minute. i think.

Oct 24, 2006

yay my hugboard has officially recieced 100 hugs since it was put up 3 days ago!!!
and I LOVE NADINE for helping me do the new blogskin. super nice right?!

Oct 23, 2006

came home at 7.40 today! haix.. then it was so dark.. aiya at least better than the time i came home at 8.00 wahaha
and the costume for the bumble bee dance is so HIDEOUS on me. i mean it's nice on gloria and shermin but not on pple like me! and the skirt so nice like i got legs to show off liddat. shudder. i think my fat legs will kill the audience. thank goodness it's gonna be super dark when i do the solo XD
oh SU CHANG (from jjfc de) came up with a jj "cheer" : *JUN JIE ZAI WEI, SUO XIANG WU DI* omg so nice la cos "jun jie zai wei" is actually a phrase with jj's name inside it O_O so cool can! and it means "when an outstanding person is in the area" then "suo xiang wu di" means "there are no enemies in the area" so it can mean:
1) when an outstanding person is in the area, there are no enemies
2) when JJ is in the area, there are no enemies
yay one more day to hype up concert!! love sumay cos her aunt got free tix then i can go :D yay!
sumay finally put up her blog! and the url has nothing to do with jj =.= she said she was planning to do sth like "jj and me" or "hyperjjfan" but i snatched the two first muahahaha (my url is hyperjjfan and my blog title is jj and me.) XDXD

Oct 22, 2006

pple i just put up a Hugboard! ive wanted to do it since dunno-when and i finally decided to put it up so yea. and hug me okay!! cos i noe you guys *love* me!! XD EGO.
ok i've got to stop hugging myself.
(that sounds sick.)
my mum says maybe if 25 and 26 dun have dance prac then on 24 after dance prac i rush to msia for 7yee's wedding then come back to singapore.. but i confirm cannot go genting cos by the time i reach there they'll be on their way back le lol. aiya so sad lor. my mum say she try see whether they can arrange another one next time lor. but dunno if i can make it then also... mus hope for the best there'll be no more dance pracs/performances when i go msia lorh. or worse, what if my parents go aus next yr and i cannot go?! (like poor Lynn, sacrifice trip to aus cos of dance) cos we were supposed to go this yr but cos after buying tablet no more savings le so cant. amelia lucky lorh, can go taiwan. amelia, if u see anything nice mus buy for me hor ~~ u didnt buy me bday pressie this year ahh.. (ok i noe i didnt buy her anything too.. oh no i bought her a 30cents oreo i tink) MUST OKAY.. esp any jj stuff. u wan me to pay u back the money oso can but u die die mus buy any jj stuff u see for me

Oct 21, 2006

yvonne says ian's house renovate until very nice. they join with the other neighbouring hse so their big hse is now bigger. i want to go and see but i can't go back to msia with my family cos of DANCE. shit lah! i want to attend 7yee's wedding and go genting and see how it's like cos everyone's toking abt it.. and i want to take neoprints with yvonne.. why why why does musical nite have to be on the 27th.. if it was on 24th i can go msia le.. THEY WANNA DIE IZZIT
and i finish making the christmas card for jj le! :D

Oct 20, 2006

im really sorry vana and nade and yimei and jiayi!!!!!! passing the sore throat to you guys.. and my mum too.. omg. i feel so bad. sore throat contagious meh? i mean nade shared my straw even though i told her DO NOT COS IM SICK so obviously she wud get it la. and amelia but i dunno if she's sick yet. but the rest.. i'm really really sorry.. i shall try to stay away from everyone else on mon if i'm still sick okay? so dun try to get to near me.. yea.
really really sorry!!!!!!
aah. RASHES!! for the first time in my life! lol. so now im getting fever, runny nose, sore throat and rashes all at once. like three not enough must add one more ah. tsk.
im thinking of adding one more blog song.. so that everyone who views my blog (not that there are alot la) will have 2 choices of songs to listen to.. maybe jj's dou jiang you tiao? too bad radioblogclub.com dosent have sarang heyo.. love that song.. ok i like it mainly cos of the concert and qianminghui but yea.
oh and i rmb sometime this month there were onli jovina, yeeshan, sam and i in class then yeesham ask me to play jj's hui you na me yi tian then i played it, then yeeshan and jovina were singing along then sam was like "ey shh i want to hear lah" then later sam said jj's voice very nice. YAY
and another time sports heats that time (term 2?) then only like 1/2 of the class were in class so ms zhang played a few chinese songs on her com since no point in teaching mah. then she played jj's jiang nan & yi qian nian yi hou then a few of the gals in class were singing along.. omg i felt like so good lah

Oct 19, 2006

60 pushups, 30 crunches, 20 superman thingies, and 1 blister during dance?!
had to do pencil turn dunno how many thousand times barefoot on the hall floor nearly died in pain. now my poor foot kena blister. tsk. see how much i sacrifice for musical nite man.
reason #1: i was having a gd chat with mi cousin peter, he has never gone online for so long b4 lol, then ceeone dancers aka nade melia sher blabla were begging for me to go tanglin mall with them for lunch. then i really didnt want to stop my conversation + abandon my beloved tablet but i went anyway. and my mum sounded super pissed when i asked her. then we went kopitiam and i din noe wat to buy and so bought a smoothie cos i thought it wud be filling and it wasn't. and it cost like $3 and i overspent today's allowance. so, by giving in to my frens and going to tanglin mall, i 1) was unable to save any money today, 2) had to stop convo with peter and 3) pissed my mum. i knew i shouldn't have gone. ceeone dancers, happy now?
rewason #2: I MISSED THE FIRST 20 MINS OF THE FUNNIEST EPI OF GOONG!!! cos actually dance ended at 5.50 then i can go back in time but sher wanted me to go with her to 7-11 then go until 6.40 so couldnt make it home on time. and missed the part she tortured that cushion of the prince thingy!!!!!SHERMIN AH!!! and i was supposed to record for rachel oso lorh. and no repeat!!!!!!!

Oct 18, 2006

new blog song again!
fastest i ever changed blog song hahaha.
Yi qian nian yi hou by JJ.
actually i hated iwebmusic cos it made all my jj songs sound crappy
then sarah intro-ed me to this super cool site!
prob is we can't upload songs and they dun have sarang heyo so i took yi qian nian yi hou.
and the sound quailty is so gd!
and you can change the colours of the icon
and you can pause or play the music whenever you want
saw a dead cat today with ling and petrina. and its eyes were open?! UGH.
and i dunno what to get ___ and ______ for bday pressie yet!! DIE. ((i mean their bday is tomorrow leh!!)) OH OH and i beat ching jiayi in maths AND literature!!! :O

and i didnt fail any subject!!!!!
oh fir and dan fei bi jiao hong competing in yu le bai fen bai
F.I.R. <33333333
YU LE BAI FEN BAI <333333333333

Oct 17, 2006

aaah. low fever. poof.
took neoprints with jy and ym and vana and nade today!!! <3333>
the 1st machine we took is the one with the sofa. and i dunno why but i always look crappy when i take in that machine. =.= i like the 2nd machine more lorh. it's a $9 one, the one right opposite the counter. that one make everyone look very nice and it was so hard to choose which one to select. and we wrote "mr teo rocks" on one cos the design had test tubes on it. haha. and on another one got me and ym in front then the design got 2 tables in front then it's so cool cos in real life we really sit beside each other lol. and we didnt realise until we were designing on it.
i will treasure this day forever!! <333333>
i broke my specs today!!! but thank goodness my parents didnt scold me :D
i was like changing from my pe shirt to my blouse then my specs broke. the left lens cracked into half lol. and now i cant see a thing from where i'm sitting in class. then when they were doing that good boobs health thingy they showed alot of *porn* pics but i couldn't see much cos i wasnt wearing specs lol.
guys can be diagnosed with boob cancer?!
poor guys. then they'll be tormented by their frens all their life and they'll be like labeled stuff like gays or sissys..
really sympathize with them!
mammograms must hurt.
ok this is turning into one sick post lol

Oct 16, 2006

YAY today dance ended super early and no physical or punishments so i could go home early and i managed to catch the whole of princess hours without missing 15 mins - 1/2 hr of the show!!!
and on the way to the mrt station shermin was playing My Humps on her handphone and lingling started to do those bar dancing stuff then sher and i were laughing like siao. then ling said if there was a tcher here ling would have gotten a demerit cos she was "misbehaving in public" HAHAHAHAHA
and nadine i love you for helping me do the jj blogskin!!! <3333333333>
and it's like so unfair lorh. like, compare me and nade. she eats ice-cream every day, i eat it once a fortnight or less. she never misses lunch when she's in school, i eat it only sometimes. and i havent eaten a kit kat bar for centuries?! and we're like the same weight?!?!?!??!?!

Oct 15, 2006

17 dec leh! like, its the day before sarah's bdae?! woahhh
and all he OB aristes will be going, like jj, ado, lin yu zhong, jin sha etcetc.
oh and JJ BEAT JAY CHOU in an award during MTV awards! tai wan di qu zui shou huan ying nan ge shou (Most popular Male Singer in Taiwan). he beat pple like jaychou and davidtao.. OMG so proud of JJ!!!! <3333333
lol. coach justin so funny. and his facial expressions all very cute XD
oh i told coach justin i joined modern dance then he said "oh i also dance" then we were all like staring at him then he went "but mine is tapdance" then we all started laughing like siao then he went "ey you will be surprised with what i can do okay" then we were like O_olll hahahahaha! i cant imagine coach justin tapdancing.. like imagining him riding a bicycle in boon lay sec pe shirt.. AH but i did see him ride a bike in boon lay sec pe shirt! ahahahaha.

Oct 14, 2006

janice and a few other JJFC members took pic with J3 outside indoor stadium before jj concert?!?!??!?!!
but at least i got to stand super close to them when i saw them at the jj concert.. and i stared at jacky like siao lol..

Oct 11, 2006

i just broke my J-trend!!
my past blog songs were
- Jiang Nan,
- Jian Jian Dan Dan, and
- Ju Li.
i never realised that all 3 started with J?!!??! but now i'm changing it to Sarang heyo. no more J. :( i should have chosen Jiu Shi Wo or Jin Hua Lun or Jing Ling. tsk.
having 3-way conversation on msn with sarah and sumay! and audrey was here too but she left :(
and cos i was helping my mum find out properties of chemicals and it was really tedious then i said to sarah and sumay "wanna burst my brain" then sarah went "must've been really messy" LOL LOL LOL hahahahaha
and i've been listening to SHE's Lian Ren Wei Man for six hours straight! from 11.00 to 4.00 (the time now obviously).
zhi yao ni shuo chu kou, ni jiu neng yong you wo~~
it's sorta like what i wanted to tell someone last time lol


(Oct 11 2011)

Girl Power

That’s the hockey boy.

The air is smoky, the disco lights are dim, but I’d recognise those almond eyes anywhere. Your gaze – penetrating, mysterious, like that of a fox. Jared. Jared the fox. You’re walking towards me – I never thought you’d look at me in the eye like that, like how your gaze is holding on to mine now.

You’re a tad tipsy. So am I. Hello, Jared.

You know my name. You’d know me; I’m Sarah’s friend. Sarah, the girl whose heart you broke two weeks ago. I’m the one you see drying her tears at the stands, trying to mend her soul. You horrible boy. I know what you –
your gaze cuts me off in my head. Those eyes of yours – no need for words.

Boy, you’re close.
Your breath smells of alcohol. So does mine.

Your lips and mine – meant to be, meant to be. You’re a fiery power washing over me. Boy, where have you been my whole life? Your hands, your lips – you’re fire, raging fire; my heart screams a beautiful inferno. I’m drowning, drowning, but you’re all that matters.

The next night, we hang out at the park under the diamond-studded sky, a mild bottle in your hand and one in mine – for atmosphere – and we talk and laugh and laugh till dawn. You’re beautiful. We talk for many nights afterward. And then one day you kiss me again.

“Yeah, she’s my girl”
We’re inseparable. We laugh and kid around with the other hockey boys as you put your arm around me, keeping me close and safe. “She’s hilarious, where’d you get her?” I’m flattered. I’m popular.

Not hurt yet – so blind, so blind.

Four weeks on and you’ve used the word “boring” on me once. Just once – just a couple of drinks and a lonely park and things are better again. Just a stroke on my cheek and my heart melts. That’s the power you have over me.


Six weeks on. We’ve been at the bar a couple of hours and I notice you’ve been shooting too many passes at the girl in the purple heels.

Five days later, you say maybe we should take a break. I say nothing. I know you won’t return.

You leave me to curl up in the cold of the dark, dark night, to wonder how things even began.

Three weeks later, I’m at the stands with Sarah and there you are at the hockey pitch. You don’t notice me, but I hear every word.

“new girl… Maddie…nailed her last night” “One more prize to the collection, J?”

Now my blinds have been removed.

I’ve known it all along, really – you aren’t really serious about the girls you take, and I shouldn’t be so affected by this, because you aren’t. But that little remark was a swift dagger through my heart – I guess a little flame in me thought I was as special as you had made me feel, with the sunsets and the moonlit dreams.

Hurt like an unsuspecting, jagged-edged dagger.

It’s like you have this power, this control in you, and you happened to spill a bit of it on my soul – you’ve walked away, but the stain remains.

The hurt turns into rage – fury at your charm that is the power you seem to have over naïve girls, and at the fact that you know that, and abuse it. Rage builds up inside me. You foul monster behind that mask of charm – you walk right through the glass doors to my heart, fill it with electricity, and then trample on it without even realising because you’re tripping over yourself, your sights set on the next pretty girl.

Prizes. You and your friends speak of girls like trophies – little medals for display, numbered off. You boys think you have this supreme hypnotic power over these prizes. Just a gaze, just a kiss, and she’s yours up for show. You parade around with her, making her feel special when you’re really just announcing your latest catch. It’s these blind girls like me, blind to your obnoxious personality inside, whom you flatter for a thrill. You assume you have all the power, the authority, to walk right in and out and leave a trail of broken, yearning hearts.

No more. If there’s one thing to learn, it’s that you boys don’t hold all the power. We’re emotional and vulnerable – but we’re vicious, too, just like you.

It’s my turn to show you power.

I, on behalf of all the other hearts you’ve broken, of all the girls whose souls have been crushed by boys like you – I’ll unleash the poisonous power we girls are capable of: the power of words. I’ll show you the ferocity and strength of the girls you mess around with.

Word spreads like wildfire, like how we girls do it. Jared, that cute hockey boy everyone knows – he really isn’t as amazing as his charm makes him out to be. His stupid charm and his stupid eyes: bait waiting for a girl to get hooked.

“Yuck, that’s the guy. What a bastard.”
Soon everyone knows of your hunger for tender hearts. The air around you is acidic; you feel the tingling poison behind the words of those who pretend they heard nothing. The girls shoot you passing glances that speak a thousand words. The decent boys promise their girlfriends they’re nothing like that bastard they’ve been hearing about, that infamous cute hockey boy. The power of girls and their acidic words, they’ll crush you. They will.

How much power does it all hold, though?

What power do I command by having done all that, by telling the world of your ugliness behind the charm? You crushed my heart with four weeks of charm and deceit, shallow promises and alcohol-induced infatuation. And I attempt to kill you just as viciously – albeit more straightforwardly – by exposing your hideous soul. I try to make you see how ugly you really are, but perhaps I really only have the power if it crushes you – and heals me.

Yet every time I see you, a little spark goes off in my heart before I crumble again. Just the sight of you makes me suddenly feel powerless. I realise my revenge never tasted sweet. I tell yet another girl of your cruel heart, and one more person knows of the horrible boy you are – and the stupid girl I was. And I remind myself of it one more time.

As much as I hate to admit it, my bitter attempts at getting back at you never healed me. My attempts to show you the power we girls are capable of – the girls you catch and kiss and throw back into the black sea – they never make me feel stronger. I try to crush your world, but I only push myself deeper into the hole I dug with your filthy silver-coated shovel.

And what impact does it have on you? You know your reputation’s ruined; it’s going to be just that bit harder to get the next girl. But you’ve been pretty infamous for your wild side all along anyway – your friends have always known too – what difference does it really make?

And as I curl up in my bitter thoughts, you’re on to your next party with the girl in the purple heels, laughing with the people who don’t give a damn. The pretty girls still know you’re high up the social ladder – blind girls who’d kill for fame. They’re the girls you entertain – for a night of “fun” – and then joke about the next day with the boys.

What is power when it only continues to push me deeper into this emotional whirl? What is power when it has no effect on you?

What is this power?

You’ve displayed your power over me by effortlessly pulling me close and walking away, but keeping me chained while you freely move along. I submit myself to you with tears, bitterness and letting you know I still haven’t moved on, with my angry acidic words.

Power isn’t about furiously trying to get back at you: it’s about moving on.

Letting go is easier said than done. First, I must acknowledge that I’m still your prisoner. The times I spent telling the world about your vicious interior – I was merely angrily banging at your door, screaming for an apology.

I fall incredibly silent. No longer do I speak of you. I try to laugh along with my friends; I thank God for the times you’re not on my mind, for when I’m distracted by people who actually matter.

When I see you in school, I try not to avert my gaze, but neither do I glare. I look straight at you, trying to be unafraid, unaffected. Of course I’m trembling inside – but if I don’t act like my chains have been broken, I’ll never convince myself that they are.

I tell Sarah the truth I’ve just learnt of. Sarah says she had known it all along – my vicious get-backs just proved that I was still emotionally bound to you.

Slowly, she helps me rebuild the walls of self-love that you had torn down. Sarah. The girl whose heart you had toyed with just before you had taken mine – she doesn’t mind it. She forgives me for blindly falling into the arms of the boy she was still trying to get over at that point in time. She isn’t chained to the bitterness that I am trying to free myself from. That’s strength. That’s power.

At first, I thought power was telling the world of your ugly black heart. Little did I realise all I did was tighten the ropes that bound me emotionally to you, while you didn’t care. With that, I had only proven the extent of the power you still had over me.

Power isn’t about angrily trying to ruin the life of the one who ruined mine – that’s simply bitter revenge, and it doesn’t set you free. Power is showing him that he no longer has any control over me, that I’ve moved on.

Boys may think they have that power over us, but when we break ourselves free from the sugar-coated chains they lock us to, with strength, with forgiveness –
they realise they have no power after all.
im at my mum's office now supposed to help her with some wok and earn some money!! $.$ haha.
and in the bus on the way here sum1 was playing SHE's Chu Dian! and in the MRT someone was playing FIR's song (forgot title :P) and fish leong's Qing Qin!! these people got good taste man!! but not good enuf cos noone played jj's songs >.<
and just now my mum was telling her fren "i was doing a presentation then i said 'i started work 20 years ago' and everyone was staring at me and someone said 'i wasnt even born then!' " hahahahahaha.
and my mum's boss (i think) is the father of someone from NUS high. and hafizah (primary sch fren in nus high) knows him wahaha.

Oct 9, 2006

what music means to me

music is what keeps me going all this while..
there's always a song i can relate to when i'm sad, sometimes i want to pour all my troubles out, and the whole world seems to ignore my frustrations.. music is not like that, it can sympathise with me and listen to me venting my anger and crying out loud, understanding all my troubles and relating to them too.. and i can trust it not to tell anyone else..
and at the same time, if i choose to listen to something more rock, it's as if the music is telling me "aww, dun worry, cheer up! your problems won't last forever, no point in worrying about them, must try to live life to your happiest every minute of the day, it's only then that you will lead a happy life and have no worries!" in fact, it is music that told me that i should look at the good points of something, and not dwell on its bad points.
when i'm happy, music can celebrate with me, i can share my happiness with it, and i can trust that it will not think that i'm crazy like jy always says, but it will encourage me to be even happier and be high like siao!
when i'm mad or angry at someone, i can just turn on my cd player/mp3, and immediatedly it can tell why i'm mad or angry, without me needing to waste energy and time explaining why i cannot stand someone's behaviour, resulting in me feeling even worse when i look back at the problems. music will not remind me of my frustration, but it will say "some people can be so stupid.. why can't they be nicer to everyone.. but oh well, you cant expect everyone to be perfect so no point wasting emotions and time over them. or how about, you can't change a person's personality but why not try to change their attitude or behaviour? this way you won't be suffering anymore, and the other party will be a better person!"
in short, music is something i can turn to when i'm down, something i can pour out all my problems and feelings to, something that sympathises with my feelings, something that i can share my happiness and excited feelings with, something that can guide me, something that has changed my behaviour and style of thinking..
music is my best friend.
but we had dance today. :( i mean not like i hate dance but im not exactly in love with it either. and why today?! i could have spent the time at dance doing something much more useful at a time like THIS, like for example, partying and celebrating the end of exams, taking neoprints or listening to my she album?
OH YEAH the she album ROCKS!!!! gosh. listening to tian hui now. so nice! they got like so many nice songs.. i used to think they're not nice... but now i noe that you cant judge a singer/group/band by just a few of their songs.. :D
and my YU LE BAI FEN BAI.. missed it.. despite the fact that i stuck TWO REMINDERS on the tv and ONE MORE on his TOOTHBRUSH, he still FORGOT to leave the scv on so i could tape it! cos my channel u dunno why no signal on my tv :(
so i got no yu le bai fen bai to watch...
and IM GONNA MISS 7 YEE'S WEDDING AND TRIP TO GENTING WITH COUSINS JUST COS OF DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaah. and now dunno if my parents are gonna watch my performance also. cos they'll prob be in msia enjoying themselves with my beloved cousins..
but i think i'll feel weird if they come. cos they've never ever came for any of my performances before.. those in pri sch when i was in choir.. hehe

Oct 7, 2006

wah sia today hazy like siao. PSI IS 150 leh. and my mum says 100 is already very bad. like, i couldn't even see jurong point on the way home today?! and i couldn't tell the colour of a few buildings also. tsktsktsk. and people are still saying "we're doing all we can to help stop global warming"?! like burning down forests and not controlling fires are helping to stop the earth from getting hotter ah.
i not stupid too! there's no repeat leh! my shawn ah!!!
lin yu zhong ah! jj's shi di u know! and his voice is really quite nice! I MISSED IT!!!
and my mum says one day she'll come to my blog to see what i'm writing?! okay hi mum. i shall try to lessen the use of shits and damns in this blog :D
and i was bathing today when my bro told me "u noe farenheight (fei lun hai) is on mtv now" then i asked him if the dvd recorder was on and he went "uh i dont think soo...." then i asked him to turn on the recorder and press "Source" 3 times to get to EXT1 which is the scv channels then he was like "er.. huh??" then i was gettin really irritated cos farenheight was on tv and i was missing everything then i told him to ask my dad to help him turn the dvd recorder to scv then he went "uhh.. okaaaayyy.." then later when i went out to the living room after my bath i realised that he didn't ask my dad to record it so in the end i didn't get to watch farenheight on tv=.=
what a wasted day

Oct 1, 2006

Well everybody is doing this thanking-friends thingy so I guess I should too :D
--In no particular order!!—

:: YIMEI. :: I still remember the first thing I said to you, "Can I sit here?" haha! And we've been sitting beside each other since then! Thank goodness I chose to sit beside you. Copy stuff off each other. Heh. And you really have a high tolerance level to be able to put up with my jj crap! XD Remember the happy times we spent together laughing our heads off at mr ___, the not-so-happy times when I was in a bad mood and started crapping to u alot, the times we wrote "JJ" and "Jay" on our tables, the times we screamed when we found news abt both jj and jay.. these times I'll never forget, and I hope you won't too! Ah.. yimei.. my closest friend.. this friendship of ours is hard to find, and one I'll treasure forever!!

::JIAYI:: aha! Doudou!!! (remember it was me who gave you that nicky. And jiajia oso XD) wah.. I bet you go home everyday with sore throat from screaming at me so much. I still rmb the first thing I said to you was "Jiayi!" then you were like "Oh you're also going 1c1?" then we went together and got lost in the F block XD and I bet you dunno this, but during the start of the year (1st 2 weeks), whenever you said hi to me I would be like "who the heck is that?!" then I'd be like "uhh.. hi.." not that I forgot you, I had so much trouble recognizing you!! *paiseh* And u seriously must be more crazy lah. Anyway even if it's in a crowded place I dun think others will really care about you anyway :D

::NADINE:: Yay! My 2nd friend in crescent. But my 1st friend siying, we dun tok to each other anymore :( oh yes I rmb the fishes!! So funny XD and poor me samat wait for us until dowan to wait le! Hehe! And the 1st jj fan I knew in crescent too.. I rmb I couldn't believe my ears when you said "JJ lin".. hehe.. im so sry I made u feel left out last time.. hope that our friendship will be even closer in the months/years to come!and INTRO ME to your guyfrends leh!!!

::SILVANA:: vana the smart, vana the chio, vana the com genius, and vana the one who helped us get highest for pbl! Gosh that was like such a big achievement man. Then everyone was so jealous *wicked grin* LOVE YOU VANA!!! Nxt yr must include u in pbl grp again man. Then get high high marks!! Want to go your hse one day.. but v scared of your ahma.. heh.. good luck with softball!! And with THAT guy too!! Hope you dun grow white hair soon ok! Heh. Cos it'll look weird on your tanned face :P
::LING:: linglinglinglingling!! My fellow dancer!! We always sit beside each other so we wont look too bad while doing the split XD without you in dance I wud be like so miserable.. your mood can really brighten my day! The kindest person I've ever met.. alwaes help us buy ice-sth heh.. rmb the time we did that mr bean dance? Then we were laughing like mad then everyone was staring at us XD so malu but really didn’t care at dat tym XD fellow crazy gal! hope our friendship will last!!

::AMELIA:: ok I duno if you still want to be a part of this clique or not but jus to play safe and not seem so mean I shall type abt you here. I dun hate you lah. Its just dat sumtymes I cant stand you la. But you can be quite nice too :D and I WANNA GO GCMMA AND SEE MY JJ but I cannot. :( must try to change your attitude abit ok? Then hope we can be frens again.. u n ling too.. then we can be a very close clique :D