May 31, 2010
HI I AM IN DESPERATE NEED OF NEW CLOTHES
On Saturday after Dance, Jouteng, Pauline, Fang Jiunn and I piled into my family's car and were treated to an awesome filling Starbucks meal by my parents!
And then we went to Queensway to meet Joash and Henri to look for coloured shoelaces for our Dance concert outfit. And I had to get a pair of white sneakers for the concert so I got this gross-looking China brand pair. ):
And then Henri left and the rest of us went to Far East for awesome shaved ice yay.
Today was the start of Dance week!
A period of uncertainty
but maybe uncertainty's the best stage to be in, because a definite answer will result in too much tragedy.
Joan and I had a good H2H chat today and I realised I'm not alone. In fact, I bet a lot of us here feel the same way we do but are just too afraid to bring it up. There's too much loud laughter, too much joking around, too much happiness - to the point of superficiality. It's too superficial and there's too little security. Once upon a time there were people we could trust with our lives, people we could tell anything to, who would always be there, people whom you knew wouldn't judge you for doing something stupid, making a mistake or a fool of yourself. Now it's like everybody is everybody's friend but there are no true friends. Joan and I are people who value true friendship; it's either all or nothing, really. A superficial friendship is equivalent to none at all. We shouldn't change who we are to be someone else's friend - but is it possible to stay true to yourself and be able to fit in at the same time here?
No security in friendship, really. For example, suppose you're in a clique and you think everything's good for you; you've got good friends you can rely on. And then whenever you ask them out after school, you realise every one of them is going out with their other friends, and then you realise how much of a fool you've been by having only them to rely on when they've got everyone else, and then you wonder how much you actually mean to them. And then you realise how little you guys know about each other, and how shallow and superficial everything is. And you've got nobody else. Nobody who truly wants to get to know you better and be there for you even when it inconveniences them. That's when you begin to crumble.
On Sunday I brought Isaac to church because the Korean pastor Dr Cho was preaching. Queued for an hour (I woke up at 6am okay, and it's the holidays!) and still weren't able to get into the main hall, so we watched everything take place on a screen again. We thought Dr Cho would preach in Korean and rely on an interpreter to translate it all into English (or I could ask Isaac to be my personal interpreter), but it turned out that he spoke in English himself all the way. The problem was, we didn't really get what he was saying sometimes. Okay, I understood most of it. Isaac the Korean didn't. Tsk tsk.
Basically, he was talking about this: Don't speak negatively about things or declare that something's impossible, because you're disallowing God to work in it! By seeing things as impossible, you're looking at it from the human, third dimension. Believe as Jesus believes; speak as Jesus speaks; look at things from the fourth dimension - God's dimension - and know that faith allows miracles to happen. Like old Abraham who had his first son (called Isaac hahaha) at such an old age because he believed when God gave him a vision.
After Dr Cho's service we wanted to get something to eat, but because he only had four dollars we decided to go to the food fair at hall 4 (or something) and get the food samples. He took a lot of bak kwa. And then it was too late to queue for Pastor Kong's service so we went to Changi Airport and ended up walking A LOT A LOT aimlessly before finally sitting down for around forty-five minutes to (try to) study. This horrible guy kept making racist jokes! *glares*
Then we left at 1.30pm, he to go for tuition and I to go back to queue for the 5.30 service at church to support Carmen during the CHC's Got Talent finals that would be taking place before service started. And okay here's my rant.
Everyone knows I absolutely love Hwa Chong Dance, right? And I had tickets to their dance concert. There were two timings, 2.30 and 7.30, and I stupidly chose the 2.30 ticket URGH. So I sold my tickets to Yingyan because I decided to go and support Carmen for the finals instead.
At 2.30, my cell group and I went to Expo Hall 7 which was a waiting hall - we were to be relocated to the main hall, Hall 8, later. After a 2.5 to 3-hour wait, we were finally relocated to the main hall - only to realise that CARMEN HAD ALREADY FINISHED PERFORMING. URGH. SO I COULD HAVE GONE FOR THE HWA CHONG CONCERT. ): ): ): GAAAAH.
Nevermind, I'll make sure I don't miss their next Dance production.
end; 7:56 PM
May 29, 2010
To be honest, I've been feeling rather spiritually dry recently. I mean, I know God still works in my life - there are times where I know it's because of Him that something happened and I realise my mistake. The muah chee in church and haunted house incidents especially. I was totally impacted and full of repentance and praise at those points in time. But I don't know. There's this Spirit-filled atmosphere that you feel when you're praying in the church, and I just haven't been feeling that much. When you feel like you haven't been touched by His presence in a long time, you begin to dry up spiritually. Together with being in AC (everyone's become more vulgar after coming here for some reason) and missing quite a lot of church sessions recently, I've just become more and more distant.
Today I went for church (my first Asia Conference session!) after Dance and wasn't able to make it on time to go to the main hall (Hall Eight) with the cell group. I had to go to Hall Ten alone and watch everything happen on screens. Well, it wasn't that bad; the person sitting beside me was friendly.
Dr Reinhard Bonnke was cool. He's a German evangelist who does crusades in Nigeria of crazy proportions. More than 3,000,000 people converting to Christianity in just one city over a six-day crusade?! More than a million registered decisions in just one service?! Amazing. Anyway, he was a really funny guy, and the things he said made a lot of sense too. "An un-preached Gospel is like a closed bottle of medicine beside a dying man". The people of the world are in need of salvation quickly; without it, they would most probably experience eternal death (God doesn't punish people for not knowing Him, but for knowing yet refusing to obey / listen).
The word "baptism" is undoubtedly related to Christianity in today's context, but it's from a commonly-used word in the olden times, especially in the dying of fabrics. It meant "to dip under". In water baptism, you're dipped into water and it signifies your rebirth in Christ, and the actual, spiritual baptism is "with the Holy Spirit and with Fire" by the Holy Spirit himself.
When you dip a piece of clothing into dye - aka "baptism" - its appearance is transformed by the dye. The garment accepts the dye and becomes saturated with it. Now, when you're baptised in the Holy Spirit - it transforms you. You accept the Spirit and it dwells in you. You become saturated with the Holy Spirit. Your entire personality is soaked in it.
Anyway, I still just wasn't feeling God's presence stirring in me like I used to, and although the service was great, Church just wasn't right without God in me. But at the end of the service I responded to the altar call. It was something about the Holy Spirit and asking God to use our lives for His purpose. I remember thinking, "Yeah, I want that. I want to work for God." And even in Hall Ten where we were watching from a screen, there was a pastor and other church people in front and I, together with other youths, went forward. We prayed, we prayed like crazy in Tongues. And I started shaking.
At first I thought it was just because I was super cold, but the trembles and shakes became too violent to be solely because of that. I shook like I was going to have a fit. I felt myself swaying, losing balance, although I wasn't completely conscious of it somehow. My lifted hands seemed weightless. When I started swaying I thought, "Any more and I'll be slain without the pastor even being physically present". And I let my fear take over. I remember praying and thanking God for this wonderful experience, but at the same time, telling him it was scary, that I wished to go no further; I wasn't ready. And so that was all I got. I might have been able to go further in my experience with Him, but I told him I was afraid.
Well, that was a great experience and a lesson learnt. And Dr Bonnke emphasized something about the youths refraining from any form of vulgarities or coarse language. And I knew I had to do something about that.
I've been trying to keep away from coarse language but I just found it impossible in AC. Ever since I came here my resolution to refrain from coarse language has just gone downhill, and then I eventually stopped trying to stop myself (apart from the f word of course). But now I know I have to do this. And now I know I really can, with my reliance on God. I will stop using words I use at least a million times a day, like 'shit' and 'damn' and 'freaking' and 'suck' and 'wah lao'. I really will stop my usage of any form of coarse language. With God's help I now know it is possible. Sure, AC's full of people with horribly vulgar language but I'll keep to my word and new-found value. I will.
Friends, you guys have to help me too okay!
May 27, 2010
HAD DINNER WITH MY PRIMARY ONE PALS TODAY HAHA! And Darren, whom we all knew even though he wasn't in our P1 class.
YAYYY. Saw people I hadn't seen in the longest time ever.
DARREN AND JUN YI SAY THAT FOR JJC'S COUNCIL CAMP THEY'RE STAYING AT A HOTEL?!?!?!?!! OMG. While us AC elects die in our camp.
May 25, 2010
HELLO CUI XIAO I LOVE YOU. AND I DON'T CARE WHO YOU MARRY IN THE END 'COS I'M STILL YOUR FIRST LOVE AND YOUR MISTRESS FOREVER.
AND MADDIE TOO BECAUSE I'M YOUR SECOND GIRLFRIEND. HAHAHA. BUT I SO SHOULD BE FIRST.
Because today's been a little emotionally tolling, I feel a sudden urge to do this:
Thank you Maddie and Cui Xiao and Su May, for reminding me that I still matter a lot in the lives of a few people, enough for Maddie to confide in me from time to time, for Cui Xiao to update me because she knew I couldn't not know some things about her, and for Su May to make me a really really nice card and get me awesome balloons. Thank you Teryne for the birthday card and reminding me of the weirdly awesome friendship we share - it isn't made up of much more than shouts of "STALKER!" and jokes about how much we stalk each other, but it's just nice to have a special little unique connection with someone. Thank you Janey for ranting to me. Thank you BT and Jeremy Erh, just thanks, because I needed to remember that I've still got friends around, because I need to be reassured of things like that often because I feel rather friendless a lot. Thank you Guin for more love than a junior could ever ask for this whole time.
Because I need to be reassured of things like that often. And thank you Carmen Ang and Pauline and Fang Jiunn and Na and Amelia and Yue Cong and Jia Ying and Sarah Pang and Joey Lim and Joan (for the hugs and memories and, yes, that long chat) and Regina (Penpal!) and the Econs/Math pals and Rachel Peck and Teressa and even Isaac and Reuben and Yao De and Tim Mah (just because you're from OB too *claps*). And other people like Shehnaz and Yong Zheng and Irika, for being simple normal friends who haven't forgotten me. And everyone I share a genuine, comfortable friendship with, no matter how small. It means a lot to me.
That's how pathetic my life is (those who know the people I mentioned and how little I talk to them will know). It's also, from another dimension, how blessed my life is, because each little but genuine friend is a blessing. Some people are in cliques in school while I float around feeling rather cliqueless, but I guess sometimes it's important to count your blessings. I was rather emo to Geraldine on MSN just now, and now she's offline and I just feel like doing this. I feel rather friendless a lot and sometimes I feel like I don't know who to go to. I feel lonely in school a lot. But I also have three people I can confide in from time to time. My stories are a bit long for an sms to Maddie and I don't see her frequently enough, and Su May's got her O's and Guin's got A's, so I haven't confided in any one of them for quite a long time, but I know they're people I can count on. I've got three people I can count on.
Three people out of every single person I know might be a pathetic number to all of you out there with a lot of good friends but three's better than none. But of course, I can't exactly have H2H chats with them now (for reasons stated above) so I usually take it out on my blog or my mental state.
I think I'm keeping to myself a lot more recently. I'm finding it really hard to trust. And rightfully so, really, if you could see what I see.
I treasure those who build me up, who are positive and caring and are patient enough to give me the time, space and calmness I need. People who know I'm actually very sensitive to remarks. People who don't insult, even if it's just a casual insult that violates a certain value or thing I hold dear, because I regard my values and the things I love very, very strongly. People who don't bring me down, whether intentionally or not. Random remarks can flatter me a great deal or bring another arrow to my heart. The little things you say or do can make or break me very easily.
I know I'm socially challenged. I've learnt to accept it, it's okay
end; 5:14 PM
May 24, 2010
"You know what really ticks me off? People of different colors, age, abilities, sizes, shapes or whatever ARE still human. That doesn't give you the right to joke about their reality or existence because they're just like you, maybe better. Put yourself in their shoes and imagine yourself being ridiculed. Learn to respect, assholes."
end; 12:31 PM
Once upon a time, I was very close to a certain guy I had met in tuition class. At that point in time, I had broken up with my ex not long ago and he had too just one month earlier. We were two people who seemed very fine on the outside but were really utterly broken, desperate, full of horrible secrets nobody else needed to know. We told each other a lot of things, things you'd usually keep to yourself. Things you wouldn't tell someone of the opposite gender. It was a scary, crazy time.
But in our weird way, we built each other up. By knowing someone else knew exactly what we were going through, that would otherwise be an immensely painful, flesh-eating secret, we helped each other out of that dark hole. At times when we were talking to one another and emotions ran wild I would suddenly start shaking, weak with fear. If not for God during those times, I would probably have given in and my life would've started crumbling all over again.
It was a crazy time. Now we don't talk as much anymore but our past was crazy. Thinking about the kind of things we know about each other is scary. But I know he's a good guy.
There must be so, so many other people out there who experience the same kind of sudden desperate pang that hits me once in a while when I wonder how long I'll be able to continue on like that. People desperately in need of love, both the emotional and the physical. In need of a hug, in need of knowing you mean the whole world to someone, in need of an arm around your waist, a kiss on the lips - or more, a whisper in your ear, in need of knowing someone would cry for you.... something beyond friendship.
Maybe you're one of them. So then, we're two people desperately in need of love, desperately wanting to feel that all over again, even if it's just for a day, even if it's just two minutes of passion, or a real hug... two people in need of the same things. so why not take things one step further?
That's how one-night stands come about, right?
Why not? Because the consequences are more lasting than you think. Because it could destroy the flimsy, translucent wall we've taken all this time to build as an attempt at resistance against things like this, and it just might take even longer to rebuild, and then it will be flimsier, more transparent, more willing to give way at the slightest hint of pressure.
Nah, I'm talking rubbish to comfort my ugly, fat self. SHIT. I'm really becoming fat. For real. I took a look at myself in the mirror and began to get worried. I need to start losing weight and getting fit. For Council camp.
May 23, 2010
Okay before we go into the post proper, CHECK OUT PAC MAN ON GOOGLE!!!! It's their 30th anniversary and we can play Pac Man on the Google homepage. And there's even the two players option (and then Ms Pac Man shows herself! ZOMG HAHA)! Zomg too cool.
Okay I'm ready.
Saturday: I was half-asleep when I woke up and when I was having breakfast in the living room I actually put my phone to my mouth and bit it before realising it was a bit too hard for a sandwich. You know, whenever I don't drop my sandwich during breakfast on a schoolday, it means I had enough to sleep. I'm dead serious. Sometimes instead of taking my uniform into the bathroom, I take a tank top and my denim shorts or something 'cos I'm just too un-awake. Maybe I need to get more sleep.
Had ushering duty with eleven other Council elects, where we stood around for one hour welcoming parents to a parenting seminar... They expected a lot more people to be there so there were five unopened cartons of Ice Mountain water bottles and a LOT of paper wasted.
Love the elects!
And then I went home and collapsed on the chair-thingy-that-reclines-to-become-flat-like-a-bed beside the sofa and ended up missing my last piano practical lesson (I'll only resume after A Levels!) D: Saddd, I'm going to miss my piano teacher. But seriously. I was so dead tired that when Fang Jiunn smsed me to ask me where we were going to meet later, I actually replied "Meet beside the sofa" HAHAHA. I don't remember it at all.
So yes, dad brought Mark, Fang Jiunn, Pauline and I to Shokudo at Raffles City for dinner, and then to the Esplanade to watch Infinity Rock Explosion by the Axis of Awesome, an Australian rock comedy band. It was really funny ahahaha totally worth the money.
Us and the band! Two of them really do look like Chicken Little and Jack Black, hahaha.
Jesus died on the cross for you
To save you from back LUCK;
Were you born of a virgin
Or did your parents................have sex. HAHAHA.
I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
Later on we decided to take a walk around Esplanade and there was this awesome sand art thing going on by someone called Erika Chen, who was singing (really well) at the same time. Like zomg. Singing WHILE doing awesome sand art.
May 20, 2010
HELLO WORLD BAILAMOS IS GOING TO ROCK, THE DANCE ITEMS ARE GOING TO BE SUPER AWESOME, GET YOUR TICKETS IF YOU HAVEN'T, PLEASE TRY TO MAKE IT ON FRIDAY 'COS SATURDAY'S TICKETS ARE SORTA SOLD OUT!
Turns out Timothy Mah was from OB Music Forest too omg!
When I came to AC I didn't expect anyone to like JJ at all but I found Ed board senior Fun Jun and fellow Council elects Yue Cong and Jia Ying and Wei Liang. AND CLEO OMG CLEO'S A JJ FAN HAHA SHE LOOKS SO ANGMOHFIED BUT JJ'S JUST TOO GOOD! Jiaying was so excited upon realising there was another JJ fan in AC too. IKRRR. And Isaac who was from JJ's school, ACSI, didn't know who he was. He asked if the guy in my display picture was my boyfriend. And I'm like OH YEAH DUH HE LOVES ME SO MUCH
That time Isaac was giving me a pissed-off expression and asked me why I liked JJ so much and I went "I know you're jealous right!" and he went "Yah lah what's so good about JJ, seriously!"
Will be going with my "brother and sister" Fang Jiunn and Pauline to watch Axis Of Awesome at the Esplanade's recital studio this Saturday. Wonder what it'll be like. (Isaac: "Fine lah never ask me again!")
YAY CELL GROUP THIS FRIDAY. Somehow I feel too disconnected from the cell group to really feel like a part of it though. I'm becoming more sociable, yes, but I'm hardly around anyway.
Well whatever will be will be.
According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four legs, four arms and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them apart, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other half. I hope that my other half is out there somewhere.
- Six Billion Secrets
Sometimes I go into a really emo state all of a sudden and wonder how I've managed to get by the days for the past ten months. Love's an addiction with withdrawal symptoms that last far too long.
Funny to hear an ugly noob talk about love, eh? I remember our first kiss in the freaking lift, hahahahahahahaha so embarrassing when the lift door suddenly opened and this woman walked in and she realised what was going on and it was so awkward.
Little remarks flatter me like crazy.
end; 9:52 PM
May 19, 2010
My OG is the most hilarious ever (CLICK! Read comments below the photo, click on 'Read previous comments')
And, wait for it, comment of the day...
HAHAHAHA, WHEN TIM'S THE ONLY WEIRD ONE
And, wait for it, comment of the day...
HAHAHAHA, WHEN TIM'S THE ONLY WEIRD ONE
It's funny to see Kester in real life - so quiet it's possible to mistake him for being mute, really buff and hahaha a breakdancer. Silent emo breakdancer who never smiles in pictures. And then on Facebook he keeps going "Rofl" and talks a lot. Multiple personalities. Wonder how drastically different things would be if the Kester in real life was the online him.
end; 10:44 PM
May 17, 2010
SEVENTEEN AND INVINCIBLE (in one hours' time)
I've just transposed Michelle Branch's Breathe a couple of semitones lower with the help of Audacity, and Michelle Branch now really genuinely sounds like a damn awesome eighteen-year-old guy. Seriously. I think I'm awesome. (So is Michelle Branch.) One day I'll try transposing Justin Bieber's songs down and see if he actually sounds like a guy.
Okay, I spent all my time today transposing and editing songs and their instrumental tracks for tomorrow's vocal lesson. I've got two undone Econs essays and one undone ELL tutorial, all due tomorrow, and tomorrow's my Chinese Oral exam and I've got A LOT to prepare and I haven't done it yet. Tomorrow's also the GP Environment Package test and I'm incredibly, laughably unready. But I'm more unready for Chinese Oral, and that's an exam.
Tomorrow I also have a bunch of kids I have to be with. Zomg, kids D:
Happy birthday. Kids. Ohhhh the horror.
end; 11:28 PM
May 16, 2010
I refuse to be part of a concert that's held for a bunch of testosterone-heavy guys who are there not to appreciate the art of their fellow students' choreography and work, but to check out hot girls.
All the Dancers are already desperately going around asking everyone if they've got extra tickets because they've got too many friends who want to go for it and some of the tickets are going to this kind of people??
Seriously, the dance concert will rock. We've got amazing student choreography and really cool lifts (in Amelia's and Shuzhen's choreographed dance) and the war item is cool and it'll be great. I just want the people in the audience to be those who are there to truly appreciate the art of dance and our hard work.
The pair of court shoes I got for Council were $50 and rejected because the hole where you put your foot in is too round near the tip of the shoe; it has to be squarer. And I can't even take it back to exchange it for another pair because I lost the friggin' receipt.
Hello, if anyone is looking to buy a pair of court shoes, PLEASE get them from me. Size 5, completely plain matt black, rounded tip, 1.5 inch heel.
(our break after the A Levels).
And I want it to be awesome. Till then I'll put up with school and tests and lots of homework and having to handle a bunch of kids on my birthday. (There's vocal lesson too, but that'll be good, not something I'll have to put up with.)
I actually like my new slightly hoarse voice (because of cheering for Volleyball finals and Council pre-camp training).
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE BEEN TOLD, ACJ'S BRAVE AND BOLD! FIGHT OUR WAY UP TO THE TOP, ACJ WILL NEVER STOP! FOR THE BEST IS YET TO BE, WE WILL WIN JUST WAIT AND SEE!
I now know every single AC cheer (I think... I hope). There are cheers our batch of students have never heard of because we weren't taught them during Orientation. Interesting.
Had dinner with Pauline and Fang Jiunn , my "foster siblings" (AC's Parents' Action Team have this foster programme thingy for scholars in the school), and my mum and brother. And we'll probably be going for some rock musical thing at a black box (Black boxes are COOL, very small theatres that are completely black and the stage is the floor, like this one) next Saturday. That means I'm missing church again though. GRRR
Anyway, the dinner was sort of for my upcoming birthday (hint hint!). It was really fun. We had planned to go to Al Forno at Novena but we didn't know it wasn't there anymore, so we ended up having dinner at Professor Brawn Cafe at Velocity (AWESOME ribs)...
followed by dessert at the awesome New York Dessert Cafe!
WHAT THE, FANG JIUNN'S SITTING DOWN AND SLOUCHING AND HE'S ALMOST OF THE SAME HEIGHT AS THE REST OF US IN THE PICTURE! Check out how similarly dressed my brother and Fang Jiunn are dressed, by the way - black tees with white checkered shorts hahaha! And rectangular specs.
Some kid was celebrating her fourth birthday there and her cake was an awesome Barbie one and I was like "Eh mum I also want, come let's do also". I've never celebrated my birthday in some eating place like that before, not even at McDonald's; it seems pretty cool. I guess it's partly because my birthday always comes at a bad timing. Last year it was the start of Chinese Intensive prep for O Levels. Urgh.
May 14, 2010
AC's Volleyball Finals match against Hwa Chong was good. It's the first time (as far as the school knows) that AC's Girls' Volleyball team has made it into the finals so it was a really big thing for us. Hwa Chong was good, of course, but I was a little ticked off whenever they did that "Ohhhhhhh....SWA!" thing because it must have been super distracting for our girls. But it was a good fight. AC won two of the rounds and Hwa Chong won two too, and during the deciding round, for some reason they stopped when the scores were 10-15 (Hwa Chong leading), so Hwa Chong won. But I still think it was a great fight our volleyballers put up. It was, after all, their first time in the finals. And there were only three J2s in the team, apparently.
The Council elects were there for cheering duty. I made the mistake of leaning against the railings throughout the match; I didn't realise it was bad body language, oops. But I did scream shamelessly like a madwoman throughout, and I definitely don't regret it since there's no vocal lesson this Sunday. I screamed until I got a cut / ulcer on my inner jaw (you know, where the upper and lower jaws meet). It was partly also because I wasn't drinking enough water. It was a horrible sharp pain. Guess I should've brought a bigger water bottle along.
By the way, I thought it was kind of funny when at the end of the game, AC did Three Cheers for both our school and Hwa Chong's, but Hwa Chong didn't do it back to us. Hahaha. But they probably didn't hear the cheer in all that noise anyway.
But yup. It was great. Awesome job, AC Volleyballers (:
May 13, 2010
May 12, 2010
May 11, 2010
"SOUTH AFRICA (Okhahlamba Rural): “It’s 5 p.m. in South Africa — half an hour until the sunset. This boy was still so cheerful after a long day out in the fields, looking after the cattle.”
The New York Times did this incredibly beautiful thing (CLICK HERE):Here it is: Earth, covered by stacks of thousands of virtual photographs, corresponding in location to where they were taken by Lens readers at one “Moment in Time” (15:00 U.T.C., Sunday, May 2).
Very amazing. At exactly the same time (15:00 UTC), people from all around the world took photos and sent them, together with captions, to Lens (New York Times). It's just amazing, to me, to think that at this very point in time, while I'm staring at the computer, somewhere else in the world someone else is having a totally different life - a kid milking cows, a family trying to hide in the midst of a civil war, a teenage mother witnessing her own abortion, a child dying of starvation (A CHILD DIES EVERY THREE SECONDS IN AFRICA), someone being murdered. I actually bet someone's getting murdered right now. Brutally, by a butcher, like in that mad crime murder show my mum loves (other than CSI).
And I'm blogging.
It's just fascinating, don't you think? We're all here right now, but every second of my life could be drastically different from someone else's in a different country. Maybe somewhere out there, a boy's looking at the night sky and wondering if anyone else knows about the nebula in the Orion constellation, unlike the jocks and bimbos in his school. (or am I the only nerd who does?)
I've always loved this choir song since we first sang it in primary school:
Somewhere out there, beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight;
Somewhere out there, someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another
In that big somewhere out there
end; 10:38 PM
May 9, 2010
Someone once commented that people from single-gender schools are full of superficiality - I beg to differ. I did seem to see a lot of it in one of the better classes, I guess, where the people were used to that kind of pressure - the disgusting atmosphere I feel I'm in now. Where you're always watching your back and afraid of bitching, feeling like you have to give in to peer pressure, feeling like you can't be who you would like to be because you'll be talked about and deemed "weird" and thus become friendless. I hate it and that's also why I was quite glad I didn't decide to opt into that class.
Anyway, I know it's not a single-gender thing. Sorry, person-who-said-this, but Crescent Girls' School was the best experience ever even though it was a considerable lot of shit for me. It was shitty a lot but the one thing I loved about it was the warmth and genuineness of the girls there. Complete strangers could laugh insanely and joke about common topics (usually the teachers). Everyone was friendly and mostly innocent - if one person didn't like another, we'd usually tell that person, trash it out. It was good. And there were people we could really count on. There were people whom you knew would be there to do anything they could to make you feel better (like sit with you for an hour, or skip lunch / sacrifice fifteen minutes of having fun with her friends to share her feelings with you even though she isn't close to you, or send you "virtual cookies and a hug") and you knew they meant everything they said and that they genuinely cared.
Or maybe 4S2A'09 just rocks. (:
But yeah, I don't think it's a single-gender school thing because a lot of us feel the most attached to our single-gender secondary schools. It's because when there isn't anyone of the opposite gender around, you feel free to do what you want to do without having to care at all about anything or anyone. Things like screaming your head off to support your friends, changing openly, singing like a maniac at the top of your voice, and this:
I think superficiality isn't a single-gender school thing but an elite thing. I don't know why but most of the people I perceive to be elites (or see themselves as elites) tend to complicate things a lot, and they're mostly the ones who live in that bubble of gossip and backstabbing and wariness, that choking pressure. I mean, "She told me they can sit in the library for four hours and bitch about her the whole time, because she's one who likes to bitch about others as well"?!?!?! Come on, why complicate things?
You could choose to view everything simply and have a positive and understanding view about everybody, like me.
"Weird" is the reason kids get beaten up at playgrounds in America. I never heard anyone use the word "weird" on anyone until I came to ACJC. And now I suddenly hear it all the time. "Who wants to hang out with him, he's so weird"
Weirdly enough, it's these people I feel compelled to hang out with, even if they wouldn't make the perfect friends and, yes, may seem queer at times. I'm not saying Cuixiao's weird but I know she would be seen as the epitome of weird people had she come to AC, and I know a lot of people wouldn't hang out / be anywhere near her. But she was my best friend in Crescent and she's still a great friend.
It's a harsh world out here.