BT can't bake

HELLO CUI XIAO I LOVE YOU. AND I DON'T CARE WHO YOU MARRY IN THE END 'COS I'M STILL YOUR FIRST LOVE AND YOUR MISTRESS FOREVER.

AND MADDIE TOO BECAUSE I'M YOUR SECOND GIRLFRIEND. HAHAHA. BUT I SO SHOULD BE FIRST.

Because today's been a little emotionally tolling, I feel a sudden urge to do this:

Thank you Maddie and Cui Xiao and Su May, for reminding me that I still matter a lot in the lives of a few people, enough for Maddie to confide in me from time to time, for Cui Xiao to update me because she knew I couldn't not know some things about her, and for Su May to make me a really really nice card and get me awesome balloons. Thank you Teryne for the birthday card and reminding me of the weirdly awesome friendship we share - it isn't made up of much more than shouts of "STALKER!" and jokes about how much we stalk each other, but it's just nice to have a special little unique connection with someone. Thank you Janey for ranting to me. Thank you BT and Jeremy Erh, just thanks, because I needed to remember that I've still got friends around, because I need to be reassured of things like that often because I feel rather friendless a lot. Thank you Guin for more love than a junior could ever ask for this whole time.

Because I need to be reassured of things like that often. And thank you Carmen Ang and Pauline and Fang Jiunn and Na and Amelia and Yue Cong and Jia Ying and Sarah Pang and Joey Lim and Joan (for the hugs and memories and, yes, that long chat) and Regina (Penpal!) and the Econs/Math pals and Rachel Peck and Teressa and even Isaac and Reuben and Yao De and Tim Mah (just because you're from OB too *claps*). And other people like Shehnaz and Yong Zheng and Irika, for being simple normal friends who haven't forgotten me. And everyone I share a genuine, comfortable friendship with, no matter how small. It means a lot to me.

That's how pathetic my life is (those who know the people I mentioned and how little I talk to them will know). It's also, from another dimension, how blessed my life is, because each little but genuine friend is a blessing. Some people are in cliques in school while I float around feeling rather cliqueless, but I guess sometimes it's important to count your blessings. I was rather emo to Geraldine on MSN just now, and now she's offline and I just feel like doing this. I feel rather friendless a lot and sometimes I feel like I don't know who to go to. I feel lonely in school a lot. But I also have three people I can confide in from time to time. My stories are a bit long for an sms to Maddie and I don't see her frequently enough, and Su May's got her O's and Guin's got A's, so I haven't confided in any one of them for quite a long time, but I know they're people I can count on. I've got three people I can count on.

Three people out of every single person I know might be a pathetic number to all of you out there with a lot of good friends but three's better than none. But of course, I can't exactly have H2H chats with them now (for reasons stated above) so I usually take it out on my blog or my mental state.

I think I'm keeping to myself a lot more recently. I'm finding it really hard to trust. And rightfully so, really, if you could see what I see.

I treasure those who build me up, who are positive and caring and are patient enough to give me the time, space and calmness I need. People who know I'm actually very sensitive to remarks. People who don't insult, even if it's just a casual insult that violates a certain value or thing I hold dear, because I regard my values and the things I love very, very strongly. People who don't bring me down, whether intentionally or not. Random remarks can flatter me a great deal or bring another arrow to my heart. The little things you say or do can make or break me very easily.

I know I'm socially challenged. I've learnt to accept it, it's okay