Council requires sacrifice

I was never a good dancer. When I was contemplating trying out for the Council Exco, I was in a dilemma because I knew I'd have to quit Dance sooner or later, but when Sebby said "but you are of more use to Council than to Dance" I knew I had made up my mind. I knew it was going to be a tough sacrifice - lousy and relatively lonely as I was in Dance, I knew it was something I still really liked to do anyway, and it was really fun and all. Since quitting Dance I've become horribly flabby and unfit. I remember the hour-long warm-ups that left me feeling like I was on my way to becoming a bodybuilder.

There are a lot of things I've given up for Council - the biggest one being my fringe, I hate pinning it up. I wouldn't consider time that painful and huge a sacrifice - although I know Council has taken up a lot, A LOT of my time, I give that up very willingly.

But I know my Council journey and the friendships I've formed and experiences I've gained are worth a thousand times more than everything I've given up for it. It's been an amazing journey.

Who's got the beat, I say Mzonka's got the beat

Morgen's walk-in dance during the Campfire - less rehearsed than when it was done on the first day of Orientation itself, but you see their moves much more clearly in this video as compared to the that of their actual walk-in (it's all on YouTube!). Watch from 3:46 onwards. Epic. Val's and Josh's part from 2:20-2:40 is awesome too.

Watch it all on Youtube!!! Search 'shawnleecl'. He recorded everything from the balcony of the hall. Including the intro videos. Awesome. Skyfired101 even recorded our mass rally and mass & couple dance session on the last day and AC Boleh and our fireworks clap. Gets my heart pumping just watching it.

AC DANCE!!! I love this. Awesome girls dancing in heels. They did a pirouette. In heels.

They're awesome. I miss being a part of it, but I know quitting was the right decision to make, looking at my commitment to Council.

Sakura

Today during Dance practice for our YOG performance (We're doing Sakura for the Judo finals!) Laura asked us to take some time to 'feel' the music. We switched off all the lights, sat in a circle facing outwards and closed our eyes while the music filled us.

You know, when you're sitting alone in the dark and you don't know what's going on around you and the hypnotic music plays, you get transported to a different world. Suddenly, sitting on the floor in darkness, I became alive.

It was quiet, quiet drama, but there was no rest. Chilly thin air tingling with mystery; the audience watching in silent awe. A lot, a lot of tension. Then there was snow. Snow on the dry grass and the tiny wooden bridge and on the banks of the almost-frozen river. And a pair of red wooden clogs. A red umbrella. A pink kimono as soft as her white skin. She could have been a princess.

Then it all disappeared and became a dark, wet road. Ahead, red lanterns and a warmly-lit room. Other kimono girls pouring tea for the men. And in that room was her husband-to-be. The snow fell hard, but she didn't allow the biting pain to show. She was a swan in the form of a princess. She had a performance to put on, and her lover would be watching. A performance? Her life was a performance. A decade of pain and struggle hidden behind a flawless mask of grace. Over the years, it had become her. She was grace.

Then it all disappeared and she was surrounded by fire. Passion and hatred and screams of despair and hurt. A raging war. The fire was reflected in her eyes. The fire became her. And then she was in control of the fire; the fire became one of grace.

And she floated out of the flames and the snow, she and her pink kimono and red clogs and painted lips and the hint of a smile.

And through it all, with such precious dignity, such flawless beauty.

(I just realised that if you read all of the above quickly, it sounds pretty stupid.)

Check out my schedule.

Monday (School ends at 3.30): Editorial Board (4.30-6), clashes with Council Flag-Raising training (4.45-?)

Tuesday (School ends at 3.30): Investiture rehearsal (5/5.30 - late)

Wednesday (School ends at 2): Leadership talk thingy (2.15-5), Exco discussion (? Because I can't make it on Thursday!)

Thursday (School ends at 4.30): Dance YOG practice (5-8 or later I guess?), clashes with Exco discussion (Really sorry guys!!!!!! But I can't miss the YOG practices at all, it's super crucial, I'm really really sorry)

Friday (School ends at 4.30): Investiture rehearsal (5/5.30 - late), clashes with Dance (5-8)

Three CCAs. Sorry. I need to be committed to the YOG thing for now, I can't miss YOG practice. When that's over in August I promise to be super devoted and committed to Council and my wonderful subcomm-to-be.

Ohnooooo. EOM and Econs homework still undone. And I REALLY WANT TO WATCH TOY STORY THREE )))): HAHAHAHA

The CCA Dilemma

Exco retreat was good, maybe I'll blog about it another time.

NJC's investiture with Weilang, Chloe and Hyun!

Today the 35th Exco went for the 34th's final General Meeting. There were farewell videos they made and it got me quite pensive in a way and emotional for them, even though I wasn't a part of those memories. The feeling of leaving a group of people who mean everything to you and going back to a life without this CCA you feel you've spent your whole life in is something most of us have felt before. It was painful to step down as Discipline Head and leave Crescent Dance. Life felt incredibly empty. And I'm pretty sure that after a year of being in Council, especially because it's a very time-consuming CCA, what my seniors will be feeling would be much greater than what I felt after leaving Crescent Dance - life would feel much emptier without the Council duties and ad-hoc discussions; school might feel mundane.

At this point in time I suddenly thought of AC Dance. I know both Council and Dance are expecting me to quit Dance very, very soon, but I'm just not ready. Sure, I'm not close to many of the dancers and I feel like a loner a lot of the time and I'm a horrible dancer and the most inflexible girl around, but I don't think I can leave it just yet. The crazy liveliness and awesome cheering, funny pals like Na, Jouteng and even Yohanes, and close fantastic friends like Joan - I'm just not ready to part with Dance. AC Dance definitely isn't something I feel as much for as people like Amelia do, but... it isn't just about this specific dance society, but about dancing as a whole.

I may suck at dancing but it's awesome. When I'm falling asleep, dancing wakes me up. It's the only form of exercise I can do when I'm sleepy and after that I actually feel more awake. Dance is something I feel an adrenaline rush for. I may not be a good dancer but I love to dance. Just like the classic Forrest Gump quote "I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is."

I'm just not ready to give Dance up entirely yet. It's something I'll have to let go off eventually - with a lot of regret, especially after my friends who couldn't make it for Bailamos promised they'd be there to watch next year - but maybe not immediately.

I'll feel really bad if I have to skip Dance practices for Council though. Like, if there's Dance next Thursday I'll have to give it a miss for Council Exco.

....Damn life, I need seventy-two hours a day.

I remember the adrenaline rush that comes with the pulsating music and the soft lights and with just moving. Energy fills me when I dance the SYF'07 dance. Vitality. Vitality stirs up in me as I move and feel the music. It's magic. The magic in the theatre that week that intoxicated us. Dance is life. Dance makes me feel alive. Yes, I'm a horrible dancer but that doesn't mean I can't feel the magic of Dance.

I'm not ready. See, when I leave AC Dance, I probably will never dance again.

-

You know, deep down I still wonder what you think about me now, and if you felt it too back then.

L-O-V-E's just another word I never learned to pronounce

Our Dance Post-Production Party, which was also a farewell party for the J2s.

Awesome fun.

UGH FRINGE

Urgh, I wish I could read your thoughts. Tell me what you want, don't leave me hanging guessing.

(The word 'hang' sends shivers down my spine thanks to C. Camp.)

HAHAHA OMG WHAT

By the way, Shuzhen looks awesome in the Bailamos photos taken by the Photog Soc guy. On behalf of AC Dance, thanks LOADS Nguyen Tuan Anh!!!

TWO PEOPLE CAME TO MY BLOG BECAUSE THEY GOOGLED "You Hyun Ho ACJC" HAHAHAHAHA WHAT THE!?!?!?! But my blog doesn't even have his full name. Just look at this.

HAHAHAHAHA. Somebody's popular eh! Two people came to my blog because they googled Timothy Ho ACJC today too! HAHAHA SIALAH

Just something random I discovered!

Watching a documentary about young Singaporean kids going to China to immerse themselves in the language and culture to learn Chinese.

"What do you want to do when you grow up?"
"I want to be a doctor. You?"

"I want to go to university."

BAILAMOS

Somehow I don't feel like writing much about it but the first half of Friday's concert was pretty horrible; during the intermission us Dancers got shouted at for our horrid performance and it got better during the second half of the show.

For our J1 item Chaos on the Streets we were somehow short of Geraldine's pair of grey sweatpants so she and I decided to share my pair - after her part of the dance was done, she'd go backstage and hand it to me and I'd hurriedly put it on and go out for my part. When she passed it to me, the ball bearing for the drawstring at the pant leg came out so we started panicking and when I went on stage I could feel my knot coming loose, so I had to be really careful while dancing. I didn't give it my best. It was just 1.5 minutes I had on stage and I didn't give it my best. I was quite upset about that. (AND I FORGOT TO UNTUCK MY SHIRT IN MY HASTE SO I WENT ON STAGE LOOKING LIKE A HIP-HOP NOOB)

Saturday's performance was much better. We learnt from our mistake of not psyching ourselves up before the concert and not settling down to remember all the pointers to be taken note of, so we did all we could on Saturday and gave it our best. I was panting even when I reached the dressing room. It felt good.

The Dance practices were awesome and Theatre Week was an amazing experience. It was quite a lot of slacking for me since I was only in one dance, but getting a feel of the stage was cool.

All the letter-writing...

HOHOHO

watching guys sew and helping Isaac Hyun sew his thing (while he sat beside me and watched)...

I get a kick out of watching guys sew.

slacking with Hyun at the theatre while we watched other Dancers practice on the stage...

helping my buddy Kat with her quick changes (and Amelia too)...

turning away when Amelia and Sebastian were hugging on stage almost throughout the 20 minutes they were given on Concert day to listen to the music and get into the mood.. HAHAHA

It was fun. I'll miss it all and I've got pictures to remind me of everything. It was an awesome time. And oops I haven't done any homework at all but who cares?

Random memories:

Hyun didn't know how to use my BB cream and I was away helping Amelia so he ended up looking like a disaster. Joan was awesome enough to help him try to salvage it with her hands.

CALORIE BALANCE

Yohanes, the funny guy I became friends with through the Dance concert.

After this picture was taken Isaac pushed Joash's face to Doug's HAHAHA EPIC

'Siblings' Pauline and Fang Jiunn camping at my place yay!

BAILAMOS WAS AWESOME!

Flirting across the hall

ALRIGHT HAHA ALMOST FOURTEEN HOURS OF DANCE TODAY BUT THE THEATRE IS AWESOME WOOHOO BAILAMOS HOHOHO SO WHAT IF I'M ONLY IN 1/3 OF AN ITEM HAHA BAILAMOS IS GONNA ROCK, THOSE OF YOU WHO GOT TICKETS, LUCKY LUCKY PEOPLE

Seriously. With Shuzhen's many many solo parts and the awesomeness of Roxanne's Revenge and War and all the other items, Bailamos is going to rock more socks than Andrew Fok.

Fang Jiunn's camping at my house from today till Sunday and Pauline'll be coming from Friday to Sunday too hohoho.

This was our first time rehearsing in the theatre and it was so so fun. Okay, I'm only in a third of one item so almost all my time was spent watching the other dancers rehearse on the stage, but I mean, it was great. Spent a lot of time talking rubbish with a certain r*****. Miss-called Cherry thirty-one times, a new record! And received a lot of nice little notes from fellow Dancers on my dressing room mirror yay.

By the way, I really do keep every single note people give me, even the rubbish ones people don't put effort into, so give me nice ones okay people :D and I'll put effort into my friends' notes too. I'm going to stay up late doing them tonight. I've promised Isaac (no, from now on he's Hyun) that his note will be the most awesome one among all the guys'. And I really bet it will be so.

PAULINE IS THE CUTEST THING EVER (:

By the way, Fang Jiunn's asleep. Just random. Oh and he's sleeping in a separate room, you idiots!

Dance

HI I AM IN DESPERATE NEED OF NEW CLOTHES

On Saturday after Dance, Jouteng, Pauline, Fang Jiunn and I piled into my family's car and were treated to an awesome filling Starbucks meal by my parents!

And then we went to Queensway to meet Joash and Henri to look for coloured shoelaces for our Dance concert outfit. And I had to get a pair of white sneakers for the concert so I got this gross-looking China brand pair. ):

And then Henri left and the rest of us went to Far East for awesome shaved ice yay.

And while we were there, Whatcha Say played in the shop and we started dancing in our seats HOHO.

Today was the start of Dance week!

Isaac used my phone to take a picture of Shang Kai and set it as my wallpaper. ?!?!?!?!

YAY PAULINE

-

A period of uncertainty

but maybe uncertainty's the best stage to be in, because a definite answer will result in too much tragedy.

-

Joan and I had a good H2H chat today and I realised I'm not alone. In fact, I bet a lot of us here feel the same way we do but are just too afraid to bring it up. There's too much loud laughter, too much joking around, too much happiness - to the point of superficiality. It's too superficial and there's too little security. Once upon a time there were people we could trust with our lives, people we could tell anything to, who would always be there, people whom you knew wouldn't judge you for doing something stupid, making a mistake or a fool of yourself. Now it's like everybody is everybody's friend but there are no true friends. Joan and I are people who value true friendship; it's either all or nothing, really. A superficial friendship is equivalent to none at all. We shouldn't change who we are to be someone else's friend - but is it possible to stay true to yourself and be able to fit in at the same time here?

No security in friendship, really. For example, suppose you're in a clique and you think everything's good for you; you've got good friends you can rely on. And then whenever you ask them out after school, you realise every one of them is going out with their other friends, and then you realise how much of a fool you've been by having only them to rely on when they've got everyone else, and then you wonder how much you actually mean to them. And then you realise how little you guys know about each other, and how shallow and superficial everything is. And you've got nobody else. Nobody who truly wants to get to know you better and be there for you even when it inconveniences them. That's when you begin to crumble.

DANCE

HELLO WORLD BAILAMOS IS GOING TO ROCK, THE DANCE ITEMS ARE GOING TO BE SUPER AWESOME, GET YOUR TICKETS IF YOU HAVEN'T, PLEASE TRY TO MAKE IT ON FRIDAY 'COS SATURDAY'S TICKETS ARE SORTA SOLD OUT!

Turns out Timothy Mah was from OB Music Forest too omg!

When I came to AC I didn't expect anyone to like JJ at all but I found Ed board senior Fun Jun and fellow Council elects Yue Cong and Jia Ying and Wei Liang. AND CLEO OMG CLEO'S A JJ FAN HAHA SHE LOOKS SO ANGMOHFIED BUT JJ'S JUST TOO GOOD! Jiaying was so excited upon realising there was another JJ fan in AC too. IKRRR. And Isaac who was from JJ's school, ACSI, didn't know who he was. He asked if the guy in my display picture was my boyfriend. And I'm like OH YEAH DUH HE LOVES ME SO MUCH

That time Isaac was giving me a pissed-off expression and asked me why I liked JJ so much and I went "I know you're jealous right!" and he went "Yah lah what's so good about JJ, seriously!"

Will be going with my "brother and sister" Fang Jiunn and Pauline to watch Axis Of Awesome at the Esplanade's recital studio this Saturday. Wonder what it'll be like. (Isaac: "Fine lah never ask me again!")

YAY CELL GROUP THIS FRIDAY. Somehow I feel too disconnected from the cell group to really feel like a part of it though. I'm becoming more sociable, yes, but I'm hardly around anyway.

Well whatever will be will be.

I know I'm only performing in one item but...

I refuse to be part of a concert that's held for a bunch of testosterone-heavy guys who are there not to appreciate the art of their fellow students' choreography and work, but to check out hot girls.

What the.

All the Dancers are already desperately going around asking everyone if they've got extra tickets because they've got too many friends who want to go for it and some of the tickets are going to this kind of people??

Seriously, the dance concert will rock. We've got amazing student choreography and really cool lifts (in Amelia's and Shuzhen's choreographed dance) and the war item is cool and it'll be great. I just want the people in the audience to be those who are there to truly appreciate the art of dance and our hard work.

What the.

-

The pair of court shoes I got for Council were $50 and rejected because the hole where you put your foot in is too round near the tip of the shoe; it has to be squarer. And I can't even take it back to exchange it for another pair because I lost the friggin' receipt.

Hello, if anyone is looking to buy a pair of court shoes, PLEASE get them from me. Size 5, completely plain matt black, rounded tip, 1.5 inch heel.

ACJC Dance

Warm-ups were enough to kill me. If I were to do these warm-ups everyday it'd take me less than a month to look like a body-builder.

Friday is technique class so we have to do stuff that make me look like an idiot when I attempt them. At one point, when we were doing these spinny thingies (I won't even attempt to use the technical terms because I can't) in a row of three across the studio, she singled me out because I wasn't doing it right - my back leg was coming up too late AND she didn't mention this but I knew I was taking too large steps - and I had to repeat it - SOLO, with the whole of Dance watching - a few times.

And initially I was like, "Okay, it's okay, it's only the beginning of the year and not many people know me yet" but then Douglas (I'm assuming it's him 'cos he's the only J2 guy who knows my name) said "Go Karen!" and then everyone started saying "Go Karen!" and cheering. And I was like, ah well. Their enthusiasm and spirit are really nice though.

Well, I guess I really don't care about losing face anymore. If I were my Sec One self I'd be hating Dance and hating how I'm not able to do anything, feeling thoroughly humiliated and wanting to run away. But I'm not. I'm older now and Crescent Dance and Liu Laoshi have taught me that the less concerned I am about losing face, the more I gain.

I've probably already become known for my inability to remember and execute steps anyway. I'm always the one blundering, the one who isn't able to catch up, the one who doesn't know what she's doing. Grr. I will try, I really will. I might be able to do it if Miss Wee were to count the beats ten times slower.

Then Miss Wee had each guy form a group with two girls to do LIFTS!!! Geraldine and I went with a J2 guy called Vanka (who reminds me a little of Kester). Vanka's only 2kg heavier than Geraldine and I (we're both 43kg) so he must've had a really hard time lifting us. I was unable to keep myself balanced at one point in time, and Geraldine had blisters from the spins so she couldn't jump high. Vanka must've felt like dying. Thank goodness the lifts were only the basic ones.

I watched Joanne being lifted and was reminded of AYG:

Joanne's a pro. (I was actually supposed to take her place in doing this but I wasn't able to do it properly and the guy got pissed.) This lift isn't easy. The guy's left hand supports the girl's left foot while his right hand supports her butt. The girl's right leg is raised. When I did it I kept not tucking my right foot in properly and I couldn't seem to be able to turn my left foot out, which resulted in the guy having to turn in circles to keep me balanced.

I go through Dance in JC now and I'm really reminded of my memories of Crescent Dance when I was in lower secondary. I hated everything; it was all so hard and I was the only person who couldn't do anything. Everyone else danced so well; my seniors spent so much time helping me get just one move right. I was frustrated and so humiliated. I felt this wasn't the right CCA for me. I just couldn't do anything right.

And then I became a senior and learnt to love Dance. I learnt to throw my "face" away. Being Discipline Mistress helped a lot too when I was forced to realise Dance's good points and faults.

Now it's like history is repeating itself; I'm in a dance studio with enthusiastic, pro seniors and I just can't seem to get my stuff right at all. I'm definitely not hating any part of it, though. In fact, the complexity of the moves only makes me love AC Dance even more. The moves are beautiful, stuff I've never been able to imagine myself doing. And now I'm doing them - I'm looking like a completely idiotic klutz trying to get it right, but at least I'm learning, and there's hope.

As I feel the passion in me stir up again

I'm the Class Rep (Class Rep doesn't sound nice, doesn't Class Chairperson sound cooler?) so I'm officially the

Saikang Warrior AH!

(Geddit geddit? I'm in 1AH. Hahahaha)

Had a four-hour-long break today. Attempted to do my Econs notes but fell asleep at the void deck after writing the headers. Went to the library with Geraldine and Amelia and the three of us made so much noise there because we were visiting Crescent's website and laughing at our wonderful teachers' pictures (not that they were ugly; they just brought back memories.) And we, together with Eudea, Glenda and Teryne, enlarged a few teachers' pictures and camwhored with them. Geraldine SMSed Miss Li and said "I really like the picture I just took with you!"

Can't post any pictures up now though; my camera's with Glenda!

ACJC Dance

I felt like dying at the end of warm-ups (and apparently it's "nothing at all, seriously") and I hate how inflexible I've become.

The instructor taught us two dances, very very pretty dances that require a lot of technique so it was easy to distinguish those with ballet experience and those without. I must admit, twice I felt a strong urge to run away. I danced like a duck.

When my row was to do the first dance in front of everyone else, I somehow got pushed to the front. You know, I could actually do the dance and remember all the steps when we were all doing it together, but this time I didn't get a single step right. My mind was too focused on panicking; I couldn't remember anything and my footing was completely wrong. At one point I gave up, stood there and laughed desperately. I'm not exaggerating.

I danced horribly... but I must say, I totally enjoyed it.

Oh yes, today I threw away my image and decided not to care about how much I was humiliating myself. The dances were really pretty and I just couldn't do them right. But it just made today's practice all the more awesome.

I'm entering a whole new level. I see a some similarities between AC and Crescent Dance, yet everything is so different. I know I will feel like dying in AC Dance. I know there'll be moments where I'll cry out in frustration because I'm not able to get the moves right, where I'll feel like giving up and breaking free, where I'll feel resentful about everything. But I also know, undoubtedly, that AC Dance is where my fondest JC memories will be made, just like how Crescent Dance is the main reason I love the school.

I can't really dance, but there's this electrifying adrenalin rush I get every time the music starts and the pulsating beats ignite flames of passion in my heart. I may not be cut out for dancing but that rush of love tells me to stay.