And I will be complete in You

To be honest, I've been feeling rather spiritually dry recently. I mean, I know God still works in my life - there are times where I know it's because of Him that something happened and I realise my mistake. The muah chee in church and haunted house incidents especially. I was totally impacted and full of repentance and praise at those points in time. But I don't know. There's this Spirit-filled atmosphere that you feel when you're praying in the church, and I just haven't been feeling that much. When you feel like you haven't been touched by His presence in a long time, you begin to dry up spiritually. Together with being in AC (everyone's become more vulgar after coming here for some reason) and missing quite a lot of church sessions recently, I've just become more and more distant.

Today I went for church (my first Asia Conference session!) after Dance and wasn't able to make it on time to go to the main hall (Hall Eight) with the cell group. I had to go to Hall Ten alone and watch everything happen on screens. Well, it wasn't that bad; the person sitting beside me was friendly.

Dr Reinhard Bonnke was cool. He's a German evangelist who does crusades in Nigeria of crazy proportions. More than 3,000,000 people converting to Christianity in just one city over a six-day crusade?! More than a million registered decisions in just one service?! Amazing. Anyway, he was a really funny guy, and the things he said made a lot of sense too. "An un-preached Gospel is like a closed bottle of medicine beside a dying man". The people of the world are in need of salvation quickly; without it, they would most probably experience eternal death (God doesn't punish people for not knowing Him, but for knowing yet refusing to obey / listen).

The word "baptism" is undoubtedly related to Christianity in today's context, but it's from a commonly-used word in the olden times, especially in the dying of fabrics. It meant "to dip under". In water baptism, you're dipped into water and it signifies your rebirth in Christ, and the actual, spiritual baptism is "with the Holy Spirit and with Fire" by the Holy Spirit himself.

When you dip a piece of clothing into dye - aka "baptism" - its appearance is transformed by the dye. The garment accepts the dye and becomes saturated with it. Now, when you're baptised in the Holy Spirit - it transforms you. You accept the Spirit and it dwells in you. You become saturated with the Holy Spirit. Your entire personality is soaked in it.

Anyway, I still just wasn't feeling God's presence stirring in me like I used to, and although the service was great, Church just wasn't right without God in me. But at the end of the service I responded to the altar call. It was something about the Holy Spirit and asking God to use our lives for His purpose. I remember thinking, "Yeah, I want that. I want to work for God." And even in Hall Ten where we were watching from a screen, there was a pastor and other church people in front and I, together with other youths, went forward. We prayed, we prayed like crazy in Tongues. And I started shaking.

At first I thought it was just because I was super cold, but the trembles and shakes became too violent to be solely because of that. I shook like I was going to have a fit. I felt myself swaying, losing balance, although I wasn't completely conscious of it somehow. My lifted hands seemed weightless. When I started swaying I thought, "Any more and I'll be slain without the pastor even being physically present". And I let my fear take over. I remember praying and thanking God for this wonderful experience, but at the same time, telling him it was scary, that I wished to go no further; I wasn't ready. And so that was all I got. I might have been able to go further in my experience with Him, but I told him I was afraid.

Well, that was a great experience and a lesson learnt. And Dr Bonnke emphasized something about the youths refraining from any form of vulgarities or coarse language. And I knew I had to do something about that.

I've been trying to keep away from coarse language but I just found it impossible in AC. Ever since I came here my resolution to refrain from coarse language has just gone downhill, and then I eventually stopped trying to stop myself (apart from the f word of course). But now I know I have to do this. And now I know I really can, with my reliance on God. I will stop using words I use at least a million times a day, like 'shit' and 'damn' and 'freaking' and 'suck' and 'wah lao'. I really will stop my usage of any form of coarse language. With God's help I now know it is possible. Sure, AC's full of people with horribly vulgar language but I'll keep to my word and new-found value. I will.

Friends, you guys have to help me too okay!

Timothy Ho Zhi Hui

hey karen wat a coincidence..today my devotion was on matt 12:36 but i say to you that for every idle word men may speak they will give account of it in the day of judgment.
O.o God is really speaking
...christians shud speak only words that uplift and bring grace to others. I really shud speak less ..

54 minutes ago ·

Joash Lim

Hey karen =) although I'm not the best person to tell you this, but if you, indeed, thank God for everything (1 thess 5:18), cuz you know that all things work for those who love him, you won't have a reason to curse anymore. Love your determination!

12 minutes ago ·