Feb 27, 2010

"My favourite weekend activity is going to church"

That was what I said during Lit when we were introducing ourselves. I've changed my mind. It isn't just my favourite weekend activity; it's the one thing I look forward to every week. Pastor Kong's messages are always so enlightening and amazing and I leave each service wishing all the world could have heard what he had shared that day.

Service today was incredible, and I'm really glad that Pastor addressed what he addressed today. It was a little concern of mine and Jeremy's. As we continue to grow in numbers, our spiritual strength must not become weak, but that's what I felt was happening somehow.

Today Pastor talked about that. As he'll be revealing the location of our new church building next week, he felt that it was important that we knew that even as the church expands and the number of members increases rapidly, we must always continue to grow in our spiritual strength as well. As he said, sometimes we get so caught up in doing things for God that we find our love for Him decreasing. It's not as confusing as it sounds. In Revelations, the church members were doing a lot of things for God but, in the midst of it all, had lost their "first love" - the initial fiery passion for God.

Ever felt like the excitement you had for service and for God was beginning to die down? Ever felt like God had blessed you so much that you no longer thirsted for Him because He has "quenched your thirst"?

As Pastor said,
The more the Holy Spirit quenches your thirst, the thirstier for Him you become.

Pastor Kong also talked about his personal experiences - his encounters with God as a child. When he was 12, he sneaked into a Charismatic Meeting attended by pastors all over the world - that was an invitation-only thing - in shorts and slippers while everyone around him were in suits and ties. The speaker, an old man, asked "Who would like to receive the Holy Spirit?", and the 12-year-old Pastor Kong found himself raising his hand up. And then the speaker told everyone to receive the Holy Spirit and he felt something come like a huge wave and hit him, sent him trembling, his heart beating, his tears falling.

In secondary school, his parents strongly disallowed him to go to church but he kept feeling a strong longing to experience that encounter with the Holy Spirit again. When he was 16, just three months before the Os, he asked his dad if he could go to church and, surprisingly, he said yes.

Okay wait I've just got to stop there because when I was in secondary school, my parents stopped me from going to church because they felt it was a waste of time, and when I was 15 and Xueling Laoshi invited J4M to City Harvest I asked my mum if I could go and surprisingly she said yes too! HAHA!

So he began attending church again and one day, a guest speaker came and talked about the Holy Spirit. And at the end of it, he said the very same words the speaker had said during the Charismatic Meeting - "Who would like to receive the Holy Spirit?" - and it sent a chill down Pastor Kong's spine. And for thirty minutes Pastor lay there on the floor, trembling and crying. Once again, the Holy Spirit had touched him.

The Holy Spirit is a Person, has a tangible Presence, and is full of Power. We in City Harvest know that. There's something in the atmosphere that makes me smile when I enter the hall, something that makes me lift my hands in praise, something that made everyone's tears fall as we prayed today.

Today I found myself shouting my prayer in Tongues. Shouting. I was loud, we all were, in the music and the noise. And as I shouted my prayer in the language God spoke, I found myself choking on a lump in my throat and felt a smile play on my face.

God is good.

Feb 26, 2010

ACJC Dance

Warm-ups were enough to kill me. If I were to do these warm-ups everyday it'd take me less than a month to look like a body-builder.

Friday is technique class so we have to do stuff that make me look like an idiot when I attempt them. At one point, when we were doing these spinny thingies (I won't even attempt to use the technical terms because I can't) in a row of three across the studio, she singled me out because I wasn't doing it right - my back leg was coming up too late AND she didn't mention this but I knew I was taking too large steps - and I had to repeat it - SOLO, with the whole of Dance watching - a few times.

And initially I was like, "Okay, it's okay, it's only the beginning of the year and not many people know me yet" but then Douglas (I'm assuming it's him 'cos he's the only J2 guy who knows my name) said "Go Karen!" and then everyone started saying "Go Karen!" and cheering. And I was like, ah well. Their enthusiasm and spirit are really nice though.

Well, I guess I really don't care about losing face anymore. If I were my Sec One self I'd be hating Dance and hating how I'm not able to do anything, feeling thoroughly humiliated and wanting to run away. But I'm not. I'm older now and Crescent Dance and Liu Laoshi have taught me that the less concerned I am about losing face, the more I gain.

I've probably already become known for my inability to remember and execute steps anyway. I'm always the one blundering, the one who isn't able to catch up, the one who doesn't know what she's doing. Grr. I will try, I really will. I might be able to do it if Miss Wee were to count the beats ten times slower.

Then Miss Wee had each guy form a group with two girls to do LIFTS!!! Geraldine and I went with a J2 guy called Vanka (who reminds me a little of Kester). Vanka's only 2kg heavier than Geraldine and I (we're both 43kg) so he must've had a really hard time lifting us. I was unable to keep myself balanced at one point in time, and Geraldine had blisters from the spins so she couldn't jump high. Vanka must've felt like dying. Thank goodness the lifts were only the basic ones.

I watched Joanne being lifted and was reminded of AYG:
Joanne's a pro. (I was actually supposed to take her place in doing this but I wasn't able to do it properly and the guy got pissed.) This lift isn't easy. The guy's left hand supports the girl's left foot while his right hand supports her butt. The girl's right leg is raised. When I did it I kept not tucking my right foot in properly and I couldn't seem to be able to turn my left foot out, which resulted in the guy having to turn in circles to keep me balanced.

I go through Dance in JC now and I'm really reminded of my memories of Crescent Dance when I was in lower secondary. I hated everything; it was all so hard and I was the only person who couldn't do anything. Everyone else danced so well; my seniors spent so much time helping me get just one move right. I was frustrated and so humiliated. I felt this wasn't the right CCA for me. I just couldn't do anything right.

And then I became a senior and learnt to love Dance. I learnt to throw my "face" away. Being Discipline Mistress helped a lot too when I was forced to realise Dance's good points and faults.

Now it's like history is repeating itself; I'm in a dance studio with enthusiastic, pro seniors and I just can't seem to get my stuff right at all. I'm definitely not hating any part of it, though. In fact, the complexity of the moves only makes me love AC Dance even more. The moves are beautiful, stuff I've never been able to imagine myself doing. And now I'm doing them - I'm looking like a completely idiotic klutz trying to get it right, but at least I'm learning, and there's hope.

Feb 25, 2010

I just find this funny

Neuroticism (Emotional stability)
This trait refers to the way you cope with, and respond to, life's demands. Approximately 95% of respondents have a lower neuroticism raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who tends to be more self-conscious than many. Based on your responses, you come across as someone who can find it hard to not get caught up by anxious or stressful situations. You might say that you are in touch with your own feelings.

Haha omg. So I belong to the Top 5% most sensitive people?! For Agreeableness, I scored higher than 62% of the respondents. That means I trust people very easily and generally think everyone's good and nice. That's very true. I'm unbelievably gullible. ): For Openness I'm at the 12th percentile, and that apparently means I feel that the arts are of no use to me. Oops, that means I'm in the wrong stream HAHAH. Wrong, I love plays and concerts and cool pictures and artpieces and...I'm in Dance.

Reading your blog always gets me so happy and emotional at the same time, 'cos your posts can be so emotional. What with liking that girl and being in shitty moods... I wish I had known you earlier, wish I had the chance to see what you were like then. I want to know what you're really like now.

Feb 24, 2010

I want someone to need me; is that so bad?

Yesterday we had a tiny 6B'05 gathering! It was supposed to be a meet-up for Zu Hui and me only, but then I asked if Derrick could come along, then Zu Hui said she was quite close to Teressa, so I said Rachel should come if Teressa does, then I suggested Darren too, who asked if he could ask Wei Nian and Malcolm along. And then Zu Hui said she couldn't go. HAHA. So we ended up celebrating Derrick's birthday (which is today).

I met Derrick after ELL and we went back home before going to JWPS and attempt to get past the security guards. Of course, she coldly told us we had to get a teacher to escort us in. I then irritatedly smsed all the JWPS teachers in my contact list (and got Huiyan to give me more numbers) but all were out ): So we just sat at the back gate and did our Econs homework. (He did, anyway. I spent the time rambling about crap.)
Yah and then we had the meetup.
I find girls' obsession with taking pictures in the toilet hilarious. But Jurong Point's toilets really are very nice lah.

Today's cross country was....
Idk, haha.
It's irritating that they don't cancel lessons for the day and let us run in the morning! At least we were still released sort-of earlier :D The sun was horrible though.

I was doing the competitive run, yes, for a miserable 2.3km (but I like!). With God's strength, I didn't stop / walk at all! I wasn't in the Top 200 though. AC people are really fit... maddeningly fit. Especially those in sports. Like, netballers train six times a week. And everyone's so buff and toned. And I'm just plain fat and unfit hahaha I hope Dance and Mass PE will change things.

I wasn't putting in my best anyway; after the race had ended I still had the energy to run. I was feeling incredibly dizzy, though, like I was about to blank out any moment, thanks to the unmerciful sun. And stupid me. I was so dizzy that I wasn't looking right and when I wanted to walk from the finishing point to the holding area....
I was at the finishing line area and facing the road I've indicated in red and I saw a bunch of people walking there so I stupidly decided to follow them, oblivious to the fact that the holding area was actually so near and I could've just taken that really short route I've indicated in purple. It was only when I was halfway there that I realised I was taking a mega long route. And then I felt so paiseh in my Orientation tee, wondering why the crowd of people was taking this long route and realising they were all J2s. Then the bunch of guys at the back turned behind to look at me and laughed and I wanted to die.

Avinash kept commenting on how "small" I was ):

Feb 23, 2010

Someday you'll see

Someday I'll learn Japanese well and be able to express my feelings in it. It's such a beautiful language.
As I learn more about your past I wish I could learn more about the present you.

For now, knowing my number is saved in your phone makes me happy enough.

Funny how listening to most slow Chinese songs gets me really emotional because I'm reminded of the way you used to hug me, the love I felt in your kiss, your hands cupping my face.
Toilets, maple syrup, watching you cook in your kitchen, you wailing uncontrollably as you begged me to stay, your parents' room, taking the bus to places we've never been to, falling asleep in your arms, waking up to the warmth of your gaze, couple rings that I lost, 1314 hearts, arguing, you screaming at me because I refused to let you treat me to a meal, holding hands under the table, lovebites all over, waiting for the train to be empty at Joo Koon, Mogu Mogu, going for counselling, the way you wailed and begged when I told you it was time to let go.

Wrong, I don't have any feelings for you anymore... you're quite gross. I just miss the feeling of being helplessly loved.

If my heart is strong enough, I'll dispel all thoughts of a relationship until my A Levels are over, no matter how perfect the guy seems. God knows I've got no time to screw up any more.
Jacey, stay strong. Guard your heart. Study hard and soar.
Childhood friends. One was someone who shaped my life as a child; the other gave me incredible strength when I was at my weakest, without which I probably wouldn't have had the strength to break up. Friends from the beginning and for ever.

My friend's a policeman who doesn't like to follow the rules

Means a lot to me.
....People say Christians can be the most ignorant people.

I really want to sleep early... and I've got an Econs test tomorrow and I haven't so much as glanced through my notes. And I'm blogging. I've just done up the class photo list for the GP teacher. Saikang Warrior FTW!
Derrick & I are in the same Math class! (& Eliz K, Gloria, Cherry)
Celeste (ACSIB) came to see us ex-Crescent Dancers!
Being stupid in the library

....Econs test. I'm going to fail my first test of the year. I'm not going to look at my notes. Byebye!

Feb 22, 2010

ELL starts in 10 minutes

I spent the last one hour being a lonely idiot at the canteen / library hahaha. I'm using a Mac now.

Had Mass PE for the first time. Ran one round around the track, did warmups, 20 pushups, 30 crunches, 2 rounds around the track, 20 pushups, 25 crunches, 1 round around the track. And I was so exhausted. Can't believe I signed up for the competitive run for Cross-Country on Wednesday. I'm gonna faint and die.

Took pictures of everyone in the class for a class photo list, and then I forgot to take one of myself. So my picture will be a random weird one not taken in our classroom.

This is a random post (or, as an ELL student would argue, arbitrary). I wanted to post something deep and whatever but then I realised I had ten minutes left till my next lecture (now I'm left with five), so my mind went blank and I can't remember what I wanted to say. 


I resolve to be a hardcore mugger

I really do.

It's nice how Amelia and I are opening up to each other a lot. There used to be random long chats where we'd pour our troubles out, but now that we're in the same class (again, after two years of separation!) she's suddenly the one person who knows... a lot.
Love you Cheng! Don't know what I'd do without you and Geraldine in my class.

After vocal lesson and bible study, Maddie left for Daryl's place and Janice and I went to Bugis together for lunch!
Iluma has nice toilets!

Then Janice introduced me to Dance Dance Revolution! O: It was my first time, so...
I really sucked. But then I realised I was doing so badly partly because of my flats. So then I did it barefooted and..
Well, it's an improvement!

I did try to do it at an arcade in Rasa Sentosa when I was around ten, I think, but I was too light so the sensor didn't sense my feet when I danced. ):

And then after Janice left I went to BHG to chat with Jacey for a while (:
Poor girl's working even during her O level year. Jiayou, Jacey!

Feb 21, 2010

Third post at a go

(Did I write "Please teach me Japanese" correctly? I don't know what that is in Japanese so I got that off the Net.)

I was reading someone's blog and suddenly felt the urge to write something in Japanese, after having not touched the language in so long. Once upon a time, my brother, Glenda and I would write stupid sentences about the time and where Mr Smith (or Sumisu San) was going and where something was. Smith became the best friend we never knew. I've forgotten everything already. And I really want to take Japanese classes again, and start right from the beginning.
(Last Jap class... when I still had long hair!)

And omg,
your old handwriting looks exactly like mine.
:D :D :D :D

Hahaha so funny

One of my Miyazaki '07 posts mentions three people who are now in ACJC Dance (three of which were Crezdancers) - Geraldine, Sharon and Joanne Ng - and I find it quite amusing somehow!

My old posts amuse myself.
"maths homework. qn 7 is abt ahmad and fandi's age and all that. answer: ahmad is 13 and fandi is 25. LIKE ME AND JJ ahahaha"

My JJ Lin used to be this really cute boy. What happened to my cute boy ):
I have more than 1600 pictures of JJ - I think the most recent one I saved was in, like, 2008 or so. I have pictures of him as a kid, as a nerdy teen, as a student in SAJC, and so many photos of him every year since he debuted. I see him grow in the photos. He used to be so cute and his personality was so aww. I'm still in love with the old him.
It's been 7 years since he debuted. He started out in 2003 when he was 22 and I was 10. When I was 10 I had just started putting on retainers and I was trying chocolate, oranges and green peas for the first time since I was three (I'm serious, I was allergic to them all).
I don't like time. I want my young JJ back ):

Feb 20, 2010

Worst names ever

Must've gotten a lot of shit for it in school. Poor thing.
Imagine cheering him on during the Games! Ouch.

Yay my hard disk is fine again, THANK YOU GOD!!!! So I can blog about CNY.

Remember how Sumay's and my family camped at East Coast Park to celebrate the new year? (Sarah left at 1am.) The morning after we witnessed a cyclist crash into a China woman, who was there with her daughter and husband for a "morning walk". My dad drove the husband to the hospital while their daughter rode in the ambulance with her mother, who was in terrible shock. She couldn't move. Anyway, the family invited us to their house during CNY!

Turns out the cyclist was quite horrible. Her boyfriend was some ang moh dude who was really rude to the police officer, waving him away dismissively and grunting irritatedly when the officer was talking to him. Well, the cyclist herself (asian girl) is quite a b***h herself. When they called her later in the day she denied everything, told them they got the wrong number and not to call back again. She only came clean when the China couple made a police report and the officer called her.

Stupid people who shrink away from responsibilities AND think they're better than others. The world would be so much better if everyone were Crescentians.

The daughter is doing art at NAFA!!! I really think Teressa should go there ):

Then my parents' ex-NUS choirmates aka my childhood friends and their families met for dinner at Aunty Hwee Boon's house!
our heart has horns!
The tallest girl is 13!!
Played Truth Or Dare with Chuen Wee's iPhone and laughed quite hard. Chuen Wee was so unsporting ): Sumay and I danced Nobody in front of all the adults who were gambling (my parents didn't win once so they lost everything).

Another night my family and I went to visit my dad's ex-boss.
Ex-boss: You seem old enough, want a special drink?...Eh, get this girl a margarita!
Dad: O.O Noooo.
Ex-boss: Okay... Blue Hawaii?
Dad: ....Nooooo.

He gave one to me anyway but reassured my dad it was nothing "killer". I find the taste of alcohol so gross. Bitter somehow. Ugh.

Today I met my paternal cousins for dinner. Borrowed Shu En's old ACJC PE tee - it's cotton, not dry-fit - and most of the time was spent stoning and reading Dilbert comics. Sorry, I'm anti-social like that. Not close to my paternal cousins. Watched JJ on the Sheng Siong Show! My grandmother's a fan. Could see JJFC there; didn't see Janice, Maddie or Celeste in the crowd though!

Feb 19, 2010

As I feel the passion in me stir up again

I'm the Class Rep (Class Rep doesn't sound nice, doesn't Class Chairperson sound cooler?) so I'm officially the
Saikang Warrior AH!
(Geddit geddit? I'm in 1AH. Hahahaha)

Had a four-hour-long break today. Attempted to do my Econs notes but fell asleep at the void deck after writing the headers. Went to the library with Geraldine and Amelia and the three of us made so much noise there because we were visiting Crescent's website and laughing at our wonderful teachers' pictures (not that they were ugly; they just brought back memories.) And we, together with Eudea, Glenda and Teryne, enlarged a few teachers' pictures and camwhored with them. Geraldine SMSed Miss Li and said "I really like the picture I just took with you!"

Can't post any pictures up now though; my camera's with Glenda!

ACJC Dance

I felt like dying at the end of warm-ups (and apparently it's "nothing at all, seriously") and I hate how inflexible I've become.
The instructor taught us two dances, very very pretty dances that require a lot of technique so it was easy to distinguish those with ballet experience and those without. I must admit, twice I felt a strong urge to run away. I danced like a duck.

When my row was to do the first dance in front of everyone else, I somehow got pushed to the front. You know, I could actually do the dance and remember all the steps when we were all doing it together, but this time I didn't get a single step right. My mind was too focused on panicking; I couldn't remember anything and my footing was completely wrong. At one point I gave up, stood there and laughed desperately. I'm not exaggerating.

I danced horribly... but I must say, I totally enjoyed it.

Oh yes, today I threw away my image and decided not to care about how much I was humiliating myself. The dances were really pretty and I just couldn't do them right. But it just made today's practice all the more awesome.

I'm entering a whole new level. I see a some similarities between AC and Crescent Dance, yet everything is so different. I know I will feel like dying in AC Dance. I know there'll be moments where I'll cry out in frustration because I'm not able to get the moves right, where I'll feel like giving up and breaking free, where I'll feel resentful about everything. But I also know, undoubtedly, that AC Dance is where my fondest JC memories will be made, just like how Crescent Dance is the main reason I love the school.

I can't really dance, but there's this electrifying adrenalin rush I get every time the music starts and the pulsating beats ignite flames of passion in my heart. I may not be cut out for dancing but that rush of love tells me to stay.


I told myself I'd sleep early for once (told myself to sleep early yesterday but ended up going to bed at 2am all the same) but I spent so long editing this new blogskin. Yay, now my archives aren't screwed up! I like this skin!

I was reading my old posts and came across this link:

Feb 18, 2010


My blog reader count used to be in the hundreds; now it's hovering between 48-90. Guess everyone's getting busy now / forgotten about me. No matter, though - my blog is my diary and I'll blog even if nobody reads my posts because I want to remember my experiences and thoughts (although I hardly ever do Deep Thought posts any more) and my STM doesn't allow me to do so without recording them down.

I love reading old blog posts of people I've just gotten to know
and witness their writing style evolve
and ponder over their emo posts (and occasionally posts about love / heartbreak TEEHEE!) - cs!
Dave, Jayme, Han Xiong, Elgyn etc... OH ELGYN LOOKED SO CUTE IN SEC 2 HAHAHA. Interesting blog posts, I like I like.

From Jayme's blog, on Halloween: "We saw this guy who dressed as an ij girl"

There's something wrong with my archives from Dec '05 to JaAdd Videon '09. Since I'm a tech noob and can't find a way to fix the problem I'll look for a new blogskin. Funny how it takes me weeks to find a suitable blogskin when I end up completely changing it anyway.

Today was quite interesting.

Met my Take-The-MRT-To-School-Everyday-Except-Tuesdays partner Derrick as usual...
I was actually early for once!

I was free from 7.50 to 11.10 today, wth! Only had two lectures today - at 11.10 and 1.50 - so in the morning Amelia and I attempted to be muggers. We isolated ourselves from our class and tried to do what was my first piece of homework for the year. Econs!
Obviously didn't get much done.

ELL lessons have finally started proper and all the stupid terminology is confusing all of us but it's still great nonetheless. Syntax simply means "grammar" and lexeme means "word". Wth right. Syntax, morphene, lexeme, predicate, definite and indefinite articles... and I just learnt what "preposition" means. Never has my vocabulary expanded so much in forty minutes.

Saw my cousin Joel in school for the first time. I actually didn't recognise him at first!

After ELL ended at 2.30 I told myself I'd either go home or start rewriting my Econs notes (I really am going to be a hardcore mugger in JC) but I ended up crapping at the void deck with Joey, Sheena, Dave (all three are joining Lifeguards!), Han Xiong, Rachel and Sarah.
Sarah's, mine, Dave's! Ended up exchanging iPods. Dave's got great songs!
Then I walked to the MRT station with Han Xiong and happened to see Binkai.

But I'm still longing to hang out with Vetar. I love my Orientation Group to the max; seems I'm the only one who's so enthusiastic about it though. ): Amelia's OG still hangs out together so much and we're all.... scattered. I still love all of us Vetarians so much; I just wish everyone felt this way too.

God is GOOD

Because there's Dance practice every Friday from 5-8, I'll have to miss cell group. Normally I go for cell group but miss church on Saturdays thanks to weekly family dinners with my grandmother. So that would mean that I'd have to give both cell group and church a miss, which means I practically wouldn't be a part of City Harvest anymore.


Despite the fact that having our weekly dinner with my grandmother on Sundays instead will be a bit inconvenient for the family, MY PARENTS HAVE AGREED TO DO IT!!!


With each door closed, another door opens. Thank you God for my parents' grace and understanding. Service is always awesome. Pastor Kong is incredible.

And thank God all nine Crescent Dancers who auditioned for ACJC Dance got in!!! Such a relief. 42 people made it in altogether, which is quite a lot. 72 people auditioned. Last year, apparently more than a hundred auditioned but only less than forty were selected. Anyhow, thank God I made it in.

It's a good day

Lots of pictures, I won't be uploading anything onto Facebook now because I really want to go to sleep early i.e. before 1.30am for once because I've been getting less than three hours' sleep every day and I really need to stay awake in school.

Last night I sliced all my flower-shaped marshmallows into two lengthwise 'cos they were too thick!
Sorry for the crap lighting, I'm uploading the photos straight from my SD card because my hard disk is SPOILT AHHHH so I can't edit it.

YES MY HARD DISK IS SPOILTTTTT. I WANT TO DIEEEE. SO MANY PICTURES AND EVERYTHING. Thenaesh told me not to do anything to it and send it for recovery. Who wants to go with me? ):

Today was ice-cream selling day! Our first attempt at fundraising.
I'm very proud of my yellow one. It says
"I scream for ICE CREAM @ 1AH! AHHHHHHH!"

After contact time we lou-hei-ed! Gloria brought yusheng!
Being the chinese suckers we are..
"学业进步!" "恭喜发财!" "..uh...风和日丽!" "津津有味" "井底之蛙" HAHA ULTIMATE

And and and
Crescent OWNS. HAH.
Welcome tea was quite fun but I really can't remember anyone's names. And there was food, thank you Welfare!