The CCA Dilemma

Exco retreat was good, maybe I'll blog about it another time.

NJC's investiture with Weilang, Chloe and Hyun!

Today the 35th Exco went for the 34th's final General Meeting. There were farewell videos they made and it got me quite pensive in a way and emotional for them, even though I wasn't a part of those memories. The feeling of leaving a group of people who mean everything to you and going back to a life without this CCA you feel you've spent your whole life in is something most of us have felt before. It was painful to step down as Discipline Head and leave Crescent Dance. Life felt incredibly empty. And I'm pretty sure that after a year of being in Council, especially because it's a very time-consuming CCA, what my seniors will be feeling would be much greater than what I felt after leaving Crescent Dance - life would feel much emptier without the Council duties and ad-hoc discussions; school might feel mundane.

At this point in time I suddenly thought of AC Dance. I know both Council and Dance are expecting me to quit Dance very, very soon, but I'm just not ready. Sure, I'm not close to many of the dancers and I feel like a loner a lot of the time and I'm a horrible dancer and the most inflexible girl around, but I don't think I can leave it just yet. The crazy liveliness and awesome cheering, funny pals like Na, Jouteng and even Yohanes, and close fantastic friends like Joan - I'm just not ready to part with Dance. AC Dance definitely isn't something I feel as much for as people like Amelia do, but... it isn't just about this specific dance society, but about dancing as a whole.

I may suck at dancing but it's awesome. When I'm falling asleep, dancing wakes me up. It's the only form of exercise I can do when I'm sleepy and after that I actually feel more awake. Dance is something I feel an adrenaline rush for. I may not be a good dancer but I love to dance. Just like the classic Forrest Gump quote "I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is."

I'm just not ready to give Dance up entirely yet. It's something I'll have to let go off eventually - with a lot of regret, especially after my friends who couldn't make it for Bailamos promised they'd be there to watch next year - but maybe not immediately.

I'll feel really bad if I have to skip Dance practices for Council though. Like, if there's Dance next Thursday I'll have to give it a miss for Council Exco.

....Damn life, I need seventy-two hours a day.

I remember the adrenaline rush that comes with the pulsating music and the soft lights and with just moving. Energy fills me when I dance the SYF'07 dance. Vitality. Vitality stirs up in me as I move and feel the music. It's magic. The magic in the theatre that week that intoxicated us. Dance is life. Dance makes me feel alive. Yes, I'm a horrible dancer but that doesn't mean I can't feel the magic of Dance.

I'm not ready. See, when I leave AC Dance, I probably will never dance again.

-

You know, deep down I still wonder what you think about me now, and if you felt it too back then.