CHANGED URL!

Relink me people!

www.thoselovesongs.blogspot.com

Same as my Lj but whatever. All the URLs I want are taken up by people who only post a few posts or one post or none at all. Mega irritating lah.

www.themusicinme.blogspot.com

www.theremustbemoretolife.blogspot.com

www.letthemusicplay.blogspot.com

www.music.blogspot.com

www.ineedlife.blogspot.com

I'm blogging too much

Once upon a time, I could search Karen Ho and my blog would be one of the first few results displayed. I could type something like "bu liu lei de ji chang" and my blog would be on the first page of results. Now I can only find it if I search "thehyperjjfan". -.- It's okay. My blog shall rise again. MUAHAHAHA.

Does anyone hear me?

To the citizens of the world

I've set my blog to public, which means it can be found on search engines and stuff. So what? I've nothing to hide. Okay, maybe I do, I guess I can't post what I had intended to post, but nevermind. Even if I do, I couldn't care less anymore. I've nothing to hide. Just that there are certain people whom I hope will have the self-discipline not to read it. My mum said someone told her I said something bad about her on my blog. I didn't, who said that?! That was the reason I changed my blog url and disabled the internet thing. Maybe I'll do it again if it happens again. Irritating noseyaunties.

Anyway, the reason I'm setting it to public is because I want people to read my blog because I want to find people who can relate to what I'm feeling, anonymous virtual people who can share their own experiences with me and let me know I'm definitely not alone in all I'm feeling. No matter what it is. E.g. God, studies, love, friendship. My heart's sort of in a mess, right now my life is so much more screwed emotionally than I'd ever hoped it'd be.

(Amelia, it's not that I want to get hits okay).

And maybe I want to see how far I can get in this weird virtual blogging world. Maybe my posts and what I'm going through would help someone else feel she isn't alone. Maybe I want people to touch me, and I want to touch people. And as I've said before, there are some questions I wish the world could hear and ponder on.

So no matter how anonymous you are, whether you're from Singapore or U.S. or Korea or Iraq or Ukraine or Mars, I hope you'll leave a tag (: or an email - karenhowenee@gmail.com, or an MSN/Facebook message - yunyi_karen@hotmail.com, or..an SMS (Lol, 'cos I won't be online much thanks to O's - email me), and share your thoughts and experiences with me, 'cos they will be appreciated.

This is one weird post.

Oh and I want to change my URL but all those I want are TAKEN. Themusicinme, ilovemusic, ibreathemusic, even theremustbemoretolife is taken. GRR. I should just do something gay like iamkarenho HAHA.

I want to change my blogskin too but I really like the layouts and everything of this one. :/

I hope Facebook never dies \m/

Now people can read my blog from Facebook! :O Go to my profile, look at the left sidebar, and scroll down. It's just below Information and Friends. WOOHOO SO COOL!

I've got loads to blog about but not now. Ting says we must sacrifice for O's. She sacrificed her greatest love - TV, she could even memorize the whole programme schedule - to study 18 hours a day (and sleep 6 hours a day). No wonder some people make it and some don't.

Wait, if she's that smart why's she leading a sad life as a teacher? Haha. My dad also. He topped his standard/class (I can't remember which. I hope it's the latter; I'd feel a little more reassured) in crazy RAFFLES INSTITUTION haha and he has an Engineering degree and now he's a teacher. Aww. Teachers have sad lives lah. I don't know why they do it.

Will explain why my dad took up teaching another time. It's quite amusing heh heh.

Buried somewhere inside

Okay, I stayed back in class today with Chris and I started trying to sing the NDP Songs for that stupid competition.

I'M DISTRAUGHT. I REALLY AM.

Dear Kelly and whoever might have had hope on me, I'm sorry but I sound like a tone-deaf screechy shaky idiot now. Really. When I try to sing the high notes I remind myself of.. Reflection UGHHHHH. I don't want to go on stage and sing. I'd sound like a complete idiot in front of the whole school and all the teachers and my Dance juniors and I'd totally humiliate myself and the whole class. I'm serious. I haven't sung in months, I can't do it anymore! I think I need to start from Beginners' (okay, maybe Intermediate) all over again, seriously. I'm singing from my throat instead of the diaphragm again and I can't seem to correct it. I sound like I'm going to die when I try to reach the high notes - my voice breaks, it's forever shaky, sometimes it's really really off. In short, I sound stupid when I sing now.

I don't want to go on stage. It's like walking towards the edge of the plank when you know you're definitely going to fall into the sea and drown unglamly and humiliatingly and painfully and die. (Weird analysis I know, but yeah)

I really hope the Don't Forget the Lyrics thing isn't what I think it is. I hope it's something like, where the whole school sings and I'm just supposed to guess the lyrics when the music stops. Yeah.

HELP I DON'T WANT. I SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT I REALLY DO.

Btw Yao De, confession time: I said "damn" and "asshole" 'cos I was so pissed at how horribly I was singing.

P.S. Chris takes SUPER GOOD photos of the sky. She makes the sky outside our school look like it's out of some tragic, surreal movie. Amazing. Like as if Singapore were that interesting.

Like a wrestler in the ring

They say if you do something right, you'll feel the peace of God with you.

Maybe my heart's been hardened into stone.


The opponent's on me, trying to get me to loosen my grip, taunting me, mocking me, putting me down easily with just one arm. If I dare to let my guard down even just a little bit, I'd lose and admit defeat immediately. The only way to get through this is to struggle, and struggle and struggle and struggle, no matter how long it takes; eventually, tired as I am, I'll be able to summon the strength to break away from his strong, deadly grasp.

You won't get me.


If God has ever come to me during this period of time, it's through great friends like you guys - Jason, Carmen, and Janey (and Yao De for keeping me so occupied with brainless SMS-ing that I can't really think about anything else that often). Ah, an unexpected lot. But God doesn't do the expected.

God, do you hear me? I think maybe God was there today when my phone completely died on me and didn't respond to any buttons and I was panicking like crazy and praying like mad that it wouldn't stay dead forever, and it REVIVED! But I still can't do anything with it. I'm backing everything up now. Even if my phone doesn't work anymore, the memories stored inside are priceless; I can't lose them. In fact, memories (pictures, messages) are the main reasons I want my Tablet back. It's the only reason I don't want my phone to die just yet. (Maybe I just don't understand the value of money hahaha)


Went to Jurong Point with Yao De to look for a more simplified bible for him. He's using the New King James Version which is apparently extremely profound. He ended up getting the same bible as mine, except that his is green and soft cover. I paid for it, 'cos of that bet on my usage of vulgarities. Heh. I think I'm controlling myself much better now thank you very much. Thank God for blessing me with $33 from my aunts (unexpected ang pows) so that I can repay my tithes and get that bible and the Light of the City CD (although Idk how I'm going to get it) and that beautiful tank top. And I'm still not willing to spend the money on a new wallet to replace the one I lost (together with my IC, 4 JJFC membership cards, couple ring...T.T) and I'm still using that hideously gay Hello Kitty coin pouch. HEH.

Goodbye Ascience, Hello Herbal Essences

Not that I don't like Ascience, of course - it's still my favourite - I just want to try something new.
My hair smells of red raspberry (I think) now. Hohoho. I wonder if ants would be attracted.


I WANT LONG HAIR


-

Who am I kidding.

Kelly, I mean read the post before this

And I thought I was so much stronger.

NO WAY

I just got Avril's Let Go from Jenna and and now I have to drown myself in SINGAPORE SONGS thanks to the Don't Forget the Lyrics thing, UGHHHHHH. My dad has two Singapore Songs albums, 1998 and 2002. So I need the 2003-2006 Singapore Songs. HELLO I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE OKAY. I need to listen to everything and memorize all the lyrics ughhhh. I only know Home because JJ sang it HEH HEH HEH. HELP ME PEOPLEEEE

SYF Performance concert was REALLY REALLY GOOD, will blog about it another time. I was taking notes about each performance throughout the concert (I borrowed a pen from someone sitting beside me lol), I tell you I'm an aspiring journalist man. :D

I MISS SYF '07 TO THE MAX. The feeling of performing in AYG can't even COMPARE to the wonderful feeling of dancing on a proper professional dance stage like UCC. The adrenaline rush you feel is phenomenal. Ahh I miss it so much. If I get really good results, maybe I'll go the SAJC just for Dance. LOL. I really want to relive that lah. But it's highly unlikely. I've already set my sights on Poly anyway.


Kelly Chua:
SS timed trial, Geog Nat. Veg timed trial, Amaths Integration, SS Mock Exam, Bio Mock Exam, Emaths Class Test (i think it's Arithmetic)

You know, Sec 4 life is so great. How I love drowning my brain in incoherent strings of words and formulas. Wonderful.

My dad was reading a book on training your brain, diagrams showed that when you do simple math problems quickly, you're using a huge portion of your brain, but when doing difficult math problems, you're hardly using your brain at all. LOL. Plus the right side of your brain totally switches off.

HELLO, LET'S GO COMPLAIN TO MOE. THEY SHOULD READ THIS BOOK

What?

Joke of the year:

I'm representing my class for the National Day Don't Forget The Lyrics competition. They'll be doing National Day songs lah. Like as if I'd be able to remember everything. I don't really know the lyrics when I sing the songs. I just scream. Heh.

I LOVE JENNA

I koped a few albums from her computer haha, including

Avril Lavigne's Let Go(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I totally love this. Was listening to it on my iPod today and I went HIGH. I remember once upon a time, when Sarah and I were young young (PRIMARY THREE), we'd listen to this on her WALKMAN HAHAHAHAHAHA WALKMAN?! Gosh I sound so ancient now.

Anyway I was totally in love with the (then) 18-year-old's songs. I remember I used to sit in front of the radio and grin myself mad when her name was mentioned. She was sort of my mini idol, I guess, before JJ came along.

But I still love her just as much. WAHAHAHAHA!

So anyway, I haven't listened to this album (Let Go) in, what, at least six years? So when I listened to the album for the first time in at least 6 years today, I was amazed that I could still sing along and stuff. GAH I LOVE HER! I really like, uh, slow/melodic / soft / mild rock songs. Does that make sense? So yeah, Avril's first album is exactly what I like.

I really like I'm With You. I think I might use I'm With You for my blog song (and replace BY2 HAHA)

Maddie, scream with me!!!!

CELESTE SHARES THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS AVRIL!!! SEPT 27. AHH!

Beat it

My music taste may be gay,
but that's okay.
I'm living my life my way.
And in my life YOU DON'T HAVE A SAY!

Hahahahaha. Beat that, sucker. You know I really didn't intend for it to rhyme. It just did. :D


"Avoiding the problem isn't solving it. It's suppressing it."
You're right, and I didn't need you to tell me that, but I can't do it any other way.


"I want to slap you."
Go ahead.

Fast fast update

There doesn't seem to be any time to do anything anymore, eh? So quick update, if I have the time I'll upload pictures and elaborate etc. Not very likely though, 'cos Prelims are in a months' time.

1) Yao De's trying to make me more demure, so he made a bet with me two days ago. If I manage to refrain from saying "uncouth words" this week, he'll treat me to LJS. If not, I'll treat him. Yknow usually stuff like "s**t" and "d**m" (Cannot say already!) are used to emphasize stuff etc.? So it's taking me quite a while to stop. I think I have to treat him already *looks at savings in despair*

So anyway, I shall expand my vocabulary so that I can express what I want to say and emphasize how strongly I feel about it without using "uncouth words"! And I need to expand my vocabulary anyway. Yay, two in one! DEMURE LADY!!!

2) Racial Harmony Day was...somehow quite a miserable day. To me, anyway. I don't know why. Last year it was really fun; this year it really didn't seem like much. :/ Took a lot of pictures though.

3) CHINESE LISTENING COMPRE O'S WAS THE HARDEST LISTENING COMPRE I'VE EVER DONE!!!! Like, Mdm Lim gave us 2005-2008 Listening Compre O's papers to practice, and the only LC I didn't score FULL MARKS for was 2008 (I think I got 16 or 18?) Yeah but this one was really tough!!!! I really hope I can get at least 18/20. Oh the humiliation I'll face when I don't get my A2. Haha. It's okay. I trust that God will take me where he wants to take me. Heh. Anyway what's done is done; now I must concentrate on my English.

4) Watched HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE with MADDIE and JANICE after Chinese LC on Wednesday! It wasn't as good as the other Harry Potter movies lah really. Definitely wasn't as good as I expected it to be. It's still great though. (Duh lah it's Harry Potter leh) Janice said it was BORING D: Haha Maddie and I were like "How can it be boring? It's Harry Potter leh!"

Oh man some people don't get it. Harry Potter is like...LEGENDARY! The Star Wars of the century! Ahh some people live sad lives. *Hint hint Jessie*

Oh, took neoprints too. Very ugly. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm getting uglier. I bet it's stress. HEH.

Then then then we were trying to put the coins in the machine, and when it came to the last coin I tried about four times but it just wouldn't go in, so I was quite irritated. Then Janice took the coin from me and said "In Jesus' name this coin shall be accepted!" AND IT WENT IN WAHAHAHA GOD'S GOT A COOL SENSE OF HUMOR YAY \m/

5) Gosh I don't know why but I've got a weird fetish for old and gay men. Shan't talk about the gay part, I might get an S.O. from the school HEH HEH HEH, but I really like that substitute Chem teacher Mr Teo! His pronunciation's atrocious but he teaches AT MY PACE (i.e. very very very slowly), which is amazing. I never thought there'd be a Chem teacher who would go that slow. What's more, he even asked "Am I going to fast?" WAH THAT DID IT I LOVE HIM HAHAHA

And I used to really detest Mr Toh but eh I LOVE HIM TOO! His pronunciation is quite bad too, but his voice is HAHAHAHAHA SO FUNNY. Like, there was this time he said something and then the class was very quiet so we thought he was done then he suddenly shouted "THEN", which gave me quite a shock hahaha. Kelly said he sounds like he's always in pain. And I think his way of teaching is quite good leh! Like, I actually understand what he teaches. I ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND INTEGRATION NOW!!! Like, :D

Oh no. This post's rather long for a "fast fast update" eh :/

I love Cui Xiao

“我要吃天下所有男人的豆腐！”

Nautral selection

I don't want to have to act a certain way so that certain people will like me. I'm quiet and un-fun. Live with it.
You guys were my closest friends and I didn't have to act at all but I guess I'll have to fight for this now.

My school's gotten H1N1!

It's inevitable, really, looking at the number of cases in Singapore (okay, they don't even bother keeping track anymore, but still, can guess right) and how fast it has spread. I'm telling you, the government isn't doing enough. But I think I've said enough in my July 15th post (entitled I lub Sumay).

So anyway, being the kiasi person I am, I've decided to take precautions by:

- Avoiding the canteen and other common school areas as much as possible. I'll try my best to stay in the classroom unless I need to go to the toilet (to wash my hands like mad with the school's gross flourescent pink soap). I'll bring my lovely Dettol hand sanitiser along (although I'm kind of doubting the effectiveness of it). I'll bring food to school everyday (it was Shepherd's Pie today, and it'll be Shepherd's Pie tomorrow, and maybe fried noodles from that day onwards) and actually record down my temperature in the log book (but only 2/3 of the people with H1N1 get fevers!).

I'm not socially responsible enough to give dear Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince a miss though. YAY I LOVE HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER I CANNOT WAIT TO WATCH THE MOVIE YAY MADDIE AND JANICE!!!

Mental turmoil

I'm afraid to see what you've blogged, or hear from you.
You shouldn't be reading this.

Thank you Janey for being someone I can share my problems with anytime, and for just being there for me with (real or written) hugs and pats, for laughing with me, and for sharing your own problems with me all the time, because I feel like a friend. You have no idea how grateful I feel, really, I don't know how I'd survive the day without you. *virtual hug*

Thank you Yao De for burning a hole in my wallet (okay, my wallet's non-existent because I lost it, together with my IC, couple ring, 4 JJFC membership cards, and a whole lot of other precious things, including the wallet itself) pouch (LOL) with all that SMS conversations. Yeah I feel the money slipping through my fingers already, but it keeps me from feeling lonely (:

Thank you Jason for...everything.

Thank you Annie for your concern and advice, and Amelia for your hug and what you said on MSN, and even Jovina, and Sperm, and everyone else who helped me in one way or another. I love you guys.

Oh and how could I forget Carmen? Dear, you're an angel (:
"Sweetie, I know you're going through a hard time. But always remember that God is with you. Never let Satan get into your head and tell you otherwise. You are God's child, you have the right to cast that thought our of you. Dear, we're all going through hard times, but also remember that it's the journey that really counts and makes us a stronger person. I love you dear, stay strong!"

That's incredibly sweet, coming from someone who 1) isn't really a close friend of mine, and 2) has lost a mother. I mean, if I were you, I'd probably just shrug it off as, you know, just another one of 'em lame breakups, and say 'cmon, try being me. But you didn't and that really touched me, and I love you for that.

FOR JESSIE SUAH

Suah forget it it doesn't matter anymore, but anyway:

I love Livejournal

Why isn't Livejournal more popular than Blogger? Whyyy? I love Lj \m/

This is so much harder than I thought.

i remember the feeling of your lips against mine. i can't let go of that.

You know who you are.

If you truly love God, you'll love His children too.

No, I don't like how you guys keep talking about how much you love God and implying how holy you are when it definitely isn't reflected in your actions. The most important thing about CrezDance is respect. Without respect, no matter how good your actions are (or how good you think they are), or how disciplined you think you are, doesn't matter at all. The most important thing is respect. Crezdance is ALL about respect. I thought I've emphasized that countless times before. You guys aren't showing it, haven't been showing it at all, ever. I never wanted to talk about this but this is getting out of hand.

So stop talking about how much you love God if you can't even get this straight. God-fearing Christians as holy as you seem wouldn't be proud of their rebellion towards their seniors. Okay I know I'm in no position to judge your holiness (or lack of it) because, really, only God knows, but I just want you (and the rest of your group of friends) to know that your attitude towards Dance and the seniors is disgusting. It isn't funny, it isn't popular, it's just plain disgusting and just to let you know, the seniors can choose to kick you out of Dance if necessary.

---

Crescent Dance has been around for, uh, how many years? Close to twenty or more than twenty, that's all I know.

The decades of friendship that existed right from the beginning is tense now. I wonder how angry and hurt the seniors would feel if they knew about this.

---

If AYG hasn't impacted you guys enough then I don't know what can help you guys, but I just hope all of you are putting in your best effort for the love of Dance, because Dance, to me and all the rest of your seniors, was our motivation to get through the week, was what kept us going, gave us a purpose, a passion, in school life. The friends we've found there are closer to us than our classmates, and our bond is .. as strong as the ionic bonds in an ionic lattice haha (the word "bond" reminded me of that). Not only that, the thing that made Crescent Dance so memorable was the hardship we went through, and our seniors' scoldings, and our reverence of them. No exaggeration. I guess the lack of hardship, scoldings and respect has resulted in this. Guin's so right; Dance has changed so much and when I say I miss Dance, I actually miss our years of Dance. Each new batch that leads and comes in is different, whether in a good or bad way, and with each year Dance is evolving. The amount of respect in Dance, as compared to three/two years ago, is almost zero. I guess I wasn't harsh enough.

..I don't like change.

I love W412

Cell Group was awesome. It always is. CG is my weekly spiritual booster. It's more powerful than service.

To you, I doubt you would want to be named, but anyway.

You've touched me deeply because I can relate to how you feel. Well I don't really exactly know how you feel, but I can guess, based on my own experiences.

Together with Janice, Jt and Madeleine, I first came to City Harvest in Oct'08. (We were Jason's wife's, Xueling Laoshi's, vocal students in OB)

Before that, I was....well, I guess I wasn't really much of a Christian. I went to Sunday School in ST ANDREWS CATHEDRAL \m/ for 7-8 years, stopped in P6 thanks to PSLE and hadn't gone to church since. God was pretty much invisible in my life.

City Harvest impacted me greatly and I tried to let God back into my life again, but it was extremely, extremely difficult, and I thought of giving up a lot of times, thanks to a lot of struggles. Thanks to God, my relationship with my boyfriend was wrong, everything I was doing was wrong, I had to rebuild my life, and it wasn't easy. I don't know how I made it through, but subconsciously my life started changing little by little.

K that's not the point. Anyway, Janice had gotten the gift of Tongues before coming to CHC, and Maddie and Jt got it in around December I think. I wasn't really able to go for CG much thanks to my parents, and I'd just sit there wishing I had the gift too. Tongues was mega freaky to me at first; it sounded to me like as if the people were in a mad trance, and it was some time before I got over the fear of it. Later, I started to get envious of my friends who had this gift, because they knew it was God speaking through them, He was listening. I could only pray in English; sometimes I felt like I was doing all this for nothing, like as if I were speaking to the walls of my house. I felt angry that God had blessed them all instead of me, I felt abandoned by God. A lot of times, I doubted God even knew me - if he existed, that was. During that one Prayer Meeting that totally freaked me out for a very long time, I felt the most alone in God's house.

So, Jt and Maddie were only in CHC for two months when they got the gift. I felt confused, abandoned by God, and very envious. One day I decided that it was okay that I didn't have it yet, because I knew that the longer God kept me waiting, the more I would treasure it in the end. And I was Karen; I was unique, God's plans for everyone are different. Maybe God had something greater in store for me in the future! I tried really hard to be happy about it, and tried to let the jealousy and anger in me subside. When I plucked up the courage to ask Jason "When do you think I should ask for the gift of Tongues?", he replied that now was the time, and anything in God would be given to me if I asked for it. He said he would pray for me. I was ecstatic.

That day passed and I was still unable to speak in Tongues. I had more hope, of course, but the hope was fading and doubt was setting in again. After Jason's prayer, I still didn't have it. I told Jason, and he said I had to believe I had it, and I must try, but I just couldn't.

One day during CG in May, Jason picked out a phrase and asked the person who felt this was for her to read it out. I knew it was me.

Mark 11:24 "You can pray for anything and believe you have received it, and it will be yours"

That gave me incredible hope. I kept on trying, trying, and one day, I could do it.

I didn't suddenly start speaking gibberish, of course; the first day, something slipped past my lips as I was trying, and suddenly I felt a spark ignite in my chest, and I knew that was it. It was just a fraction of a second, and I couldn't do it again that night. The next night, and the night after that, and for all the nights after that day, I kept on trying, trying, and each time I was able to feel it for just a little fraction of a second. It didn't sound like Tongues at all, but I just kept trying night after night. One day, I went for CG. And I tried again, and then I knew that I had been given the gift of Tongues, and I was slowly learning how to use it.

People like Maddie and Jt took two months. I was in CHC for seven months before I got it. But I must say, knowing how badly I wanted it has made me treasure this gift so much.

Well, I don't know what you're scared about because your sister didn't explain, and I don't know what your problems regarding this are, but if you haven't received the gift yet, remain strong in faith. God has different plans for everyone and I hope that this super long post will help you. I don't know you that well, but I cried while praying for you during CG because if you're feeling what I think you're feeling, I know how painful and discouraging and dry it feels. By the way, you can look at my past CHC-related entries here. Some entries talk about my struggles with Tongues and with accepting this charismatic church. I just hope I'll be able to help you (:

Stay strong, and I'm here if you would like to talk to me! (: With love, Karen.

---

By the way,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BEST SISTAAAHH!

HEH HEH HEH you Mad rockahh, remember how you used to use MY CAMERA to take your zilian pictures? *evil grin*

I don't feel like doing a dedication post now. My hands are tired. You didn't reply my birthday SMS! Have fun at the club and the hotel (: HARRY POTTAH(!!!!)

I want to change my blog url

Jenna: If I gave you half my boobs I'd be flat.
Isabella: If I gave you half my boobs I'd be hollow!

Idk how we're going to do a class video now ): I hope it'll still be good. As if things weren't last minute enough, other things had to crop up.


Screw that day:
One girl realised how precious her friends were and how she'd never really cherished them before, one girl became emotionally unstable, and 20+ traumatised girls learnt an important lesson.
(Lj)
(4S2, shh!)

To you and you: Lubchew guys, take care!


Mrs Rupa says my English standard is getting worse. D: As if I needed that. I'm already failing my compres; I need Compo and Oral marks to pull my English marks up and I really need that A1. It's a personal goal thing. I can't not get an A1 for English. Look at my standard now.