Buried somewhere inside

Okay, I stayed back in class today with Chris and I started trying to sing the NDP Songs for that stupid competition.

I'M DISTRAUGHT. I REALLY AM.

Dear Kelly and whoever might have had hope on me, I'm sorry but I sound like a tone-deaf screechy shaky idiot now. Really. When I try to sing the high notes I remind myself of.. Reflection UGHHHHH. I don't want to go on stage and sing. I'd sound like a complete idiot in front of the whole school and all the teachers and my Dance juniors and I'd totally humiliate myself and the whole class. I'm serious. I haven't sung in months, I can't do it anymore! I think I need to start from Beginners' (okay, maybe Intermediate) all over again, seriously. I'm singing from my throat instead of the diaphragm again and I can't seem to correct it. I sound like I'm going to die when I try to reach the high notes - my voice breaks, it's forever shaky, sometimes it's really really off. In short, I sound stupid when I sing now.

I don't want to go on stage. It's like walking towards the edge of the plank when you know you're definitely going to fall into the sea and drown unglamly and humiliatingly and painfully and die. (Weird analysis I know, but yeah)

I really hope the Don't Forget the Lyrics thing isn't what I think it is. I hope it's something like, where the whole school sings and I'm just supposed to guess the lyrics when the music stops. Yeah.

HELP I DON'T WANT. I SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT I REALLY DO.

Btw Yao De, confession time: I said "damn" and "asshole" 'cos I was so pissed at how horribly I was singing.

P.S. Chris takes SUPER GOOD photos of the sky. She makes the sky outside our school look like it's out of some tragic, surreal movie. Amazing. Like as if Singapore were that interesting.