And I'm still blogging

Meeting today:

Spent ten minutes looking for my phone. I wish all my valuables came with tracking devices.

Wore the new blue thing I bought from F21, the one my mum said she's got trouble imagining me in because I wear black all the time (she's in Malaysia now so she hasn't really seen me in it yet). I wanted to wear my white shorts but something happened so I wore my leggings instead. I felt like a friggin' ah lian wearing what I was wearing man. I was actually wearing a pair of kitten heels, and was running towards the bus stop from my void deck when I decided that flats would be a better idea, so I ran back to my house to change shoes. Then when I was running to the bus stop again with my flats, I realised that I find it easier to run in my kitten heels than in both my pairs of flats. My flats keep coming out.

'Kay, anyway, I was supposed to meet them at Raffles City's Ministry of Food, but my failing memory caused me to get off the train at Raffles Place instead. Spent a few minutes looking at the directory confusedly before realising I had gotten off at the wrong stop.

So okay, when I was at Raffles City it was around 6.40-6.45. I spent so long searching like mad for MOF. Walked past every single shop on the first floor of the shopping centre. Its unit number is #01-45, and Starbucks' unit number is #01-46 so I thought it'd be near Starbucks, so I went there, and then I went downstairs to the marketplace, before I admitted defeat and called Claudia. I reached MOF at around 7.

MOF is on the OUTSIDE of Raffles City. *smacks head*

Yes, and I immediately recognised one of them. Chase. She was one of those in the group of people who interviewed Lukhei and me at the bus stop. And she told me she recognised me too, even before today's meeting - she'd looked at my blog earlier on and recognised me from the pictures. Like wow okay :O Hello Chase, if you see this!

The other three of them had left already, Claudia told me they came in uniform and they were carrying books and they were in a rush to go home and study. And I was like,
in a rush to go home and study?!?!!


Like GREAT, these are the people I'm competing against for the O's. THEY RUSHED HOME TO STUDY?!?! Great. Looking at how much I'm studying, I might as well give up now. No way I'm going to get a good score when these people are mugging their heads off and I'm........blogging.

After that I went to and get Teressa's present HEH. And my phone ran out of battery, so I had to search high and low for a public phone to call my dad. He told me to go to Jurong Point to meet them for dinner, and I was like, wow, haven't I slacked enough today already? Then at Jurong Point I had to go search for another public phone. Gosh I felt like an idiot.

Ate at LJS. I feel the fats forming inside me already. Like as if my thighs aren't flabby/fat enough. I saw this really skinny girl today, and she was wearing one of those skirts that make most of our legs look really fat, but she looked great in it 'cos her legs were so maddeningly skinny. Gosh I hate my thighs.

-

$1200.
Should I save it up for my new tablet? Since the one I got this year was stolen (my fault, stupid me), I doubt my parents would be willing to get another one for me so soon. Should I save it up? I want to try applying to be an English teacher in my primary school next year. Some of the English teachers there need English lessons man. I remember correcting my English teacher in P1 before (its versus it's). I'm appalled at how my primary school looks down on the P1 kids. It's like they grabbed any old teacher to teach English. Even my engrish also more powderful than hers sialz.

I'll also be giving 10% to Church as tithes. Oh yes. It'll be hard to part with $120, but really, I owe it all to God anyway! I just hope it goes to the Building Fund and not to the printing of leaflets. I really don't know why they do it. It's such a waste of paper + money ):

EAT GRASS

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY

(What's up with guys and boobs?)

You know what I'd really like?

Jessie (SlutSuanSuah) and I want to do a proper blogshop after O's. Like, proper, not like my Iseriouslyneedmoney one, but a PROPER one. We'll try to source for a manufacturer who can print our designs (after improving on them), and sell our own self-designed clothes. Cool or not?

The only problem is that I can't design clothes for nuts.

I guess we Singaporeans are pretty dumb

Under Cambridge's review of the O's Biology paper 2007, they said a lot of people wrote extensively about "hangovers" and "headaches" when asked about the "harmful effects on the body of alcohol consumption".

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I hate knowing life still goes on.

I happened to see Daryl's Facebook picture, and I saw your face, Mad, and it dawned on me, how far apart I was from J4M now, and how time has passed since then, how I probably wouldn't be able to fit in anymore. J4M is almost like a dream I've woken up from.
I'm not looking forward to going back to OB after O's - firstly, I wouldn't be able to fit in, I'd be an awkward extra; secondly, it'd bring back memories. And I'm dreading meeting you again. Then again, I'm not going to give my passion up.

Who am I?

"I guess that's my weakness.
What people think about me matter a lot to me, because I don't have a sense of identity.
What I think about myself depends on what people think about me."

I guess that's why I feel it's so important for me to always put up a good impression of myself, or my school, or even Singapore when I go overseas. To me, giving strangers a good impression of me is important, what even strangers think about me matter. If a stranger says I'm ugly, all my friends could tell me I'm pretty and I wouldn't believe them, because "they're just trying to be nice. It takes one honest person for you to be able to tell that your friends are just lying to be nice. Or they probably don't think so because they're so used to how you look already."

In the end, my life is based on those around me.

That's very true, and I hate that. I know it's true because of the relationship I was in. I hate knowing that my self-confidence comes from other people, and I only think something about me if someone else confirms it. (If it's something bad, it takes one person to confirm it. If it's something good, perhaps even a hundred people wouldn't be able to convince me.) I don't know anything about myself, it's all about everyone else.
Ironic, considering how much of a loner I am.

Acid tongue

O levels English oral was......i really hope I get a high A1. When I was reading aloud, dear Michelle (s2b) who was being examined at the same time too was reading SO SUPER LOUDLY I lost track of what I was saying. I was still reading the passage but I wasn't clear about what I was saying. Die already lah. Picture conversation was okay. It was about some...doctor treating a whole load of elderly people.

Conversation wasn't very good.

"What do you do to stay healthy?" or something like that, I totally screwed up, talked about making sure I washed my hands before I ate / used my hand sanitizer / washed my hands after touching something dirty to make sure I wouldn't get SICK. And then I talked about keeping my room clean because I was allergic to dust.
(It's all rubbish by the way.)
Yeah so I was WAYYY out of point.

Then the next question was something about the quality of Singapore's healthcare, I wanted to laugh. I used some of my SS knowledge. I said something stupid like "I've been to countries like Malaysia and Korea (Idk why on Earth I said Korea, its medical facilities aren't that bad right, and no I've never been there), and I feel that Singapore's healthcare standard is much better than most other countries', because the government makes us pay for our own healthcare..... (realises I'm talking about the wrong SS info and it's totally irrelevant) ..and the government practises privatisation, so the hospitals do not receive funding so they must improve and do better, and they must make healthcare affordable for us, so that they will encourage more people to go there (encourage people to GO TO A HOSPITAL?) ..And the government encourages Singaporens to stay healthy (realises I'm going out of point) ... so that we won't exhaust the coutry's medical resources because Singapore is a country with no resources (lol, I'm talking about two completely different kinds of resources)"

...Great. They must've thought I was a rambling airhead.

Then they asked something about how doctors might face problems or something with giving medicine? Or something. So I said that the doctors might be treating a poor patient who cannot afford the expensive medicines, but the doctor can't help him/her by paying for it himself because then other people would take advantage of that too, and the doctor would end up having to "suffer" (the examiner laughed when I said that) for the patients.

GREAT.
I was planning on getting almost full marks for my Eng oral, because it's highly probable that I'd screw up my comprehension as usual, and then I wouldn't be able to get my A1. I think it was super wasted can. This wasn't a hard exam. It was relatively easy, the questions they asked and the passage and the picture weren't difficult at all. And I just screwed it. Great. Great.

I need that almost-perfect score. I guess I'm dead.

It sucks to be behind Jessie for everything. Her Chinese is very fluent so for Chinese Oral I always scored so much lower than her. As for English oral, her points are very good and mine are all over the place. JESSIE SUAH! ):


I hate it when 1. people make assumptions about me, 2. they don't come up to me and tell me when they're unhappy about something I'm doing. Then you'll just go bitch bitch bitch and have a bad impression of me when it's really just a stupid misunderstanding.

I hate this. You, my dear friend, you tell me not to care about others' opinions, to make desicions on my own. So that's what I do. I make desicions on my own. Then all these happen. You tell me not to follow what others think. Yet I have to clarify things with everyone, do things that would please certain people, and then you say because I'm doing that, I'm making everyone unhappy.
Your instructions are crystal-clear, seriously.

Then again, what am I doing now? I'm still following someone else, making my desicions based on what someone else says. You.
"Okay, I've decided. I won't let other people's opinions affect me. I won't let what other people say affect how I want things to be. Eh, do you think this arrangement is okay?"

I just love my life. I keep saying I hate it when other people control what I do etc, yet I always end up being a slave to everyone else's opinions anyway. When I finally try to stand firm, oh no, suddenly everyone's unhappy and demanding I listen to them. Wonderful.


But I'm still thankful that you told me, and I still am grateful to have you as a friend, someone who isn't afraid to tell me what she really thinks, someone who doesn't care if she hurts me, as long as she gets her point across and I see the truth. That's the way to care for a friend.

I hate it when someone has negative opinions about me / don't like something about me / something I'm doing, and doesn't tell me. I'm not God you know, I wouldn't know what the problem is if you keep it to yourself. If there's something you don't like about me, you'd better tell it to my face so that I'd be able to realise the problem and perhaps do something about it, or clarify things, and not keep it to yourself, because when I realise you've been keeping it to yourself, I'll be really hurt and very angry.

The Drunk One

(Click and read Teryne's & Eudea's comments)

Stupid, don't you get it.

I ought to admit it. I'm a shallow, very very gullible idiot. I shouldn't try to protect my self-worth anymore, 'cos there's no point; I can't run from the truth.

Dignity? What dignity?

The pang in my heart tells me I still love you

The rush of tears that come to my eyes tell me I haven't gotten over it.

I thought I'd like to know how you're doing, but even seeing your tag on someone else's blog makes me want to die.

I thought I was the stronger one, was I not? I thought you were the one who loved me more, I broke up with you partly because I wasn't sure of my feelings for you. I thought you were the one who was going to have to take a longer time to get over this, with all your suicide threats and crying for hours on end.

I never knew I was so vulnerable.

I need a way out of this. I keep running, hiding, carefully avoiding, but I know the problem's still there.


The memories are still there, vivid, staring me in the face. It's like a trap I keep stumbling into, a trap that fills me with such excruciating memories and the screaming of my heart struggling to get out.

I need a closure, but I can't face it yet. I know I'll just break down and feel as hopelessly broken as the day I told us to let go.

Why me? Why now?


Most of all, why you?


Prelims start on the 27th - it'd be our 22nd month. E Math O's, our second O's paper, is on 27th Oct - it'd be our second year.

I really hope this won't affect my studies.

Perhaps I was adopted..

My brother got accepted by RI.

Or he's on the waiting list, anyway.

My new favourite word.

Electrifying.

That electric rush surging through my entire soul, setting it on fire as you come on me.

(This is for personal reference only)

下雨天

Again. She had been rejected a million times before; she should have gotten used to it by now. Why did she expect this audition to be any different? Why was she so upset? If only she could find a way to kill the hope inside her; it only caused her pain.

She sat at her desk and stared out of the window, gazing morosely at the sullen sky. It had just begun to rain; the fat drops pattering against the windowpane reflected how she felt inside: not awfully torn apart, just moody, and pensive.

Then, for a fraction of a second, the darkness of the sky disappeared and was replaced by a reddish-white light; had she blinked, she would have missed it. Many seconds later, a faint, angry, deep rumble followed, like the sound of a stampede of mammoths.

It intrigued her.

Slowly, the flashes of light grew more intense, and they sent electrifying pulses through her, leaving her in silent awe as they disappeared and left no trace of themselves when darkness immediately took over again, making her wonder if it had actually happened.

But the deep rumblings also came more frequently, and louder, and angrier, with each flash.

Then, as slowly as it came, it all died away again, until only the quiet pattering rain and the gloomy sky remained.

Once, Genie had found an interest in singing. She dared not confess it for a long time, for fear of ridicule, but the love silently grew inside her.

One day, she was suddenly full of hope, and she did it, she let her voice be heard.

Her friends thought it was a joke.

As soon as the hope had grown, it was immediately crushed, trampled on, shattered, and dead.

It was these little flashes of hope that surged through her every now and then, filling her with silent, secret joy, that caused her so much pain immediately after, when they were trampled on and forced to die, again and again.

Now, all that was left of her was muted hurt - for her heart had been torn apart so many times before that only a numbing pain remained - and gloom.

Outside, the rain poured.

BLACK SHEEP OF THE FAMILY

My father was a top student in RI, then he went on to (what now is) RJC, and graduated from NUS with a degree in Engineering.

My mother was from MGS and ACJC in Malaysia, and then was the first child among her sisters to go to university. Graduated with degrees in Biology and Chemistry in NUS.

My brother who's in P6 now, is in the Gifted programme. His best friends have been accepted into Hwa Chong and RI through DSA. He's also a pro at Badminton.

I'm......plain stupid.

Let it rock

During cell group I testified about my Chinese O's results over the phone, because I'm not allowed to go for CG until after Os. So funny can.

Jason: Okay, everybody say Hi Karen!

"HI KAREN!!!!"

So I talked about how I was praying that I would get an A2, although it seemed very very unlikely, and how I screwed up my Oral and the Listening Compre was the hardest one I'd ever done and the Paper 2 was really hard too, and I was expecting a B3 but I ended up getting an A1 (MUAHAHA), then they all went "Wahhhhh." HAHAHA so cute can.

I love w412. Looking forward to going back to CG after O's (:

Back to my old skin again.

With a new picture. I thought "run away with me" didn't suit me anymore, since we aren't together anymore and I no longer feel like "running away", so I did one myself. It's as stupid as I am. HAHAHAHA.

I think this skin would be nice. Of course, I'll change the skin A LOT. I'll add a background picture (my emo candy hearts one again, maybe?), replace all the purple with other colours, change the heading font and colour and size, and basically everything will look completely different except for the basic dividers and stuff. People, give me your opinions please! Should I use it?

I love my previous skin but some computers can't view it properly (remember the three-words-in-a-line thing?) so I'll just use this for the time being, until I find a nicer one (after O's.)

We had the Teachers' Day Performance auditions today. Ours ROCKS, it would be great if we didn't stumble/laugh/forget lines. Everything needs to be way, way smoother.

Practiced for our Mass Dance again. I love our Mass Dance hahaha, but I wish we were doing it in the hall instead of at the parade square. I don't like doing Mass Dance in the parade square. And I'll be standing at the place the councillor who recites the pledge stands. (What do you call it?)

I got shortlisted for that Blogger thingy. Like, I'm supposed to blog about stuff related to O's and where I'll be going after this at least twice a week, from Sep to next Feb. That means, yes, I'll be blogging during my O's period too.

But they're paying quite a cool sum :D

The wonders of technology

Over a one-hour period, I chatted with a friend from China, a cousin who's in Australia, and another cousin in Ipoh.

LOL, globalisation sia.

Haven't talked to Tony in a long time. Anyway, he forgot to turn his webcam off after he left the internet cafe, so I could still hear what was going on and stuff. It was like as if my ear was in China, lol. Interesting. And then later, some other guy came to use the computer for a short while. Like HAHA

pete says (7:21 PM):

other than the girls....

there's nothing in singapore

lol

A1 FOR CHINESE O'S! OMGOMGOMGOMG says (7:22 PM):

i may not love my country but i will defend it because we have erm, political stability, high literacy rates, high SOL and great facilities

and the education is good, so there

pete says (7:22 PM):

nah .. everything sucks

only the girls are cool

lol

i dont know ... singaporean girls have this awesome-ness in them

Tension or what man

Guess how much I got for my Chinese O's.

...

A1!!

ZOMGGGGG hahahahahaha. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! Like, ME, A1!?! I was actually expecting a B3, although I was praying really hard for an A2. Like, AHAHA. GOD IS REAL!

Okay so like, we were all nervous like crazy, and before the results were to be released to us we heard from don't-know-where that there were "a lot of B3s". Don't know where we heard that from BUT IT WASN'T TRUE, HAHAHA. Then Mrs Yip said all she knew was that 4S2A did very well, and then I just screamed super loudly. I didn't even think about doing it, I just screamed. I only realised what I'd done after I'd done it. Apparently some teacher from another class was very pissed. :/

Then in the hall, the principal seemed to be deliberately taking her own sweet time to do things, it was so bloody irritating, then she talked so effing slowly I wanted to scream. I kept repeating "TENSION BUILD-UP! TENSION BUILD-UP!" to Jessie while hugging her like mad to keep myself from dying of stress. She was doing it on purpose I swear. I felt like I was going to self-combust.

It seems like a dream, maybe because of the dimmer-than-usual lighting. We queued up single-file to see our results, and everyone was screaming and crying and hugging. When I saw my results, I just screamed. It was, like, 1(D), which meant I got an A1 and DISTINCTION FOR CHINESE ORAL LIKE WTH OMG I SCREWED IT SO BADLY CAN HAHAHA THE TEACHER MUST'VE BEEN DEAF. (Link to blog post: click)

Like yes, so, A1! I just screamed at the paper. Mdm Lim and Miss Ang must've been quite pissed at me. I screamed and signed beside my marks (I don't even think the signature looked like what it's supposed to look like) and ran. Hugged the first person I saw (Janey), then went to look for Jessie etc. Jessie got an A1 too (as expected). I screamed and cried like mad, couldn't control myself, I just kept screaming and shouting. Then I went to the other side of the hall to find Amelia and the both of us got high together 'cos we both got A1s. I was going to hug Amelia then I (apparently) kissed her by accident LOL. Then I went to look for Sperm, she's disappointed with her results but hey, it was an A2, still good what!

It all seems so surreal now. After a while, all of us became really quiet and sat down again. Like, ._.

You know, even now I keep typing/saying "A2" by accident, like I really didn't expect an A1.

Hello world, GOD IS REAL AND HE SHOWED ME A MIRACLE. I GOT AN A1 FOR CHINESE O'S. PEOPLE, GOD IS REAL!!!

(Btw, link to post about O's Chinese written paper here)



Stupid leader shit. I don't want it, and I know I don't deserve it.

Janey's secret emo-ness

Hello world, please take time to read the essay of a good friend of mine.

She stared at the coffin - cold, hard and unfeeling. Pain, suffering and fear, that's what it reeked of. The grand, brown panelling irritated her. The coffin housed death, and yet, as she watched him lie there, he looked so peaceful. His eyes were shut, his hands clasped together as though in prayer, his expression of one at peace. He looked... so serene. So fearless.

She knelt next to the coffin, glancing at the white roses placed in the coffin. Pure, beautiful and innocent, they had been placed in by well-wishes. Saying a silent prayer, she placed her rose stalk into his coffin, but not white. Red. A scarlet rose, its petals, fiery and passionate just like his spirit. And yet, it seemed so sad and lonely as she placed it among the sea of white. It seemed sad, and lonely, the only one that stood out. Just like his soul. Her heart continued to weep, and she felt a tear slide down her pale countenance. It felt cold, just like her soul. Abandoned by him, left alone.

She stared at the hourglass, trickling crimson sands of time. Sand morphed to blood, sliding down effortlessly. Drop. Drop. Drop. Surely that must have been how it was when he died? His room's floor stained with blood, ebbing away from him as his heart beat slowed. She had not been surprised to hear of his suicide, but it grieved her all the same. Her heart still ached, her emotions still quavered upon thinking... about his rare smile. Melancholic. His occasional laughter, the way he held her hand when they used to go down to the creek together. His eyes used to be a beautiful clear blue, but they were now grey. His hands, his touch, used to be so warm. His touch now, was ice cold. Her heart ached when he talked about life, his gaze always seemed so wounded and sad. She would have given anything to hear his soft voice again, comforting her, never leaving her alone.

She seemed to forget how to breathe now that he could never come back, her body becoming a husk, a shell of her former self. Her once radiant beauty morphed into melancholic beauty, muted and sad. She looked at the pristine white walls of the chapel, remembering the memories of the two of them spent there. Her eyes trailed to a letter opener, and she slid her finger over the blade. Beads of blood formed from the cut, and slid down her pale finger. She smiled mirthlessly and returned to his body's side. The cold blade slid over her arm slowly, her meaning in life lost now that he had gone.

"If I were to die tomorrow... would you join me?" he asked her before, in the same chapel. She kissed him in response, avoiding having to answer his question. As the blood flowed from her wrist, onto the white of the roses, they drowned in the sea of blood, in every drop of her love in her being. Letting the drenched letter opener fall to the floor, she felt life ebb away, just like him. Whispering three words, she closed her eyes, weeping her final tears alone.

"Wait for me."

Eff those raging hormones

Hello friends, is anyone willing to go to the library (either J.East or The Frontier) to study with me tomorrow from about 12 - 6?

Sec 4s preferred.

Love, Peace, and ROCK \m/

Was watching Mayday's 10000人 出头天 concert DVD. Ahhhhhh my love for Mayday has been revived.

My dad, who has watched the whole thing, says Ashin didn't go off-pitch/key throughout the whole concert. Except for a few very minor unnoticeable ones, of course; it's live, it can't be totally perfect. It's kind of hard to believe. Maybe it was digitally edited for the DVD hahaha.

I love 你不是真正的快乐's lyrics, but I think they'd sound quite stupid if I were to translate it into English. Most of their songs' lyrics are really nice, and I really like their concept of peace. I love 万安，地球人, the lyrics are beautiful, about war and peace. I shall put the lyrics up someday if I remember.

Now they're all old fogies hahaha, I remember Masa's hair used to be quite nice; now he just looks old. Masa and Stone look quite bad now.


Will be going for the Da Vinci exhibition later :D Can't wait.
I don't know how I'm going to finish all my homework AND study for Monday's Rivers & Coasts test. ): My life is miserable.

This week has been a pretty sleepless one. On Monday and Tuesday I slept for about 4 hours or less each, and I slept for about 3 hours each on Wednesday, Thurs and Friday. Madness.

Farewell, Singlish

I MUST start speaking in proper English, even if it kills me. It'll be really tough but I'll try my best to take note of what I say - I say almost everything without thinking, and then I forget what I've said almost immediately after. Friends, if I speak in Singlish, slap me.

I'm trying to compile a list of words that are commonly mispronounced, to help myself and my friends. Here's what I've got so far: (the words in the brackets are how they're supposed to be pronounced)

1. Subtle (suttle - silent B, short and accented "su")

2. Placid ("a" pronounced as it is in "at", not "place")

3. Southern (not pronounced in the same way South is pronounced, the "ou" is pronounced like the "u" in "suttle", and the first syllable is also short and accented)

4. Acutely ("a" as in "around" and not "act". aCUTEly)

5. Humanity (I don't know why I put this here, but)

6. Inhumane

7. Said ("sed")

8. Often (Silent T - offen)

9. Doubt (Silent B - dout)

10. Athlete (NOT athelete)

11. Insanity (Not insane-ity. "a" as in "sand")

12. Incomparable (HAHA the mistake I made. It's inCOMparable, not INcomparable, and the first "a" in "parable" is pronounced as in "around", not "act")

13. Prevalent (PREvalant, the first "e" as in "ella" and not "pre", the first "a" as in "around" and not "act", and not pronounced "prevailant")

14. "The" before a word starting with a vowel is pronounced as "thee"

15. Undoubtedly (Silent B - dout)

16. Crescent (HAHA. When you say it, it's supposed to sound really cool, not just "cre-sent". "Cre" is short and accented)

17. Several (The first "e" is pronounced as in "seven", and not "severe")

18. Psychology = PsyCHOlogy, NOT PSYchology

19. Psychological = PsychoLOgical, NOT PsyCHOlogical)

My own mistakes = #12, #19, and sometimes #18.

(If I've made any mistakes, PLEASE inform me)