Apr 27, 2008


was browsing through threads on Stomp.sg and found one i thought was quite interesting.
someone posted:
“Nowadays teens will have Billabong, converse, Ripcurl, etc hanging on their bodies. They somehow treat them like diamonds, thinking they are wearing branded stuff. Well, ok its branded but its lame to wear these brands so proudly. Wait till they see what is branded when they work in society, they will find themselves foolish. Armani, Versace, D&G, all these labels outrun these teen brands far too much. I m not demeaning anyone wearing these brands, its just that teens are just too naive to think they are wearing the quintessential brands.

and some replied that they wore whatever was comfortable for them and these brands were rather comfortable etc, and most said kids wearing expensive brands would look damn stupid. this particular girl I CANNOT STAND said
“well, im a 16 and i don't think my friends and i treat ripcurl, roxy etc like diamonds... as in.. most of the people i know wear them to SLEEP.. obviously, you don't know the REAL teens in singapore nowadays. those who wear roxy, ripcurl etc are the tshirt and jeans type of people. the more trendy teens wear zara, pull and bear, topshop, warehouse, dorothy perkins, pullandbear and forever21. and its quite normal to be sporting a gucci, guess or LV bag. and its not surprising for us to be able to pronounce brands/fashion terms like hermes, dolce and gabbana, versace, lv, haute couture etc properly. we're more fashionable than you think and we are in no way naive.”
ok nvm. i’m a nice person, i don’t say bad things about people.

ok anw i wrote:
“Hmm. I'm 15, and I personally have NO LIFE, haha. I usually come home at around 7-8-9-10++ still in my school unform and thus my most-worn brand is United Uniforms (HAHA). Becuase of this i don't have a reason to buy a lot of clothes and my wardrobe is super limited. I like Mango and Pull And Bear though.
My friends wear more of Topshop, Pull And Bear, etcetc. Diva accessories are cute (: I think the clothes they wear are really nice and stuff but if I wore them I'd look like a complete idiot.
I've stuck to wearing a white sort-of-tight Roxy jacket, a black tank top inside and a pair of black Fox jeans wherever I go. My wardrobe's just so limited that I could spend two hours thinking about what to wear and settle for the same old thing anyway.
Personally I think we shouldn't care that much about the brands, but more of what suits us. If you saw a chubby, baby-faced thirteen-year-old girl carrying an LV handbag and stuff, you'd think she was trying to act mature wouldn't you?
I don't really like teenagers who wear expensive stuff, especially when it's because they think it makes them look more mature. We should be proud of our youth and wear stuff that suits us. I've got a classmate (I'm in sec 3) who carries a pink bag with Cinderella and Little Mermaid on it and we all laugh at her but she likes it very much ("cute what!!!!!") and that's her own style isn't it? Who are we to judge her taste? It's her own style and it stands out from the crowd. If we all wore the same thing it'd look boring.
I know someone else who always just goes with trends even though we know she dosen't really like them, and I think that's so superficial. It's like as if you don't have a mind of your own.
So anyway, I think we shouldn't always dress according to "what everyone else is wearing" or "what would make me look mature and rich and high-class and spoilt". We should wear what suits us (:


and jessie’s right – i don’t think anyone in crescent would buy the skinnies and shorts i’m planning to sell because they’re the more classy kind. nvm, jt says people in her school would buy :D
jt’s school damn best. she says the more unbranded or pirated stuff you have, the more people will crowd around you and ask you where you got it from. XDDD

Apr 25, 2008


eng exam!
compo was alright. i wrote question 1, something like “write about an experience that changed your life.” i wrote something quite stupid, haha, about singing! some parts are true, others overly exaggerated or untrue. and the main thing in the story, the “event”, isn’t even true at all lah. XD because my life’s too boring ):
i wrote about how my parents met in choir in secondary school (half true – they met in choir in university), and later they formed an acapella group and by the time they graduated from university they were quite well-known among other acapella groups in singapore and performed a hell lot. (they were quite well-known, but i’m not sure when they became famous as an acapella group. plus by the time they were famous, i think my parents had already quit, haha.)
then something like “It was when I started jumping around and trying to sing along, in baby language, to the theme song of Sesame Street at the age of fourteen months that my parents realized with pride that their love for music had been passed down to me.” HAHA DAMN HILARIOUS. so not true. (well if it was, my parents never told me lah.) i remember once my dad took this video of me when i was around 4 (i think?) and when some really nice song came on tv, i rushed out of my room and started jumping around like some madwoman. the worst part was that it was very obvious that i was trying to dance. i just looked like some deranged freak who thought she was sexy can? omg damn humiliating. it’s not even like i was jumping around and shaking my butt. i was really freaking hell trying to dance like some clubber. GOSH i hate my dad for taking that video.
then i said that in primary school, i joined choir and my love for singing developed as i grew older (true). and my parents refused to let me join any music courses because they said it would distract me from my studies. (half true – they only said in secondary school. i never even thought about it in primary school. XD)
then in sec 1 i gave up trying to convince my parents to let me join a music course (untrue – see above) and took up dance instead, but i knew that although i loved dance, my passion was still with singing (quite true?).
and then THE EVENT: on my 12th birthday my parents took my friends and me shopping (untrue – on my 12th birthday my dad, bro, sarah, sumay, marilyn and i went to escape! and my classmates – rachel, mandy, jieying, mardiana etc. - also came to my house. i remember us turning the house upside down screaming to 1985 and xi shua shua and Superstar (:D) and dancing like mad idiots HAHAHA.). then at the shopping centre they were holding a competition – people from the audience had to come up and sing any song, and the person with the loudest cheers and most number of points by the judges would be the winner. so i joined lah. then something about how when i sang, i felt a certain lightness to my body, as if it was a dream, and how i had never sung solo in front of a crowd before and i felt like as if something was controlling what i was doing, and i realized it was my love for singing that had overcome me and all that (WAHAHA) and by the end of the competition, “the cheers seemed deafening; the judges were grinning; my mother was tearing. i knew then that i was born to sing, and i knew that my parents had seen my potential too.” (HAHA LMAOLMAO)
(TOTALLY UNTRUE. until now i’ve never sung solo before. and i haven’t taken part in any competitions like this. SIAO AH! the people were probably jeering and the judges were snickering and my mother was probably crying of embarrassment XD)
so then i begged my dad to let me join a singing course and he said he would if my sec 2 FYE marks were good. (true) then my results were good and i was eligible for trip. science etc. (true). then my dad let me join :D (true)
then i said i joined a music school (didn’t talk about OB or JJ – it’d just complicate the story even more) and made great friends there, how they understood what i went through and shared my passion etc. (true)
then i talked about my feelings about music. crap one. but quite true lah.
it’s self-study period now. I’M SUPPOSED TO BE STUDYING :x two more minutes to recess, then it’s PAPER 2 (compre + summary) DDDD:

Apr 24, 2008

the privacy of a toilet cubicle

new frenching record: six minutes

ohman, now everyone has a terrible impression of me.


-omg i look like one of those damn damn ugly ah lians who think they're pretty and are trying to act cute. NOOO okay. and btw you dont have any idea how many times we retook this picture because it looked so retarded. D:

last practice before vocal exam!
and i borrowed my dad's camera and realised the batteries were totally dead because my dad didn't charge it. -.- kelly lent me hers! THANKYOUKELLY :D
sang the songs we've chosen for the exam again. and now there are FIVE people singing Zhi Shao Hai You Ni - the OB JMs, and the Junyuan girl (her name's ANNIE LIM! HAHA! so now i know two annie lims who like singing :D) decided to change her song from Ning Xia to Zhi Shao Hai You Ni as well. XD
and i realised how horribly off-tune i was at some parts (laogong helped me record lah).

i couldn't really hear myself, for some weird reason, and i kept thinking i wasn't singing loud enough. o.o
i don't know, i have this really weird problem where when i'm concentrating really hard, i can't hear anything except for what i'm supposed to hear. can be quite annoying lah.
like during Musical Evening '06, during the BELOVED bumble bee dance (the one where we wore super short dresses - got shorts inside lah - and did that tribal-ish dance with sticks that made a lot of noise and we were flinging our hair all over the place and going HEY! HA! SHA! oh a lot of us had to stand on the shoulders of the people who were carrying the huge bamboo things) i had a solo part where i was supposed to swing the lightstick-on-a-black-rope (where it was totally dark so you could only see the lightstick, damn cool, remember?) and when i went out it was so quiet i could hear my heart counting the beats. and after my solo when two others came out i heard everyone screaming. and i was like "wth, nobody screamed for me!" and later my friends were like "when you came out everyone was cheering like mad, so cool eh!" and i was like "huh i didn't hear" then they went "YOU DEAF AH!?" quite cool right? :D

CONSTRUCTIVE COMMENTS PLEASE! i need to improve badly; the vocal exam's next wed already!!! people please help me ok? :D
oh and i'm like SUPER SMART can. the numbers of everyone in our vocal class is on the attendance sheet, so i sms-ed all of them and asked them for their email XD
OB-ers, if you're reading this (especially Kaydash),
HELLO!!!!! :D
Btw to Annie Lim (the OB one not the Crescent one XD):
there's a problem with your tagboard so i'm posting it here. jiayou for N and O levels lah :D i don't think anyone can really survive without at least an A level cert in singapore, let alone without an O level cert. we'll all have to depend on ourselves someday. and i know how it feels like; i used to mug so hard and i just don't really feel like it anymore (read my april 17 post!!) but i mean, if we can't even get past secondary education how are we going to survive in the future? life's boring with school, but at least there's still fun at OB, where we really can relax and stuff :D and everyone's going through the same torture, and somehow we'll realise it's not that bad, knowing we're all suffering together (:
JIAYOU! cannot give up okay? it's not like you're one of those freaking smoking drug-taking ah lians who can't even speak english because they only know Hokkien, haha. so there's still potential, and you've been studying in secondary school for so long, if you give up now it's all going to waste!
so JIAYOU okay (:

Apr 22, 2008


giwon (the other girl who sang reflection) made it in too :D
nvm, not really disappointed i didn’t make it into crezawards, because i knew i was really off half the time and everything. besides reflection’s a crazy song. i admire giwon man.

i’d be really disappointed if i had sung a chinese song, because i’ve so much more interest in Chinese music, haha. but they only allowed us to sing english songs so i didn’t have a choice. and i was getting pretty sick of reflection and i super didn’t even want to go for the audition in the end. see lah. my favourite song when i was in kindergarten became my most hated english song because i hated practicing the song and hearing my voice cracking over and over again. it’s SOOO obviously too high for me. XD and anyway it was such a last-minute decision to join crezawards, and i don’t really give a damn lah. i was so afraid that i’d actually get in anyway.
XD so yup, i’m not sad at all! quite relieved in fact. :D
and i’m so sorry lisa for making you waste your time!!!!! D:

OB JMs, do you guys want to go for my school’s Crezawards anyway? 9 may (Friday) night. :D please come! it’s another chance to meet up yeah :D especially when OB’s ended and stuff.

i do love you.

i think the reason you cry so much is probably because you worried so much about us having to part in the future that your subconscious mind actually began to start believing that it was already over.
it really hurts every time i call you and you always seem to be crying. how you can cry when we’re laughing like hell in the middle of one of those things only the both of us get. how i could promise you over and over again that i’ll really love you no matter what, but it’d just make you cry even more. how as soon as i say “i’ve got to go”, you’ll start crying all over again. how you tell me that you cry every single night because you’re worried that you’ll lose me, how all these great memories of us would kill you.
how you cried so much your doctor had to put you on heart medicine. how he said that if your condition didn’t improve, he might have to give you hypertension medicine.
how you began to slit yourself again, despite me being the one who got you out of your slitting habit in the first place.
how it’s all because of me.
you keep telling me you try not to think about the future anymore, and just focus on the present, when you’ve got all you need, and we’re still together.
i know you’re trying really hard, and i’m really thankful for that, i need to see you happy again.
but it just hurts so much to see you so sad and crying all the time just because you love me.
it just makes me feel like as if all this shouldn’t have happened in the first place, i shouldn’t have held your hand six months ago. it makes me feel as if if we were still just best friends, like how we were before, your life would be so much happier.
it makes me feel so guilty of this love.

then again, there are the happier moments (when you’re not busy crying).
“laoporh, my parents are going out for dinner. can i drink? just a teeeeeny bit?”
"): okay. (:"
ohman you’re making yourself sound like one of those coward husbands who’re so scared of their screamy wives. you know, those who go “why are you not carrying my shopping bags! so heavy you know. faster open the car door for me!” etc. XD

remember the time you went with your parents to some restaurant and you drank a lot, then you called me and started saying damn funny stuff?
"AHHH LAOPORH WO AI NI! AHAHA i want to shout over this bridge but my parents might hear me. OHMIGOSH! whoopsie, my slipper nearly fell into the sea. by the way, the first time i kissed you, what did it feel like? i think your cheek's super soft!"
and the next day i told you everything and you were like
"OH SHIT i was drunk!?!! ok by what you told me i probably was. no wonder no one dared to cross the bridge. and i think i remember waving to complete strangers and they just stared at me. oh and did i say something about how the moon was so round and i'd like to pluck it out of the sky and give it to you because you told me you couldn't see it from your window?"
"erm yah."

not an emo post anymore :DDDDD

Apr 21, 2008


thankyoueveryone for tagging at my blog when i complained that no one tagged anymore!!! LOVESSS :D

went to OB on thursday and friday with LISA and LAOGONG to try out the song for crezawards!
(lisa’s playing the piano accompliment for me; laogong was just being extra lah. XD)
thursday’s practice wasn’t very productive, haha.
saw Zhi Tian on both days! i was wondering why he seems to be at OB like, all the time, and it turns out that he’s from China, going to be a singer undergoing singer training here! :D SO COOL RIGHT!
on thursday i saw him going into the piano room and shouted from the corridor “HELLO ZHI TIAN!” and he shouted from inside “HUH?
谁叫我?” and opened the door and poked his head out and waved to me. XD DAMN CUTE LAHH
and on friday he bought us drinks! :D he just walked into the room we were practicing in and complained about how his hands were going to freeze to death, then he put three cans of iced lemon tea on the chair and walked out. XD
aiyoh, zhitian’s super cute lah. i still remember the times the OB JMs made a fool of ourselveswhen we still didn’t know him yet. (we knew him from the OB In-house concert. :D) he was playing Bei Pan and Wo Ke Yi on the piano in the piano room, and we just stood outside and sang along. XD he looked so pai seh can! and later we got told off by the sound manager guy because we were disturbing other people. HAHAHA.
oh and i’ve decided to sing the highest note in Reflection in falsetto, because screaming it out is too risky, especially when i’m dying of stage fright. i get stage fright if i sing in front of more than 3 people. HAHAHA.
oh and my camera’s spoiling already. everything’s so white. the shutter’s spoilt. i didn’t even touch the settings lah. D:

went to lisa’s house on saturday! HER ROOM IS DAMN COOL OMG GOT WOODEN PLATFORM ONE SOOO NOT FAIR. and i’m jealous of her because her comp has the Overture program! i’ve tried to install it countless times but it still dosen’t work. D:
i felt so paiseh singing at her house. plus her mum, dad AND sister were there. and later her parents even helped me set up the mike but i didn’t use it, haha.

dad: wah, mum told me youre joining a singing competition ah!
me: uh
dad: not bad ah? reflection ah? can hit the notes?
me: uh yah
dad: wah not bad. okay, if you need any help or advice, just let me know okay?
me: uh

this girl from c3’s singing Reflection too! ZOMG DIE.
haha nevermind, i won’t make it in anyway so good luck to whoever you are, c3 girl! :D

OMG exams are like THIS FRIDAY?!?!?!!?!
what happened to last week? SHITSHITSHIT

Apr 17, 2008

i should just go drown myself.

crap i don’t know what i’m doing anymore.
during the first quarter of the year i was still so hardworking, i could understand everything, i did all my homework diligently and handed in everything on time, i was a bit stressed but i could handle it because i could manage my time properly.
now everything’s falling apart-
i’m not doing my homework anymore, i don’t bother about schoolwork, and i hate school. i guess it’s partly because my closer friends are outside of school. but seriously, i don’t understand a single thing and i don’t bother clarifying stuff. mid years are next week, and i haven’t even started STUDYING. i should at least be organizing my notes now, but i haven’t even made notes for everything yet. i just can’t bother. i just feel like running away and quitting school so much, i don’t know why.
i hate Singapore. it’s so stressful, so fast-paced, everyone’s struggling to keep up and everything. we all hate our lives, there’s not much to enjoy when you’re dying of stress all the time.
when you go to sec 1, you think it’s rather stressful and people go “wait till you go to sec 2.” and later it becomes “wait till you go to sec 3” and “wait till you go to sec 4”. and then you complain to a senior about the stress of preparing for o levels, how you’ve got so much work given to you that the teachers don’t even have the time to mark it, how you have to complete three test papers and two compositions in a day and you come home at 8pm, etc. and you expect your senior to sympathize with you, and reassure you that after o levels, you can relax all you want.
and then your senior says “oh wait till you get to jc.”
it’s never ending, life just gets tougher. there’s no break. even our one-month term holidays are taken up by school and cca; this june holidays, we only have one week free. OUT OF FOUR WEEKS, WE ONLY HAVE ONE WEEK FREE! WTH?!
get my point?
i’m just crumbling under the pressure.
plus i guess this is the wrong time. i can’t stop thinking about dear when i’m doing my work. and we end up meeting each other whenever we have time. like we’re meeting every school day this week because we don’t have cca or whatever. when we have cca (mon and thu), we meet on tuesdays, wednesdays and fridays. our time is all completely taken up but we really can’t live without seeing each other.
and when we’re not meeting up, we talk on the phone. there’s no time for schoolwork. my emotions just get the better of me and i’ve lost the ability to control it. i used to be able to forget all my thoughts and just concentrate on schoolwork, but now i’m just thinking about dear all the time. i can’t concentrate anymore.
school’s such a sucker, such a bore. after school, i can look forward to meeting dear and friends outside of school, where i can really have a good time and forget about stress. i hate to think about schoolwork. schoolwork just never ends. once you’ve finally completed some logarithms exercise and feel so accomplished because it took you weeks to understand what the teacher was talking about, he teaches another topic you completely don’t understand and piles more homework on your table, and the cycle just repeats again. it’s so irritating. why can’t it just all be completed together? why do we have to keep suffering? is this what life’s supposed to be about?
we only have one life; why aren’t we able to at least enjoy it a bit? we should live each day to the fullest. we shouldn’t be feeling so stressed and miserable all the time, it’s like wasting your life away. there was this guy who died the day before his o level results were released, and it turns out he got 6 points. it’s such a waste, isn’t it? why bother?
and thus i’m giving up, i’m not bothering to study anymore.
and then i’ll fail my mid-years, and then my parents will be outraged because i didn’t get As for everything, and they won’t let me join OB anymore and take away privileges (i’m guessing it will be my handphone and the house phone, because they keep screaming at me to get off the phone and stop sms-ing). and then i’ll have no life. and then i’ll scream and probably just kill myself, because without ob, i won’t be able to see my closest friends, people who actually understand me, and i won’t have anything to look forward to anymore. i look forward to Wednesdays because it’s the day i can sing for a whole two hours, and talk to other people with a deep passion for music. without ob, i’ll just be That Emo Loner again.
i feel so suffocated in school. OB’s the time when i really feel free. without ob, my life would be so deprived of music – what i love the most, and i’d die.
seriously, i don’t know what i’m doing anymore.
i’m screwing my life up and i don’t know how to fix it, shitshitshitshitshit.

maybe love just sucks.

i pity miss tan.
aren’t long-distance relationships extremely torturous? not being able to see the person you love for like so long.
i mean, the thirteen days i was overseas from 27nov – 4dec was already painful enough, despite the fact that we still sms-ed, called a bit, and msn-ed.
imagine us being apart for months at a time, and only seeing each other for a short period of time before we’re separated again.
now, we can’t even survive without seeing each other for more than two days. and we’re meeting every day of the school week this week – yesterday you just wanted to come and send me home, today it’s to do homework together at the library, wednesday before and during OB, thursday and friday you’ll be accompanying me to practice Reflection for crezawards with Lisa. plus you decided to find time to meet up when we had time in between after school and tuition/other classes, and fetch me back home on days i finished school earlier than 6.
it just goes to show how much people in love can’t bear to part with each other.
yet some couples have to part for weeks, months, maybe even years – i can imagine both parties crying every night, wanting to return to each other and never have to leave each others’ side ever again.
aren’t long-distant relationships really painful? i’d die if i were in one, seriously.
because i need you too much.

Apr 16, 2008

maybe i just suck.

it’s so hard to maintain a friendship with someone who’s very popular.
like, she may be such a great friend to you, but judging by her popularity, you probably mean nothing to her. what’s the point?
i guess i’m going to give up trying now. after years of friendship, maybe i’m going to let it go.

i realised i'm not making an effort to strengthen friendships in school, or with school friends anymore. if someone dosen’t really talk to me for some time, i just let it go. i don’t bother talking to her or whatever.
because i’d think, maybe that person dosen’t like me anymore. then if she dosen’t make an effort, she’s probably just trying to avoid me because she can’t stand me, so what’s the point of trying to talk to her and just getting her angrier secretly?
well i hope that’s not the case all the time. if everyone who’ve stopped talking to me much recently stopped because they don’t like me anymore, then i’ve probably just become the most hated person in school or something.
i keep thinking there’s no point in making school friends because it’s so hard trying to get them to see stuff from my point of view, because my interests are very different from theirs. it’s like trying to get anyone, anyone in class to stop buying pirated CDs or downloading music and support originality because by supporting piracy you’re not giving the artiste credit for his/her work. it’s impossible. but for my friends outside of school – JJFC, OB, i don’t even have to tell them about originality. they may even support it more than i do. or when i talk about music or JJ to a school friend, hardly anyone would actually be interested, even if she pretends to be so. but i have a group of people who got together because of music and JJ. who would i rather talk to? quite obvious right?
why bother creating friendships with this group of people who don’t show the slightest bit of interest in the things that mean so much to me, when i have another group of people who understand me totally and think exactly the way i do. and my problems may seem insignificant to school friends because they don’t see things from my point of view, but my other friends can empathize with me.
but my parents may not let me join OB after the beginners' course.
who will be my friends then? when i’m busy studying for exams, school friends may be the only friends i’ve got. i don’t think i’ll be able to live like that. it's not that the people in crescent aren't nice; they really are. it's just that i'm different, i guess.
maybe i just don’t belong here.

crap i need a life.

Apr 15, 2008

maybe i'm just too innocent.

i keep thinking, would i ever lead a more “normal” life?
would this relationship end one day? when would this phase end? would i have a “normal” relationship – a boyfriend? would i ever get married and have kids or something? or would i have to keep hiding my entire life, not being able to tell stuff to so many people?
i remember during dance trashing sometime ago, letty and others pointed out that i keep too much to myself and i should open up to everyone and tell them my problems.
and i said to amelia, “imagine me telling the whole world ____.”
and amelia laughed out loud and shook her head.
would i have to keep on doing this my whole life? i mean i know there are people i can trust and i can tell stuff to, but to those who i can’t because i know they won’t really take it very well, i have to keep on pretending, lying, laughing when they say something that’s meant to be funny but hurts me in some way, making me a little more confused. i mean i know they don’t know they’re doing this; i didn’t tell them my problems so they wouldn’t know. i don’t blame them at all. plus it’s good to hear others’ opinions of the subject anyway.
everyone wants to be normal, don’t they? or not abnormal, anyway. it’s always good to stand out and be extraordinary and stuff. but noone would want to be classified as a freak their entire life right?
and everyone keeps wishing their life would be better someday, that one day, this problem that they’re facing, that’s pulling them down, will get better, that our lives will be perfect someday. one day, we’d somehow turn into tall fair chiobus with an IQ of 343873957 and endless amounts of money and have all our dreams fulfilled.
but there are always two sides to everything, nothing’s perfect. i don’t want to hurt you, i don’t want to break up. it’ll be terrible, too painful. and i really want us to be the closest godsisters ever after this, as close as we are now, but i know it’ll be hard. and it hurts whenever i tell myself that.
everyone wants their lives to be perfect and harmless. we all know in our minds that it’ll never happen, but our heart still holds that hope.
it’s so irritating, how our heart can believe so innocently in something we know in our minds will never happen.

haha. nevermind. i don’t know what i’m talking about anymore.

so much to blog about!

ohman it’s so depressing, noone reads my blog anymore!
i have like ONE tag per day now. it used to be so much more.
and the number of people reading my blog have dropped – from 40+ to 30+ to 20+ now. rahh.
i remember once there were like 50 unique visitors in a day but only like 4 people tagged. ohman so disappointing.
nevermind, i don’t think many people are interested in my boring life, hahaha. and anyway my blog’s ultimately for me, right? hahaha. whatever.

it hurts to have to hide my tears from the person i love the most.
you were laughing about your teacher and trying to do lip trills, i was trying hard to laugh along too. i suddenly felt like flying to your house and hugging you tight.
i think i caught your disease of crying all of a sudden for no reason.
i wanted to hug you so badly. you were still laughing away. i couldn’t let you know i was crying - i didn’t want you to cry too.
and then i couldn’t help taking in a deep breath, and accidentally let out the smallest sob ever; and then you knew, and tried to cheer me up a bit.
and then you started crying too.

shit i feel so bad.
of all the things to lose.
how can i lose my beloved RING!?!?!?!?!
first i lost the musical note pin you gave me, followed by the ultra cute pencil you bought, and now the ring.
i think it's because i bring them around so much and then leave them all over the place. i guess i shouldn't carry my most precious stuff around wherever i go eh.
Jessie: “this sound stupid, but it’s probably God’s will.”
i need to learn to organize my stuff better. someone HELP MEEEEE!

Apr 14, 2008

the ob in-house concert pics + video!

refer to the 5th april post about the OB In-house concert.
i've finally gotten janice's pictures, so i'll post up the pics and video of the ob in-house concert now (finally)!!! :D
jan applying makeup for jt!

-AHAHA. sorry xueling laoshi.
haha jiajun looks so weird in this pic. he's actually very cute one okay (: actually we all look really weird in this pic lah. D:
jiajun practising Zhi Shao Hai You Ni!
me and junwen (we sang zhi shao hai you ni together)

OH shuddup i know i look freaking weird. plus my legs look ultra fat because the lighting is so bad, you can't really see my red and black knee-length socks so it looks like part of my leg. plus i went flat during one of the high notes in ai xiao de yan jing. and it sounds pretty dead.
whatever. this is for OB JMs to watch ONLY. (:

Apr 12, 2008


woke up with terrible cramps. spoiled my day PLUS made me late for my meeting with cuixiao and laogong at Orchard MRT. haha.
saw shermin, jollin, amanda etc. doing flag day too!!
laogong very generously donated to shermin, cuixiao, alagamai and me – and more than once, too. note the number of stickers she earned. :D

walked around far east plaza and the buildings near it. a lot of people donated. :D there were quite a few people who actually gave all the coins they had. this angmoh lady was damn nice.
“oh yes, i do have some coins. not much, but… *tonk tonk tonk tonk tonk*”
and there was this other angmoh lady who donated quite a number of coins into my tin, and as we went up the escalator to go to the 2nd floor, she actually followed us just to put a $2 note into cuixiao’s! and cuixiao asked “do you want a sticker? it’s so that others like us will know you’ve already donated and won’t keep bugging you” and she replied “oh nono, i like doing this kind of stuff.” SO NICE RIGHT! i love Caucasians :D
and then people started complaining that they’d already donated and there were so many of us walking around, so cuixiao, ala, laogong and i decided to go to CHANGI AIRPORT :D
quite a few donated. and there was this guy who donated so many coins to cuixiao… kept hearing tonks after tonks. HAHA okay my description skills suck.
and there was this mum with her kid and the kid shouted “oh i want to put i want to put!” upon seeing us with the cans, so his mum gave him coins to put into our cans. :D so cute!
but there were some people in the airport who just waved their hands at us signaling for us to go away before we even said “good morning sir..” GARH whatever man.
there were these three old guys that were damn funny. one of them donated; another went “don’t ask us! old people have no money! just go to lee hsien loong’s house and ask for donation can already! sure rich one!” and the other just laughed and laughed. super cute ;D
got bored of asking for donations, went back to orchard and sat at cinelesiure for 2 hours, waiting for time to pass. doing flag day for six hours is just CRAZY okay.

then laogong followed me to dinner with my grandparents (again)!!! XD

and i realized how torturous it is; not being able to even hold your hand when you’re so close to me. ):

Apr 11, 2008


you made me angry, yet you didn’t apologise or make up for it; you even expected me to comfort you instead.
sorry. don’t take this to heart. hormones taking over. pmspms.


sorry i haven’t posted for so long, i’ll post about last Wednesday’s OB once i upload the videos on youtube k?

i wanted to sing Zhi Shao Hai You Ni initially, and as i don’t have the full minus one track, i wanted to ask jia jun (the jj’s dancer guy who played the guitar while junren and i sang zhi shao hai you ni during the OB concert) to help me play the guitar accompliment, jiajun the pro. XD
then i read the Crezawards form, and they said for the group vocal segment, all group members must be Crescentians and the song must be in ENGLISH -.- i don’t know if jiajun was considered a “group member” because he wasn’t singing, but anyway zhi shao hai you ni’s a Chinese song (obviously). so i didn’t want to join anymore.
and then the day before the deadline for signing up, i decided i wanted the stage experience anyway, because I MUST GET OVER MY STAGE FRIGHT!! I CANNOT KEEP MAKING A FOOL OF MYSELF ON STAGE. and more stage experience will make the stage fright go away. and this would only be a school competition anyway, so it’s not that bad if i embarrass myself badly here. better than at some concert with OB right. XD
so i kept thinking and thinking of an english song to sing.
i don’t know why Christina Aguilera’s Reflection suddenly popped into my mind. It was my favourite song when i was in kindergarten. because of Mulan, haha.
anyway, i decided to sign up for crezawards in the end and sing that song.
and lisa tan agreed to help me play the piano accompliment! :D :D :D
i really think i’m going to regret because the song’s DAMN HARD TO SING.
like, the verse is quite low. plus it changes key in the middle of the verse, wth, later sekali people think i’m tone deaf or something because i changed key halfway hahaha.
and the chorus is quite high, and i have to shout it out because if i use falsetto it will sound weak and weird. i must go train my voice already! i just hope i won’t po yin halfway during the song; that’ll be disastrous but highly probable, haha, because the high note’s really quite high and i can’t even use falsetto somemore leh.


“Are you still pissed off?” he asked.
Josie hesitated. “I wasn’t the one who was mad.”
Matt pushed away from the refrigerator, coming forward until he could link his arms around Josie’s waist. “You know I can’t help it.”
A dimple blossomed in his right cheek; Josie could already feel herself softening. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see you. I really did have to study.”
Matt pushed her hair off her face and kissed her. This was exactly why she’d told him not to come over last night – when she was with him, she could feel herself evaporating. Sometimes, when he touched her, Josie imagined herself vanishing in a puff of steam.
He tasted of maple syrup, of apologies. “It’s all your fault, you know,” he said. “I wouldn’t be so crazy if I didn’t love you so much.”
At that moment, Josie could not remember the polls she was hoarding in her room; she could not remember crying in the shower; she could not remember anything but what it felt like to be adored. I’m lucky, she told herself, the word streaming like a silver ribbon through her mind.

Lucky, lucky, lucky.

i think this explains everything, dosen’t it dear? (:

Apr 7, 2008

leading dance!?!

dance was EXHAUSTING MAN, phew!
letty, xiuxian and i “led” dance for the first time. was freaky, and if anyone noticed, i didn’t dare make eye contact at all (except with shermin). i was far less fierce today than i had hoped to be ): but anyway, i think everyone was rather guai today right?
GOOD! you dancers cannot bully us okay? and fellow sec3s, especially Amelia, help out too okay!!
it was stressful, addressing everyone in Dance, especially in front of the sec 4 seniors.
gave 30 pushups and 30 crunches today. if everyone was badly behaved today i’d have given 50 pushups and 60 crunches, but everyone was better behaved than i expected, so thankfully i didn’t have to give out that much. plus dance was already super tiring today.
and today’s practice was the last day the sec 4s would be here, DDDDDDDDDD:
i’m really going to miss valerie, shiqi, wendy, siying, rachel, jolene, jolynn, yunyi, AND OMG EVERYONE ELSE LAH. it seems like just yesterday they were blur sec twos XD
i hate how everyone seems to be leaving. and next year around this time, we’ll be leaving too. it’s just all too sudden; I WANT THEM TO STAYYYYY!
everything’s moving too fast, i need time to stop so i can keep up.

anywayyy, i think i counted super loud today while doing the pushups leh. could everyone hear me? i was practically screaming my head off; there was so much blood flowing to my head i felt a bit dizzy after that. i don’t know, i just got this sudden rush of energy and couldn’t help but shout out loud. i hope i didn’t scare anyone, haha.
sorry Amelia, i’ll try to be fiercer okay? (:



Apr 5, 2008


NOTE: I'll probably post all the pics and vids on Thursday, when Janice sends me the pictures. JANICE, FASTER SEND SO I CAN FASTER POST!

Jms met at novena at around 10.30 to go to maddie’s house to do some last-minute practice there, but ended up spending the whole time there eating and putting on makeup, haha.
Esther told me the night before the performance that she had a sore throat and couldn’t perform, and I smsed Xueling laoshi at around midnight when i got home about it, and Xueling was quite pissed. and Junren told me that Xueling told her at around 1AM today that she’d have to sing the main vocals for Zhi Shao Hai You Ni instead. and junren panicked and had to go search for the lyrics online and memorize them. poor junren ):
the YMS centre place is like damn stupid can. the sound quality is terrible; the mike kept clipping so everyone sounded really weird. PLUS they played the wrong song FOUR TIMES, wth. AND when junren and i sang zhi shao hai you ni, the microphone wasn’t even on at first. (i’ll talk about that later).
before the concert i saw this girl from JJFC who had gotten the tickets to the performance :D she didn’t recognize me. i don’t know her name either, but nvm, i shall go talk to her the next time i see her at a jj event ;D anyway, she agreed to help me record the singing performances :D
gary and xueling laoshi sang Yi Yan Shun Jian (MY 2ND FAVE DUET). OMG XUELING LAOSHI’S VOICE DAMN HIGH DAMN PRO. the jjfc girl didn’t record it though D:
Qin Nee’s piano playing is OMG. junren’s voice is also super high! if i sang that high note on stage i’d definitely po yin and go out of tune and everything.
i think it was much better than i expected; i thought we’d all die of stage fright and stuff. but the place was really small lah, and quite not-the-high-class as well, so it was quite a relaxed atmosphere and stuff, thankfully :D however i think i went off-key at a few high notes, but thankfully it couldn’t really be heard because my voice was drowned by everyone else’s, and i was the harmony anyway. XD
i think we didn’t blend enough also, and our voices turned out quite , which was the thing we’ve been trying to change all along – we keep telling ourselves to open our mouths to sound rounder and stuff but we forgot all that onstage, haha.
the guitar performance (Zhi Shao Hai You Ni) was disastrous. jiajun’s guitar was okay, but when he started playing the verse accompliment and we sang along, we realized the mike was OFF -.- plus even when the mike was on, the guitar was louder than our voices, wth. screwed, haha. plus my voice couldn't be heard AT ALL. i mean i should be thankful and stuff, but i mean, people would think i was just standing there and swaying for the sake of it right? then they'll be like "what's she doing? she's not even singing" D: DIE
oh, and saw That OB-Crescent-Senior again! and this time she did DANCING. haha. so she’s acted before, sang during jj’s autograph session, AND danced for the ob concert! pro :D

and the stupid YMS people taped some wires down on the stage with white masking tape (wouldn’t black be less obvious? DUHH), and there was this adapter (to connect to many plugs at once) in the middle of the side of the stage, and two dancers tripped and almost fell over it! THE YMS PEOPLE SUPER DON’T KNOW HOW TO THINK LEH.
and in order to go from backstage to the entrance of the auditorium, you have to walk for like around 10 minutes or so, behind the whole bloody block of buildings. laogong knew we wouldn’t be able to find our way back to the auditorium so she ran all the way to the back door where we exited from to fetch us :D and when we finally reached the auditorium, we saw a flustered Wewe holding the OB boss’ birthday cake (the Ob concert date happened to be boss' birthdate as well), and he was like “eh, how to go backstage ah?” XD so cute lah he!
and later when they brought out the cake to sing the birthday song to the boss, i was like, “ah, so wewe found his way.” XD imagine what would’ve happened if he got lost too, HAHA.
then later we saw wewe sweeping the stage and the floor! HAHA HILARIOUS SIGHT OKAY. maddie: “his boss probably made him do this as punishment for playing online mahjong secretly the other time” (refer to long long ago post about how we thought wewe was busy with work when he asked us to shoo but he was actually playing online mahjong with the rest of the people in the office XDXD) HAHA
and after my dad dropped janice and maddie off, we went to novena square for dinner with my grandmother and laogong decided to tag along!
WHEE! was funfunfunfun. we had Korean ice-cream! :D

i miss you, dear ):

OB JMs, i’ll really miss those times spent practicing or the concert, and even crying with worry because i thought we wouldn’t do well. and i’m really sorry for being so bossy and screaming at everyone and stuff, because i was really afraid everything would turn out terrible. sorrryyyyy ): i guess in the future if i’m a boss, i’ll be one of those really mean ones everyone hates eh. HAHA. maybe it’s good because it shows i’ll probably do well as dance discipline head :D
i’ll miss those times eh. but at least we still have WEDNESDAY’S OB VOCAL LESSONS :D i do treasure OB times; they’re the time i really can forget all my school stress, and i don’t feel like as if i don’t fit in or anything, unlike school. ob’s the place i can really be my true self, scream, sing, shout all i want, unlike the quiet self i am in school. (hah, i bet you jms can’t imagine me not talking in school :D)
i really hope i’ll be able to join the intermediate course though. i don’t think my parents will let me, shitshitshitshit. ): i’ll really miss you guys.

& 不要再哭了,好吗?别再让我心痛了哦。。宝贝,我好爱你哦。。

P.S. To OB JMs: The videos are of lousy quality. No, it's totally not the jjfc girl's fault; it's because my camera's sound recording is really weird and stuff, and the lighting was terrible so you can hardly see anything. No point waiting for me to send you the videos, seriously, but if you really want them you can ask me for them lah. But seriously, the quality's terrible. *bashes camera* I think the video with the best sound quality is the JMs one :D, thankfully

Apr 4, 2008



this is the craziest thing ever, totally unexpected, but
haha wth, i only know one person who actually voted for me for anything at all (Glenda voted me for Welfare) and i totally didn’t expect to get any position in dance, let alone be in the top 3 positions.
and discipline would be the one i didn’t want the most, because if you were really strict people would really hate you, and if you weren’t strict dance would be damn slack and we’d be far far below standard. so how huh!
plus i totally hate doing punishment and i’d probably give out really little punishments because i and the rest of the committee will have to do double. and i can die just doing 30 pushups you know. HOW TO BE DISCIPLINE HEAD?!!
but anw, i will try my best lah, rest assured peeps. (: and Siying said “Karen, you cannot follow my example because I was a damn slack discipline head.” she asked me to be like CASSANDRA :O (sec 2s and 1s wouldn’t know who she is, but whatever, cassandra’s scary D: )
so i shall start screaming in dance from now on eh?
oh, and when i get irritated when people don’t listen to me or do what i don’t want them to do, and i’ll start screaming my head off. (just ask cuixiao :D) so maybe i’ll do okay, i hope. i really don’t want to not be able to be strict enough, because next year’s SYF and we must do super well. i must practice screaming already. :D

oh, and i don’t doubt the capability of the chair and vice-chair at all, but just letty, xiuxian and i alone cannot lead dance okay? we need to seek co-operation from all the sec3s to set a good example for the juniors and help teach them and tell them to stop talking when necessary too! we must work together okay? this isn’t just our job; it’s everyone’s responsibility! sec3s, please don’t make our lives difficult by ponning dance or making noise unnecessarily okay? we must set a good example for our juniors! right now we’re the most talkative level, and the sec2s are more disciplined than us. CANNOT OKAY! if it’s very obvious that the sec3s are very talkative and stuff, they may follow our example or not respect us as seniors anymore.


mr choy has a shirt for every day of the school week!
“mr choy, do you always wear this shirt?”
“no what, i only wear it on Thursdays.”
“are you going to wear the (can’t remember which colour) shirt tomorrow?”
“no lah! i wore that on Tuesday already. Y’all are not observant enough lah.”

practicing picture conversation! it was a picture of a lot of old people on the mrt. :D
miss tan: what do you think the man to the right, touching his cheek, might be thinking?
hanisah: he might be daydreaming, and as he is touching his cheek he may be realizing that his face is oily.
miss tan: glenda, what do you think the man’s thinking about?
Glenda: erm… i think he’s thinking about how to buy oil blotter?
miss tan: the person in the picture may be a guy or a girl, it dosen’t really matter, as long as you don’t look at someone in a skirt and say it’s a guy lah.
azalea: but that’s discrimination! :O
HAHA azalea’s mind is too polluted.

Apr 3, 2008


12th april. want want?
i have Flag Day on that day but it’s only until 4. (:

okay. now on to WuJia’s comments:
Staccato for fast songs – have time to breathe, especially for BABY BABY. Groove, move to the beat to bring out the feel and beat better
Have POWER while singing so the audience will feel for the song
Stress on certain words together, esp. for AI XIAO DE YAN JING (li kai ni wo cai, ji, ai xiao de yan jing, shi de zuo tian wang ji – stress)
Open mouths – O shape not E – so that voices will blend and we’d sound together.
Loud and soft at certain points TOGETHER

And we must synchronise our movements. you know the swaying and stuff? when we all go in different directions and do different stuff it looks damn damn funny.

And I might be changing my outfit into a white hooded shirt (Looks exactly like Maddie’s grey and white jacket) with my black skirt and high socks. May be wearing a cap. Hope it’s okay. I can’t really accessorize anymore though, so i’d just be mostly grey, white and black. Actually we all have one thing very obviously in common – black bottoms. Everyone don’t change the colour of your bottoms okay? (:

Okay, ob was funfun. :D I was going a bit crazy and singing “Dang Ni Gu Dan Ni Hui Xiang Qi Shei” and doing the really stupid Great Singapore Workout actions JJ was doing during the autograph session when Jin Sha was singing, HAHAHA. And we were all laughing like crazy and suddenly WuJiaming popped out from behind me and went “WOI” HAHAHA OMG DAMN HILARIOUS.
And we got the cd of songs we can sing for the vocal exams! AND THEY HAVE ZHI SHAO HAI YOU NI (the 2nd song i’m singing for the concert) haha, so I’m definitely singing that. :D


Apr 2, 2008


we were supposed to arrive at OB early to practice today, but we all ended up having a mass crying session.
janice was crying because celeste was crying because jj’s blog stated that his contract with ob expires on 10 april, ad he’d decided to retire from the music industry to concentrate on managing his JFJ company. we were all quite shocked, but laogong and i didn’t really believe it. janice was playing bu liu lei de ji chang over and over again and started crying like shit. laogong was crying because of (*&^?^&*#@$, and i was too because i was sort of caught in the middle plus i didn’t know how to comfort either of them.
but we were a bit happier by the time OB started, haha.
in my opinion we sang quite badly today, but the music forest manager (? anyway i know he’s of a very high position lah) said we were much better than during the auditions, phew. but we were quite stone-ish, haha.
and xueling laoshi says we need more “colour” because white and black is too plain and would look weird on stage, so we’re dead. i’m looking for anyone with COLOURED THICK HAIRBANDS, BANGLES, NECKLACES THAT ARE BRIGHT-COLOURED, OR COLOURED KNEE-LENGTH SOCKS. anyone who has anything, please tell me and pass to me by Thursday, or Friday LATEST! i need them on Friday because there’s a rehearsal on that day, and the actual thing’s on Saturday. PLEASEPLEASE PEOPLE!
and laoshi asked me to sing for another performance. i’m supposed to do backup vocals for a pair that’s doing the song “Zhi Shao Hai You Ni” by Lin Yi Lian (i think).Veel (the jj backup dancer guy who sang bai se feng che during the auditions :D) and Esther are playing the guitar, and esther’s singing the main voice. i’ve never heard the song before, and i’m like so dead. IT’S ALREADY WEDNESDAY so i only have 2 more days to learn the song. and i don’t know how i’m going to memorize the lyrics, haha. the OB performance is in the 1st half, and the zhi shao hai you ni one is in the 2nd half, so i won’t be able to watch the show AT ALL, ): i’ll get people to help me video every single performance, probably esther and laogong. (:

oh but by the way, in the end, the jj thing was really just an april fool's joke. at night he posted on his blog and said "Happy April Fools' Day (:" HAHA

To the OB JMs:

  • FIND COLOURED ACCESSORIES! we must look brighter and younger. JANICE, you could get coloured shoes and stuff. maddie, wear a bangle maybe? i don’t know. maybe someone could wear a cap, or janice could buy some jacket, haha. laogong could wear a red tie!!!!!
  • We must sing with MORE CHEMISTRY.
  • Look at each other, cannot look like we’re just “doing our own thing”
  • Occasionally look at audience too
  • Synchronize movements (bounding, swaying)
  • Must be hyper so that the audience will be hyper too
  • Don’t “hold back”, don’t kena stage fright
  • Beatboxers must be more “hyper”
  • i’ll remind you again after today’s ob lesson, but anyway. FRIDAY MEET AT OB AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, LATEST 6PM. bring all your clothes, remember! full-dress rehearsal but don’t need makeup (can put if you guys want lah HAHA) remember, get COLOURED ACCESSORIES!
MESSAGE taken from XUELING LAOSHI'S blog (http://sherlynxueling.blogspot.com) to us (the OB concert performers):
"Had a final rehearsal for e vocal section and I really think it is going to be a really great concert! Thank you to all e students for putting in countless hours of practice and practice and nothing but sheer hard work!
Some last pointers to note:
1) Be confident on e stage, remember u earned that place and no one else deserves it more than u do! You can shine!
2) Focus no longer on yr weakness, but on yr strength. Enjoy, let loose, dun worry, let yr voice perform its best!
3) Smile on stage! U never know when e cameras are going to take yr picture!
4) Bring extra pair of shoes or slippers (for ladies) just in case u get blisters from e heels.
5) Bring tissue, facial remover, powder etc for sweat, correction of makeup, touchup ..
6) Guys, bring hair clay, spray etc.. Ps: gatsby rubber clay is good.
7) Standby for any last min questions by MC, extra cd for yr song. U must be prepared for last min glitches.
8) Last but e most important, enjoy!!"