maybe i just suck.

it’s so hard to maintain a friendship with someone who’s very popular.
like, she may be such a great friend to you, but judging by her popularity, you probably mean nothing to her. what’s the point?
i guess i’m going to give up trying now. after years of friendship, maybe i’m going to let it go.
again.

i realised i'm not making an effort to strengthen friendships in school, or with school friends anymore. if someone dosen’t really talk to me for some time, i just let it go. i don’t bother talking to her or whatever.
because i’d think, maybe that person dosen’t like me anymore. then if she dosen’t make an effort, she’s probably just trying to avoid me because she can’t stand me, so what’s the point of trying to talk to her and just getting her angrier secretly?
well i hope that’s not the case all the time. if everyone who’ve stopped talking to me much recently stopped because they don’t like me anymore, then i’ve probably just become the most hated person in school or something.
i keep thinking there’s no point in making school friends because it’s so hard trying to get them to see stuff from my point of view, because my interests are very different from theirs. it’s like trying to get anyone, anyone in class to stop buying pirated CDs or downloading music and support originality because by supporting piracy you’re not giving the artiste credit for his/her work. it’s impossible. but for my friends outside of school – JJFC, OB, i don’t even have to tell them about originality. they may even support it more than i do. or when i talk about music or JJ to a school friend, hardly anyone would actually be interested, even if she pretends to be so. but i have a group of people who got together because of music and JJ. who would i rather talk to? quite obvious right?
why bother creating friendships with this group of people who don’t show the slightest bit of interest in the things that mean so much to me, when i have another group of people who understand me totally and think exactly the way i do. and my problems may seem insignificant to school friends because they don’t see things from my point of view, but my other friends can empathize with me.
but my parents may not let me join OB after the beginners' course.
who will be my friends then? when i’m busy studying for exams, school friends may be the only friends i’ve got. i don’t think i’ll be able to live like that. it's not that the people in crescent aren't nice; they really are. it's just that i'm different, i guess.
maybe i just don’t belong here.

crap i need a life.