Apr 22, 2008

i do love you.

i think the reason you cry so much is probably because you worried so much about us having to part in the future that your subconscious mind actually began to start believing that it was already over.
it really hurts every time i call you and you always seem to be crying. how you can cry when we’re laughing like hell in the middle of one of those things only the both of us get. how i could promise you over and over again that i’ll really love you no matter what, but it’d just make you cry even more. how as soon as i say “i’ve got to go”, you’ll start crying all over again. how you tell me that you cry every single night because you’re worried that you’ll lose me, how all these great memories of us would kill you.
how you cried so much your doctor had to put you on heart medicine. how he said that if your condition didn’t improve, he might have to give you hypertension medicine.
how you began to slit yourself again, despite me being the one who got you out of your slitting habit in the first place.
how it’s all because of me.
you keep telling me you try not to think about the future anymore, and just focus on the present, when you’ve got all you need, and we’re still together.
i know you’re trying really hard, and i’m really thankful for that, i need to see you happy again.
but it just hurts so much to see you so sad and crying all the time just because you love me.
it just makes me feel like as if all this shouldn’t have happened in the first place, i shouldn’t have held your hand six months ago. it makes me feel as if if we were still just best friends, like how we were before, your life would be so much happier.
it makes me feel so guilty of this love.

then again, there are the happier moments (when you’re not busy crying).
“laoporh, my parents are going out for dinner. can i drink? just a teeeeeny bit?”
“no."
"): okay. (:"
ohman you’re making yourself sound like one of those coward husbands who’re so scared of their screamy wives. you know, those who go “why are you not carrying my shopping bags! so heavy you know. faster open the car door for me!” etc. XD
x3

remember the time you went with your parents to some restaurant and you drank a lot, then you called me and started saying damn funny stuff?
"AHHH LAOPORH WO AI NI! AHAHA i want to shout over this bridge but my parents might hear me. OHMIGOSH! whoopsie, my slipper nearly fell into the sea. by the way, the first time i kissed you, what did it feel like? i think your cheek's super soft!"
and the next day i told you everything and you were like
"OH SHIT i was drunk!?!! ok by what you told me i probably was. no wonder no one dared to cross the bridge. and i think i remember waving to complete strangers and they just stared at me. oh and did i say something about how the moon was so round and i'd like to pluck it out of the sky and give it to you because you told me you couldn't see it from your window?"
"erm yah."
"OHSHITOHSHITSOSTUPID!!"

HAHAHA.
not an emo post anymore :DDDDD

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