Aug 28, 2010

My tokyo tee isn't on the F21 website anymore ):

Spongebob: What do you usually do when I'm gone?
Patrick: Wait for you to come back.

I'm a Council workaholic. I usually do things way before the deadlines - unless other people hinder my progress. People need to reply me faster and I need to stop causing huge amounts of unnecessary trouble to those above me.


I think during that week in June, I took you to be much more than a friend.

Aug 26, 2010

Don't tell me you don't know

I still like you

A little short of three months and counting - I'll make it through another three.

Sorry I haven't updated in forever

but things are really hectic now. Will try to update over the weekend!

Here's a little something though:
(Click image to enlarge)

Aug 20, 2010


OMG SO CUTE. From F21. And it's going at US$5.99 now!!!!!! OMG!!!!! I WANT TO SHOP ONLINE SOMEONE HELP ME

I do hope you don't come here anymore

Wei Liang says (12:21 AM):
u still do like him
i can see from ur face
everytime u share about him, i can see ur smile, that u are really in love
so why dun confess again?

Aug 19, 2010

E-learning FAIL

I haven't even finished the GP E-learning homework; I've still got Chinese, Econs and ELL. And Math and PE and huh there's PW too?

We've had a few sweet moments and a funny sweet night that was cut short by a security guard with a flashlight -
I'm waiting for a crazy night.

Gosh I really like Katy Perry. I never thought I would, really, after that stupid song I Kissed A Girl. Sorry, I really think that song sucks.

She isn't pretty, but I think that makes her even more beautiful amidst the sea of perfect faces.

No regrets, just love

I can't sleep
Let's run away and
don't ever look back, don't ever look back

Let you put your hands on me
In my skin tight jeans
Be your teenage dream tonight


(Surprise, I'm not dead)

I believed I wouldn't cry watching this video, but I succumbed. A little. At 5:36 with the small boy running to his dad and crying. This video has a lot of running.
It's of soldiers coming back from war and surprising their loved ones.

Can you imagine having to part with the one person you love the most because he's going to fight in a war? Not knowing if you'll ever see him again? Knowing that when you're spending your lonely nights in bed, you have no idea what he's going through - is he out in the field? Is he injured? Will he make it out alive? Is he thinking of you too?

Sure, he's going through hell, but you're going through another kind of hell too.

Aug 18, 2010

It ended before it began

and the heart doesn't need a reason to hurt.

I think you, you, have been the subject of most of my blog posts for way too long. 2+ months is a long time for you to be the one person my posts have been revolving around, especially because my blog is a record of my life.

Hey, even gross ugly nerdy people have the right to love.

I think it's amazing, if you think about it, how someone can seem kind of weird and somewhat gross to you but then when infatuation kicks in suddenly it doesn't matter at all. And the love clouds your senses and suddenly their flaws don't just not matter, they - *gulp* - disappear. And then - what the? - your senses start to become delusional.
(I'm totally not referring to myself or anyone in particular, by the way. I don't like anyone gross HAHAHAHAHA)

Wei Liang says:
i saw u going to the toilet during chinese (common exam)
u walk so FUNNY
ur hair sway sway sway

||[c=4]Karen[/c]|| And I'm on my way to believing says:

Wei Liang says:
haha so funny!
then u looked so stone

Sort of like being a Councillor, I guess

I just don't get how it's possible to resist something that seems so beautiful and stay strong and keep yourself in misery while telling yourself you'll heal in time to come, when everyone else is succumbing to this beautiful Thing.

And I just don't get how the end doesn't seem to hurt for them like it does for me. Oh I remember the crying, the shivering, the lashing out at God, the chain of profanities, crying on the day of my O level paper. I guess it has to do with me being apparently less emotionally stable than 99% of the respondents of that Facebook Jungian profile test thing. Unfortunate me.

For a moment I thought maybe I was overestimating the hurt and that it wasn't really as bad as I had imagined, but it took me all of one day of doubt to realise I probably had been right all along - about myself, anyway.

At least I know I've got someone else who knows what it feels like, hanging in there with me. *hugs my funny friend, you know who you are!*

It's good, the way things are going now (i.e. nowhere).

Aug 15, 2010

It's always times like these when I think of you

And I wonder if you ever think of me

I know you know I used to like you, but I wonder if you know it hasn't died down since then.

YOG opening ceremony was actually much better than I'd expected, good job (FINALLY) Singapore! Theatrical is good. And I saw my dear Crescent Dance juniors performing!!! With liu xing! I don't know what the name for it is in English but it really brings back memories because we performed this dance that used them (we used lightsticks attached to ropes) when I was in Sec 1. I actually had a solo in it (the solo was lousy, it was just swinging that thingy in the dark but still, yay!) OHHHH THE LOVE OH THE NOSTALGIA.

I was pretty upset when the SYOG Chairman, Mr Ng Ser Miang gave his speech though. He should've gotten someone to correct his pronunciation, really. If he didn't want to spend the money, he could've asked me for his help. I'd have been more than happy to.

OH AND STEVE APPLETON OMG. So what if he looks kind of drunk? He's 21!!!!!

Jody Williams is really pretty too!

Aug 13, 2010

We tend to underestimate the power of our emotions

I thought it was nothing, I thought I really could cope with or without this just fine. And then a little thing you did made me doubtful and confused and upset, and then I realised I was so wrong.

And so I guess it really is better that nothing happens. Maybe the disappointment and doubt I feel on a regular basis is a good thing; it keeps things from progressing as fast as it otherwise would.

James is right, nothing should happen. There's a lot at stake, and a lot of important things will be affected if things go wrong. And I should always keep in mind that the hurt is a lot more intense than I think.

it isn't always about how things feel wonderful when you're together; it's more that the hole of loneliness swallows you up when you aren't. It really is like drugs I think. At first, it feels fantastic. But much later on, when you're hooked, you don't exactly take it because you want to feel the awesomeness that comes with it; you end up taking it because without it, you can't function. You take it not because taking it makes you feel good. You take it because not taking it makes you feel horrible.

Someone took a photo of us holding hands for one of those game thingies, did you know? It doesn't really show our hands though. No, neither of us are tagged in it, so you probably don't know it exists. I didn't know until I started browsing through random people's albums in boredom.

Just saying.

Aug 12, 2010

I (L) The Noose

‎"I felt the only 3D ting about the movie, were the subtitles! Yaaa! They kept jumping out at me, it was very scary because you know how I feel about Chinese charactles, ya?"
- Barbarella

"... Then he take me to the art garrely. Siao one."

Aug 11, 2010

Don't kiss with dry lips!

I actually think things are great just the way they are right now. Thank you (:


National day was spent with the two angels who introduced me to my dear JJ Lin at the age of 12.

We went to watch Inception. It's fantastic. No, it isn't mind-boggling (as long as you pay close attention throughout), it's just awesome. Kept me captivated throughout. I love the idea behind the movie. I think the particular theme of dreams versus reality is selling really well in today's hectic world, when everyone's seeking escape in fantasy. I mean, Avatar was about becoming something else, about fantasy becoming reality. And that sold really well too.

A truth she once knew, but chose to forget.

Everyone should watch Inception, really. Oh and I believe the last bit was a dream. They didn't show how he got into the house - you never remember the beginning of a dream - and it just seemed dreamlike to me. But whatever, it was meant to be ambiguous.

It's interesting, how you never remember how a dream begins. I've woken up at the 'beginning' of my dreams before - they weren't really beginnings. I was sort of in a planning stage, there were images in my mind - pieces of a dream. It was like I was coming up with a plot for my dream in my sleep.

"And then, there'll be flowers, and then, my best friend, and then, a po-cket-ful of... roses, and tulips, and then, the sun, and then, and then..." This kiddy voice would go on in my head. It's like a childlike way of piecing together a storyline for my dream. And there would be images in my mind as I ran through the 'plot'. Very interesting. Whenever I wake up in the middle of this "planning stage" I'm quite amused at what was going through my mind in my sleep.

Anyway, Inception was awesome.

"They come here to sleep?"
"No, they come to be woken up. Their dream has become their reality."

Don't we all understand how that would feel? In dreams, we're free. No boundaries that the laws of physics sets for us in the real world. We could fly. Sunshine could be pink and gold glitter. I could be a pretty girl with brown locks in a velvet dress. The moon could be a humongous silvery orb right outside my window - I could touch it.

And reality is just... disappointing. Suddenly things aren't like what we wished they were anymore. Deadlines, tantrums, irritating peers, eyebags. And the real world can be so mundane. It's restricted by laws - and other people - and gravity. And maybe sometimes some of us feel like zombies - soulless bodies that have forgotten what it feels like to live. And in dreams, we become alive.

(Or maybe I'm just trying to justify the twenty-minutes-or-more I spend during each exam daydreaming - or dreaming. HAHA)

So yes, and after some shaved ice and Auntie Anne's pretzels we went to Marina Barrage! The previous time we went there for a picnic it was empty and we had the most relaxing time ever. This time the Marina Barrage was packed, obviously. We ended up laying out our picnic mat on a concrete BRIDGE...-ish. Picnic on concrete. Fantastic.

Sometimes you have the best fun doing practically nothing at all, really. We had lots of food and three iPods. (Fine, I was the only one without an iTouch, but whatever, I CHOSE not to get it because it'd be too distracting.) Rachel's Korean songs followed by a few of my more recent English songs and then the awesomest - Backstreet Boys on Teressa's iTouch. AND THEN JJ OH JJ. We just have to do this every time we meet.

We played the old JJ songs and just sang along, reminiscing about the days we had sleepovers at Teressa's place (2005-2006) and watched Dong Jie on the projector / big screen in the dark room in her house, and how we got so angry at the girl JJ kissed in the video (He kissed her like crazy and OH HOW DARE SHE push him away!!!) and how we squealed when he smiled that swoon-worthy smile that never failed to melt my heart. (Yeah, at the age of twelve.) And then things started pouring out - how complicated people have made things in the JC / Poly world, how seventeen's the age of poison and hormones and tongues dripping with acid. And how we longed for the innocence of our primary school days again, when we didn't really have to think before we acted, when we were allowed to make mistakes.

Okay I've rambled enough. Time for Council stuff, byebye. I can't believe how much time I spent on this post.

Aug 10, 2010

My almost lover, my hopeless dream

Purity/innocence is a commodity. I have, as you've said before, been through a lot. Not just emotionally. I guess I was a pretty... wild child in secondary school (not the outright rebel kind, and no I never smoked or whatever, but in a couple of other ways). I think there's a lot I regret doing. If I could turn back time, though, would I have made things any different?
But well I guess it isn't fair to you, considering how much I've been through and how much you haven't. Of course it's totally fine with me. It just isn't fair to you.

Then again, though, this would be a completely different experience for me. For obvious reasons. Hahahahaha

Aug 8, 2010


but you do know how I feel, right? About...about. you.
Aiyaaaaaaaaaaaaah irritating lah.

Maybe something could've happened that sweet night.


This is so not fair



guin says (12:26 AM):
then why are you frustrated?
i think its kinda like
both of you know
but both also know that it's better to stay this way
i think you would have this connection with each other
and like
there would be this trust that
like this acknowledgement that yeah we're just waiting

I don't know why someone else had to say what I already knew to give me that jolt of realisation, but gosh, Guin, you've no idea how many times you've saved my life.

It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap
It's time to try defying gravity

Went to church, finally. It was good to remember that He is always here with me, through everything I'm going through. Friends may come and go, but even if I don't feel His presence, He's always around. I guess it's hard to constantly rely on someone you can't see or feel (most of the time), but... yup. And it was good to remember that the plans he has for me plans to prosper me and give me hope and a bright future.

The things that happens along the way, though, are up to my will and my crazy decisions.

Darn, readership count falling HAHAHA

Omg wait. Readers from Greece, Bulgaria, Portugal??!?! Where's Bulgaria? People, if you're reading this, say something on my tagboard please!!

Or wait, maybe they're just the random advertising spammers.

Aug 6, 2010


I think God's given me enough signs to show me what He wants for me (or, rather, what he doesn't want for me).

But my heart rules my head.

God is an awesome God. Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayers. But I'm..... so disobedient.

But my heart rules my head.

Aug 4, 2010

Hello, do you come here much?

Someone just made a girl really happy today without even doing anything.


I love Livejournal for its privacy.


Aug 3, 2010

I love ELL

Teen sensation Humpty Dumpty reportedly suffered a terrible fall while doing a photoshoot for his latest album, Eggbeaten. Dumpty's photographer, Martin King, recounts, "Dumpty was climbing on a wall for a shot with one of my horses while I was changing my camera lenses. All of a sudden there was a loud crack. Yolk was spilling from his shell. It was horrible." Humpty Dumpty is reportedly in a state of shock. His doctor comments, "His ego has been shattered. King and his team have been trying to piece it back together again."

(Geddit??? All the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put Humpty together again...)

Aug 2, 2010

My first nap in the Council room :D :D :D

(but it was so awesome that I ended up hardly studying for the ELL test. I actually remembered all my stuff, it's just that I totally overestimated time and spent half an hour planning my essay, so I wrote really little.)

Finally, I've confirmed my I/Cs for my subcomm! I do hope everything works out for PR. I'll do all I can to make sure things go insanely awesomely. On Wednesday there's the student dialogue session - not as fun as I'd thought because the teachers are facilitating this time round - and our Council Voice will be up by next Monday (: FINALLY!

This is such a random post. I'm just happy!

Aug 1, 2010

Don't give a girl hope if you're gonna take it away

Oh, and to the guys who don't have the guts to confess: Grow some balls please.

I think allowing myself to feel has freed me. When I kept telling myself I had to get rid of it, I only became angrier with myself because it was something I couldn't get rid of. By telling myself that it's alright, it's natural, I give myself space to feel. And that's important. It keeps me from killing myself mentally. I'm learning to accept it, to accept myself and that this is how things are like. It's just a case of being seventeen.

I must learn to accept how you feel on the other side too, though. I guess I just don't understand how it could pass so quickly - a spur of the moment. But whatever. Boys will be boys, right?

"As you said, that was a dream. Now lock it away"

Gary says (12.42AM):
on behalf of all the guys, i apologise
we're pretty fickle-minded