My head's in a mess. Maybe it's because I hardly slept last night; I think it also has to do with the confusion you've put my heart through, the tears, 2am, 8am, swollen eyes twisted heart. Twisted because it keeps doing all these funny mega-somersaults - you toss it into the air and then it comes crashing down again - and it's too much and it's all knotted up now.
Saw my teacher in the canteen just now. I was in a daze. Couldn't register her questions, couldn't remember what time I went to bed. My answers were all slurry, my brain was in a whirl.
I'm barely conscious for goodness' sake. My brain's churning itself a funny purplish blue, my brain's tingling and whirring and I can't register my own thoughts. I want to write because writing clears my head, but I can't think of anything to write. I've got a couple of Econs essays I need to do. Looking at them makes me sleepy. The library is empty now, except for me and two juniors, a boy and a girl, dancers I think.
"Remember that time, last July, during our Econs lectures?"
I remember everything.
I'll learn to let go & appreciate every bit of glitter & be grateful & content & try not to
& be less selfish & know it's for the better & text you less & be glad you're
while i sit at home and reread your texts / go out with pals & try not to wish you were there
get myself a dose of strength