Aug 19, 2011

I am a flower quickly fading

Who am I, that the Lord of all the Earth would care to know my name, would care to feel my hurt? Who am I, that they eyes that see my sin would look on me with love, and watch me rise again? 
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea, would call out through the rain
and calm the storm in me.

I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow.
Still You hear me when I'm calling; Lord You catch me when I'm falling, and You've told me who I am - 
I am Yours.


That day, after he had said his piece, I just didn't know how to feel. Perhaps happiness was something my heart had hardened itself against, because pain always follows happiness - the higher I soar, the harder I fall. And I didn't know what to do.

So I went out to the empty living room and just prayed for quite some time. I just spoke in a language I didn't understand, let my heart, let the Spirit do the talking. I didn't know what to say, but God could read my heart all the same - no need for words. I found myself praying at first in confusion, and then for peace, and then in praise. And my heart was calmer.

And then I felt like I should go into my room and get my Bible out for a bit, but at my desk I reached for my daily devotions book instead. And - guess what - there was the picture of a dolphin.

Dolphins. It was like God was right there speaking to me. It struck me. The dolphin's significance to the 35th Students' Council is pretty huge - it's the only thing people remember about Abi's investiture speech, how we're all dolphins in a pod, always sticking together in love. There it was, the symbol of my life and passion in JC, and it was so relevant to my situation too.

The message was about how dolphins have been recorded to save humans out at sea, with their teamwork through their own form of communication, a language we don't understand. And when our emotions overcome us and we look to the Lord in prayer but not knowing where to begin, it doesn't really matter - with our cries, our inexplicable groans and cries (or, for those with the gift, with Tongues), the Holy Spirit converts our wordless prayers into speech for the Lord. And we don't have to rely on our knowledge of words - of English - to convey what we want to say to the Lord. Some emotions transcend human language, but God sees them all.

It isn't because of who I am or what I've done that you love me.
It's You, it's who You are, what You've done. And because it's about who You are, not me, You see my every sin, every weakness, every tear, and You still love me the same.

Human love is so imperfect, I've come to learn. So full of doubt and conditions and pain. Your love is perfect. Anyone who believes and chooses to commit himself to You receives Your full love. We can trust in it, pray in it, look to it in joy. We seek You in pain and in joy, but most in confusion, and Your love pours over us through it all.

You've seen everything. You know all about me. Every little detail. Things I'm afraid to tell others, the thoughts I'm afraid to show. And yet I don't have to doubt that Your love for me may falter, because it isn't because of who I am that You love me.

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