May 23, 2013

i find shelter in this way / under cover hide away

I'm very tempted to close in on myself. Just burrow into myself and crawl inside and stay there. A little shell, self-sufficient, there's no such thing as a hole only friends can fill. Nothing is important, because nothing really is, and you shouldn't deceive and disappoint yourself with all the hype about the latest big event or a friend's flourishing music career or trying to make the world a better place. Nothing is important, we are all only minuscule specks, and the world will cave in on itself one day. The friendships you form are insignificant because it's all only in your mind, they have their own lives, you try to break into them but you always fall far behind. You might as well not try - it leaves for less heartbreak. You do nice things for people and people say thank you but you don't even deposit as much as a seed. You look at yourself one day and you realise the person you've become; if you were to step out of yourself and observe you, you'd hate you.

Burrow, burrow, the world looks like a pretty place but you detached yourself from it a long time ago, and it will never satisfy you. Once in a while you stick your arm out and try to grab at something, hoping it's real, hoping it'll grab back, but it never does. You're left with an arm outstretched into the dark, as you wait.

Haven't you learnt already.

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