Jan 27, 2012

there's no use trying

Forbidden chests remain locked for a reason. The thrill of discovering a wealth of gold and all you've ever wanted gives you a surge of inexplicable joy. You let your need for this joy overcome your common sense and before you know it you're picking at the lock, carefully lifting the heavy lid.

So what if we won't last forever, so what if she's too pretty and smart to be mine for long. I'll do anything just to have her for a few weeks, the boy thinks as he picks the lock, too excited, too excited for that one girl, ignoring God's warning that they were never meant to be.

He finally breaks open the lock, that barrier that has been keeping him from his goal for so long. He looks inside and is overwhelmed by paradise. The treasures sing out to him, beckoning, the mask of heaven concealing their curse. The sweet aroma of indulgence intoxicates him. For weeks, months, he dives into a golden world, one that was never his to be.

But God has his ways, too. What was never meant to be yours will eventually be taken away from you somehow, and when he is finally banished once again from that fantasy land, his soul falls apart. Why, he screams in rage. Why, when everything was so perfect. We were made for each other, I just know it.

But it wasn't perfect. It was missing the one element that makes everything truly perfect: God.

When He locks up a treasure chest, we have to accept that only His way will ever prevail.

Jan 25, 2012

in doubt

"The Bible was not written to tell us what God CAN do. The Bible is here to tell us what God WILL do."
- Reinhard Bonnke


Jan 23, 2012

a deeper burn mark

This time, she cries not for what could have been, but for the delusion she had been living in all along, fitting you into the oversized tee of the person you were in her mind. She cries for the silences and distances that she had always overlooked, almost too readily forgotten. They come back now. She weeps for all the tears she had shed before, in her bed, on the train, in the classroom, her heart knotted in lovesick turmoil, not realising then that this was never what love should be. She trembles at the realisation that it was never meant to be, the realisation that had always been a tiny little voice somewhere at the back of her mind that spoke up whenever an ominous sign showed itself, like dark warnings out of a storybook, that she laughed at and threw aside. She cries for how she gave her all so willingly, so desperately, all for a glimmer of you. How she abandoned all emotional sanity and let herself be Antoinette, that pathetic string puppet, being tugged swayed flung by your every move, every word, even when you had never intended to touch the doll. She hates herself for the glass heart that she herself willingly let drop, for the shattered pieces that she now trods on every now and then as she attempts to fix the crystal of life back together.

if you're feeling the way i am now

"God is there! See what He will do! It is intriguing to see how He beats the devil, shields you from the tornado, and gets you through when you face a brick wall. Don’t forget – He is there. ‘I am with you.’ Whatever you are, faithless, troubled, or downhearted – He is not. His moods don’t go up and down with your moods. He is constant, and being what He is, He will do what He will do. You will be ashamed afterwards for not looking to Him, for exposing your doubt. He will act for you anyway."
- Reinhard Bonnke

Jan 12, 2012

For potential ACJC students

Before I came into ACJC, I didn't really have the best impression of it. I had the idea that it was full of rich snobs. Well the former is a little true - there are some pretty rich people, although you'll find far more in ACSI - but the latter is not. Any apprehension I had about the school vanished on day one. Orientation was a m a z i n g and we continue to uphold our legendary reputation. A lot of J1s from other JCs come to our school for orientation, and when asked why, they reply 'don't you know? AC's orientation is the best!' :') Of course, Orientation's only the beginning, but it's very significant, a great display of our school spirit.
(T'was great being a part of it. Writing the Orientation booklet, being an OGL. YAY COUNCIL.)

Check out the Youtube videos of ACJC Orientation 2011. Morgen's walk-in dance was the bomb. My Orientation 2010/2011 blog posts can be found here.

I experienced a strong school spirit first in Crescent, of warmth, love and family. AC's spirit is of fiery passion, fierce love, unity. It's infectious and loud; it courses through our veins. My advice: during Orientation mass rally sessions where everyone cheers like mad, give it your all, even when you're tired and thirsty and dying.

One thing about AC that stands out is that you take out of this journey whatever you want to gain. During Orientation, be insanely enthusiastic and dare to plunge into adventure and madness, and you'll get the most rewarding experience. When I came to AC, I decided that I'd no longer be the emo girl I was in Crescent. No longer would I sit alone during recess, leading an unsatisfactory life, looking at the people with whom I wished to be friends. In AC, I decided that I'd go all out to make each day the best that it could be. I spoke up, volunteered to be OG Rep / Class Rep, loved the mass dances and school anthem, made great friends. It worked.

Alternatively, if you'd rather lead the easy life, not bothering to make the most of this, that's what you'll get, too. You have to work hard at anything to get what you want, but the results never disappoint. Don't choose a less taxing CCA just because you want to go home early every day. Plunge yourself into the deep end. Go for things that interest you, even if - especially if - they're strenuous and heavy activities. Or at the very least, try to be as involved in your activities as possible. It is through this that you gain the most rewarding experience. It is through a CCA that involves passion, commitment and perseverance that you find your family.

For some, it's in the performing arts groups, like the Dance Society - any Dancer will tell you that it was through the late-night, exhausting Bailamos / SYF practice sessions that the strongest bonds were formed. For some, it's in sports groups, like Netball. For me, the Students' Council transformed me, and it was the highlight of my life.

Previously, I had never wanted to join the Council. In secondary school I looked upon the Council a little cynically, like how everyone else does. I guess I put my name down in AC because I wanted to make the best of my time here. I went in with little more than burning passion and dedication, and these qualities got me incredibly far. Endless Council work? Three-hour meetings? Insane decision-making moments? Council was an exhausting journey, but that's what made it so amazing. In a 'heavy' CCA, you'll find yourself spending more time in school than at home, arriving in school before the sun rises and leaving after it sets. But trust me. The more you give, the more you receive, and what you receive will be priceless. You'll find yourself a fierce passion, and that's what makes the AC spirit what it is.

Soon, you'll find the people who will never leave your side, who will never make you feel like you're worth any less than who you are. You'll find the people who will always rush over to dry your tears when you need to cry. You'll find the people with whom you share a common strong passion, be it for singing, soccer or photography. You will also push yourself to achieve things you never thought possible, realise the importance of integrity and tenacity, do some amazing things. All you have to do is take a step forward.

P.S. ELL is an amazing subject. Contact me for more info. Email or something.
P.P.S. If anyone actually saw the iMovie video they were screening at the corner in the Hub during the Open House...that was the first time I used iMovie! Council. Brought a lot of first-times.

Jan 7, 2012

and lonelier than ever

As she walks in she's greeted by darkness and smoke and rapidly flashing green lights all around and deafening music whose beats pulsate through her skin, throbbing. Her pals drag her along and demand 'the strongest one' and she goes through the routine, three rounds of bitter fire. Before she knows it she is the song itself, it fills her head, the beat is all she knows, all she knows. She's cursing some guy's name, she can't remember who or why but it feels good just to curse it over and over again, laughter mixed with angry shouts. Soon she's light and happy like there's helium all around.

She knows everyone here, yet knows no one, only that crazy beat. It takes a while before she realises that she's in the arms of a superstar, and all she wants is to say did you know i love you? Suddenly as his hand slides down her back she feels the tingles all over and she needs, she needs to feel his body against hers, the warmth she knows. She presses hard against him and it's all that resounds in her head, the music and the friction, her superstar boy. That look he gives her just as their lips meet, like a signal, it gets her crazy. His hand's under her skirt, picking at her underwear -

suddenly it flashes through her mind. Him. That pudgy-nosed guy with one slightly chipped tooth and soft features, that soft smile, that soft gaze. There's something about imperfection that's so beautiful. Suddenly she remembers why she was cursing his name.

She draws away abruptly. Her heart grows cold. This stranger can't give her what she needs. You can't find love in a club. The physical touch is only a poor disguise; the mask falls off too soon and by the time you realise it's not what you were looking for it's too late. The next day you'll realise what was taken from you and the loneliness coulds you over again.


She needs to escape this monster that threatens to eat her up again but it catches up as soon as she falls to the ground that still threatens to tip her over. She feels the monster tackle her like a powerful force and reach right into her body to wrench out her heart. He leaves it on the floor beside her, covered in blood and tears.