You don't know this, but I see you

and I see your feelings, I see your angst

I'm proud of you for the first half of your angst. As for the second half, one day

these people will see the light at the end of the unendingly long tunnel they've lost themselves in.

You'll know why things are as such now. And I love you for all you've told me without realising.

A lot of us lost our way in that long tunnel in the beginning. I was fine with it - maybe Crescent Dance trained me to respect and not question and respect; not necessarily a good thing, but it keeps one out of trouble or feelings of resentment - you don't resent when you respect. I used to think my seniors weren't as human as I was - always expected them to be flawless, perfect. Even my OGLs - I guess I sort of expected them to always embody the perfect set of values and all. I've changed since then - learnt that even the seniors are normal people like me - but I remember how that felt, and the disappointment when I realised they weren't superhuman after all.

But you're different, of course.

And I still love you all the same, or more, and I still have faith, and it'd be good to have a cry right now but it's not with too heavy a heart. I'd love to go up to you and have a truthful chat or give you a big hug and cry but I know I'm not the person to do it - someone else, who understands this less than I do, will have to do the job of telling you to pull through, while I restrain myself from being heard. Distance myself, be nothing more than

me.

I'm not questioning my decision from the start to push you, because I know

you will see the light at the end.