Sometimes, we like to dwell in emoness

From the song in my previous post:
我寂寞寂寞就好
这时候谁都别来安慰 拥抱
就让我一个人去痛到受不了
伤到 快疯掉 死不了就还好

我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用来我回忆里 微笑

Just leave me alone to hurt until I can't bear with the pain anymore.

....it sounds so much better in Mandarin, really.

I really like this line: 你真的不用来我回忆里微笑.

The English language is just so limited when it comes to expressing stuff. And that's really bad for me, because writing is the one thing I have a passion for. I wish I were more proficient in Mandarin.

There's a certain something I frequently indulge in. I like to withdraw into my own thoughts and drown in bittersweet memories and thoughts of things that will never happen - let my mind wander and my heart wrench. It's painfully depressing most of the time, and I guess it isn't a good thing. I love to think about things that would make my heart soar with sweetness and crush in the agony of reality at the same time.

And I'm quite sure I'm not the only one who does it, although I'm probably the only one who can't help herself from daydreaming and thinking about things like these in the examination hall.

Anyway, I used to wonder why. I used to wonder why some songs talked about wanting to hurt and loving the feeling. I used to wonder why sometimes I purposely listen to songs that would make my imagination soar with love and my heart ache. It finally hit me today: it's precisely because it's bittersweet.

The sweeter these thoughts get, the more it hurts. You can't separate one from the other, and that's why by getting addicted to the sweetness, you're also hurting yourself internally. I could be thinking of being with a certain boy. In my mind, that would be sweet, but the sweeter the thought gets, the lonelier I feel; the sweeter my imaginary world is, the more the absence of it is felt in the reality that grabs at me.

I recall the first week of June - the days we spent in the theatre in particular - like it were yesterday, but if it weren't for you being a part of those memories, it would probably only be nothing more than a blur in my mind. I bet you don't remember all that I still do.

(Off to Livejournal to emo in detail)