There's always a way out

While singing praise and worship songs with the cell group yesterday, God hit me with a realisation. You know how I've been moaning so long about my life and wishing a lot of things were different? Like, I wish I never had to quit Dance, that I'd get to participate in Bailamos again. And sometimes I wish a particular person would say something - I keep looking back at the days we spent in the theatre, that night we sneaked into the school. Council is taking its toll on me; so much to do, so little time, potential huge problems I see with what is supposed to be helping me.

And I realised how much God is helping me in this. Yes, Council's a huge responsibility and so are my studies; I've got to learn to manage both. And without Dance, I've got one less commitment. I used to be so unable to take the idea of leaving Dance without doing Bailamos a second time - I was only in a third of an item this time round, and it was a fantastic experience. I think performing both for the Judo finals and Teachers' Day gave me a good closure. Now I can put all my energy into Council and my studies. I once resented the idea of having to leave - now I've accepted it and I'm grateful for it.

And about the second thing - although I'm struggling with myself by saying this, I'm actually very, very grateful that nothing has happened. And nothing probably ever will, and I'll be grateful for that too. If anything starts, it could also end. And the ending is never good. If anything goes wrong, it'd be hell all over again. If the heart doesn't soar, it can't fall. So the only way to prevent that fall is to stop it from soaring. Oh, I see a lot of potential problems and the great likeliness of things turning out badly.

I'll just leave it all in my heart, and I'm thankful because I was once in your heart too. I'm grateful that you gave me the chance to live a dream. More than once.

People are greedy. We tend to want more and more. But when you stop and think about what you already have, you realise how lucky you've been, and how lucky you are to have had all that. I'm thankful for everything you've given me. It was great, being able to experience all that with you, and I should stop wanting more - any more and things will have the potential to turn out badly. And then it'd be horrible. It's probably good that things stop when they're going well - there'd be no chance for hurt now, because nothing has technically begun.

It's like a journey up a mountain. I'm halfway up. If I reach the peak, I could come tumbling down hard. I'd die. Staying at the halfway mark doesn't seem too appealing - I'm getting nowhere, and I don't get the satisfaction of being at the top. There's a lot of suspense - you'd anticipate reaching the peak. But it actually could be the best thing that the halfway mark lasts forever.