Jason talked to me today

 Jason said he and Xiao Xuan felt that although I'm the furthest away from the CG physically (when I can't go for fellowship at all, and I can't go for services, and I can't even go for CG sometimes, and I can never meet up with the CG members), I'm also the closest spiritually or something like that. Jason said he can see my thirst for God and my willingness to know more about him and to do what I can for the CG.

That's really nice of him, and very encouraging for me, because even he as a CG leader notices these little things. 

But then there were also the depressing things, like about the 3 of them and his problems. I feel really depressed hearing it. And I know that if I were to join in the CG and go for services more, he would realise I'm like that too, because I'm the most unsociable person out of the 4 of us and I never really have things to say to people, there are always a lot of awkward moments and I generally don't like mixing with people lah.

Jason told me something scary. It scared me, anyway. It's especially scary because it came from my CG leader, and it could very well be a "prophesy" (Hahaha), something God told him. And if it's really true, if the prediction is real.. I'm afraid you guys will fall away from God. 

I'm really really really really really afraid of that. I don't want you guys to fall from God ever, unless I know that you'll come back spiritually stronger. But there's no telling, and I'm afraid to lose you guys as my sisters in Christ, because I love you guys so much.

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I feel really encouraged because of what he told me.

Then again, it set me thinking, and I realise it's been something I've realised long ago.

Ask yourselves, people: Why do you go for CG/service?

Is it to meet up with friends? Is it because it's really fun? 

Do you still think about God and really love him after the CG/service? Like, on a normal day where everything seems dull, or when you're really tempted to do something that's against God?

If your new CG had nobody you knew, would you still go?

Do you go for CG because you genuinely, truly want to improve your relationship with God?

I think that's the most important question to think about, because it determines how faithful/passionate for God you really are.

This... is a church in Africa.

And I feel that the people most worthy of respect are people who praise God even though they might even get prosecuted for it, like in China some time ago. Doesn't that reflect true faith? Not giving up in your pursuit for God even when you know you're all alone in your faith and might even get jailed for it. These are the people who truly love God. I cannot say I would ever live up to that kind of faith, but we should all try our best, shouldn't we?

Well, if you didn't know anyone who was a Christian and you constantly got condemned for your religion, and church was nothing more than a boring old building, would you still go? Would your faith for God still be.. there, let alone strong?