Mar 29, 2009

I'm in the midst of doing my JJ Concert & Kbox event blog post

I'm here in my room, alone emotionally, and you guys are there, watching touching videos and listening to touching stories and bonding and singing and being where I want to be.
Not just physically, but in terms of achievement too.

That life I wanted to lead, that dream I wanted to realise. You guys have gotten it, I'm now nothing more than a friend in the background who's trying to catch up so she won't fall too far behind. I hope that although I won't be able to be with you guys for a very long time, you won't forget me and I won't become an irritating extra who tries to tag along and blend in.

You guys promise it won't happen, but nobody knows. Nobody. You may say it now but it'd be a miracle if it doesn't happen.

Well, it used to be the four of us. Maybe now it still is, a little. We were like strong covalent-bonded H2O2 molecules, and I'm an O, who was with you guys and we formed Hydrogen peroxide. You guys don't see how any of us can break apart from this bond because well, we're Hydrogen peroxide! But now my bond is getting weaker and weaker, and eventually you guys will just be H2O and I'll just be a lonely O ion, and you'll realise you formed a perfect water molecule and I was just an extra atom that got in the way.
Yah lah damn lame example. But that's how I see it.

I know you guys will convince me this won't happen. But no matter how hard I try, there definitely will be a distance. When we stop intermediate lessons, when I can no longer go for OB, when I can't meet up with you guys, when I can't go online as much as I used to, we'll slowly lose contact. And when I finish my O's and come back, there'd be so much I missed out on that it'd be impossible to get our old feelings back together again. It won't be the same.


Have fun reaching for your dreams. I'll be supporting you all the way. Live my dream for me too. The dream I never got to achieve.

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