Nov 19, 2013

How To Be A Knight

0: Get insane.
In short, our gentleman became so caught up in reading...his brains dried up, causing him to lose his mind.
when his mind was completely gone, he had the strangest thought any lunatic in the world ever had, which was that it seemed reasonable and necessary to him, both for the sake of his honour and as a service to the nation, to become a knight errant and travel the world with his armour and his horse to seek adventures and engage in everything he had read that knights errant engaged in...

1: Get your armour.
And the first thing he did was to attempt to clean some armour that had belonged to his great-grandfathers...out of the pastebaord he fashioned a kind of half-helmet that, when attached to the headpiece, took on the appearance of a full sallet. It is true that in order to test that if it was strong and could withstand a blow, he took out his sword and struck it twice, and with the first blow he undid in a moment what had taken him a week to create...
he made another one, placing strips of iron on the inside so that he was satisfied with its strength; and not wanting to put it to the test again, he designated and accepted it as an extremely fine sallet.

2: Get a good name.
he spent another eight days pondering this, and at last he called himself Don Quixote...
In any event, recalling that the valiant Amadis had not been content with simply calling himself Amadis but had added the name of his kingdom and realm in order to bring it game, and was known as Amadis of Gaul, he too, like a good knight, wanted to add the name of his birthplace to his own, and he called himself Don Quixote of La Mancha, thereby, to his mind, clearly stating his lineage and country and honouring it by making it part of his title.

3: Get a lady.
Having cleaned his armour and made a full helmet out of a simple headpiece, and having given a name to his horse and decided on one for himself, he realised that the only thing left for him to do was to find a lady to love...
He said to himself: "If with a giant somewhere...and defeat him, would it not be good to have someone to whom I could send him so that he might enter and fall to his knees before my sweet lady, and say in the humble voice of surrender: "I, lady, am the giant Caraculiambro, lord of the island Malindrania, defeated in single combat by the never sufficiently praised knight Don Quixote of La Mancha, who commanded me to appear before your ladyship, so that your highness might dispose of me as you chose"?"
It is believed that in a nearby village there was a very attractive peassant girl with whom he had once been in love, although she, apparently, never knew or noticed. Her name was Aldonza Lorenzo, and he thought it a good idea to call her the lady of his thoughts...

4: Get going.
he did not wish to wait any longer to put his thought into effect, impelled by the great need in the world that he believed was caused by his delay, for there were evils to undo, wrongs to right, injustices to correct...
Then he resumed speaking as if he truly were in love: 
"O Princess Dulcinea, mistress of this captive heart! Thou hast done me grievous harm in bidding me farewell and reproving me with the harsh affliction of commanding that I not appear before thy sublime beauty. May it please thee, Señora, to recall this thy subject heart, which suffers countless trials for the sake of thy love."

HAHA Don Quixote is such a hilarious read

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