Effortless

Everyone knows someone who's just effortlessly perfect.

And, I mean, it's easy to dismiss and ignore someone who's perfect in all the superficial ways, but when someone comes along who is perfect, yet broken, yet her brokenness makes her even more beautiful and perfect - like a porcelain cup broken and even more exquisite when it's fixed back together with all its imperfections - how are you supposed to feel?

I know somebody who is perfect. She is extremely beautiful in every single way, in every intricacy, and every imperfection makes her even more beautiful because she is. She is beautiful and she doesn't even need to try, or see the need to. See, the thing is she isn't even trying to be beautiful but it spills out of her anyway. She is beautiful, she is a kitten you want to pick up and protect; she is a jewel that becomes more brilliant the closer you look at it.

And she is broken, and her personality is made even more deep and beautiful. She is a perfect human being in her joy and her pain and the strength that emerges. She is perfect in the strength of her values. Virtues. And everything comes her way because she is so effortlessly perfect inside and out and even when things don't go her way she's beautiful and perfectly perfect anyhow. She is beautiful and she is full of the purest love and what do you do when you meet someone so beautiful?

Sometimes I find myself angry. Sometimes I ask myself why she is so perfect right to the very depths of her heart. And then does that make me a monster? She's so beautiful and she oozes nothing but love and my anger makes me a horrible monster.

No one can think anything negative towards her because she is so beautiful and perfect and full of love and care, and I personally think she is the most beautiful, brokenly perfectly beautiful human being I have ever met. Well, no. There's another one I have always considered the most beautiful, and they're pretty similar in many ways. What differentiates this girl from her, and all the others?

Maybe it's also the quietness, the gentleness of spirit that says she doesn't know how beautiful she is, and doesn't know how to use it. There is a beautiful confidence, but also a river of calm, of tranquil humility that does not want to show this beauty to the world.

I think it's the effortlessness in everything she does. She doesn't try to be beautiful in the things she does or the way she looks but she is perfect that way. And every ounce of beauty that spills from her eyes and her smile and her art is nothing more than a trail on the floor because she has so much of it she doesn't realise how special it is. She doesn't try to make a big deal out of any of these things, and her incredible talents are nothing much to her. Maybe what makes her even more beautiful is the fact that she doesn't treat the things of hers as if they are. The rest of us, we have our one silver coin and we treasure and polish it and it is our one prize. She, she leaves these trails of diamonds wherever she goes and you wouldn't even see it unless you stooped down and peered, and you pick up these amazing things in your hand and go "why would anyone treat this heck of a gem like that? it's beautiful, it ought to be up for display" but she has so much of them everywhere and she doesn't even notice or care.

The rest of us clamber for even the glimpses of this beauty, while we still cling on to our one silver coin.

Maybe it's the way everything gravitates towards her, and how she is so beautiful, yet so virtuous. She is everything beautiful you would expect of a girl. Most beautiful girls only have it in the superficial sense, or only in the inner and the virtuous sense, but she has it all. She has it all because she is so beautifully broken.

How is one supposed to feel?

Here I was, not wanting to think anymore, not wanting to try to decipher my own thoughts, but then she popped into my mind and I haven't cried this hard in some time. If she reads this, I don't even want her to know it is her, because I know how bad she'll feel and how confused she'll get and it has nothing to do with her; I'm the monster; and she is so beautiful and so vulnerable and broken yet perfect and nobody would ever want to cause her any hurt.

What now?