Jul 12, 2013


Everything about you is alive and happy and confident and you don't feel a tad out of place in this society that tramples, condescends, makes one feel unworthy -
you are oblivious. The world's snides, and those within ourselves - everyone must have a dose of self-condemnation deep within - they are little needles of arrows shot only at your feet. You are above it all, oblivious, obliviously beautiful.

Yet I cannot fathom it. I cannot understand how you see the beauty within yourself. It is not an arrogant confidence; it's a knowing, full, confident confidence. One that brightens. Makes better. I do not understand it. The mystery of your life is what you base your confidence upon, and it is what I must learn.

My confidence cannot be based on my looks, my chattiness, my intellect, my competence, my heart or anything conditional. Maybe that's the reason I always feel inferior. I try to put a gauge on myself, but I always fall short. It's not about what I am. It's not even about the degree of my relationship with my Creator, because that's still dependent on me.

We are all beautiful, good, intriguing beings, all created, all loved, all created out of love. The challenge of our lives is basing our identity, confidence and all that we are on who He is.

Yet you are not the sort, and you intrigue me. I want to know how you find your confidence; how your aura is perfect, brilliant, warm, comforting. You don't appear to have any sense of self-inferiority, of vulnerability. You know who you are and you are satisfied, you are not jealous or regretful or wistful. I don't understand. You intrigue me and I want to understand it. I want to understand you.

(Future me: If you forget who this is, Kevin knows)

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