Jun 13, 2011

and you say as you strum that ukulele

But I only know a side of you, as do all the others. We all only know bits and pieces of your life, but never really the full picture. I don’t know the other people and things that make up your life, and it’s like we see different parts of you from different angles but never see you as a whole. I only know this little part of you; who’s to say the rest of your story won’t kill me?

"I’ve seen your vulnerability and all that’s within. The way you cry and try to cling on. Your life is drama, a dangerous thread you walk upon; it keeps some away, those who don’t know what to do when you lose yourself in your fragility. I know your pain, your fire.

I am not afraid.

Let me into your ring of flames. I can handle it. I’ll calm it, soothe it, give you peace. I’m not afraid of your dangerous vulnerability, like shards of distraught broken glass that threatens searing pain. I’ll learn your ways. Let me in."

You think you’ve seen all there is to know –
Welcome to a new world. A world of bleeding drama and black tears, of desperation. It’s my world, my world, like a dark, burning room. Your world’s too boring; a world you take in with your senses, not by intuitive energy. You think you’re prepared; I’ll show you, I’ll slowly let you into my little tragic room. I’m a helpless, dependent, frail doll. Slowly, I will learn to trust you, to let you hold me in the palm of your hand and control my every move. I surrender my heart, my screams, my tears to you. Vow not to drop me.

You’ve seen it before, you know, the times I broke down, shouting at the walls because I didn’t understand what he was trying to say. You’ve witnessed it, thought I was going mad, got annoyed because I refused to calm down. Because I let him take over my emotions and actions without him ever realising. Every little thing he said or did – or didn’t say or do – could send my heart soaring or crashing. Could send me back to the little dusty corner in the little room, pocketful of tears to burn. You’ve seen it happen.You know what he did to me, what anyone could do to me.

Now you’re willing to take that plunge.

Welcome to my world.

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