I see it, I see it

and I freaking want to die.

I don't know how some people live with a conscience like that. It's revolting. I really want to take it all back. Remove the good times and the hurt that followed. It should never have happened. I don't know what else to do, or say.

Eff this shit lah. I hate this. Hurting someone is worse than being hurt.

Well I don't completely know how I feel either, but I'll try to analyze it accurately. I feel comfortable with you. I really, really like who you are as a person. You're very sweet and thoughtful. I do think of texting and meeting you, and back there I wanted to be around you too. But I think I see you as more of a brother. A really sweet brother, and someone I'd like to get to know better. I think I'm trying to push myself to like you, but some things just won't work if you push it. Someday I'd like to be able to hold your hand and hug you, but know that you don't treat me as any more than a sister or good friend. I'm uncomfortable with knowing that you have feelings for me in that way because I am the cause of your hurt, and I don't want to hurt you. Yeah.. to me you're a really sweet bro, but I don't want to think of us as more than that. But when you hold my hand and stuff, I feel cared for.