Oct 9, 2010

With all the emotional turmoil you've caused me

in the past Heaven-knows-how-many-months

you ought to... I don't know. You ought to know what it feels like. Somebody ought to know what it feels like. I think all my listening ears have grown tired of my ranting about you. It's intense.

You've killed my heart far too many times for me to trust you. But me and my helplessness - I'll probably give you my soul, knowing I'm letting you let you crush it easily. And I'll die. But I'm probably too helpless to save myself from it now anyway. From you.

It already feels like torment to me, and nothing's even begun, really. If it really happened - and it really ended - I'll just die. Not literally, but literal enough.

People say I'm too negative, too concerned over the pain to dare to try and reach for happiness. But it's because the pain hurts so, so, much. Like now. I just can't focus on ELL, that's why I'm pouring this out out here. What if I let myself go and it all comes crushing back down on me one day? My life is screwed.

I need pills to cure emotional instability. Permanently. Recommendations, anyone?

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