Says John Lennon,

Imagine all the people living life in peace

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one

After Math I came home and slept for six and a half hours. Woke up at dinnertime, panicked and went to Starbucks to do some hardcore mugging for ELL; got a Caramel Frapp, followed by flavoured Earl Grey. Coffee doesn't work on me so I thought tea wouldn't either. I bought the tea at 11pm. Very bad choice.

Ended up getting less than 3 hours' sleep for a 3 hour paper. Whatever, I miraculously stayed very alert throughout. Thank you God.

Pau, Mingtow and I watched Devil; we went into the cinema late, it was dark and we were feeling a little frightened while going in. And then there was this sudden loud thud and we immediately shrieked and grabbed one another when the rest of the cinema was silent HAHA that must have been the most epic moment of the day.

Devil was okay. Looking back, it actually was quite a lame show. Then again, most of the time I was blocking my vision with my cardigan, so I wouldn't really know. Never have I said the f-word so many times in one and a half hours. I guess horror movies aren't really my thing.

It was kinda fun though. Watching the movie, I mean, not the swearing. It was a pretty lame show in the end and I'm not too afraid of gory stuff so I won't be having trouble sleeping tonight.

Alright, enough of one of those lame blog posts where you tell people how your day went.

It's just... today was a good day. I realised, when Binkai asked me how life was, that I hadn't replied with 'Good' and really meant it in a very long time.

Today was a good day. I really did have a good time with close friends who are genuine - there are very, very few people I really don't feel pressurised around at all, pressurised to hide certain feelings or hold conversations or keep up an image of who the other person perceives me to be.

And I had a small heart-to-heart talk with Mingtow - hthts are always refreshing - and I didn't feel like I was withholding any part of myself today.

No, actually, come to think of it, it's more like today was the first time in a very, very long while that I felt okay. Somehow, although you were still very much on my mind, I felt alright - no hurt or heartbreak or anger, which was strange. Today, I accepted that you don't feel anything for me anymore, and somehow I'm fine with it. And I'm actually totally alright with it being this way. This is the first time I'm saying it that I actually truly mean it. Usually, there'd still be that pang in my heart, that desire to delude myself - no, usually I'm in that delusion.

I don't want to get into anything that will cause me immense hurt later on, especially if it comes before the A's. So I'm grateful that you don't feel anything anymore; if you did, and things ran out of hand, I'd fall into that trap of sweetness, knowing that a torturous death awaits, but being too far deep in love to care.

It's been a very long time since I've felt almost nothing towards you. No surge of hope or happiness, no pang of hurt or anger. I didn't think it'd be possible.

Today your texts became friendlier again, and a little longer, a little more willing to chat, and I'm happy. They're still completely different from the texts you used to send me, and these are completely platonic and maybe even a little distant, but they're friendlier. And I'm hoping it'll stay like that.

Today, for the first time, I'm actually... okay with the current situation, with how you feel (or how you don't feel) about me and where we are as friends.

I wonder what tomorrow will be like.