Heartbreakers

Hey there Delilah what's it like in New York City?

I'm a thousand miles away but girl, tonight you look so pretty, yes you do

Times Square can't shine as bright as you, I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl, someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good, we'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

I picture your desperate, tear-streaked face and your hands cupping my face making me promise we'd be together forever. Well that was a long time ago.

Gosh, I look back at my Livejournal entries - the F-word-filled, hateful posts - and I get scared of myself. The post-relationship me was an angry, angry one. It's a harsh reminder of the consequences of teen love.

HEY, ANYONE WANNA GO STUDY WITH ME ON THURSDAY? Sms me!

Had a little chat with Sumay today. I spoke like a complete airhead because one thing I said didn't seem to link to the other - I'd talk about one situation and jump to another and it'd sound like I was just trying to tell her about every insignificant second of my life - but then I realised that's how we talk to each other when we're talking about our lives. To an outsider it'd seem like we're complete idiots who can't structure a speech properly but it's because insignificant as it seems, it matters. It's only when I'm talking to her that I express myself like that - all over the place, no links. Funny.

Gosh Sumay you have no idea how much I love you. Childhood friends FTW (L)

"Lady Gaga's music is the Panadol for my heart.
When I blast it loud, it blocks all my unhappy thoughts out, pushes them all to the little corner at the back of my mind. I know they're still there, and they try to come out of their little corner, but the beats of the dance songs flood my mind temporarily. Being blank is better than being emo, right? I can't listen to slow songs, or even worse, Chinese songs, because they'd kill me.

Then when I come home and switch on my computer, I read what you have to say, and I start crying all over again. All over again.

I don't want to do this. But I need strength. If I go back to you, it means I don't have the strength to do what I should do. If I go back to you, I'll just continue hurting you again and again and again and it'd be a cycle that'd never end. I don't want to keep hurting you anymore. I gotta stop being so selfish for once.

If I go back to you, I'll feel loved again." (12 July)