Mar 13, 2010

Piano theory exam tomorrow!! D:

Had an awesomely fun time at PE today but since I've unplugged my external hard disk drive and put it back in the living room and it's 2.15am and I'm taking my music theory exam in less than 12 hours' time I'll leave the blogging about it to some other time.

I'm so unprepared. I'm still failing or barely passing my theory practice papers. Pray for me!

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And I just remembered I said I'd post up my essay on Mirrors a long time ago. Thinking about it reminds me of the time I broke down in class when I saw an sms from you not long after we broke up. It was around then that I wrote Mirrors anyway, so the essay is almost entirely about my feelings at that time. I guess that's why Mrs Rupa said that when she read it out to 4C2 she was "holding back tears". It's also probably why a 4C2-er commented that my emotions described in the essay felt so real. They were. Mrs Rupa and that schoolmate wouldn't have been touched by my essay had it not been based on my personal experience because I don't really write well. It's just that I use words to express what I'm feeling. The words were real, alive. Some people express themselves through dance or singing and you can feel it. You feel their emotions being unlocked and pouring out. That's why my friends who don't even remotely like JJ cried listening to Bu Liu Lei De Ji Chang.

It's almost like as if all your emotions are a thick, colourful liquid and you extract all the liquid from your body and put it all in a jar. You feel numb, dry, but your feelings are actually still very much alive. And then when you engage in something you're passionate for - dancing, singing, the piano - that entire jar of liquid emotions is poured into it and the liquid just overflows, floods the room, washes over the audience. That real rush of emotions is what makes what you're passionate for come alive as you do it. I'm a boring person; I use words. I don't know what other people think of my emo / thinking posts and I know I have the vocabulary range of a toddler but this is the only way I truly express myself.

Anyway, Mirrors. I'll type it out by the end of the March holidays. Not that anyone else cares but I want to do this for myself. It's a summary of one of the lowest points of my life and I want it to be on this blog since my blog's my diary. I don't want to keep pushing this back until I realise I've lost my essay.

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