Jan 17, 2010

Maybe I'm trying too hard

Maybe I'm not trying at all, therefore I unknowingly willingly seclude myself from the rest of the world when I actually wish I were a part of it.




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I keep complaining and saying I wish you would include me, make me feel like a part of it and all, and then when it actually happens I want out.

Common sense is telling me that I should just leave the friends who mean so much to me but continuously make me feel depressed over the slightest matters because I'm so over-sensitive and overly suspicious due to my low self-esteem. The more I like and want something, the more depressed and overly-sensitive I get if I don't feel a sense of security about it. I'm afraid I'll lose it.

And then I should devote my life to making friends online and strengthening my close friendship with Sumay and perhaps studying and having no life.

Some things are telling me we aren't made to be.

I just wish I had the courage.


Seeing the four of you all at once just kills me. I don't like willingly subjecting myself to emotional torture. Yet I can't refuse. I'm not allowed to.


I walk into a world full of friends but my heart feels lonely.

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