Not for anyone else to read because I know it's me in the wrong. So if you aren't S, don't read it.
Just to remind yourself of what you said when I said I needed hope:
"Fuck you don't get it ok? Fuck I'm trying to let you understand but you don't and I am fucking tired of being your fucking boyfriend. I am a fucking bastard. I am fucking emotional and when I cry you don't even fucking know. Cb. You don't and will never understand why I cut myself at all! All you do is tell me to stop.. You don't even know what casues more pain to me.. YOU ARE A FUCKING BITCH. YEAH. DON'T THANK ME. YOU ARE MOST WELCOME."
I don't see why I deserve this when I told you I've lost hope.
Along with the previous "I hate you"s, "I feel like beating you up", "Get lost", and the rest,
I'm sorry. Please be stronger, so that I can tell you how I feel without hurting you.
It's irritating to always have to hide what I really want to say from you because I'm afraid of hurting you. And I still do anyway.
I know it's because you love me that you get hurt like this. But seriously, be stronger. Love yourself a little more; have a little self-pride.