Apr 3, 2014

starting with the man in the mirror

A couple of days ago, I saw myself reflected in the tears of a fifteen-year-old. I told her that sometimes we like to think that our lives will straighten out in a couple of years; give it some time, and we will find better people, we will have a better time. But often these problems are actually within ourselves. And if we don't find a way to resolve the whirlwind inside us, the problems will never end. We will never find that relief.

It's like you're constantly trekking through tough terrain, your bare feet getting blistered and cut, and the only hope you can cling on to is that the ground will be less harsh on you eventually. But maybe it never will, and your feet will always hurt. What you can do is put some shoes on, do something within your power rather than wait for better things to come.

No, I'm not there yet. I'm still working on it. Trying to put my energy not on hoping for better situations, but on changing my attitudes. It's not going as well as I thought, but I'm still trying, fighting hope about things and people, gritting my teeth, pasting reminders all over my wall, hating being weak.

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