Oct 8, 2013


Was looking at a picture we took the morning of the big moment (omg only last year), back at our old spot, and it brought back memories. I haven't really looked back and relived that day ever, I think. I don't know why.

I didn't let my high hopes show that morning but I was secretly hoping for 5. Wasn't expecting to have my name called but would've been silently disappointed anyway. I calculated the probabilities in my head, evaluated my chances, but I just wanted to stop thinking about it. I can't remember if I was worried or not. Probably had a mental dam blocking out the tsunami of overwhelming worry. But then I found a space with G and the rest of 'em and all my own worries disappeared. It was all about my friends. It was a collective excitement. Shouts and high pitches and seemingly-empty-but-actually-very-weighted threats.


The name floated around in the air at first, and then G and I realised it was THAT Sarah - OMG WE KNOW HER - and we went wild. Top Arts student! Stood up and screamed and burst with just sheer happiness, happiness for her, for us, a happiness of pride, selfless pride. And then nothing of myself mattered anymore. I wanted to hear the names of people I knew. Why would I care about myself? Just overwhelmed with happiness and hope for my friends.

And then the 7s ended and I was just screaming and clapping all the way and so happy for everyone, and then started the 6s. We're the first class to be named, and I was hearing G's name in my head, and L, I was so excited, so excited just when they said "From 2AH" because it meant a good friend was going to be really happy, G, call G -

"Karen - "

It didn't really register in my mind, but maybe a small part of me I couldn't consciously detect was bubbling with name-detector fluid. I sprang out of my seat before my conscious mind realised what was going on. G jumped up beside me and screamed-cheered as I ran. It slowly sank into me as I ran in front of the school towards the steps that led to the stage. I only remember cheers and my hand over my mouth and I was kind of chuckling, not really making a lot of a sound, like a small laugh of disbelief, like the instant you're a slumdog millionaire.

That's what I remember best. Running with my hand over my mouth my head in a buzz just not knowing what to think.

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