Jun 13, 2012

You know me as Karen,

the girl who's always late, who makes all the mistakes, who drops expensive stuff, who's always muddle-headed, who never speaks up. You know me as Karen, a quiet, submissive average girl, who gets people annoyed because she can never seem to speak audibly, who spills the drinks and gets orders wrong. You know me as Karen, the timid girl who says 'sorry' about seven thousand times a day, who says 'sorry' instead of 'excuse me', like I'm apologising that you have to be near me.

But it doesn't matter. This Karen doesn't exist. You don't know Karen. This is only a shadow of a girl. This girl  disappears as soon as she leaves the building, and then I'm Karen again. The real one.

I am Karen, the girl who's always late, who panics over her mistakes, who drops and loses expensive stuff, whose muddle-headedness is a joke - but I am not silent. I am not unopinionated. I have a soul, a passionate, bold flame of a soul. I speak up. I engage. I contribute. I don't sit back and whisper and say 'sorry' seven thousand times. I hold meaningful conversations. I am not timid.

In that building, I am too timid and silent to have a personality. I don't stand out in any way, especially for anything good, but I try. I try hard. I am slow but meticulous, and I am diligent. I don't have a personality there because I am not me. You do not see my contemplations, the issues that engage me; I silence myself.

I am Karen; I am not a colour that blends into the wallpaper. I am not typical. I am not bland. I am not silent. I'm bold, passionate burning bold, and I am a burst of colours - yellow or red or deep blue, depending on which way you hold me. I am anything but the wallpaper.

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