Sep 27, 2011


I'm pretty sure you've lost everything you once used to feel, but I don't understand how you lost it so fast, two days right after...that. And I should have never let you get that close, both ways. But really, after everything seemed to be going very well on Monday, and Tuesday, why the sudden drastic complete change on Wednesday? And how did it completely erase all the memories? Yeah, the memories aren't a lot in terms of quantity, but seriously? Common sense tells me I should throw this back at you and walk away get on with life. But I can't do it, not yet. Maybe things will be better after, like, the second of december. And I would like to wait till then, if I can. Even if I know this hardly means anything to you, since you let everything crumble because of something like that - even friends know it shouldn't affect a friendship. Even if I know I hardly mean anything to you. Even if I know I can't take being in something like that for long, that pulls me down into darkness more than it makes me smile. Even if I know you can't give me what I need so badly. Reassurance. Unity. I need to feel like I'm a part of you, but you refuse to let me in and you refuse to let yourself be a part of me, either. I want you to know everything there is to know about me, but you don't want to know. So different, so different, and I know someday I won't be able to take this much longer, but I'd still like to hold on and give this yet another chance, anyway, just to see what happens after the second of december. And while you let this take over us and continue being like this, I'll try and find some self-love, some dignity, some self-respect. An hour ago I was crying my eyes out when I was seriously considering walking away from this. I don't see why I should be taking all this crap. And I am pretty sure you've lost all you've felt for me. When/if you come to your senses again, I do hope I play really, really hard to get, at the very least. You were right when you said I should have said no to you, because you don't deserve it. You don't. And if you're going to let something like that ruin it all, you'd better be freaking sorry. I'm pretty sure not many girls would let themselves be trampled on again and again like that, and for the stupidest reasons.
On another note, if you've simply lost everything you once felt for me and you're simply using this stupid thing as a cover-up, just tell me. With an explanation please I'd like to know why. Why you could do all that you did on Monday and still reply with smilies on Tuesday and suddenly cut me off completely the next day. Today I resolve to stop being the pathetic dog with no dignity. I'll leave you be. Of course, a few days later might change this resolve. But seriously, if you could see the person that you're being right now, you'd be wondering why I bother taking all this crap from you too.

You don't know how lucky you are. On the other hand, if you're actually just waiting for the second of december so that you can say bye, then I guess you'd be pretty unlucky to have a girl that loves you so freaking much.

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